big actress right here

So a few years ago I was invited to be an extra in the film “Her Minor Thing”, a romantic comedy being shot in Sacramento. It was fun, I met Rachel Dratch and Charlie Matthau, I’ve been in a quite a few little roles here and there, would love to do more but I’ve spent a lot more time behind the camera lately. That’s really it for this post, thanks for reading.

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Are you a Hypnotist?

As your reading this, you feel your toes become lighter, the relaxing energy flows from your toes to your ankles, and they relax, letting all the pressures of the day off, you feel lighter, more relaxed with every breath as you listen to the drone of the computer…

This is a rough example of basically any induction (read: beginning) to a hypnosis tape. To get us modern day thinkers hypnotized it takes serious effort for both the hypnotist and the person they are putting under, you can’t just swing a pocket watch in front of someone and expect results anymore. Most of the people reading this would probably use hypnosis to do “special interests” things, like become a bed wetter or regress or have orgasms like a woman, things that most hypnosis professionals avoid. Luckily, the internet has tons of content.

WarpMyMind is one of the leading hypno sites and I’m able to upload some of the files from the premium section. If anyone has an issues with this, please let me know and i’ll take them down ASAP. All the information about the files is in the download files, and it’s mostly diaper wetting/bedwetting/feminization stuff. These are my modified files so you can make your own custom hypnosis session.

Here’s the link to the free rapidshare download

One of the most well known hypnosis programs in the AB/DL world is SocalAB’s Natural Unpotty Training Program. I’ve heard of this when I was young, while I was still searching for the magic bullet that will turn me into a helpless bedwetter or make me diaper-dependent. I received one of his tapes, the “Female Voice Wetting/Messing in Diapers only” one. I’ve spoken with SocalAB and he seems like a really nice guy, so I was very excited to check out his program.

As with any hypnosis tape, it has a comforting, clear voice and your standard induction to suggestion to waking with an extra file for subliminal, which I think could be just as effective. The WarpMyMind tapes don’t feature music in the background like the SoCalAB ones, which I’m split on whether to love or hate. For the sake of a better trance, the repetitive Muzak can get annoying, but does well to block out other sounds and I’m sure I’ll learn to tune it out. The silence of the WarpMyMind tapes lends to a more intense experience because I focus very strongly on the voice and words.

SocalAB also offers a male voice program, but for myself a female voice is more desired, a nurturing voice to coerce you into a submissive state. The studio-quality sound of the SocalAB files is probably the best thing about them, the WarpMyMind files sound like they’ve been recorded on a desktop mic. So, if you like the files i’ve uploaded but want to try something different, go explore his site.

As I’ve said before, don’t expect any serious results and use this more as a tool to reach your goal. These things work with time and staying in diapers 24/7 until your body naturally changes is the only way to really go about it. So have fun, good luck and E-mail me directly if you have trouble with the rapidshare, it’s totally free and pretty easy.

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despite all my rage i’m still just a rat in a cage

First, I’d like to say that this post is mostly about my penis.

I’d also like to say that the smashing pumpkins are a good band, and have been for many many years. This video is amazing – Try, Try, Try

That second part had nothing to do with the post, it was a mere segue between the title and the content. Today I’m going to be posting about something I’m incredibly intrigued by, chastity. I spent a good portion of my teenage years trying to figure out a way to wear skirts and girly things without exposing my boy-parts. Needless to say, after trying gaffs, tie-backs, tight panties and even tape once (and never again) I just settled into the fact that unless I was wearing either a small/medium pair of goodnites, i’d have bulge, and if i got an erection, i was toast.

Until I found out about male chastity devices. This company makes tons of different devices with various sizes/functions and basically all constrict the male genitalia to a flaccid state, you literally can’t get an erection in one of these. It sounds like it might be painful, but every owner I talked to has said it’s very easy to get used to, you start to have an erection, realize you can’t, then go back to flaccid.

I hate getting hard in diapers! I’m not necessarily sexually attracted to diapers, they are very much a comfort/regression experience, but I can’t help but get hard in diapers. For those of you that have seen my private videos/private parts, I’ve got decent sized boy parts but I start small, then get much bigger. It’s hard to wet when you’re hard, and its even more annoying when you can’t get your boy parts to point down into a diaper. So needless to say, I want one.

I’d love to be sexually in chastity to someone, be it in real-life or online, to wear this device all day and then take off the individually coded lock and masturbate for my master, and then re-lock it so I can’t play around until the next night. That sounds so lovely!

These are on sale on the website for 100$… my paypal is up and running and make sure you leave your name or E-mail so I know who you are, and even a little donation will help me reach my goal. Thanks in advance for making this little girls dream come true, I’ve wanted one of these things since 15/I knew wanted to be a girl.

thanks for reading!


