Diaper Lifestyle pt. 3: [Re]Definition

If you’re just scrolling, read this one! It’s a good one!

It’s a crisp Autumn evening, let’s chat about something that is full of joy πŸ™‚ Today i’ll be defining what I see as a “Diaper Lifestyle” and what it means to me.

Simply: Diaper Lifestyle is allowing the option of diaper use into your life.

It’s not any more complicated than that, if you’re 24/7, an occasional wetter or just keep a pull-up in your purse for emergencies, you’re participating in a Diapered Lifestyle. I’m careful to not apply that label to others, it’s just how I see diaper use demographically. Products, health, public perception, all that effects a Diaper Lifestyle regardless of the motivation behind wearing. I like that take on DL, I’ve always distanced myself from “Diaper Lover”, while I clearly love diapers it’s not the kind of love one would have for say, a Meat Lovers Pizza.

"Is that the kind of love between a man and a woman or between a man and a fine cuban cigar?" ::chuckles::
“Is that the kind of love between a man and a woman or between a man and a fine cuban cigar?” ::chuckles::

I keep coming back to “Juicer Life”, I had lots of friends into raw food and juice and it was just part of life, they discussed different juicers and always kept Nalgene bottles with them. Some days they wouldn’t juice at all, but sometimes folks would juice enough for a week and share with others. It was something we did for social fun and our own well being. Juice, like diapers, can have health benefits but this comparison goes much further.

In life, it’s important to think of something to do and see that task to completion. The day to day of life, the main part of it really, is setting standards for yourself based on your needs and wants. Following through on your personal goals is the true measure of success in life, and being a diaper girl may sound like a silly goal to some but it’s what matters to me.

I want to enable diapers as routine in my life because I know that will make me happy, and while the diapers and everything involved in it is wonderful, the doing of the thing is the sweet nectar of life. I say that with no hyperbole, nothing in the world feels better than knowing you’ve done a good job. That’s why littles melt so easily, a real “well done!” is the rarest warm fuzzy of all especially among prickly adults. When we hear that and it’s authentic, smiles and long weepy hugs usually come next.

I feel that’s where Gender Euphoria comes from. I have never been happier than the first time I walked alone down a street in a dress, I still remember every detail of that moment. A huge part of that joy was throwing off the weighted blanket of indecision and allowing life to happen. In that moment I was just living and not second guessing myself or waiting for things to happen. In that same vein, i’ve found a great deal of joy in posting these last few days, instead of planning or making promises I’m engaging in my passions, I’m doing the thing.

I’m so happy to have something that I like as much as diapers. One of my life goals was to just be authentically me, a diaper girl! Knowing that I’ll always have a diaper in my purse or on my bottom brings me great comfort, I hope sharing my story does the same to others. The best moments of life are the little moments of being completely present, when you know exactly who you are and what you want because you’re being who you are and doing what you want.

So that’s what I define as Diaper Lifestyle, it’s more of an action that an identity. I live a diaper lifestyle, I am active in a diaper lifestyle. And things have to stay fluid, I like wearing sexy lingerie or cute cotton undies sometimes and just having diapers on the periphery. I also won’t be focusing on “un-potty training” or setting too strict of rules, it’s easy to get disillusioned or burnout. It’s about the journey not the destination, and while wearing diapers can lead to loss of control, I’m not seeking it out nor actively preventing it. What happens happens though I do find great comfort in bedwetting. If I’ve learned one thing about myself it’s that stability is good but rigidity is bad. Also, taking things too seriously should be avoided, I can definitely be accused of that.

The labels and rules have their place, but what’s most important is the shared goal…

The goal of a Diapered Lifestyle is to improve Quality of Life by including diapers.

