give me your wallet motherfucker

Hey there friends, I had a drifter pull a a knife on me yesterday morning! I live in an area literally infested with homeless people, though I’ve become relatively friendly with these folks through some of my past jobs there’s still random out-of-town or out-of-meth homeless people that think they can rob whoever they want, and clearly can. This post is about horrible-ness, just in time for Halloween.

I give coins to those who ask, more out of safety than philanthropy in a town where people get shot for not giving change. This town sucks, and I can’t believe I’m still alive living here for so long with who I am. I had my $2500 camera and about 500$ worth of video equipment on me and luckily he didn’t get that stuff. He got my wallet and cash as well as my jacket, but i’m fast and probably would have fought for that camera. Once he had his hands full of my stuff I ran for my dear life, got out of there, sprained my ankle and lived to see another day.He seemed cold, which almost makes me feel bad for him. ALMOST.

The worst part of it all, I was in Sacramento and was robbed on my way to the train station to visit Penny, relatively close to my house. We were planning to do the things me and Penny do together, and these things are as wonderful to do as they are to watch. But I got mugged, so I spent the day talking to the police and trying to piece together enough cash for rent, which is a significantly less fun than getting tied up, put into diapers and treated like a little sissy girl. I’ve spent most of today at the DMV, which is almost worse than fearing for your life at knifepoint.

SO anyway, I hate myself and I want to die. I doubt i’ll be able to make rent this month on my own, my small family is broke due to the furloughs going on in gov. jobs in CA and I don’t have anything of value to sell, I could sell my camera for maybe 100$, a camera I bought for $2500, damn you technology. This might be my last post for a loooooooooong time, my internet is most likely going to get shut-down until I can afford it.

I’ve been horribly depressed since the mugging, I don’t have enough money to pay for my hormones this month, let alone rent. Donations are greatly appreciated, videos, camshows, pics, anything will be reciprocated with even a small donation. Write me a direct Email at protectionblog@gmail.com for info and the donation link is right under my profile pic on your right, if you donate and leave your email, I’ll get back to you asap.

So anyway, life is horrible for me, but a little angel emailed me today, a long-time friend of mine and a fellow diaper-girl, she was just lucky enough to be born with the right parts. I for a long-time didn’t believe that there were tons of, if any, “real” AB/DL girls out there, but my friend proved me wrong. She is really so darling, the cutest little AB girl, and she said it was OK to post her stuff on here, but any requests for moar or any further information will be ignored, she’s shy 😛

I’m really hoping I can make it until next month with a blog, and hopefully a roof over my head, and I’ll miss this if I’m gone. So here’s my very lovely friend, I might as well go out with a smile and some very cute pictures.

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this blogosphere is founded on honesty

I was having a lot of trouble naming this post. I was going to call it “in ways you might not understand” or “cute girl talks about bedwetting”, but hopefully I can express the same feelings regardless. Anyway, here’s a post by model/actress Patty Yu.

http://cutebutdeadly.net/2009/10/i-dream-of-peeing/

She seems like a charming girl, a normal blogger person, lots of cute pics, swears, worldly and open minded. I’ve been big on thesis statemements lately, so here goes… The level of open communication found on the internet today redefines the standards of humility. Actually, I don’t really like that, it sounds a little uptight. Lets just say, since blog culture came around average people are less prude and more open about themselves online. That still doesn’t come across right, I’ll just go with my original one… Where the hell would you find this kind of content in 1998?

This is one of the many posts that gets passed around the AB/DL and “wet” scene, the wetset if you will. We like hearing about this kind of thing, its a mix of voyeurism, innocent curiosity and downright perversion. I used to get a lump in my throat , sweaty palms and other signs of nervous fascination whenever wetting of any kind came up, from “i’m going to pee my pants if you don’t pull over” to just casual mentions of wearing diapers for convenience like during Lord of the Rings or a road trip. I even had a friend from high school who was a horrible, horrible drunk, and she would wet the bed/floor/bathtub/stairs all the time. My friends would joke about it and give her a hard time, even talk about putting her in diapers, but they put her in rehab instead.

I felt a mental tug-of-war about my friend, and I’m going to have to explain myself through the only means I can, I would have trouble telling a stranger about this to their face, even if they asked nice. But i’m blogging, so yeah, like many of the people reading this, I’m”into” wetting either intentionally or unintentionally, I like wetting my panties and diapers and generally like media concerning that. You have to enjoy it to truly understand it, but luckily i think I’m preaching to the right choir. On the other hand, I like all that stuff in the privacy of my home, and do it safe, sane, sober and consensual. I rarely even wet diapers when i’m out just due to my horrible fear of leaking, even if i know i’m safe, especially at work. To your right is Ms. Yu’s self-proclaimed “I need to pee” look.

