Dreaming again

~Be warned ye land lubbers, kinda sad transition talk ahead~

I tried to make a video and take a bunch of photos last week, set it up like a real photoshoot… didn’t work out well, I have a long way to go before I’m taking really high quality photos again… and moreso, have to deal with some serious dysphoria stuff that comes from how I feel about my body at any one moment. I’ve always had issues with my self-image, issues with comparing myself to others and not feeling comfortable in my skin. Transitioning really helped but as I am now at the crux of starting my physical transition over, I really can’t stand how my body looks. I’m getting back towards that cute and soft person I was for a while. I’m feeling the effects of not being on hormones, and it’s painful.

I went to the doctor last Friday, got some tests, will likely get the prescription later this week then start physically transitioning again. Patches this time, so it’ll be a little different. I imagine the outcome will be different as well. I plan to talk more about this in videos, I see so many transpeople come out, then 2 years later they’ve had surgery etc. and that’s it. I suppose that could have happened to me as well, but they didn’t. I can’t be the only one. So I’d love to be able to talk to others about how you can start over and to put it in a weird sort of way, that failure is an option.

Despite what my aggressive inner monologue has to say, I’m not too old or too jaded and I haven’t ruined my chances to be pretty, happy, loved or successful. I haven’t said or done such mean things to myself that I can’t ever love me again.

I wrote all that then took a step away for a day or two. I need to sit down in front of a camera and lay all this out… but for now, I’ll just leave you with the positive thoughts that change is possible, and it’s never too late. Hugs, and here are some pics from that Dream day, some of my favorites ❀

Dream

I showed you one of my favorite videos, now for my favorite. Some emotional stuff ahead.

When I filmed this I was ostensibly homeless, house-sitting and sleeping on couches in SF. I was unfairly fired from my job (eventually won the Unemployment hearings, but life was rough for a while) and I was figuring out where to go and what to do as a young transgirl with dreams. Life was rough to me then, 2010, I was already an experienced sex worker and hustler in Sacramento. Things started to fall apart, I lost my beloved coffee shop job and a close friend died, issues with stalkers, vice, local thugs, basically too much heat in Sacramento so I set off to San Francisco. I had friends and contacts there as well as a stripping gig, though I didn’t have anything solid. SF is a good place to go if you’re living on the edge, but there’s also a culture around exploiting people like that, especially young, cute ones.

Life was continuing to harden me, adventure and drama was routine and exhausting. I dreamed to escape to a world of pastel and snuggles.

This is my dream.


I suppose life has never been that low, and I’m closer to my dream than I am to those old bus mall days. I took a bunch of cute pictures today, just to test out taking serious photos after a while. Made me feel optimistic about making new content for the site, making more videos for fun and for sale. Exciting stuff πŸ™‚

Hope you like the video, it means a lot to me. ❀



Crinkle Clothing Defined

Hey there friends! After the last onesie post, I wanted to dig up one of my faaaaavvorite videos from a few years ago. There have been lots of discussions about sleepers/onesies/shortalls etc and I made this as a reference for what I call them. The specific names can change based on land of origin, but I hoped to clear up things at least from the American perspective. Plus I wanted an excuse to show off some of my favorite outfits!

The onesie I’m wearing in the video is the Hot Topic Disney one I mentioned in the last post. The snaps on it are really baby-ish and it makes my diapered butt look fantastic πŸ™‚

Hope you like the video, feel free to share with all your crinkly friends and more stuff soon. Thanks!

Onesie Funsie!

Hey there friends! It’s been a busy bear weekend so I’ve just been taking it easy today, snuggling the bears and wearing some new overalls I picked up (pics soooooon).

These are some cute pics in a onesie a friend sent me, I’m not sure where it’s from but I think it might be Little For Big, which I’ve heard and been told that the owners are not very cool, especially towards trans people, but honestly i’ve been out of the loop and not quiet aware of the whole picture here. I guess what I’m saying is my outfit isn’t necessarily an endorsement. Except my Sonic Youth shirt. I wholeheartedly support Sonic Youth.

The topic at hand is not the ethics of ABDL companies, though that is an important topic, but rather I’m here to show off pics of my crinkle butt πŸ˜›

I do love onesies, though I’ve come to wear more grown-up womens bodysuits as opposed to cute babyish ones, mostly for work. I have a nice collection though, some really cute snap-crotch Disney bathing suits from Hot Topic, those really awesome Hello Kitty onesies from Target that I’m certain every crinkly person on the internet has seen or owned at some point.

I got side tracked there πŸ˜› These are the rest of the onesie/tights photos, I think onesies and tights are so cute together. I often wear a plain white or black one under my work clothes, keeps everything in the right place and not showing at all πŸ™‚ They work especially well with overalls, and you know how I love overalls!

Just showing off my diapers again πŸ˜› I’m just as prone to pulling down my tights as I am to pulling up my dress. Such a naughty little snuggler.

Hope you like the pics! I’m going to be posting a couple of my favorite videos over the next couple days, along with some more travel pics! Hope your spring is springing along nicely, more stuff soon!

The Catch-up pt. 7 – Lightning Round

It’s been stormy here! The bears and I spent last night under the covers hiding from the lightning and wind and hail. I also watched “They Shall Not Grow Old”, which was a great WWI documentary by Peter Jackson. It was good, but really tough to watch. I made the bears stay upstairs for that one. The bears really want to watch Game of Thrones, they love Lord of the Rings but I think GoT is a little grown-up for the little bears. Not enough positive role-models, the bears look up to Hobbits because they are good and honest and helpful, not just because they have fuzzy feet just like them.