We’ll spend the next few posts discussing ways diapers improve Quality of Life and how to get over some of the challenges diaper wearing brings. You’re witnessing the inception of a practical manual and argument for diaper wearing. It’ll be Riley Paine’s “Crinkle Sense”, a manifesto intended to endear the colonies towards a more pampered future!

girl and bunny

In all seriousness, I’m just a silly girl who likes to talk about diapers as much as she can ❀

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading alongside my journey to better understand our crinkly selves πŸ˜› More stuff sooooon, I’m in a somewhat soggy Megamax so I should change and get started on my day ❀ Big big hugs from the bunny and I!

and of course, say it with me…

StayDiapered

Daily Post 10/24/20

I’m a cheeky little crinkler aren’t I? I was looking through some old pics and came across some adventures I was having in LA a long time ago… I had randomly bought a new bike with a friend and they snapped a few pics on a VERY windy day in North Hollywood. I was thickly diapered and things got a little Marilyn Monroe-Esq πŸ˜›

Thick diapers work well with bikerides too, your bottom is nice and soft on the seat. Though I’d probably have worn tights if I was going for a real ride, little pleated skirts aren’t the best choice for cycling or windy days, well, depending on who you ask.

Whenever I see these pics I get a little crush on myself. I just want to pat my cute little bottom and cheer me on. I think we also bought a carseat that day, i’ll save that for a later date. I definitely miss romping around LA in my little skirts and diapers, I have so many cute pics from that era i’m looking forward to sharing.

Hope everyone is enjoying the autumn weather, good time for bike rides, overalls and double diapers ❀ Have a wonderful Saturday friends! Diaper Lifestyle Part 3 coming tomorrow!

Song of the Day: Happy Cycling: Boards of Canada

Diaper Lifestyle Pt. 2 – My 24/7 History

Let’s jump right into it today, we’re talking about my personal 24/7 history! Mainly confronting the question, why am I not a 24/7 diaper girl? Why have I been thinking/fantasizing about this for so long but never managed to stick with it? Mild Content Note, some substance/mental health real life stuff ahead but nothing too gritty. You can also read the last 14 years of this site if you’d like the full story ❀

Let’s look at my diaper history for some context:

Pre-Adulthood: Had desires to wear as early as I can remember, strong, seemingly insatiable diaper desires. Stealing diapers, makeshift diapers, all the hyper-obsessive/horny actions of a hormone fueled teen. An occasion when I nearly told my Mom I wet the bed in hopes it would normalize diapers, thankfully decided against it. Had no real aspirations for 24/7, way too much shame around diapers. Planned on being a famous entertainer, thought there’d be no room in that for ABDL. Had my little private stash and wore in total secret.

18-24: Keeping diapers mostly secret but finding partners and engaging in the social aspects of ABDL. Moved across the country once for a full-time Caregivers/Little relationship that quickly disintegrated (as they often do). Created Riley Kilo from Rilo Kiley and started writing this site. Would occasionally get frustrated and depressed about not wearing full-time and my own continence, which I don’t think was healthy in retrospect. I certainly went overboard with things at times, probably why I encourage balance and mindfulness so much now.

25: Filmed My Strange Addiction, had been “public” for years but this was the big one, the thing that would remove my plausible deniability forever. Anyone, anywhere (family, ex-girlfriends, dentists etc.) could potentially know what i’m all about. This was also me signing away any sort of mainstream acting career, something a young Riley anticipated as a life path, I was somewhat of a prolific young performer. I decided to double down on the diaper community and that opened/closed quite a few doors… When I speak of how important the community is to me it’s because I’ve made some serious sacrifices in aide of it. 25 was a major turning point in my life.

26-30: NYC and LA, Sex Work all day everyday, not a lot of time for personal diaper stuff. Stopped writing here and went over to Tumblr for a while, we all know how that turned out. I was doing more Pro-Mommy work than little stuff myself. Meeting lots of other ABDL’s, though my professional life was going well I was a bit of a wrecking ball personally, I wasn’t often showing my best side. I was winning awards but also waking up on bathroom floors, that sort of thing. Diapers were mostly in the periphery.

