Monthly Archives: January 2010

good girl

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This is out of nowhere but I’ve been really good about the drinking thing, tonight was the second time I had anything alcoholic to drink this year, and both times its been 1 beer in a social environment. Heavy drinking and going overboard with things like cocaine and ecstasy and hallucinogens was holding me back for a long time, I don’t really like to talk about on here because it’s not really who I am, but I’m just saying, I could write a book. Stopping all that stuff and coming out clean, healthy and police record free has made my life literally explode with positivity and progress. I never went to recovery or anything like that, mostly becoming a woman was a big thing for me. Everyone has dark spots in their life, it’s part of growing up and learning how to live properly, they don’t really teach that in school. I know many friends from my old circles that have gone off the deep end, and many of my friends today are people I used to do tons of drugs with, but have since cleaned up and become successful. To take a note from the Beatles in arrogent self-comparison, even Jesus Christ has a part in his life that he doesn’t talk about. 

It’ll all come out in a tell-all book someday, lots of funny stories about crazy nights and drug induced antics, but I’ve always been sensible to never go too far, like use shoot stuff up or smoke a bunch of meth… even thinking about those things sounds like something out of a movie. All in all, life is fantastic, and I’m so positive right now that I feel as if I can express some things that I never could before, it all seems like the adventure of my life has led to this point and things are starting to get really interesting. I started writing about my new job in this post and started thinking about this, I feel empowered. Anyway, read that post maybe, and yeah, I don’t know the rules on posting stuff on 2 blogs at once, I’m so conflicted… i’m too tired, much love, nighty night! 

Pursuit of Happiness

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Hey there! This was going to be a quick post but it turned into a really long one…

Everything went great at the new job, there was an event at my location so it took place at a local dive bar, really nice crowd, open bar on the company tab, I had a pint of blue moon with an orange in it, my favorite. There were a few people at training and we all got along well, it was really informal and I could see these people as becoming quick friends, one of them actually worked with me at a Sushi place a few years ago. I’m not going to be totally open about my work because i don’t want to get stalked or draw unwanted attention to the company, sorry, but God hasn’t pushed the button that turns stalkers and creeps into puppies and kittens yet.

I have a loooong shift tomorrow, and I’m super-looking forward to it, I think everyone either correctly guessed my gender (female…) or noticed I was trans and was respectful as any intelligent, civilized person would be. I’m glad to be meeting people now where trans-people are just like any other folks.With these kinds of people, people are just people, we’re all just dudes and chicks and bitches and bro’s and expressing yourself is a positive thing. Pre-exposure is also key, especially in the alternative scene where most everyones hungout with transpeople at least once, at target i’m a freak because alot of those people have only seen transgendered people represented on television, at least at my target. Around progressive people I’m just another one of the gang thats working towards the same goal… whatever that may be. So i’m finally in a trans-friendly environment… lets just hope they stay just as friendly if they ever find my blog… oh i’m being over paranoid, even if they get weirded out, whateva.

So all is good, I know I said I would do a review of the ABU Cushies diaper tonight, but I need to test it over night to get a really good feel 🙂 I wore a small abriform to work and wet it just as I got home, it leaked a tiny bit in the back but I wet a lot… very comfy diapers 🙂 Training begins early tomorrow, so this little girl is going to put her hair in pigtails, her bottom in a very comfy nappy, and curl up with her newly downloaded episodes of Daria, which is also a good Cake song, which is also a good band. Nighty night bloggyland, if only I could torrent some of my happiness to you 🙂


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America still needs your help!!!

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*i’ve received a few good responses, and if they don’t work out I’ll just have to roll up my sleeves and do it myself. If you’re ever bored and think you can come up with something awesome, feel free to send it to me, but I think I’ve got it covered for now 🙂 I’ll keep the post up though, just for laffs, and look forward to some neat new banners!*

OK… GO!!!

I loved this game when I was a kid, the pacing on the intro is just hilarious. I wonder if theres a way we could get an online emulator thing going where i could finally beat that with someone, I never could and have tried countless times. If you’re geeky (only positive connotations intended), especially geeky enough to remember this game, or just good at design, I need your help!

