As I get a little bit older I realize how much in my life lead me to be transgendered. One of my earliest memories of being fascinated by feminine stuff comes from 4th grade, I was waiting at the bus stop after school and a girl in my class was going to a wedding and changed after school into the prettiest dress I’d ever seen. It was pink with little purple glitter and hearts, it was puffed out by petticoats to fairy-tale puffiness and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it. I wanted to wear that dress more than anything, I wanted to touch it, and hear it crinkle when she moved. I was too nervous to say anything but I thought about that dress all the time, I didn’t have a crush on a girl and even now I’m not too into really frilly stuff, but that dress made me want to just be a pretty young girl in a cute poofy dress.
On the topic of petticoats, the first time I ever went to a public place dressed as a girl was when I was about 15 years old, a group of friends were going to san fransisco for a midnight movie and it was the kind of event where I knew I could dress as a girl and get away with it. I had a close friend who knew about all my girly desires and had a wardrobe to die for, so she set-me up with a great costume. I work a pink camisole, a big pink petticoat, strappy pink sandals and a rainbow colored training bra. She also gave me a pair of her panties which she said I should wear, I was going to wear my tighty-whitey undies I was sporting at the time, but she was persistent because she knew how nervous I can be and how much I wanted to go as a full-on girl. She did my make-up, we all went out and had a great time, I got lots of compliments and it gave me a lot of confidence that someday, somehow I could live as a girl.
Those panties, I was obsessed with them, it was nothing sexual but more a mere admiration and feeling of want. She was a small girl and they fit me perfect, I still talk to her on and off, she’s now in the stripping business and is doing well for herself. I smile when I look back at the time we spent together, these stories of my first attempts at being a girl cheer me up and remind me of why I live the way I do.