Me and my gender

The first time i put on a pair of girls underwear i was 12 years old. A Mormon family lived in our court, and on my walk to school I saw a pair of panties laying on the sidewalk next to their home, they would always line dry their clothes. They were worn, granny panties and a size 6. I walked past them the first day i saw them, my face got red and my hands started tingling. i hadn’t hit puberty yet, but still had pent up feelings about lust, all associated with the concept of special underwear (i guess thats a silly way to put it, but I had diaper feelings back then as well) The next day i went to school, i brought an extra ziplock bag, carefully picked up the panties and put them in the bag. I took them home, washed them when i was in the shower, and when i went into my bedroom to get dressed, I put on the pair of still damp panties. It was strange, i was too young to really understand what i was doing, i just enjoyed it. I wore those panties every time i could, but only in my room, and never under clothes. I would have not been able to live with the repression that would be forced on me if anyone would have found out. So, it was just panties in my room alone until I started to become the person I’ve always been.

I’m a girl. I’ve always been a girl, and I’m always going to be a girl. When you see me walking down the street, you see a girl, when you’re taking pictures of me in diapers, you’re taking pictures of a girl, when you sit down and have a long dinner, followed by a glass a wine and cuddling, you’re falling in love with a girl, but when you finally get my panties off… you’re looking at a penis… (ON A GIRL!).

So, I’m transistioning. Right now, I’m living full-time as a woman, to decide if I want to start putting hormones in my body to start making permanent changes. It’s just a matter of money and total absolution, but those will come in time. So, that’s the story of my first pair of panties, and why I’ve kept wearing things with little pink hearts on them.

I’d love to hear stories from other people about their first times!


This is my basic Hygeiene set-up.

Every time i change my diapers, I use Luvs wipes at home, and toilet paper when I’m out. I use baby powder every time i change, unless I’m out when i use Baby-Ade diaper rash cream. I use Care-Rez lotion, and have recently started keeping myself smooth in my diaper area.

I give myself an enema 4 times a week, and that’s usually the only time i mess. When i give myself an enema, I put on a thick diaper and a pair of plastic pants, I wear a footed sleeper, put in my pacifier and get in my crib. I feel safe and secure, and I’ve even dozed off before the enema has effected me. I always hop in the shower afterwards, and i use a diaper genie to store my dirty diapers. I’ve noticed that people with somewhat “unclean” fetishes are often the cleanest when it comes to their space and life.

I’m a big fan of lotion and face cream, I make my own bath salts for christssake. Just taking a nice, warm bath with the right accessories makes you feel so much softer. Comment if you have any ideas, recipes, anything!


I’ve been 24/7 for about a week now, except one night I dwas starting to get a rash. The only diapers I feel really safe in are the briefs or a really good pair of pull-ups, but I’m still VERY cautious.

So this is how I’m going to manage.

1- If I am home, I will be diapered. No exceptions. If I can’t ALWAYS be diapered at my own home, what’s the point in having my own place?

2- If I sleep, it will be in diapers. The only time I don’t go to sleep in diapers is if I’m up drinking with friends, and I stay over somewhere, but that’s the time I’m most likely to bed wet (stories soon). I just need to make sure before that last shot to get all cozy and diapered.

3- When I go to my regular job (promotions/canvassing for a not-for-profit) I will be diapered, no exceptions.

4- Every other situation diapers are a must. The only times I can’t see myself in diapers is…
-Doctors Visits
-Formal Event (premiere/wedding/funeral/gallery showing)

5- Mess at least once a week, to start getting more familiar with it. I’ve only messed a few times, but if I’m going to be diapered 24/7, I should at least try.

6- I’ve been a nail-biter all my life; I would always chew them up, even if they were painted. I have to stop doing that.

7- I will always powder/wipe after each change, douche 3 times a week, enema once a week, put lotion on my arms/legs before bed, and do avocado/biore face therapy 3 times a week.

8- When I can, I’ll listen to a hypnosis tape. I’ll write more about that soon, as well as post my hypnosis regiment and the files.

If I keep this regiment up, I should be a diapered bed wetter in no time!