31-33: Moved to PA, diapers were just a constant but kinda lost in the noise of life, there were times I’d go a month without wearing but was never lacking for crinkles. Lost the motivation to engage in my passions due to mental health stuff. Pumped the brakes on my life, started taking my health and well-being seriously and began to reinvigorate my love for a crinkly bottom.

NOW: I’m as into diapers as ever! It’s diaper-city around here, back to making videos and blogging, wearing most nights and naps and for all outings, but still spending my days mostly out of diapers. This last month in particular i’ve been wearing often and i’ve been loving it πŸ™‚ Unfortunately, starting to deal with rashes and stuff again.

On a Side Note: I never liked to wear diapers and smoke cigarettes at the same time, there was something so incredibly ironic or counter-productive or something about that, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to do a thing because they’re afraid it will ruin that thing forever (like having sex on molly or adding bacon to milkshakes) so I hated the idea of associating the good feeling of diapers with the bad feeling of smoking. So now that i’ve quit, i’m as crinkly as ever πŸ™‚

So why am I not “24/7”? There’s 2 main reasons why I never stuck with it.

The first reason took explaining my entire history, but in brief finding the right mood, motivation and balance for wearing was a necessity for me. Diapers help me stay balanced and bring comfort and security, but when you’re off-kilter to begin with diapers feel like they just get in the way. My life, emotions were in a constant state of ups and downs and I just never found the mood for diapers. That’s better mitigated now, I’m not taking subway rides to dance at clubs all night or chain-smoking on a 10 minute break at a Coffee Shop, my lifes highs and lows have leveled out a bit. I’m better setup for future challenges and my daily challenges are fairly tame. I make a living from home, I have a platform to share diaper thoughts, the cats out of the bag with my family etc, I’m feeling good about it. It really feels like the Mental Barrier on diaper wearing has been broken.

GIF of lock breaking

It’s dawning on me that these two issues could fit into the categories of mental and physical. The Mental Barrier is confidence, mood, shame, the things that kept me from wearing despite having every opportunity to do so. The Physical Barrier is rashes, sizing, leaks etc. Then there’s Logistical Barriers, things like affording diapers, telling your partner, hiding them and other societal/access issues. I intend to expand on these in a later post.

We’ve covered/unsealed the Mental Barriers, the Logistical Barriers are ancient history for me, so the last is the Physical Barriers, which is the biggest issue for me. I’ll be expanding on this in my next post and talking about proper diaper hygiene, do’s and don’ts and what i’ve done to deal with the wear and scares of constant diapering!

More soon, thanks so much for reading ❀

(pic is bear and I during a bit of 24/7 several years ago)

Daily Post 10/21/20

Evening friends! I’m snuggled up under a blankie, watching a PBS documentary on Pandas with my little stuffed Panda ❀ Busy girl today, installed some cool home security stuff, got a dashcam, making sure me and the stuffies are safe πŸ™‚

I also wrote quite a bit more about 24/7 and “Diaper Lifestyle” thing. Wonder if saying “Diaper Lifestyle” instead of “Diaper Lover”, would be good, but I also suppose they could be different things. I think of it very casually like “Juicer Life” or “Jogger Life”, like something that you integrate into your life but isn’t like a religion. I just didn’t like “Diaper Lover”, “Lover” isn’t applied to many other interests like that. Just always sounded a little overzealous for me, but at the same time I do love diapers :p

Just thinking, doing lots of crinkle studies and getting up to date with some things i’ve lost track of in the ABDL world. Seems like i’m seeing new creatives and content creators everyday. Feeling a little intimidated to be honest, so many cool people and patreons out there!

