the worst dream i’ve ever had relating to metroid

::Warning – This is a disjointed, violent and ridiculous post::

I’m going to try to lay this dream down as fast as humanly possible before I forget it all, we all know how dreams are. Last night I played Metroid Prime for the Wii for almost 2 hours straight. I went to bed pretty early after a long, busy day, had a pretty night dress on and a big comfy Depend with a Size 7 cruiser stuffer, so I was really comfy and went right to sleep.

I had a great deal of dreaming going on before the point at which I remember the “story” of my dream, but the pre-dreaming lasted forever and kinda involved Corey Delaney on a go-cart. but the basic set-up was I was in New York City, and a bunch of fucked up aliens were attacking. So, I find myself in a liquor store with a guy I hardly knew from high school, basically everything outside is going crazy and there’s clouds of dust everywhere. I think the stores empty so my initial reaction to such an intense crisis was to start getting hammered on free top-shelf booze. So I start to grab a bottle of whatever and a shotgun blast goes off, and the Indian guy who used to run a liquor store in my neighborhood is yelling at me for stealing, and I tell him that the worlds going to end and he says OK, I can have 1 bottle.

So I spend what seems like hours just looking at all this alcohol until the husband of the Manager at my old job in Sacramento, Will, comes running in, and we start getting into an argument about what to get and he’s telling me to hurry. I get what was in the shape of a bottle of Crown Royal, put it into my back pack and run outside. Everything is broken and exploding but it’s still kinda green and sunny outside. I’m asking Will what’s happening and he basically telling me that we’re out of luck, and I see all these comet looking things coming from the sky and all these alien-dogs with scorpion tails running around everywhere, killing army troops and causing havoc. I ask him if they’re going to go all “Cloverfield” (i.e. carpet bomb Manhattan) and he says no, so i think there’s still a chance. So we’re running and this big garage/trailer looking thing is out in the middle of a big parking lot with a couple benches on it, and we run to that. Will sits down and I start yelling at him about climbing up to the top and how we might be safe there, but to him it’s hopeless.

At this point we both see one of those dog-alien things speeding towards us, he sits down on the bench and it basically shreds through him. It whips its tail at me and hits me in the wrist but for some reason I was wearing bracers, it still really hurt and I knew I was poisoned, so I grab its tail and flip it over but in a second it over powers me, and the tail hits me right in the top of my head collapsing my skull. Now this is where the dream gets really weird. I wake up in a dark room I don’t recognize but I’m still in my bed, acting as if I just woke up from a bad dream. My wrist really hurts, and I get the idea that people are coming into my room late at night and injecting me with crazy nightmare stuff for some mad experiment. I feel really scared and I just hide in bed for a little while until I start kinda dosing off. I open my eyes and 3 covert-ops looking guys are in the room just about to grab me.

Then I woke up for real. The episode of Mystery Science Theatre I fell asleep watching is still on, even though the dream seemed like it lasted at least 12 hours. My previously dry diaper is now wet, I even leaked a little bit because I’m sure I was moving around like crazy. I washed up and got into a fresh nighttime diaper, I feel normal, relaxed and pretty silly about the whole experience. I’ve never really wet the bed before, and if it takes a dream like that to do it, I think I’ll go without. I don’t play video-games all that often, but when I do have an extended gaming session it really messes with my mind. Something as interactive as the Wii has a more profound effect, it really puts you into the game with all the motion sensitivity. Still, I’m really happy I wasn’t playing Resident Evil.

Anyway, more stuff soon and thanks for reading this crazy bullshit post!

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