I’m learning to make animated gifs throught the help of some Lynda.com tutorials, but I really could use an awesome banner in the next few days, and my skills are nowhere near what i’ve seen on some of my reader’s sites. Here’s the banner I made, I was going to add more but ended up not saving the original .PNG so I can’t finish it, this took me a lot longer than I’d like to admit… click on it to see the giffyness, I dont know why its not animated here.


So here’s the deal. I’m not able to pay anyone at the moment for any services like that, and most all of my diapers I need. I do however have some 1980’s Attends Large, opened but i still have the pack, that are totally worth something from what I’ve seen on E-bay, I just have been waiting to give them to someone on my blog. So if you’re a bigger person and do graphic design, that would be what I would send you for a horizontal and vertical banner for both this site and my letsgetsrs.blogspot.com, and I might commission you in the future to do one for MistressTrainsHerSissy.com. If you have no interest in that, I might have a couple little dresses or something that I could send you from my personal collection, or if you’re more interested in getting access to my private youtube, that could be arranged in exchange for the banners.

I’m looking for something that I can post everywhere, in the standard banner sizes that I can provide you if you don’t know, but you probably know if you do this often. The only requirements be that its animated and features my website, possibly incoporate a pic into that, I can take one just for the banner on a white background so you can magicwand it onto the banner, or if theres a pic that I have that you already like, you can just borrow from that, photoshop my pics at will, but please, on this occasion only!  Since you obviously read this site, you probably already know what I’m all about and can use that to make a decent banner. As for the LetsGetSRS.blogspot.com one, it doesn’t HAVE to be animated, but I’d prefer it, and the text should just be something along the lines of “The Story of My Transition” or something like that, “my life in transition” or something. Here’s a couple older ones, what I’ve done in the past…

I like the look of these, but I’m at the point where I really want an animated banner, plus the pics are kinda old and a little hard to see, but like the colors but be creative and use whatever you think looks good
This one is probably my favorite, thats a great little pic of me and gives lots of info, but the size is wrong for most places and it is kinda boring and poorly formatted. 
One of my first attempts, and below is my current, very boring banner for LetsGetSRS
Contact me on my email if you think that you can help, and we can discuss reimbursment. I’m off to my new job, I’m going to be posting my review of the new ABUniverse Cushies diapers once I get back from my first day of training, I’m really excited and an angel sent me a bag of small Abri-Forms I got this morning, a great little treat and I’ll be contacting whoever sent it when I get back, or just E-mail me first, and thanks! Anyway, these Abri-forms fit under my clothes really well and I feel really snug and secure, I’d take a pic but I sold my little digital camera : (
Anyway, I’m running out the door, thanks for reading and more stuff before your next change, well, maybe if you’re wearing a Abri-form with stuffers…

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lets all be honest

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Hey there readers! In the last post I talked about my brand new job I’m starting tomorrow, which is awesome, thanks for all the positive emails 🙂

Second, check out these cute new pics, donations are still very welcome and needed, enjoy the pics, more to come! I also wanted to clarify, this isn’t a porn site, there are cute and sexy pics of me and I sell naked videos, but its mostly about living, being AB/DL and most of the kindest people who have donated haven’t asked for videos, they just want to see this little girl blossom in the best way possible, so thanks to those who have donated in the past!

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

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short lived relationship

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Quick summary of the last 2 posts. My friends girlfriends moms dad gave me a sex machine, and I’ve been lamenting about relationship problems i’ve had in the past, theres some funny stuff, tragic stuff, its a rollercoaster ride through the written word… to be serious, these last few months I’ve actually felt proud of my writing, yes it is a little stream of thought and I basically failed out of English in High School so I don’t have some of the basics down, but I feel good about typing these words and I hope you feel good reading them.

But you know what doesn’t feel good? Having a guy around for almost 7 months, him screwing you once and then completely malfunctions during sex to the point where he turns into a worthless pile of scrap metal?

