would you like some breakbeats with that?

Hello Riley fans! Today I’m posting an album produced by a very good friend of mine, he goes by the name Fidelium in the IDM (Intelligent Dance Music) world. I really dig all the tracks on the new realese “Mind Tree”, but some of my favorites are the BitBasic and Sourone tracks, download and share the link! Also, I really love this song off of the first album.

I hope you enjoy, here’s the link

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Ryan

Do you want to see me cry my eyes out? You will if you sit next to me while I watch Ryan, a short animated film about Ryan Larkin, a brilliant young animator who experienced every artists greatest fear, losing the spark.

I happened upon this film from my habit of downloading anything that looks even remotely interesting, and I don’t think I’ve ever been the same since. I’ve always has a passion for art, not necessarily animation or painting, but the entire genre. I love film, and my dream would be to have at my fingertips the people and resources necessary to fully express myself in that medium. I have a well of respect for both Ryan Larkin and the animator of his story.

Ryan died, but his story and the film “Ryan” will be a testament to his work. The toughest thing about it, is that after the film was released he basically got his shit together, and started being creative again. He produced some interesting work in the afterglow of his addictions, but it was too late. Everyone needs a reason to live, a reason to get up, to communicate, produce and create. For some it’s family, friends, a lover or a pet, but for those who lack those things, or don’t find the importance of them, the reason could become money, or fear of death, or hate. And for the creative types, it’s often times drugs. I think Burroughs said “the best thing about being a junkie is that all you have to do is quit, and then the world will open its arms to you, and life will be refreshing again”. Unfortunately, that train of thought is usually the “the sun will shine tommorrow” theory, but every day is the same.You just need to find other Reasons

Watch Ryan, show it to the people that still have the spark, and force it on the people who think they may have lost it. More stuff soon, thanks for reading!

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passing game and double takes

I generally wash my hands before every meal, I don’t freak-out if I can’t, but it is a bit of a compulsion. The good news is every public foodery has a bathroom in it, the bad news is they’re generally separated by gender. It makes sense in our current society to do so, a lifetime of alienation for some men made ‘the girls room’ equal to the playboy mansion, it’s a strange and mystical place without urinals, little garbage cans in the stalls and a surplus of “like” and “omigodiknow”. A good case is a beautifully renovated theatre I’d frequent, the girls room was immaculate, mostly the little vestibule for make-up which was outlined with gorgeos ceiling length mirrors. The mens bathroom looked like thait room from Saw.

As a trans-girl, mens rooms are a traumatic place. It takes a wealth of self-confidence to go into the girls room, and its the one place where getting ‘read’ might get you in handcuffs. I’ve never had an issue, i’ve always passed well enough to never have trouble, and I think most people would have no problem if you didnt pass but didn’t act suspicious, especially here in liberal California. It’s all about confidence, if you know you belong there, you belong there. I feel kind-of silly sometimes if there’s a massive line at a bar to the girls room and noone in the mens, but with the good comes the bad.

I guess part of the reason why i’m so into diapers is because i’ve always been nervous about the restroom, especially as a kid. I could never go if there was anyone else in the room, but diapers are so much more private, personal, and based on alot of restrooms, more hygenic. I’m definitly one to tuck my hand into my sleeve or use my shirt to open bathroom doors, yet again, I’m a bit compulsive.

Now and then if I don’t feel completely passing, after a few days on the road or after a long flight, I’ll use the mens room. Double-takes are frequent in this case, I often have people come in, look at me, look at the sign on the door, look at me again, and then basically stand there until I either walk out or say something. Another fun thing, I was at a buckhorn grille in San Fransisco and they had to unlock the restroom for me. I had a 2 day fuzz going and was wearing a pretty androgonous Aphex Twin shirt and the poor girl at the counter had to ask me which door she should unlock. It was really embarrassing for her, but I thought it was cute like a dog looking in a mirror… worst analogy ever. Fun also comes from AMPM’s that have the magnetic locks on the doors, so they can remotely let people in. I got an Indian guy so confused one day when I was not so feminine but had to change, I went for the mens room but he unlocked the girls room, then when I went for the girls but he unlocked the mens. I eventually went into the girls, but it was awkward

So that’s yet another post about public restrooms. More stuff soon, including a video about disguising diapers under clothes. Seeya sooooon!

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