leaving town

You would have to have lived in my shoes to fully understand how I feel about all this.
I’ll try my best to explain…
I’m done running into people who still call me by my Christian name, I’m done feeling afraid of the fundamentalists around here who have attacked me before, I’m done doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I’m done.

At the end of this month, I’m going to depart from my little apartment here in Sacramento, and head towards the bay to start a new life. I have some friends down there and plan to make more. I’ve always been the kind of person that can reach into a tree and pull down an apple. I have charisma before I have money or looks, and I’ve always found like minded people to travel through this thing called life. I’m looking for a career and a place to live. 

If I stayed here in sacramento it would likely kill me. Not to be overly dramatic, but this town has eaten me alive. It’s the people mostly, I see people that I used to deal with. This town has toughned me up, I’ve seen the grimy things it has to offer, drugs, ragers, fast cars, danger, fire, and knives.  Much of my life is in notebooks hidden away, I’ll tell these stories when I’m a little bit further away from them, but I have such sites to show you. My heart is close to the streets, and I know I’ll be able to survive on my own if need be, If I wasn’t sure I’d move in with my mom and get another throw-away job and be unhappy, probably work and subsequently drink myself to death. The service industry is a viscous cycle. 

This is serious business! this is my life, I’m grabbing it by the tits and riding it to the top. I’d like to quote the case of Big Fish V. Small Pond, I’m totally in the public eye here, I’ve always worked in customer service and been involved with activism, I’m an individual, I’m memorable, and it’s made me a target. Simple as that, It’s a fine idea for a person making the kind of transition I am to leave their hometown, to have the freedom to express themselves without negative encounters or meeting people who still gender you as male. I am a transperson here, I’ve been fighting the good fight but need to head to the big leagues. There’s Food Not Bombs and plenty of help for people on their own. there’s work in the city, dreams are fulfilled as often as they are chewed up and spit out, but I will likely find other fishies.that want to school up and make a big impact. 

As long as the internet exists, I will keep blogging. As long as I have breath in my body, I will work towards equality and breaking down the walls that impede the pursuit of happiness. I will create a better life for myself and my fellow humans. No more suicides, no more depression, positivity and understanding that you can overcome anything, even if it takes a change of scenery (or genitalia). All is going to be well, I’nm going to be posting and posting and posting, writing, working on my story and video projects, yoga, stand-up comedy, letting my creativity flow.


This little light of mine… i’m going to let it shine. 

wake up

Hey there diaper friends! I’m feeling at top form this lovely californian morning. I’m going to go pick up my hormones, I have a copy of Camus’s “The Stranger” in paperback I’m going to try and get through for the 2nd time. I don’t like writing at a place like PlanetParenthood, people are more likely to call you crazy. Its always filthy packed and you can never sit down anyway, I have an appointment though ❤


Anyway, I’m kinda going crazy with the miceys and ratzoz and bugs in this apartment. I haven’t had a decent nights sleep, having a little bit of privacy issues, not really feeling it right now, theres too many people living here at the moment, but I have this early morning bit free so I’ll get to some filming. I’ve been feeling very sexual in a unique way lately, I haven’t cammed or “played with myself” in a probably 4 days, Its hard to feel that way when I’m stressed out, I can’t just do it whenever I please really anymore. I’ve been thinking about erections often.

Long story short, I’m sleep deprived and horny and about to get my blood taken. Wish me good luck, I have further things to expand on, but I’m just going to leave it at that for the moment. Whatever happens with the apartment will be awesome, I’m kind looking  to go on an adventure, this town, its really all I know, theres got to be a better place.Whatever happens, I’ll likely come out on top 🙂

girlsenberry

Alllll right! I’m in my little footy sleeper, rocking out to the Strokes, eating boysenberry toast and drinking homemade chai tea (a recipe i stole from my most recent employer hehe). I’m excited, I’m getting my toothy finished today. I’ve been in a really crumby mood as a result of that, but sometimes bad things happen to good people, right? I KNOW it’s going to happen today, so that stress is gone.  I’m going to do a little bit of  Yoga with my roomate, something I’m trying my best to explore right now  my body and bones are calling out to be stretched and freed up. I want to stay this cute until I’mn in my hundreds, healthy living! I’ve been living on Veggie Juice, kinda a force cleanse due to not wanting to eat hard things. Culprit responsible? Frozen Yogurt magicshell stuff, that stuff can get really hard apparently, even in the hot california sun. 


I’m feeling less like a total failure right now. I’ve got some video stuff in the pipeline, look forward to an update about my place, I feel as if a great adventure may be upon me. I feel like some sexy picture time is needed, I ‘m feeling girly and happy and have a big awesome day of video and dentistry ahead of me! 

gross dental photography

I like frozen yogurt, it’s cheap and healthy and yuuummmy, but yesterday ended in yogurt tragedy. I put some of that chocolate shell stuff on top, bit into it wrong and totally lost a filling, I’m an awful human being. I was always a latch-key kid and took the bus in the morning, I’ve never been great at brushing and flossing, only really once a day. Anyway, I’m working on it, no insurance, all I have is gross pictures. I’m not in pain but will hopefully get it fixed today.

My stress level is at an all-time-high, having a little trouble sleeping, so much uncertainty… I’m going to have a yummy breakfast and try to get my life together. I’ll keep everyone posted!!! Its just one thing after another sometimes 😦