Yeah, i’m a woman scorned, and it’s all my fault. Our relationship, which was only based on sex to begin with, came to a loud, frustrating but possibly saveable disaster. This is the part the post where I stop talking as if the sex machine is a real person. I was happy with the video I shot in the last post, its kinda silly and fun I think, but I usually shoot a few videos if I wasn’t 100% satisfied with the last one just to see if I can do it better. I kinda fix my hair, zip-up my little suit, and throw the towel over the machine and with the movement of the bed, it accidentally triggered the device and jammed the towel into the rotating mechanism. It stops hard and starts whirring louder than usual. I immediately unplug it and pull out the very tangled up towel. look it over and it seems fine… plug it in and it’s dead. My brother and I tried to get this thing to work for hours, I think theres a simple option at any hardware store that would be under 5$, the battery and engine work fine, touchy but fine. I also wanted to point out that my brother has nothing invested in the sex machine, he just likes working on mechanical stuff, we’ve built many a computer together and love toying around with stuff, remember, this machine has been a family matter since the beginning!
About my robotic sex toy breaking down, it really made me sad, I kinda cried a little bit but then felt selfish and upset with the whole thing. I guess its for the best, it’ll give me a a little engineering project to work on, maybe make in nice enough to sell, put in an Ipod dock or something. That sounds like a fun afternoon, reanimating the dismantled body of a one-night stand… oh, and, and this is the part of the post where I talk about my boyfriend, Bender, like he’s a real person again. After our the first time, I cleaned up and everything and since I have a queen size bed, I didn’t put him away, I just took the attachment off, turned on some brian eno and went to bed. In my state of slumber, I did cuddle with Bender a little bit, it sounds crazy, but just feeling the steel and weight next to me while I slept was… comforting.

I’m a pretty silly girl, and this is a pretty silly post, so just look forward to the next couple posts where I’ll be talking about how I’ve trained my voice and even more cool stuff, and spread the word! If you’re looking for video of me actually using the thing, I only did one and its clumsy, but strangely erotic. Contact me personally if you’re interested in making a donation and getting access to this and other sexy videos of myself in a constantly updating private youtube channel… or you could always just send a donation anytime, it’s tough out there for a girl like me, and I can use all the help I can get.

Thanks for reading, and even if Bender is unfixable, at least we can remember that one special time ❤

hearts and wallets

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Hey there! Sorry for keeping you waiting, I’ve been scrambling to make rent this month and running all around town. I’ve sold my digital still camera and my big lovely monitor, I still had the receipt for this awful Logitech wireless keyboard mouse combo I bought for 30$ at Target a while back, it was the one thing I got rid of that I actually wanted to, the signal reach is literally 5 feet. I’m back with my wrist destroying but familiar giant keyboard and just a basic little optical mouse. When I returned the keyboard to my old Target, it was nice seeing the friends I made there, I was told I looked cute on multiple occasions by some of the girls there that were totally yougogirl! about my transition, which is always lovely, and it reminds me that I left with a good reputation and my head held high. I was always so afraid to be feminine at Target. Now that I’m not forced to be around the less than transfriendly Target employees, I’m just a girl shopping. I just wish they had a gender neutral restroom, I honestly liked working there, helping old people find stuff and I always surprised people with my “Techknowledge” (the name of my old company, catchy right?) The good thing is I’m less than a month away from my OSHA interview about Target, so hopefully I can raise some red flags for making family bathrooms standard in places like Target.

