I’m not a fetishist in the sense that I don’t NEED anything to enjoy romance/sex. Most of the sex I’ve ever had has been vanilla, all of the ”relationships” I’ve been in have been with people much less kinky than my very kinky self. Before coming out about being transgendered and AB/DL, I dated more than I do these days. I go months without sex, I’m relatively happy by myself, sexually and mentally. I do get lonely.
That’s not what this post is about, this is about how much I like being tied up. I at one point was a strong practitioner of Self Bondage but have somewhat lost interest in that. It’s lost the thrill after I’ve done it enough times, and it’s kinda hard to take it seriously. I’ve used some tactics such as freezing keys in ice cubes and using combination locks in a dark room, so I have to wait for the sun comes up to unlock my bounded self. It’s fun, but without a partner it does get a bit boring. Adding diapers to the equation makes it much more interesting…
I think many of us who share the same “interests” or “kinks” as I do (bondage, AB/DL etc) fantasize about not having control, especially when it comes to using our diapers. Ideally this would be achieved through a 24/7 diaper regiment and tons of dedication. For those of us that have not attempted, failed, or are currently going through that process, bondage can be a lovely alternative. Though I don’t have hardly any experience with experienced partners, the times I have been tied up have been amazing. I love the helpless feeling, the attention, the mystery of whats going to happen next, and the relaxing feeling of an utter lack of responsibility.
I generally use the term “SubSpace” to describe this feeling, its like a mix of riding your bike down a big hill and falling asleep with a teddy bear in your arms. I cried a bit to myself when I was first tied up by another person, diapered in my crib, but it was just a little whimper and made me feel better. I’m blessed with a vivid imagination, and when I’m bound or even just in little girl mode I can kinda astral project to watch myself, and seeing myself this way only solidifies the subspace I’m in. I don’t have to be bound, just the right attire or setting can trigger this meditative state. As far as I can tell, this is as close as a person as skeptical and, dare I say, nihilistic, as myself can get to actually meditating, even breaching on the transcendental. I’m not a total nihilist, I’m a sunny-side up nihilist, there are no absolutes and everything is subjective, but as a society and as individuals we should learn all we can, have a great time and be damn sure not to take advantage of anyone. It’s this mindset that allows me to explore both ends of the spectrum, both pain and pleasure, fear and comfort, love and loneliness. The hurt makes the healing, and vice-versa.
This is a recollection of my past experiences with bondage, training and humiliation. Thanks for looking back with me, now it’s time to look forward. I’ve been playing around, testing the waters, and now it’s time for some real experiences.