Hugs from the Panda and I! Hope everyone’s having a snuggly night ❀

My little bamboo ❀
Soggy snugs from my latest StayKinky video πŸ™‚

Diaper Lifestyle Pt. 1: 14 Years of Soggy Studies

Hi there friends! It’s a special day, it’s been 14 years since I started writing this site! Here I am, PA instead of CA, 34 instead of 20, wearing fancy Pink MegaMax’s instead of Depends. ABDL diapers sure have gotten cuter in the last 14 years, I’m also cuter (and more self-confident) now too πŸ˜›

I was looking back at my first 2 posts and had a little laugh, the first post is “I’m Going 24/7 WOOOO!” and the second post, the next day, is “Here’s why I didn’t stay 24/7”. Very reflective of the next 14 years, lots of ups and downs and starts and stops. Instead of making a big celebratory post about 14 years of blogging and all the exciting things coming up, i’d like to go back to the roots and talk about going 24/7.

I’ll be talking personal history, challenges and some key tips and tricks i’ve found over the years. I’m also avoiding “24/7” and going with “Diaper Lifestyle” or “DL” as a term, something that will evolve and change as we talk about it. So here we go!

First, there’s a plethora of resources out there if you’re looking for immediate info, guides, videos etc, here’s a random guide for wetting/messing I just googled ( https://babyfurcommunity.org/doc/Practical247.pdf ) to give you an idea of what’s out there. I would encourage you to avoid the guides from BedwettingABDL/Deeker for good reasons I won’t get into now. You can find discussion/support of varying quality and other 24/7 folks occasionally on Reddit’s r/ABDL.

As I’m writing and thinking more on this I feel it becoming something much larger (like a well-wet diaper). A Diapered Lifestyle in our current world can be a necessity, especially for those of us that were already averse to public restrooms. Right before Covid I wore diapers out of the house about 50% of the time, I could use a public restroom if I needed to wash my hands and in an absolute pinch to pee, but if I knew I was going to be out for long or was feeling sensitive I would diaper up. Since March, I’ve been in diapers for every outing, though the amount of outings have significantly decreased. I can’t risk infection for a number of reasons, so I’ve been extra 100% careful. My outings have included some thickly diapered business travel, but mostly just thickly diapered grocery store and thrift store trips, and I haven’t seen the inside of a public restroom but to wash my hands, all thanks to diapers.

I don’t like public restrooms. I have horror stories some of you may know, some that you’d hear and think “Wow, no wonder she’d never want to go into a Public Bathroom again”. I have deep-seated public bathroom anxiety, I simply can’t use the bathroom comfortably knowing strangers can hear me or are waiting. I’ve always been like this and it was one of those things that drinking took the edge off of, but there’s certainly a healthier solution and it’s right between my legs!

Transgirl Limit Break Paragraph ahead watch out:

It also doesn’t help that there’s various evangelical/conservative funded hate groups making my bathroom choice a wedge issue. They politicize my peeing, so I’m going to do whatever I choose to maintain a high quality of life. Like most bigotry, there is no compromise that will make them happy, so to hell with them. These bastards have potentially made restrooms unsafe for me, and noone has the right to criticize my diaper wearing. They will anyway, but again, to hell with them! We’ve only got one go, don’t let the naysayers prevent you from living your best life. It sounds so cheesy and saccharine but gosh darn it, i’m a Proud Diaper Girl for life ❀

Anyway, I’ve been avoiding putting out “Diapers are so great during Covid!” posts because I want to do something legit with that idea, I’d love to use this as a way to talk about rational self-acceptance of diaper wearing. I’m quoted saying the ABDL community isn’t trying to convert anyone… but I must take the mask off now. This site and my various media appearances have been a brainwashing psy-op with the intention of converting as many people into drooling, diaper-wetting babies as possible. I’ve been fairly successful so far and Phase 2 is about to begin…

In all seriousness, I think there’s a real case for practical 24/7 Diaper Wearing and would love to put together some good information about the best ways to live a Diapered Lifestyle.

Next post will be thoughts on my personal experience with 24/7, followed by some posts the coming weeks detailing the best ways to handle a fully Diapered Lifestyle. We’ll be talking brands, skincare, clothing, fit, eco-friendliness and all aspects of Diapering! I’m not expecting to do the “traditional” 24/7 anytime soon but will be diapered often, I’ll talk about that next post.