Anyway, this post is about a sex machine, that was given to me by a good friends girlfriend, we named it Bender because its a fun loving robot that likes to get down. I highly recommend you check out letsgetsrs.blogspot.com for the full story. Above is the short little video, the PG video, I probably seem a little different because I was pretty nervous about showing it off, I was always taught to keep my sex toys hidden away. I was giggly, excited, and a little embarrassed all at the same time, a silly little girl showing off her cool new toy. I may call it a “sex toy” but the one time I played with it, the line between “Bender” elaborate dildo and boyfriend blurred a bit.
From my summation, theres only 2 types of mechanical stuff thats involved in sex, i’m talking ore of the method than the device, using my machine as an example. I’d say its an even split between enjoying seeing/controlling the speed of someone getting used by a machine, the impersonal factor of a machine on a person seems to be an effective method of submission, pretty popular on many adult sites. This is with bondage sounds like heaven, I think the used slave roll is pretty hot but unfortunately I’ve only had access to the second kind of robo sex, which is somewhere between “I’m lonely and horny and want to imagine someones there with me” and “a new, complicated thing I can put in my bottom? Awesome!”.
As I said, I tried it out, it was strange, and it ended up breaking it (we ended up breaking up?) right after making the video, I think I might be able to fix it, I’ll be sure to ask you guys if I can’t, but it sounds like a fun little project, getting the sex machine back working. I was really hoping to do something artsy with it, put a big hand on it and point to an event or something. Fortunately, there’s a video of my first and only time with the machine on my private youtube (for donators and special friends only) and it came out a little… interesting, it was more of an experiment caught on tape than a sexy video I pretty much look and act like a virgin. I’ve been doing much more filming and editing, I generally just edit and upload anything interesting I shoot, and I shoot some pretty interesting stuff sometimes, including but not limited to wet and sometimes messy diapers, playing with my toys, both cuddly and sexual, bondage,
I think I’m a good girl, both RileyKilo.com and letsgetsrs.blogspot.com are and will always be ad free, I’ll bring things up once in a while but only stuff I like, and always let me know if I’ve led you astray. I need some donations to literally pay rent this month, so like, within the next few days would be a great time to send a paypal donation, the link to my paypal is right under my profile on the top right of the site, it takes credit cards and it really easy to do, it helps me out so much.
I really thought I would be good this month, but I finally caved in and applied for unemployment, and its been a huge hassle since. I’ve never even considered unemployment as an option, I’m not saying it bad thing, a wise friend told me I payed taxes so I deserve it. I’ve worked since I was 15 and a half and the few times I was in between jobs I did PC consultation, mostly just teaching old ladies how to use computers and cleaning off spyware. I worked with friends, did promotion gigs, all short torm stuff just to make it month to month. I don’t do the consultation too often these days, alot of Mac’s around here and big firms for PC repair, I accepted that my little business had been crushed by the big man years ago. I do get a response now and then, but not since early December, christmas is tough, and I’m done home theater installation millions of times. I love riding my bike, but for long distances I’m a hitch-a-ride from friends kinda girl, public transportation around here is downright dangerous.
Unemployment was the only real option to me, most of the people I know in real life are struggling financially as well. Literally for the last 2 months I’ve been calling the unemployment office now and then everyday, trying to get home, until I eventually went to the office and told me to do it all over the phone. I was so angry because I  had called and they said they’d send me letters with a appointment date, and the date was for March. Since then I’ve sent stuff back, letters, calls, emails, everything. I went into the EDD a couple days after getting the letter, and was told that to keep calling the phone line. So I’ve been doing that non-stop, I have skype so I can call over and over again, and its ALWAYS busy, its ridiculous. Since I’ve gone in, its almost turned ugly, because a lady read off of what she said was the official sattement that I did not make a strong enough effort to stay with the organization… they just dont get it, and once I talk to another person who can actually do something about it, I’ll be able to explain my situation.
I still buy all my own food and stuff, and get alot of stuff from my neighbor who works at an organic farm much more legitimate than the one I’ve worked at. I don’t think I could ever go on EBT, or food stamps, but I just haven’t done it yet, I feel like thats the worse case scenario, and I’m not there yet, It has to do everything with my mom going through her whole adult life without gov. assistance, taking care of my brother and I on her own, with checks and help from Dad now and then. Of course, my childhood would have probably been cooler if we had more money, but pride is pride, I kinda feel the same way, but some people do need assistance, and some good people I know have used it when needed, then went onto normal, decent paying Many times I’ve gone to unemployment or the welfare office (where I worked intake for about 6 months) and thought about signing up, I just never have, I’ve just chickened out and now that I’m actually at a point where I’m having a really hard time getting hired and NEED unemployment, I get a big read DENIED stamp
I know that everything is getting better soon, I’m going to be posting more stuff as often as I can… oh wow, as I was writing this post, at 10:22 PST I was called and offered a job an establishment I applied at a few weeks ago, a job I was very excited about. It’s not a huge money-making job, but it’s doing something i’m good at and enjoy doing, at a very cool, hip, place. It looks like I’ll be able to have a steadier income after all, I am bouncing off the wall right now happy. It’s so funny, I’ve been pouring my guts out, pleading for you help, and right before I post, someone calls and saves the day. I have training tomorrow night, and I start on Saturday… amazing!  I do really need some nice looking feminine attire, I have a couple cute outfits, but I really want to impress these people, where I’m going to be starting is a pretty swanky place, I don’t really want to give away any info for fear of anything jeopardizing it, but it’s minimum + tips, in a transfriendly environment from what I’ve seen, it’ll be nice to get more into the public light, as I mentioned, I miss customer service! Oh, and the bathroom set-up gets the Riley stamp of approval, no more potty drama! I still will be diapered at work, but most likely will stay dry during my shifts, I love diapers, but I also love being able to financially support myself…. oooooo sooooo excited!  
Unfortunately, I’m not going to get paid for weeks, so paypal donations are still accepted and desperately needed!If you’re curious what you get with your donation, just E-mail me, but it comes down to the more you donate, the more you get… videos, private requests, the too-hot-for-youtube stuff. I also have a private webcam so I can do shows or whatever you’d like this cute little girl to do, you know how playful I can be. If you really want to get a hold of me, donating is the best way to catch this little girls eye, and I’m always chatting, sending new stuff and making videos with my “inner circles” ideas. Keep checking back for more stuff, and if you can send a donation, please do! This little girl needs a helping hand right now, things are going to be better than ever once I get over this little unemployment hump and back to work, but until then I’m hoping someone out there can afford to help me get closer to being the bright, shiny and successful woman I know I can be!

