Big Red Bullsye pt. 2

Read this first, or here’s a quick summary – I’ve worked at Target for around a year, I had been threatened and assaulted by customers so I quit for a while and transferred stores. Our story begins as I start my first day at my new store, dressed cute (of course) and excited to start…

Happily hired, I was sitting in the office of my new Executive Team Leader, my boss, just about to go out on the floor for the first day of work at my new Target. I wanted to make sure I was plenty cute and proper so I asked where the employee restrooms were. I was told that there were no employees restrooms, gender-neutral or ‘family’ bathrooms, this was not good, I panicked a little in my head. My last store had single room bathrooms in the back, I thought every Target did, or at least had a family restroom due to the fact that the place is packed with kids all day, but no, nothing. A Mens room and a Womens room at the very front of the store, right next to the cash registers where at just about any time of the day 25+ people are just standing around.

To be honest, I was worried at first, but for the first few months I wasn’t getting many hours and whenever I went to the stores around the Target I was always able to use their restrooms whenever I needed. There were a couple times when I took breaks early or was late to return because there was a line or something to the Peet’s Coffee bathroom, but I never really stressed out until very recently. I’ve been keeping healthier and working longer shifts, and the hormones are starting to have a bit more profound of an effect on me, and part of that being needing to pee more often.

One day about 3 hours into my shift my body decides it really needs to pee, it was a hot day so I was drinking water, nothing out of the ordinary. I’m by myself in Electronics, the other girl was on lunch and so I walked to see if anyone else could cover. No one responded, so I just waited, crossing my legs, keeping my hands busy until I could get covered. Half an hour of doing the “potty dance” and she finally comes back, I throw my keys at her and head over to Peets, the bathroom has a huge line. CVS? Bathrooms locked, took the lady 5 minutes to unlock the door to the out-of-order single-room restroom. Someone has the keys to the AMPM bathroom, and I’ve been gone for 20 minutes on a 15 min. break so I call work from my cell, tell them I’ll be back eventually, and I’m literally at risk of wetting my pants at this point and my kidneys feel like someone did the Eagle Claw on them like that old Danny Bonaduce infomercial.

I’d like to clarify a couple things in this story, a little background I guess. I can’t use public restrooms. I’ve been harassed, stared at, threatened and followed for using public restrooms, being called out in a women’s room is a big fear for transgirls, a worst nightmare situation. I also worked with 300+ men and women, many I didn’t know and many pretty tough and not accepting of trans-people, these individuals ignored me, and I considered to be on friendly terms with everyone there, but I used the women’s room one time there around when I first started, and saw a 180 in many of the women’s behavior around me, one more time and I could end up in a creek again. It’s clearly not a safe situation, no matter how well I pass as a girl, that’s why they have gender neutral restrooms!!!

The other thing is a little obvious, but I love diapers, I love wearing them, wetting them, I fantasize about losing control, bedwetting etc. But this is real life, not a fantasy, and I wasn’t thinking anything about wetting or anything, all I wanted was a toilet. I’m expecting people to E-mail and say that the solution would be wearing a diaper, but I still have never found a diaper I could 100% trust, plus I would go from wearing cute clothes to bulky formless clothes because I would have to wear a Abri-Form or something. Diapers are not a real-life solution for this problem, and my recent need to pee more isn’t due to “untraining”, but now that I’m not working directly with the public anymore, that might be an idea, but I don’t know if I ever want to go through what I did at work, I seriously think I damaged my kidneys.

I walked a couple blocks further to a Panda Express and made it clear that I NEEDED to use their restroom, and they let me, even though they forced me to buy a 3$ SOBE. I walked back to work feeling light, and still feeling like I kinda needed to pee, but more than anything I felt angry with target for not having a bathroom. I walked to the back office after being gone for close to an hour, and walked directly to my bosses office and gave him a “ok, time for a talk” look. I told him my issue, and after almost a month of emails, calls, meetings, reports, I quit. The best thing they could come up with was every time I wanted to use the restroom they’d clear it out and have someone stand by the door, which is not cool. I have an interview with OSHA about this on Feb. 25th 2010, the earliest they could get me in, and haven’t pursued anything legally, I’ve done research on my rights here, and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I can do.

So I left, I was making minimum wage plus 10 cents, I was starting to get some pretty stalker-esq customers who would come in looking just for me, and people who just act pervy and creepy. I guess that’s just part of being a woman, but being a trans-girl makes it that much more dangerous. I had also been threatened by a group of big teenagers that comes into the store all the time, which makes me sound pathetic, but I’m pretty small and kids these days are pretty vigilant. I’m an unemployed girl right now, but I’ve got big things in store, and look forward to seeing this site flourish, as well as myself. I’m probably in the worst financial situation I’ve ever been in, but I’m starting to really explore my life, my future, my sexuality and my creativity more than ever. So needless to say, adversity breeds inspiration, and I’m going to overcome all the bad stuff, the drama, the fear, its all over now and things are just going to get better and better!

3 thoughts on “Big Red Bullsye pt. 2

  1. I am glad you are getting back on your feet. This is one of the problems I am facing now, I am 24/7 now, unemployed and looking for a job. I have just started seeing a gender counselor, and this is one of the issues I hope he helps me with. I almost think it is better working at a retail job, as male for me. It frightens me, to have to find a bathroom, along with what you said that people just go in to see you. It can be very scary.

  2. Hey Riley, ive been following both your blogs for a long time now and wanted to say that I think that you are just amazing. Being able to stand up for what you believe in and the strength you have with everything your going through is inspiring. I hope that things start to turn around for you and they start working in your favor. 😀

  3. Hallo Riley,

    I think it is time to get documents with girls´ names. That is what it did first. I would apply for legal name change at your local court.

    When you have a girl´s name, then they can legally hire you as the girl you are. For the exact precedure at court, I recommend contacting your local T* help group.

    Babygirl Kvetinka

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