Thanks for all the support over the years ❀ Talk soon and StayDiapered!

(thought i’d share one of my favorite pics for my anniversary <3)

Blue and the other colors

Last Content Warning for a while: bit’ of sad stuff ahead, then lots of smiles!

~~~

Jazz Legend Bleedin’ Gums Murphy once said “Singing the blues isn’t about making yourself feel better, it’s about making other people feel worse”

The last 5 days I’ve sat down every morning and tried to write something ABDL, write about peeing my pants or one of the brand new diapers I have… but everything that’s coming out is depressing, sardonic or preachy. Life has been really tough for everyone lately and I’m certainly having my share of challenges. Today’s posts going to be about direction and focusing on the positive. So let’s get out some sad stuff first.

It seems I can’t go 2 posts without mentioning a friend that’s passed. Specifically my friend Bill Chill, who did some filming and graphic design for this site (including my current header) and was a cool artist and gentle friend. I just found out and am very sad. Message me if you were mutual friends (Chicago/CAP people) and want to talk.

I’m not numb to it, I’m just numb to talking about it. I’m the kind of sad that just needs some time and bear snuggles.

So I’m going to bank some writing, I’ve got drafts and notes and red-string connecting it all together with some eventual plan for posts/pages of a book. Everyone and my mother has been pushing me to write a legit book, so I think i’m going to take all my profound feelings and sardonic worldview and work towards something real. I overuse “Sardonic” because I grew up on Daria and read a lot of Sedaris, I’d love to write a book with that Jean Shepherd/David Sedaris style Essay structure. Something full of laughs and tears and shocking moments of depravity, all that good stuff! I also love to see what a professional editor could do with some of my drafts, get better at grammar and syntax and all that because sometimes I no write so good.

I’ve always wanted this site to be a bright space online, one where people can come to feel warm and loved, to read my story and see themselves in it. We’re adults and we can tackle adult issues, but I feel there’s a time and place. I shant (I also overuse shant, in the sense that I use it at all) be ignoring my feelings or the icky sticky parts of AB/DL/Trans life, I’m just going to open the drapes for a while. Let’s be little together, talk about crinkles and bears πŸ™‚

It’s going to be a tough couple weeks, I’m mainly stressing about the election from a citizens perspective but also worrying about working it. I’ve been a diligent poll worker and my polling site really needs me this time, but I’m super nervous about getting sick. I have been 1000% Cautious and safe and not eating out or going anywhere really, but this poll working thing is a civic duty IMO and I can;t . Money where your mouth is moment. Will probably be a lot less anxious and miserable when this is all over, thanks for bearing with me. And I’m still confidently 3 weeks+ nicotine free, life is good, I’m happy and safe, just need to remind myself of that sometimes.

Moving forward, consider this site a cuddly little space! Sad posts will be spread out and clearly marked. Starting in 6 days (my 14 year-anniversary!) I’m going to be putting out daily posts and other fun stuff. Fresh start, fresh diapers, fresh outlook.

So that’s that, packing away the Content Warnings and pulling out the NSFW warnings! I’ve recently went through my 200+ kinky and/or ABDL videos and organized/updated them, now I’m moving on to my photos so you’ll be seeing lots of retro pics and memories! Over the years I’ve served as a constant reminder that life, love, success are not all straight lines. There’s ups and downs, wins and losses, sad days and ones filled with happiness and contentment. Living an authentic life is the goal, every other moment of joy is a bonus πŸ™‚ Thanks for following on my journey, cute diaper pics, new video, audio (i’ve been threatening a podcast for a while) and all that coming soon.

I have a new little Raccoon friend to cheer me on and all the kind comments and messages from ya’ll ❀ Thanks for all the support, more smiles on their way! I’m off to change out of my morning crinkles and get busy livin’ πŸ™‚ Hugs!

Riley ❀

Why I love IsoStorytime!