Wish me luck for training tomorrow, and I think I’m in such a good mode I might dig up some extra cute pics for this Happy Day… oh, and I’m still in diapers 24/7, and very wet girl right now 🙂

Oh, and much love to my readers! If you read this post in its entirety all I can say is…

thanks for caring ❤

love the one you plug in

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This is entry is about the machines we love and has a really positive message, I promise, but it does contain Graphic Content. My last post was about how much I want to be a positive beacon of the transgendered community, this post is about me getting penetrated by a robot.

I was helping a good friend of mines girlfriend, It’s weird to say it like that, because she’s my friend too… its just a reference point. Anyway, we were cleaning out a storage facility and I was helping her like any good friend would, plus I go to drive her really clean 69′ Plymouth Barricuda. I really like classic Mopar cars, it comes from my Dad and a childhood of Vanishing Point but I wouldn’t say its an entirely masculine thing for me. Byrne (which isn’t even remotely her name, or even really a first mame, but i’m listening to the Talking Heads right now so thats her name), she drives a really sexy, powerful car and she’s a very feminine genetic girl, stylish and very naturally girly, politicians wife look, muy caliente, and I know they’re going to read this, but i’m just tellin’ the truth.  I just think the attraction is the power, I rode a motorcycle for a while in my teens, another sexy but a little more economical/deadly mode of gettin’ around in style.

Back to the storage facility, there was a big pile of crap she was going to give to goodwill etc, there was a giant tool chest there, and opening it was like opening that suitcase in Pulp Fiction.

Bender Rodriguez, my boyfriend
*added note, me and youtube happened to end up with the same pic, if you want closeups let me know*
*let me clarify, closeups of the machine, not of me… well, maybe you can message me about that too*

Looking at all the parts made my mechanic bone tingle! Basically, her Dad had bought it online from some custom place, and her Mom was like “no way”, and so the sex machine was passed to the next of kin, Byrne was at least brave enough to try it and then say “no way”. So I ended up with it. It’s pretty ridiculous, it uses those vacuu-lock attachments for strap-ons and luckily I had gotten one years ago, my Ex and I used a strap-on now and then, the vibrations were nice and it made me feel very girly… I may be a femme girl, but I can still top, strap-on or not. I don’t prefer it, but i’ll go into that more later. On the surface, the “fucking machine” is hilarious and noisy, just watch the video for the details on the actual device.

Since I’ve gotten it I’ve shown it to just about everyone thats come over and had tons of laughs, but I didn’t use it until saturday night, it just kinda stayed hidden away. I a little afraid of it, I doubt I could sell it for anything plus it was a gift, so it just sat there. Anyway, I was going to go out the other night as I mentioned in my last post, I was really disappointed and pretty desperate for human contact. I’m not sure how the hormones factor into this all, but I definitely wanted to be with someone that night more than I ever have in my entire life, on the s-e-x topic, here’s a couple fun facts about me:

1.) I’ve never been in anything anyone would call a legitimate romantic relationship

2.) I’m completely STD free and very paranoid about catching something

3.) 33% of my sexual experience has been friends-with-benefits, 33% is split through a few shortlived girlfriends, 33% has been with someone that looks, sounds and occasionally acts like Simon Cowell. The last 1% is available on MistressTrainsHerSissy.com.

