Publicity or “This ain’t the tranny express!”

“Public” is a word and a concept that AB/DL and trans-folks are very weary of. Many of us keep our private lives private, and there’s a lot of power to the person who’s a construction worker 95% of their lives and a sissy frilly baby girl or lipstick blonde knockout for the other 5%, I guess it’s a little like the person who’s walking around 95% of the time and on rollercoaster’s the other 5%. I definitely don’t feel the same way about girls underwear as I did when I wore boxers all the time.

Those of us that have the ability and have a strong enough desire to bring our true selves into the “public” face a great deal of adversity. People aren’t ok with things like this because there are no positive role-models in the public eye, things are getting better for trans-girls but it’s still really hard, I’m blessed to live in a place that is as open-minded as my town. and king baby is basically the western concept of AB/DL life. AB/DL stuff is a long way off to becoming public, because it really shouldn’t be public, wearing diapers in public is ok but being too open about it is really bad, same with sucking on a paci and wearing a baby doll dress walking down the street ( but if its Berkeley or Burning Man go ahead)

Transgenderism is a different story. I’ve always felt awkward as a boy, Mens rooms always make me nervous and I can’t remember a time when I used a urinal. I’ve gotten along well with guys my whole life (and plan to spend the rest of my life with the right one), I’m really socially warm-blooded, I can convincingly talk about bikes and bitches if the situation persists.

Before I started living as a woman I was always afraid that showing my true self would be perceived as exhibitionism and me imposing some weird fetish on others, but being around other trans-people and understanding that all my boy traits have been imposed on me by society and my peers lets me be free to live as I choose, the way that makes me happy. Starting to pass as a woman opened up a lot of new feelings, I pass 100% of the time if I’m dressed, If you’ve never seen me before you’ll see me as a girl, this fact is proven everyday in my life. Unfortunately I’m constantly read by people that knew me before I was a full-time girl, but people usually are just curious as opposed to angry Sometimes they get angry, but I try to not dwell on those stories.

Ok, just one. I was on the MTS (regional transit in San Diego) and a homeless guy I had seen a couple times on the street before was staring at me and totally read me, and started yelling on a rush-hour train “you better get off!!! this ain’t the tranny express!!!”. Being stuck on a train with every different type of person staring at every part of you trying to find a bulge or just totally scrutinizing me was some kind of hell. Luckily this nice Goth gentleman told the homeless man to politely “shut the fuck up”, but until I got off I was a nervous wreck.

It’s worth every bit of it though, having lived my life as a goofy, introverted, awkward boy to a cute, outgoing but still goofy girl makes me feel so right in living the way I do. Everyone’s always nice to me, I can clothes shop freely and actually use public restrooms without anxiety. Everything is different now and I couldn’t be happier I’ve yet to start taking hormones but I’m finally ready to start, I ‘m comfortable and positive about spending the rest of my life, public and private, as a girl!

12 thoughts on “Publicity or “This ain’t the tranny express!”

  1. One of the things I've always liked the most about your blog is that your comments and advice are always right down to earth and useful! Great post, I was glad to finally hear a little more about your life living as a girl. Go for the hormones and love it.

    Karen

  2. Hi Riley,

    One of our best girlfriends was born as a boy. She had surgery one year ago and she is one of the cutest girls we've ever met. You look cute too and you sound very friendly in your video's (a nice way to hear a voice that belongs to a person LOL). Go for the hormons. We all support you!

    Greetings from The Netherlands, Europe,

    Honeybee, Baby Ella and Daddy Mike

  3. I come from the worst part of the country for intolerence… the south. i'm a man and will be a man, but i like other things that people don't take to. so my whole life i fight. never lay down and take what the ignorant say. and if you are unable to stick up for yourself then just walk away. and hold your head up high with pride cause i'm sure you will have friends to stand by your side and hold there heads up high beside you and to proudly tell anyone else to go fuck themselves… arin goh brah

  4. i myself know some TG people who are very happy..and I wish for you the same happiness..And know this, you will always have a friend in me to stand with you against bigotry and Intolerance..

  5. Hallo Riley,

    The most wonderful event in my live was to wet my diaper like a real girl after my SRS in 2006. Horme treatment was the start to become the girl I always wanted to be.

    I wish you the very best.

    Babygirl Kvetinka

  6. hi riley call me jay, i think what your doing is great and i'm in a simmilar sorta situation (except a few years behind maybe) and i'm more into writing stories than how to's, i'm sure you've heard of lil-vickie (my inspiration), she has a blog on live journal too (one of my friends) you should check it out, i think you'd get along with her she raves about alsorts and is looking for good support all the time, i'm gonna release some of my stories public i think you should take a look, you might enjoy them, if your on live too add me as a friend for the pre-releases and exclusive discussions, i'd love to take to you properly sometime see you jay

  7. Hey, I was wikipedia surfing and somehow came across your blog. Anyway I just wanted to let you know I'm glad that guy stood up for you. If I saw you I never would have had a second thought. You look very feminine to me.

  8. I would totally date you. I'm a girl, though, and you mentioned in your post that you intend to settle down with a boy. Would you date a girl? We can wear diapers together!

    –Sara

  9. Thank god for the goths and emos,eh? they too seem to be able to call people out (or at least in my experience) and keep it a secret. I must say you are lucky, despite that bus thing, you not only get to wear diapers, but you also get to live as a girl, and you had me fooled, probably because I wasn't on guard on the internet. sounds weird right, but there are so many people on the internet…..man right now I am just looking to be able to get hormones without my parents realizing, thank god for my summer job!

    ~Valerie

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