Hi there friends! As you know, I’ve been having tons of fun with the IsoStorytime crew, reading stories and doing little groups! It’s like a little online ABDL convention with stories, music, talents and games! It’s fun for everyone especially plushies, stuffies and bears πŸ™‚

I made a little video talking about all the fun you can have at ISO Storytime πŸ™‚ Hope you like it!

Thanks for watching and don’t forget to check out their coloring pages too! Hope everyone is well, more stuffy stuff soon!

Sugarcubes in the morning

Hello friends! I’m taking a moment outside of the Adobe Lightroom to say hello! I have been doing so much “Behind The Scenes” stuff, need to remind myself to actually post, not put it off, prioritize! I was going to call this post “Prioritize!” but that’s aggressive and not representative of my current level of chill.

This Babygirl has been quite Zen this last week or so. I’ve had my fair share of challenges, temptations, moments of stress etc and have persevered. I’m constantly reminding myself that I’m capable of controlling how I react to stimulus. I’ve been staying in control of my environment, not getting “Stuck” doing anything, keeping my agency which is really important for me. Part of the reason why I fear rollercoasters (and maybe relationships), I can’t stand being stuck or controlled.

I think that plays into my love of kink, I really like the idea of being tied up and submitting myself to someone because it’s a huge tribute of trust and faith. I have generally been the tie-er upper, the dominant in my sexual interactions. This is mainly because I’ve yet to meet anyone I can trust enough to bottom for, if there really even is that kind of person for me.

I’m opening up more, and as well as being Zen, i’ve been horny as hell. Just in the general sense, but also in regards to constant diaper excitement, I’ve been one crinkly soggy girl lately. Being pretty balanced about it all, but yeah, there’s been a little diapered-pillow-humping lately, and I’ve dusted off my plugs and toys and everything. Been a busy little organization bee lately, Idle Hands are the devils playthings after all πŸ˜› My idea of a wholesome activity is organizing my dildos and diapers, what a little homemaker.

I’ve been doing alot of Riley work lately, getting my life and career operating like a well-lubed machine, and as this whole virus thing gets figured out, I’ll likely start socializing again. I have been cut-off from the world for a while even before *all this*, missed the last few ABDL cons, haven’t been spending much time in the city, friends spread all over… I knew I wasn’t showing my best side to the world and wanted to cobble my life back together before coming back on the scene (including blogging etc).

So I’m doing what I’m best at, getting up early, listening to BjΓΆrk (who was in the Sugarcubes, the song posted below) and editing porn. I’m so close to having all my archives edited, I did all the videos and now there’s about 7 photosets (about a thousand Raw photos in total) left. I’ll be doing one of those Daily Photo thingies on my sites, mainly just to keep me honest and posting everyday. I’m setting myself up to not fail, it’s exciting and makes me very hopeful for the future πŸ™‚

Ok, so I’m going to continue being weird (weirder than usual) this week, sorry if you’ve been trying to get ahold of me, I’m still keeping the internet, especially the news, at arms length. Managing my stress levels, makin’ plans, snugglin’ bears, editing pics, life is good!

More and more soon and daily posts here incoming ❀ Today’s 2 pics are random ones I was editing before writing this, one from LA and the other from Alexandria πŸ™‚ Thanks for being patient lately and over the last 14 years (!!!) of this blog πŸ™‚ HUGS!!!!!!

Song of the Day – The SugarCubes – Leash Called Love

The Opposite of Loss

If you’ve been following my site over the years, you’ve seen the rollercoaster of drama that has been my life, adventure, travel and every possible aspect of clusterfuckery that one person could face. I have reached brilliant highs, faced the loneliest of lows and experienced various cream-filled middles. I’m probably healthier and happier at moment of writing then i’ve ever been, despite the abundance of new misery in the world.

I’m going to have to balance out my joy here, our emotions can be pendulums and we must be careful to swing too far in any direction. I’ve been talking to friends/family in California and holding my tongue about how happy I am to not be facing the wildfires and to have access to clean PA air. My heart goes out to anyone having troubles right now… i’ll try not to celebrate too much in this post, but allow me to share some recent joy with you!