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mothra destroyer of worlds

One of the questions I get more often than any is “What does your family think about your transitioning?” or “Have you told your parents you wear diapers?”. When it comes to doing something outside the social norms, often times family, friends, religion, work, or lovers stand in the way of someone doing what they really want to do, but sometimes those ties can’t be broken. It’s a tricky situation, but the more open-minded people get the easier it will be for closeted people to let their freak flag fly.

I don’t like to talk about my family on this blog, but that doesn’t come from a negative place. I have a small family, a sibling and divorced parents. We meet for holidays/events and enjoy each others company, I told my Mom I was bi when I was 17, transgendered at 19, and she’s fine with it, and not overbearing like some Moms.There’s a likelyhood that she’s reading this, but I’m not sure how often she check this site. She knows about the AB/DL stuff but it never really comes up. I managed to keep it completely hidden all through high school, which was a feat in itself.

My Mom, brother and I have been through some tough times together I moved around a lot as a kid and went to tons of different schools, my childhood is a pretty interesting story. Now that we’re grown-up, way less angsty and living across town from each other things are good. In writing this I got a good idea of another post, so I’m just going to end this hear and elaborate on that idea later… hope you enjoyed the extra backstory and I hope it will not provide a useful tool in stalking me.

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older, wiser, healthier, happier

Even before 101 posts in the rough and tumble world of internet blogging, I was a little rough around the edges if I needed to be after growing up in tough neighborhoods and going to some tough schools. I’m thin and interesting looking, I wear glasses, I converse intelligently and I think I release a pheromone that makes people want to huck BBQ sauce from their car windows or throw me down a flight of stairs. I don’t have any enemies, it’s just that people aren’t ready to let the meek inherit the Earth just yet. I shrug it all off and move on, because I’m tough. I’m pretty useless in a fistfight and have been known to whimper if I stub my toe, I mean “of strong emotional fiber” tough, not Kimbo Slice tough.

Since I’ve decided on transitioning when you look at my blog or see me in real life, I come closer to a flower than a tree. I’ve always been femme, never with a lisp or flamboyant, but still feminine, before the word femme became common I was always just described as a wimp. Bowling has always been my favorite team sport, and a 2 mile-run is much more enjoyable than a pick-up football game. It sounds like I was a pretty big loser in high-school, but I was Homecoming-King senior year – I actually got more votes for Homecoming Queen, but they wouldn’t let me be both. I was popular but it was still tough, High-School is traumatic for everyone regardless of social standing.

When I graduated, I moved downtown and lived totally independently and free, able to be a girl and live my life. What have I learned in the time that I’ve been free to express myself?

1.) Stop swearing so much – The cheapest and most effective way to get a laugh is throwing in swear words. Swearing puts me into a generally negative mood even though I rarely swear in anger, but my voice drops to a more masculine octave. Basically, It sounds silly when I swear as a girl, so I’ve cut that out… pretty much.

2.) Stand up straight – Slouching was a problem for me as a younger person, mostly from time spent on computers or because I constantly had to duck. I learned to get away from the Woody Allen hunched over cynic to a confident, tall California girl. Posture is everything!

3.) Body image = Confidence – People see me in various states of undress on the Internet pretty often, but at times in my life I didn’t generally have an audience when I was in the buff. My confidence as a girl is very much linked to how much maintenance I’ve done on my body, particularly shaving. If I look down and see a hairy boy, I get bummed out because becoming a girl seems so far away.

4.) Sights, Smells, Toes, Fingers – I bought feminine glasses, the eyes are the first place I usually look on a person, I also started using/carrying body spray and strong women’s deodorant and fruity hair product… it’s hard to smell nice in the summer but I can try. A really nice pedicure costs about the same as a couple drinks at a bar and is a very satisfying experience, I totally recommend and most of the generic Asian nail places don’t judge at all, money breaks all social barriers. The one last thing I need to do is to quit chewing my fingernails, it’s a terrible habit and I’ve never really confronted it, but I’d be so much prettier with regular nails.

5.) Stop this burning rage!!! – Maybe it’s the sunshine or life experiences, but I’ve learned to stop being so jealous. I try not to find faults in people who have succeeded more than me, girls that are already transitioning or happy couples, I was the Scrooge, humbugging happiness because I couldn’t find it myself. I was just being a bitch, and preventing myself from doing what I really wanted to really do. I got a little older, smarter, and now I just smile.

That’s some of all I’ve learned, and I still haven’t perfected half of this stuff but I’m happy and content. I’ve turned more and more into the person I’ve always been since the blog started, thanks for coming along for the journey with me. I leave you with one of my first and favorite pics from my diapered days online.

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