My friend didn’t like wetting herself, she did because she had a serious drinking problem. Totally not what i’m into, like handicapped folks, seniors or anyone else who doesn’t want to wear diapers but has to. It’s what I consider the depressing diaper stuff, the stuff you mentally block out, the difference between a package of Depends in your grandmothers bedroom (depressing) or the same package in my nursery (awesome). Yes, it’s like that, and we probably used the same coupon. I have become very experienced in blocking out that reality, I’ve cared for the elderly and it can really get you down, but you have to realize thet they are 2 very seperate things. On a positive note, all of the diaper changes i’ve done have been with people over drinking age, so at least I don’t have to block out the unpleasantness that parents do. Oh, and just to cover all basis, I think my overall love of diapers would improve if I had to care for a domesticated chimpanzee.

Regressing into incontinence or choosing to wear 24/7 to become reliant is a great way to express love of diapers and is totally OK in my book, might even be a dream of mine someday, I know it is of some of you out there. Another thing about my friend, she was a real person, flesh and blood to me, not a story or a model in a video or a random blogger. I like looking at pictures of girls wetting the bed because it falls in my AB/DL regression guidelines, but when its right in front of your face its not so glamorous. Unfortunately, most real-life stuff falls into the depressing category.

There is another category, I guess it would be the “silly” category, that includes times like this where girls wear diapers for silly reasons, Halloween/dares etc. I feel bad for the girls that get their pics reposted over and over, and the guys that try to contact them are generally awful representations of the AB/DL community and uber-creepy. But in the the end it is just silliness and it seems pretty harmless, as long as everyones legal and the word of the day, consensual.

The Verdict:

Ms. Yu’s post is silliness, but it also shows that blogging allows a new level of freedom of expression and as a result, free content, and we all like free content.

What have we learned?

People are getting more openminded, but only a small percentage of the world gets comfy happy love feelings when they think about wearing diapers, and to the rest it’s a worst case scenario. We diapered folks need to stick together, look good and work towards a positive image, and maybe someday…

There Will Be No Shame in Wearing a Diaper!

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real

This post is about on of the “secret” parts of womanhood, a part I’ll never experience and relatively sure I won’t miss. This post, we’re talking about menstruation.

I know I’ll eventually get SRS, and I’m kinda glad I won’t have to deal with “all that”, I simply won’t have the parts that make that happen. I remember hearing somewhere “Enduring the pain of childbirth qualifies a woman as a mother”, and in that case, maybe the pain of menstruation is what qualifies someone as a woman.

This train of thought, clearly, is complete bullshit. 1st off, the “pain of motherhood” thing came from a mid-seventies book called ‘The Homosexual Agenda’ and was made as an example of why gays shouldn’t adopt. I keep this book onthe back of my tiolet, a decidely masculine move, but I keep it there to remind me of the opposition and its blind madness, plus where the movement has come from there. Also a big chunk of the book is C.S. Lewis trying to get me to not masturbate or wear girl clothes. Secondly, I have friends that have been on birth control for so long they almost never had the experience of a period. I hear from my female friends fairly frequently that I’m lucky to not have to deal with “all that”, but SRS is going to be pretty intense, and i got tons of bloody noses after puberty, when I was small and sensitive and all the other boys started getting punchier… so maybe we even each other out?

I’ve always thought the reason why there seems to be less female diaper lovers than male is due to not being able to make the mental disconnect of diapers from “feminine hygiene products”. That sentence didn’t come across half as well as I wanted it to, but if I were to write a thesis on the matter it would go something like this “A key desire in Adult Baby/Diaper Lover lifestyle is losing control of genitalia related functions similar to what every genetic woman experiences post-puberty” That’s probably why I don’t go to college, because I’d write thesis’s like that.

Maybe I’m missing out on a part of womanhood, but I’m not trying to be like other women, I’m trying to be myself and have my own unique experience, but I will always wish to have grown up as a girl. I guess that’s what my interest in regression is all about, I get to be the little girl I never got to be. I was a pretty unhappy child, I didn’t show it too much but I always felt heavy, sad, nervous, but when I regress I’m happy with the world. Granted, I’m a happy person outside of little-girl mode (not so much lately, but things always get better?), reliving bits of childhood as a little girl brings a feeling that is a little more special than your everyday happiness, the same kind of happiness I expect to feel from falling in love or accomplishing something of worth, two things that I’ve yet to do.

So lets go over some things…

Regression is good and healthy? Check.

Lucky to not have to deal with all the cramps and bloating and “all that”? Check.

Would I deal with it and more if it was part of the transition? Absolutely.

