fun by yourself!

*If you’ve been reading for a while you probably remember this post, enjoy!*
I’ve been getting more creative with self-bondage, I‘m trying to become more accustomed to being in difficult positions and being bound for longer times. When I goto bed in bondage I wake up in a strange comfortable state, taking off my restraints is like a cup of coffee, it signifies my transition from little helpless girl to productive confident woman.
I‘ve wanted to emulate a lack of control but it took a bit of creativity to do it safely. I would never put myself into a situation where roommates, neighbors or firefighters would have to untie my kinky self. I‘ve also worried about a fire or something, but that’s a chance I‘m willing to take. Last night I did something pretty intense. I figured out a way to keep myself completely unable to release myself but still safe, and it was amazing!
Here’s the supplies, a combination lock, some chains wrapped in blankets and a room that is flooded with sunlight in the morning… I memorized the combination on the lock and wrote it on my arm, waited until about 3 hours before sunrise, diapered myself very thickly and put in a glycerin suppository. I then bound my legs with a metal set of chains that I couldn’t break out of and attached my legs to the chains I tied around my wrists, connecting them very close to a bondage collar I wear with a D ring on the front of it, forcing my hands to go no lower than my chest. If you don’t have a collar you can tie the chain around your waist and put your hands behind your back, the whole point is forcing yourself to not touch your diapered parts and to be forced to use your diaper in a helpless state. Then make sure your windows are open and that you are comfortable, safe, etc, turn out the lights and close the lock.
When I tried this the first time I got a weird rush knowing that I was stuck, I wouldn’t be able to unlock the combination lock until it’s sunlight again (hoping that the sun comes up again, and if it doesn’t, I‘d rather not see what’s going on outside). At first I just struggled, tried to get comfortable and sucked on my pacifier. I realized how difficult it would be to wet in this position, but I drank so much water that I know ‘ll have to. The glycerin started making me cramp almost as soon as I was bound, and I tried to hold it and worried about being soggy and cold and wet all night but I got to a point where I had to use my diapers and afterwards it’s always humiliating, even though no ones watching.
After I had a full diaper I just started drifting off to fantasy’s about being put into this state by a cruel hospital staff or a strong dominant mistress who knows how much her little sissy girl needs to be controlled. In bondage your mind wanders to meditative states, a waking dream of fantasy’s and submission, time become non-linear and you forget how you were put into this situation, allowing you to become anyone, anywhere. Its amazing how restricted I feel with heavy chains all over my tiny body, sore from being 5’7’’ in a 5’2’’ crib.
When the sun started coming up I started waiting to be able to undo the lock, but focusing my mind on that made my drowsiness take over, and I fell asleep to wake up a few hours after sunlight. It took me a few minutes to get out of the chains, adding further frustration to my tired and soggy state, but once I showered and got all clean and diapered again, I felt relieved and sated. BE SAFE!!! Keep a phone close, or make sure that you have an open window you could yell to a neighbor, nor just make sure your plan is fool-proof! It’s a pretty intense thing to do to oneself, but its reasonably safe and a great way to be kept in bondage by the biggest dom of them all… the sun!

Empty

Yep, all alone again, luckily I have good neighbors, and friends over now and then, or I just might get lonely. Going from 1,000,000 to 1 is tough! Here’s to the end of an era, moving onto the next great adventure!


