Me and my gender

The first time i put on a pair of girls underwear i was 12 years old. A Mormon family lived in our court, and on my walk to school I saw a pair of panties laying on the sidewalk next to their home, they would always line dry their clothes. They were worn, granny panties and a size 6. I walked past them the first day i saw them, my face got red and my hands started tingling. i hadn’t hit puberty yet, but still had pent up feelings about lust, all associated with the concept of special underwear (i guess thats a silly way to put it, but I had diaper feelings back then as well) The next day i went to school, i brought an extra ziplock bag, carefully picked up the panties and put them in the bag. I took them home, washed them when i was in the shower, and when i went into my bedroom to get dressed, I put on the pair of still damp panties. It was strange, i was too young to really understand what i was doing, i just enjoyed it. I wore those panties every time i could, but only in my room, and never under clothes. I would have not been able to live with the repression that would be forced on me if anyone would have found out. So, it was just panties in my room alone until I started to become the person I’ve always been.

I’m a girl. I’ve always been a girl, and I’m always going to be a girl. When you see me walking down the street, you see a girl, when you’re taking pictures of me in diapers, you’re taking pictures of a girl, when you sit down and have a long dinner, followed by a glass a wine and cuddling, you’re falling in love with a girl, but when you finally get my panties off… you’re looking at a penis… (ON A GIRL!).

So, I’m transistioning. Right now, I’m living full-time as a woman, to decide if I want to start putting hormones in my body to start making permanent changes. It’s just a matter of money and total absolution, but those will come in time. So, that’s the story of my first pair of panties, and why I’ve kept wearing things with little pink hearts on them.

I’d love to hear stories from other people about their first times!

7 thoughts on “Me and my gender

  1. Your blogs are truly amazing. Im 20 year old Male, student, and my gosh i saw your video on and it was hot. Do you do any more, perhaps peeing in diaper ones. You touch your diaper i the best way in the world. Email me on

  2. Hello! I relate to your blog very much! I have been enamored with diapers since I was a child. I also am a transsexual (MtF). I am on my way to becoming a woman soon enough, and maybe even a regular diaper wearer. It takes strength to do what you're doing online. I would like to send messages back and forth to get to know you! You can find me via google (search: wanted_identity). I would like to keep my lj to tg/ts issues only.

    Take care, and best of luck with becomming a bed wetter and a woman! =)

  3. Hmm. I'm just trying to understand this… When you say you “have always been a girl”, do you mean you were born with the female mindset…? Or were you physically female at birth? It all boils down to: what gender were you from birth-3 years old?
    (they won't let me use an email, so email me at

  4. After SRS you will have the right excuse to wear diapers as incontinence is a possible side effect.

    Go with diapers to any tranny event and the first thing they think is that you are post OP.

    Babygirl Kvetinka

  5. Riley, I found your blog a while back and read random things on it from time to time. I am a closet transgendered individual myself who cannot live as a woman in public at this point but pursue the true me when i'm alone and sometimes with understanding friends. I know a lot of the feelings I've read about you having, as I've had them in my own ways, shapes and forms. I'm hoping that once I get out on my own and get an understanding job to start transitioning, and maybe some day afford to do the surgery. I've had a thing for being a girl since I was 4, and ever since then I've wanted to dress, live and be treated like a girl. I watched one of your videos and oh my god you're such a cute girl and I envy your ability to have made it that far in the transition. I still have much work to do, myself. Best wishes
    -Mina Capella (

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