Embarrassment

I’ve been doing this whole diaper thing for a long time, all through high school I had diapers hidden in crafty places, and as far as I know, I’ve never been caught. I had a stash of diapers under the bottom drawer of my dresser, so you would have to look really hard to see my diaper hiding place. I had my pacifier, diapers, wipes and powder all packed into a happy little secret. I could wear when my mom stayed out late for work or if it was late at night, but it was pretty risky regardless. Probably the craziest moment of me getting almost caught was when I was about 15, I had bought a pack of Depends and planned to wake up and try them on.
I set my alarm for 3:00am, got up, took off my PJ’s and entered my secret diaper world. I sucked on my pacifier and laid down on this pink blankie I’ve had since I was born. I powdered myself, and laid down on the soft padding of the diaper, so happy to be in the comfort of the crinkly plastic. I taped up, and go into bed. Back then I was about 5’1’’ and 90 lbs, so even though it was tight, the Depend was a bit large on me. I miss the days of pull-ups being too big and size 6 pampers fitting perfect, but I wanted to experiment with adult diapers, and I wanted better protection.
I was lying in bed, warm, diapered, and I started to let go. I could feel it filling up but after a few seconds I could feel it get a little too heavy, and start to drip down my side. I was almost done but I couldn’t stop, so I wet all over my bed. I was in sheer terror, I was covered in pee, my sheets were soaked and my waterbed had pee running down the sides of it. I quickly pulled out my drawer and hid all my baby stuff and the soaked diaper, got clean and changed back into my PJ’s, and threw my sheets into the wash. Just as I turned on the washer and I thought I was free, my mom walks out of her room and asks me what I’m doing, in a drowsy, ‘it’s late’ way.
That moment lasted forever, caught in the choice I had to make. I could tell her I wet the bed accidentally, not because I’m some crazy mixed up person who has this crazy fascination for diapers. This would be pure heaven, I would get all the diapers I ever wanted, I would pack away all my panties and exchange them for goodnites and depends, maybe even pull-ups. I could wear diapers whenever, and be open about it… but I would be a 15 year-old bed wetter in my moms eyes, I would have to keep it up 24/7, embarrassing doctor visits, diaper shopping with my mom, I couldn’t lie to her, no matter how much I wanted to be a diapered bed wetter.
The next day I threw it all away, the stash, the soggy diaper, even my pacifier. I tore out all the pages in my diary with references to diapers, al my drawings, stories, everything, I didn’t wear another diaper for about six months. I’ve learned to accept it, or at least I tell myself I have, I’ve learned the purging makes the shame that much harder There isn’t a happy ending to this story, but I’m cozy and warm in a diaper while I’m re-telling it, so I guess it sort of does.

Diapered College Girls on CAM!!!!!!

I’ve spent quiet a bit of time scanning forums, diaper sites, most everything the internet has to offer. I’ve never paid for a subscription for a diaper pay site, but I’ve watched a massive amount of diaper videos. Most of them consisted in girls in diapers wetting themselves, changing; some of them had girls playing in diapers, wearing diapers in public, changing each others diapers, yadda yadda yadda
Pornography is pornography. These girls most likely don’t wear diapers for recreation. They’re all just getting paid, with the exception of sites like Aunt-Elli (www.aunt-elli.com) where the girls there I think are probably on the same level of diaper love as myself. I think that’s great, I think the sex industry (even prostitution!) is a legitimate thing, and the only thing holding it back is a puritan society that loves violence, but hates sex. So, however cheesy it may seem, I have nothing against “diaper porn”.
I don’t know how to feel about this…
or this…
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These girls are wearing diapers for the reason of looking silly, and they probably have no idea about infintalism or diaper lovers, most of them probably don’t even know what the acronym “S&M” stands for. It’s the same dynamic as http://www.flashmountain.com

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Except… there’s an army of guys out there, scanning Webshots for these girls. Websites like http://www.girls-n-diapers.com/ feature loads of galleries of girls wearing diapers, girls wearing diapers over their clothes, girls playing with packs of diapers at the store, girls talking about diapers on you tube. My favorite (least favorite?) is a 2 minute monologue from an asian girl who can’t be a day over 16, about being lazy and not getting up out of bed to pee, and that she should wear a diaper, the only comment on the video is “Botulism”.

I think looking at picture of underaged girls is pretty perverted, in any format. Underage is a loose definition though… some 25 year-olds are more innocent then some 15 year-olds, no lie. It’s the idea of getting off on innocence. I could be accused on being attracted to innocence, or the loss of innocence being a theme in my work, but I could never go out and hurt ANYONE, and that’s the line. I live in a country where we are forced, under penalty of a large fine, to wear seat belts in our cars, so the law has no faith in the fact that we can make our own decisions.

So, enjoy the pictures of girls wearing diapers! It’s all about making yourself happy in an altruistic way, and it’s ok to play within the fantasy of wearing diapers, but if you make even the first step to contacting or harassing the girls, you might as well be the John Wayne Gacy of diaper world.

It all comes down to this…
TIME TO MOON!

was she expecting to be an Internet fantasy because of this picture?

AND…  I’ve dated 40year-olds and 17 year-olds in the same place in their lives, but you have to understand that person to really know.

Why I didn’t stay in diapers

I’ve always considered myself a social person. I’ve never been great at one-on-one social interaction, but in front of crowds I can do very well, I did speech and debate in high school, and I’ve always been a good manager. I was also a part of a ‘scene’ in my town, where the social leaders are good looking, fit, and infallible. No one knows I wear diapers there; I’ve had to hide them in locking suitcases and car-trunks.
If I knew why I wanted to do this, I would probably stop. It’s not sexual… I like sex… a lot, I like really kinky sex… a lot, and I like incorporating diapers into bondage scenes, but diapers have always been about way more than sex, it’s about happiness and protection and a lot of stuff I’m going to spend the rest of my life on a therapists couch for.
I really don’t care though! I love wearing diapers… I always have, and I always will. I’ve already gone over the hurdle in my head, and now I just need to get over the logistics of it.

Panties at my Ankles – The First Day

I’ve wanted to do this since I first put a diaper on. Since I was looking in my mom’s bathroom and looking at the pads I was too young to wear, putting them in my underwear for the feeling, as opposed to prevent anything.

I’m going to be a diaper wearer 24/7. I have enough diapers, I have enough privacy, and I have enough willpower. I’m wearing panties for the last time… I cleaned out my underwear drawer and replaced them with diapers. I wish you could sell old panties on eBay, I’d make a fortune.

I have one pair as a back-up. They’re the ones I wore to the prom, a comfortable pair of pink VictoriasSecret my ex-boyfriend bought me when we went gallery shopping in NewYork. They’ve always been my “lucky panties”, but I even have to hide them away. Out of site… out of mind.

I’m not doing this just to make myself incontinent. I don’t mess (for those not aware of the lingo, messing means #2 – look for a glossary post later), maybe later on this is something that would be attractive to me, but I’m a very hygienic person, so probably not. I’m going to wear diapers 24/7, to bed, to work, at parties and on dates. If this eventually makes me incontinent or more open to wetting, or a bed wetter, it’s for the best, because I’ll be diapered anyway.

What to Expect out of this Blog
I’m going to be writing about my daily life as a diapered individual, adversity I encounter, peoples reactions, as well as my thoughts (and hopefully comments with yours) about making this decision and going through with it. Thanks for reading this first post, and I guess I better pack this last pair away and go grab a DryNite!