by The Clientele

pride rock revisited

It’s good to be home! Even if home isn’t going to be home for very long, it still has all my stuff in it. I ended up coming home before the parade on Sunday, but having been to Sacramento Pride last weekend, seeing the Transmarch on friday and the celebrations on Saturday gave me my fair share of pride. 
There was a quote in Clerks, something like “I hate people, but I love gatherings, isn’t that ironic?”, I think that might be how I feel about this whole pride situation. First off, I don’t really identify as “Gay”. I’m bi, I’ve been with girls, I like girls, but I think that I could only really fall in love with a man. I appreciate women’s beauty, and am sexually aroused by women, especially diaper girls, but I don’t act on it, and usually pretend that I am the woman, not that man that cares for her, simply I want to be the fuckee instead of the fucker, but being a girl is a crucial part of my nature, both emotional and sexual, and its hard to feel like a girl when your putting your penis in someone. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel “gay”, but I care very much about the love movement.
I felt like I was there to experience, to support. I do understand the negative reactionary nature of the parade dynamic but showing off our presence is important to those of us out there that maybe feel a little lonely, like there is nobody in the world that loves us, and this kind of thing is meant to dispel that. I felt touched at times, inspired, some of it was really sincere, that many people and that that much energy meant to just show love for sexual and gender non-normaltive people love is why so many people flock to pride, we need that love in this fear and hate-filled world. 
But I digress, I was mostly there to see my ex-roomates new apartment, and tons of people were there to just drink cheap beer and suck 37 dicks, and more power to them, it’s like a gay(er) burning man in the middle of a huge city, I highly recommend checking out the nearest to you big cities pride, it’s craaaaazy. 

More stuff soon! 

pride rock revisited

It’s good to be home! Even if home isn’t going to be home for very long, it still has all my stuff in it. I ended up coming home before the parade on Sunday, but having been to Sacramento Pride last weekend, seeing the Transmarch on friday and the celebrations on Saturday gave me my fair share of pride. 


There was a quote in Clerks, something like “I hate people, but I love gatherings, isn’t that ironic?”, I think that might be how I feel about this whole pride situation. First off, I don’t really identify as “Gay”. I’m bi, I’ve been with girls, I like girls, but I think that I could only really fall in love with a man. I appreciate women’s beauty, and am sexually aroused by women, especially diaper girls, but I don’t act on it, and usually pretend that I am the woman, not that man that cares for her, simply I want to be the fuckee instead of the fucker, but being a girl is a crucial part of my nature, both emotional and sexual, and its hard to feel like a girl when your putting your penis in someone. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel “gay”, but I care very much about the love movement.

I felt like I was there to experience, to support. I do understand the negative reactionary nature of the parade dynamic but showing off our presence is important to those of us out there that maybe feel a little lonely, like there is nobody in the world that loves us, and this kind of thing is meant to dispel that. I felt touched at times, inspired, some of it was really sincere, that many people and that that much energy meant to just show love for sexual and gender non-normaltive people love is why so many people flock to pride, we need that love in this fear and hate-filled world. 

But I digress, I was mostly there to see my ex-roomates new apartment, and tons of people were there to just drink cheap beer and suck 37 dicks, and more power to them, it’s like a gay(er) burning man in the middle of a huge city, I highly recommend checking out the nearest to you big cities pride, it’s craaaaazy. 

More stuff soon! 

saturdayayayay

Hello internet! This is little Riley Kilo and i’m in big San Fransisco, Transmarch was yesterday, pride is today! Getting some good video for ya’ll, busy, kinda wish i was at home resting for the crazy week of painting and moving, but if you have big city dreams, you have to live them out sometime! I’m probably going to be here until later in the evening, hoping to see some cool transpeople, kinky people and just cool people : ) More stuff soooooon!


saturdayayayay

Hello internet! This is little Riley Kilo and i’m in big San Fransisco, Transmarch was yesterday, pride is today! Getting some good video for ya’ll, busy, kinda wish i was at home resting for the crazy week of painting and moving, but if you have big city dreams, you have to live them out sometime! I’m probably going to be here until later in the evening, hoping to see some cool transpeople, kinky people and just cool people : ) More stuff soooooon!

i get up

Marvin Gaye once spoke for all of mankind by asking… “What’s going on?”, and I’m here today to address that. Though I don’t claim to know what’s really going on, I can tell you some little details of where I’ve been, where I’m at, and where this very confident, very optimistic young woman is going. Here’s whats going on, at least until it all changes again : )