I’m getting into Winter 2017 now, still have my Provincetown and Paris trips to share with you. I’ve been struggling to find the right emotions to share about those trips, they were wonderful and Paris particularly was just magic, I just was in a more introverted mood during that time and there was some pretty dramatic stuff going on in my life, it’s hard to put my head back into that space.

Photos help you remember the good times, so here’s some good times! This was at a Celtic Faire in Fall 2017, I wore my big fluffy princess dress and thick ABU Barebum diapers. It was wet outside that day but I remember being wet inside too πŸ™‚ Especially when I encountered the big scary pumpkin man!

And then we have winter, all bundled up and cozy. I met some reindeer!

Some random no-context pics, me in my Dora tank, me in my birthday suit and Northshores, sleepy girl modeling my sleeper and finally showing off my new shirt from Justice and what I think are Attends.

The sun is starting to shine but the wind still wails. I’m going to hunker down into the wind and get out into the world. Much rather just snuggle up with the bears and stay here on the internet… but alas, gainful employment calls. More stuff soon πŸ™‚

Workin’ On It’

This post is a sweet/sour mix. I’m going to post some cute pictures, then the last paragraph or so is going to be some of that moody, kinda sad yet life-affirming writing that I love so much. But first, crinkle pics!

I’m so glad it’s been warm again, these are still old 2017 photos but they evoke that spring feeling of romping around the house in shorts and wearing light sweaters and skirts out, the footy sleepers are put away and the sunscreen and big floppy hats come out. Snow has been the biggest adjustment living on the East Coast, when it warms up a bit it feels more like “home”. Though I don’t miss the 100+ degree days in California, it’s misery when it’s too hot for diapers.

This was summer in NYC, wearing my babyblue tights and princess shirt. I romped around all day in these, had these really big Thai chicken wings with fish sauce. That’s all I really remember from that day, I just remember who I was with and what I ate, that should be enough. I’m perpetually without an alibi. It’s all a blur :/

Actually, after posting some cute pics and thinking about all the random good times, I’ll leave the melancholy stuff for later. I was intending on writing about forward progression and the walls life builds for us, but I’d rather just get to making new stuff. Looking forward, not backwards. The 2 photos here, one was a cabin up in the deep woods of PA, and the second is me nervous as heck at a Dr. appointment, back when I was dealing with some fairly serious colon issues… I’m good now πŸ™‚

I intended on talking about J Dilla and random demise and how we have to make the most of our time. Instead I’m going to chase bunnies around the yard instead. There’s been lots of bunnies hanging around lately πŸ™‚ Then, happily exhausted, I will plant myself in front of the computer and make new stuff to share with the internet. Yay!

The pic below is a bunny that visited today! I love bunnies!

Crinkles of the Iron Fist Tournament

Have you heard of Hexa&Co? They’re one of those monthly diaper subscription sites like Willow or Nexwear. They send you a big box of their brand of diapers every month, like a Lootcrate or Blue Apron program for diapers. I’ve always found these subscription sites super-shady, they tend to sucker you in with Free Samples etc and then charge the heck out of you, hoping you forget to cancel or they find some other opportunity to over-charge you. It’s very clear it’s not a sustainable business, as Hexa&Co seem to have changed ownership at least, maybe even gone out of business as their Facebook seems abandoned. I def. wouldn’t send them money at this point.

While they may be a footnote the memory of their diapers live on. I bought a box of these Hexa&Co briefs that looked very much like a Fundoshi, which is a traditional Japanese garment probably best known as what Heihachi wore in Tekken 4. People still call it the Heihachi diaper, especially when Akuma wore it in the Street Fighter/Tekken crossover.

TheHexa&Co briefs were medium sized and fit around a 32″-44″ inch waist, but they were super big on me. At first I thought it was some revolutionary new ultra-secure diaper, but after a leaky night out I realized I was wearing them wrong or they weren’t the right fit for me. I guess you could say I wasn’t having much fun in my fundoshi.

Fact: a fundoshi isn’t actually a diaper, it just kinda looks like one when you use PS2 era graphics. I don’t know if there’s a specific name for the elaborate cloth Japanese diapers that you see on sites like BabyGals.jp, I’ll have to do some further searching for those as I’d love to have some. When you google “traditional Japanese diaper” Fundoshi comes up, so your best guess is as good as mine. Also, “Omutsu” γŠγ‚€γ€ is Japanese for diaper. I’m happy to say I knew that without looking it up and it’s a pretty cute if you say it out loud.

Looking back on these pics, I think that waistband was meant to go under the diaper, like how the Tena-Flex fit. Theirs some velcro, so you make the belt as tight as you need and then pull the diaper over it. That makes sense. Even an experienced diaper-girl like me can get a little confuzzled sometimes :/

So those are the Hexa&Co diapers, they really make me want to order some Tena Flex, I love how those go on and I could see more modern diapers styled that way, they’re really easy to change. This is a little random video if you haven’t seen them before.

Hugs and have a lovely day, it’s starting to sorta kinda look like spring again, going to spend today hopping around like a little bunny πŸ™‚ I love bunnies! Hope you have a lovely weekend, more stuff soon!