Joy 1: Happy Bottom

I bought a big ol’ case of Pink Megamaxes! I have such a good diaper situation right now, daytimes and nighttimes and pull-ups and briefs and cloth and everything! I have a ton of reviews planned and so much cool stuff to share, and it seems there’s cool new brands coming out everyday. Exciting! I am 100% back to being a diaper girl, not 24/7 or anything, just very happy to be back in diapers so frequently πŸ™‚

Joy 2: Kicked it in the Sun

I’ve come to peace with some stuff lately. There’s been some pain binding me up, some lingering toxicity, revenge plots, some real deep down nasty stuff that I have put in a cage and kicked into a volcano. I’m sure i’ll get flashes on some lonely night but I’ve had some revelations about what I’m spending my mental energy on. Removing this toxicity in my life kinda felt like deleting a game off your phone, it’s still there and I can revisit it whenever I want, but I’m not thinking about it everyday and it’s not wasting anymore of my time. While Hearthstone I could justify as a relaxing game, thinking about some of this old pain was a waste of processing power. I’m well aware of my past and have spent much of my life lamenting it, i’m over it, time to move forward.

Joy 3: Abstinence

I quit drinking 540 days ago, I quit smoking cigarettes last week. I’m going in with the same strength and confidence that I had with drinking and am 100% convinced that I am finished with that. I don’t express this often online, I never liked sharing that aspect of me because I never liked that aspect of me. But if you’ve met me IRL, I’ve always been a bit of a lush and usually have something lit between my fingers, I’ve always run with a tuff crowd, lived a tuff life in tuff places, so I developed a few prickly habits/addictions. Desperate measures for desperate people I suppose.

I can let the bad stuff go now, I have a grasp on my mental health, a safe space to live and some other good signs of a stable, productive life. It’s hard to do your taxes while skydiving, and I’ve been skydiving most of my adult life. I’m saving the stories of how bad I was for the tell-all memoir, but I was pretty damn bad. I smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish, and nothing about it was glamorous, cool or beneficial, it was just pain for pain’s sake. I’ve always wanted to quit and known the harm, I just continued to fail and fail and it hurt everytime. I “quit tomorrow” for nearly a decade. But this time it’s worked ❀ I also don’t judge anyone for any vices, I still imbibe pot but don’t find that particularly destructive, live your life. Some people can drink just fine, I can’t anymore so I don’t. We’re all on our own journeys ❀

Glad to be moving on. Not looking for advice or notes, I’ve got this! And I can’t express enough how much of a positive change this is, smoking was a daily reminder that I was a failure, that I lacked control, and it depressed the hell out of me on top of making me feel like garbage 24/7. I didn’t like to wear diapers etc while smoking, it sorta kept me in a perpetual pissy mood and just sapped my energy and will to live/create. You’ll notice the difference in my output, attitude, skin and in every aspect of my life. I haven’t had a single blinding migraine or “i’m about to die” chest pain this whole week, that alone has elevated my mood significantly. If you’ve never been a smoker you probably think I’m an irresponsible babby who’s over-exaggerating the negative effects, but if you were a serious smoker you know that juxtaposition of smoking 20+ “this makes me feel terrible and is killing me” sticks a day and paying a huge cost (in everyway) for the privilege. Makes you really think “what an asshole i’ve been” and once you have that perspective going back seems ridiculous. Freedom!

Joy 4: Video Games are cool

Video games are really amazing nowadays. I have always been interested in games but don’t often actually play them, but this year has been awesome, bought myself an Xbox and a friend bought me a Switch (thanks Lily <3) and have actually finished a couple games. I’d love to do some streaming sometime, have all the gear, just need to DO IT!

Joy 5: Platform