Mones
1.) I’m still on hormones, and the last month or so I’ve felt like they are actually working 🙂 I’m currently on a 50mg estradiol/6mg Spiro a day regiment, 2 pills with breakfast, 1 pill in the middle of the day, and then 2 pills with dinner. My breasts are growing slowly but surely, noticing some blonder hairs popping up where dark ones used to be, lots of little things that I’ll be expanding on through this site and LetsGetSRS.com. I still get erections, I realize now that the title of this post has a sexual conentation, but it was unintended, I was just listening to this song… 
Moves
2.) As I mentioned, my roommate moved out of my apartment, and I have a 2 bedroom place to myself… until around the 5th when i’ll be out from under my psycho landlord and all the things I hate about this place. I’ve been here for roughly a year and a half and am glad to have the change. Living with my roommate kept me from filming as often as I’d like, mainly because of noise/people over/my own insecurities, and that time is over. I found a new place with another old friend, this one is very much on the same page as me, and I’m looking forward to sharing space with her. We’re both somewhat recognized artists in my town, and I’m looking forward to collaborating, learning to sew and moving into this really awesome place where I can express myself however I want : )
Moola
3.) My landlord basically cheated my ex-roommate and I into paying an extra 100-something for this apartment before we move out, and she will likely do something equally awful with our massive deposits we paid for this place. I’m also going to be paying a little bit more at my new pace and *finally* paid off all my utilities here. Though I want to travel and explore, I feel blessed with this job I have and though there are lots of ups and downs its a good stepping stone to what I actually want to do, which is make a living producing professional digital video, and someday make my own creative work… and maybe own a bed&breakfast&dungeon&nursery : )
That’s about it, meeting new people all the time, really positive, so busy I can barely see. I’m going to be blogging my ass off in the next few weeks, and have some exciting stuff coming up!

i get up

Mones
1.) I’m still on hormones, and the last month or so I’ve felt like they are actually working 🙂 I’m currently on a 50mg estradiol/6mg Spiro a day regiment, 2 pills with breakfast, 1 pill in the middle of the day, and then 2 pills with dinner. My breasts are growing slowly but surely, noticing some blonder hairs popping up where dark ones used to be, lots of little things that I’ll be expanding on through this site and LetsGetSRS.com. I still get erections, I realize now that the title of this post has a sexual conentation, but it was unintended, I was just listening to this song… 
Moves
2.) As I mentioned, my roommate moved out of my apartment, and I have a 2 bedroom place to myself… until around the 5th when i’ll be out from under my psycho landlord and all the things I hate about this place. I’ve been here for roughly a year and a half and am glad to have the change. Living with my roommate kept me from filming as often as I’d like, mainly because of noise/people over/my own insecurities, and that time is over. I found a new place with another old friend, this one is very much on the same page as me, and I’m looking forward to sharing space with her. We’re both somewhat recognized artists in my town, and I’m looking forward to collaborating, learning to sew and moving into this really awesome place where I can express myself however I want : )
Moola
3.) My landlord basically cheated my ex-roommate and I into paying an extra 100-something for this apartment before we move out, and she will likely do something equally awful with our massive deposits we paid for this place. I’m also going to be paying a little bit more at my new pace and *finally* paid off all my utilities here. Though I want to travel and explore, I feel blessed with this job I have and though there are lots of ups and downs its a good stepping stone to what I actually want to do, which is make a living producing professional digital video, and someday make my own creative work… and maybe own a bed&breakfast&dungeon&nursery : )
That’s about it, meeting new people all the time, really positive, so busy I can barely see. I’m going to be blogging my ass off in the next few weeks, and have some exciting stuff coming up… for reals this time! 

maaaybe not

Well, I actually had an awful, long, trainingless day at work, but maybe things will be better tomorrow? I’m heading to beddyby early tonight, I’ll be waking up in the early early morning to do some pretty little videos ❤