I’m starting to experience some of the negative “achey” things about being a girl, but its all worth it. Enjoy the video, thanks for reading!

personal effects

Hey there friends and fans! Though the video explains most of the following, I felt like writing a bit… so here’s the video –

I recently purchased some Kotex Personals, a disposable panty made to add protection to pads and tampons. It isn’t really a diaper, it’s basically a Depend Pull-Up with no absorbent material. We’re talking like 1993 for this, and it seems like it wasn’t terribly popular, but pants had higher waists back then so it at least got a chance. The packaging is pretty retro as you can see… my camera’s been having issues, so sorry I don’t have good pics, I got this picture from Ebay where you can actually find a couple places to buy it. I also really like these Ebay pictures where folks just don’t bother photoshopping it, it kinda looks like a lifetouch portrait or a prom picture.

I know I’ll eventually get SRS, and I’m kinda glad I won’t have to deal with “all that”, I simply won’t have the parts that make that happen. I remember hearing somewhere “Enduring the pain of childbirth qualifies a woman as a mother”, and in that case, maybe the pain of menstruation i what qualifies someone as a woman.
This train of thought, clearly, is complete bullshit. 1st off, the “pain of motherhood” thing came from a mid-seventies book called ‘The Homosexual Agenda’ and was made as an example of why gays shouldn’t adopt. Secondly, I have friends that have been on birth control for so long they almost never had the experience of a period. I hear from my female friends fairly frequently that I’m lucky to not have to deal with “all that”, but SRS is going to be pretty intense, so maybe we even each other out.
I’ve always thought the reason why there seems to be less female diaper lovers than male is due to not being able to make the mental disconnect of diapers from “feminine hygiene products”. That sentence didn’t come across half as well as I wanted it to, but if I were to write a thesis on the matter it would go something like this “A key desire in Adult Baby/Diaper Lover lifestyle is losing control of genitalia related functions similar to what every genetic woman experiences with puberty” That’s probably why I don’t go to college, because I’d write thesis’s like that.
Maybe I’m missing out on a part of womanhood, but I’m not trying to be like other women, I’m trying to be myself and have my own unique experience, but I will always wish to have grown up as a girl. I guess that’s what my interest in regression is all about, I get to be the little girl I never got to be. I was a pretty unhappy child, I didn’t show it too much but I always felt heavy, sad, nervous, but when I regress I’m happy with the world. Granted, I’m a happy person outside of little-girl mode (not so much lately, but things always get better?), reliving bits of childhood as a little girl brings a feeling that is a little more special than your everyday happiness, the same kind of happiness I expect to feel from falling in love or accomplishing something of worth, two things that I’ve yet to do.
So lets go over some things…
Regression is good and healthy? Check.
Lucky to not have to deal with all the cramps and bloating and “all that”? Check.
Would I deal with it and more if it was part of the transition? Absolutely.
I’m starting to experience some of the negative “achey” things about being a girl, but its all worth it, I’m sure it’ll all be good in the end. Enjoy the video, thanks for reading!
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Ügli

Ugly is such an Ugly word!

I never use it to describe people, as everyone is beautiful (and disgusting) in their own ways, and ugly is word best to describe inanimate objects, like buildings, furniture or outfits. Horrid is a better word to describe people, ugly is too bland to describe some people… like Glenn Beck or Ann Coulter. I always thought Glenn Beck was like a male Ann Coulter, if Ann Coulter wasn’t already a male Ann Coulter, these people are horrible and decrepit and they’re supposed to be, they fire up the opposition toward all the wrong people and are purely entertainment, much like Michael Moore, but I agree with him more so I will bite my tounge. Any media personality responsible for promoting social change is as interested in saving the world as a snake in the grass is interested in equal rights for field mice.
Glenn Beck does have a thing or 2 to say about the government that falls roughly in my corner, but he did rape and murder a girl in 1990, and I just can’t agree with that. I just have a personal offense to his re-writing of Common Sense by Thomas Paine (glad I googled that first, I almost said Thomas Swift wrote Common Sense) as I wanted to gather together like minds to re-write that, but that was when I was very much more passionate about indie publications and had the social network to do so. I still hope to, I just have to make it more inventive than Mr. Becks. Maybe I’ll call it “Common Sense II: Electric Boogaloo” or “Common Sense 2010, The Year We Make Contact”. That last ones actually pretty good… I just need to publish it ASAP for it to work… more on this later, I’m starting to get inspired 🙂

Inspiration or not, I’m blowing fiercely off course. Here’s a new video that isn’t new at all, I shot it right before leaving for the wedding.


Back to the initial topic –
This site is fugly. It’s poorly formatted, all over the place and a little too in your face for my liking. I’ll be working on this…

Sorry, and look forward to more content soooooon.