This platform, my YT, my name etc, is the most valuable asset I have. I’m so grateful to have someone listening and I want to do my due diligence to listen and respond back. Moving forward I’m going to be better about keeping in touch with people and organizations that are important to myself and the ABDL community. I get so many letters and plan to balance that with live chats, streaming, Chaturb8 etc. I have been hiding myself for so long, I’d love to go full E-Girl and share everything, not just the occasional ABDL video or big stack of porn.

I am so grateful to have this platform, some personal things have been holding me back for a looooong time and I’m damn serious about unshackling myself. This is probably the 860th time I’ve posted this “MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO GET BETTER JUST YOU WATCH” post, but i’m damn, damn damn certain that myself and the person reading this (you!) are wonderful people with a ton of potential. I’m primed and excited about entering a more legitimate, tempered portion of my life. Lots of exciting stuff coming soon ❀

Joy 5: Memory

I have one more very important note. A really wonderful person and member of the ABDL community RebeccaCuddles passed away recently, I’ve posted a video talking about Loss and dedicated it to her memory. Twitter and various other community sites have more information on them, but please be respectful of those mourning. Link to Video

The friends I’ve lost bring about smiles instead of tears when I revisit them in memory. I have seen those smiles appear all over the community for Rebecca, it’s the best anyone can ask for in life, to be remembered with a smile.

Last Joy: The Road to Joy

I’m going to be one irritable cuss over the next week or so, so I’m stepping away from social media, staying under the blankets for a couple days. Going to eat a bunch of food, play a bunch of video games, snuggle the bears and wear lots of diapers! Sounds like a wonderful way to transition into the colder weather. I’m going into caterpillar mode for a few days, keep your eyes out for a little diapered butterfly soon ❀

More thoughts and positive stuff sooooon! Thanks for listening, lots more soon, including photo-a-day stuff and great new reviews, commentary and all that good stuff! Big hugs from the bears and I!

To a bright future ❀

Riley K.

Snappy

Hey there friends! Just a quick little pic collection today pulled from my twitter πŸ™‚

Wanted to thank everyone for the feedback on my last post, I have been stewing on that for a while and while it was certainly too long and most of it common sense, I needed to get those thoughts out. It brought up some other issues that I don’t really know how to speak on at the moment, especially when it comes to boycotting certain diaper companies. I don’t advertise/promote the products for anyone I disagree with, but some of the information out there is so he-said/she-said and muddled with arguments, excuses and anger. You’ve not seen me wear certain companies because I’m not sure how I feel about the companies, and frankly I don’t want to use my platform to destroy someone’s livelyhood… but also some issues can’t be ignored. So before I go off on anybody, I need to be sure of what i’m saying. That last post was a refresher that I need to use my voice as responsibly as possible. I have had enough people tell me I was their gateway to ABDL that I don’t want to disappoint them or lead them astray. I’m starting to really feel like a Mommy around here πŸ™‚

It’s been an incredibly busy month, and thankfully right now I’m done with most of the drama. Nothing bad really, just life stuff, long hospital calls with family, moving, dentistry, organizing, private struggles etc… But most of that is over for now. I’ve been living here in PA for 4 years now (!!!) and I’m so, so happy to be here. There’s been a few things I’ve needed to do to make it better, my living situation is safe and good, but I needed to do a few things to make it better which took some time and money but it’s done. Pardon the vagueness, it’s just so boring that I’m trying to make it sound mysterious and interesting.

I love PA and don’t regret moving here for a minute. There’s so much big news in my life, transition stuff, big milestones (500 days free from drinking!) and other exciting smiley stuff.

I’m moving a little slow with the content but the changes recently have been to open up more options for filming, and I have aloooot more space now ❀ So expect more green screen fun, insightful posts, cute diaper fun and lots of positivity ❀

Thanks for reading, more more more soon!