4.) The only thing stronger than my loneliness is my fear of being hurt

Needless to say, I’m kinda lonely and want sex, but am not about to just go and find someone at a regular bar, Its hard to meet people when you’re trans and you pass well without going to a specific place where people know to go meet transgirls, and the once-a-month club I was heading to was that kind of place. So when I didn’t get to go, I was horny and dissapointed, my roomate was gone and so I got out the sex machine. My first time with it was clumsy at best, I had the camera rolling when I did it but the video is pretty sad. I look like a total virgin and it took some time to get myself positioned right, at first I saw it as a huge sex toy, but once I had it inside me I realized how much of a people simulator it was meant to be. It felt really nice for a minute, and for a fleeting moment I actually felt like someone was on my bed, penetrating me, and it felt really nice. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt like that, its been a good year or so, but once it was gone, I was still alone, in my room with a noisy chunk of metal… I need to paint it pink or something.

All the information above comes down to this, people need companionship and can often times find it in machines, either through being a part of an online community, immersing yourself in video games, or by simply  letting a robot fuck you

coalition of the willing

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This post consists of 99% awesome, and one thing that wasn’t cool, but turned out ok.

Let’s start with the awesome, shall we?

Most of us have thought about when Uncle Ben said “With great power comes great responsibility”, to me it’s always meant that one’s actions effect more than we know. Being public about being trans means that I am a representation of a minority group, and my responsibility is working towards opening paths for people like me, simply making it less likely for transgendered people to get hassled, depressed or ostracized. Mind you, I’m not saying that being trans and not involved in activism makes you a proverbial Uncle Tom, most people don’t have the freedom and arrogance that I do and many have had greater struggles than myself, either in life or in coming to terms with gender. Plus, regardless of who you are, do your own thing, just because you are part of a community doesn’t mean it should restrict you from or force you into anything.

I feel like the rough spots in my life wouldn’t be so rough if I had the opportunities that a cisgendered, or nontransgendered, person has, especially in aspects such as employment, safety and healthcare, both physical and psychological. I was into activism as a younger person, but fell into a more introverted pattern of “the only way to change other people is to change yourself” but thats heady and philisophical and has very little bearing on reality. You need to get your mitts dirty to really change things, and that’s what’s i’m doing. When I left Target its really the first time in my adult life I’m not spending 40+ hours a week doing something menial just to survive and spending the rest of my time trying to forget those hours. Though I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to pay rent at the end of this month, I’d take just about any job right now and unemployment won’t give me a dime, with my free time and ‘mitts’ I’ve been planting whatever seeds I can in the asphalt of this city.

Other than the usual stuff like being involved in events like the rainbow festival and trans remembrance day to rally’s and sign waiving, I’ve been getting more involved with Equality California and a forming transgendered coalition. The latter is really exciting, we’re getting all the local support groups united and putting the doctors, services etc. under one directory, as well as working towards getting space and funding for a transgendered health center. There’s also a trans summit coming to California that we’re hosting, so there’s lots to do. I’m on the groundfloor of this, but the people from EQCA have been getting this started for a while, and I feel very new and eager to help, but also unexperienced… I’m learning from some really empowered people, theres only a few people involved so far but things are moving surprisingly fast, the transcenter is getting very close to reality.

Pride this year is also going to be a big deal, they’re having it in front of the capitol building in the capitol of California, Sacramento, it’s no San Fransisco Pride but it’s still pretty big. We’re really going to up the transgenderered representation this year, something that couldn’t really happen as a bunch of smaller groups and I’m hoping that will bring the gay and the trans community together a little bit more, last years pride it felt like the transpeople were kinda transparent, no pun intended. I’m super excited about getting out there, and I totally have the confidence to get out there and kick-ass for gender rights.

The other thing I was going to talk about… well, forget it. It was just me complaining about my trip to the rare fetish event I go to failed. I was all made up and sexy and was going to try out for this fetish pageant, something I think i could have succeeded in, had a skit made up and was in a garters and stockings and everything, but i never even left the house due to massive amounts of failure by multiple parties, including myself. I do look forward to these nights, its cheap to go out now that I don’t drink and its totally a big confidence boost, but whatever. There’s more to that night that I haven’t told you about, long story short, I had my robot virginity taken.

More stuff soon, including an explanation of that last line.