safe!

On one of my recent posts, my “how am i going to overcome this?” post about trials and tribulations regarding my money situation. One of the comments I received was “I hope your next post is about finding a winning lottery ticket or something…” In many ways, this is that post.

I’m going to make it this month, and it looks like with time and dedication that things are going to work out. I feel as if for the first time I feel like things are actually moving in a positive direction, as if a great weight had been lifted. There’s still trials and tribulations ahead, but this is what i’ve been working for. I feel so lucky to have the opportunities that I’ve had over the course of my life, with computers, the internet, video and the human experience, these experiences have allowed me to make the media that I do. This site means so much to me, top be able to share my story with everyone, get feedback and support when I need it, “web-authoring” has kept me moving forward, it’s what I really want to do. It’s introduced me to amazing people, people that have changed the course of my life dramatically, been kind and generous just for the sake of letting me be who I want to be. it’s amazing, it gives me so much faith in other people… I think the cynic in me is dying everyday that Riley comes more alive.

For the first time in my life, I’m using a savings account. There’s 1$ in there right now, but from this point on all of my PayPal donations will go towards my transition. I have nothing saved up for SRS, and hormones/permanent hair removal/Dr. Visits are constant reminders of how expensive this is going to be. I’ve set-up a budget and will likely be able to have rent/living money next month from cam performing and various other video projects, and all the donations will be saved up for my transition. I was talking about this to a good friend, an internet protocol focused kind-of guy, and he quipped “contributions should lead to content development” thats a really straightforward, emotionless way to say that I’m going to be becoming more myself everyday, fitter, happier, more productive, I’m going to be growing right in front of your eyes.

I feel creativity flowing from wells long thought dry, this is the prime-time of my life, and I will never forget those who helped me get here. I’m going to make a big plate of french toast and get to some Emails, thanks for being there for me, I’ll be getting in contact with everybody in my inbox today, fresh start! The sun is shining, I have a home and people that care about me, this is where I want to be.


more soon

5 thoughts on “safe!

  1. You are mad as a hatter.

    You are getting everything sdrawkcab!

    Get your financial act together, get your life together, get at least a year's worth of living expenses saved, THEN begin your transition.

  2. sorry Claire, you must not have read back, I've been actively transitioning for many years now, and I've been on hormones for quite some time, I've been chewed up by the job market, I could easily put back on the suit and tie and go back to pretending to be male so I can get another customer service job, or keep doing what I'm doing and eventually find a job in the video field without having to lie to myself/go through the depression issues

    How does one get their life together? Wherever I would work for now is going to be a job where I won't be able to save, and I'll likely just fall into old negative patterns that are akin to working at a bar/restaurant/venue kind of place. I know what i'm doing is a big step forward, If I could have that dayjob and everything, I would, but I'm here already and I can either run with it and see if I can make it another month, and then another, and so on until I become successful. I've waited a long time to start, I could have at many points but wanted to make sure it was right, this is the time for me, its just awful things happen and I have to overcome them!

    Read the back story before you judge!

  3. @clair she right its not easy pretending to be something your not to pleas others.
    and what do you end up with in the end

    Depression
    Anger
    Self-hatred

    sound about right?

    you need to think before you say things that could hurt people

    I myself am trying to gather up the curage to tell my mom how am btw i am 18 not.

    its NOT easy

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