ranch hands

My hands still kinda smell like pee and baby powder… let me explain…

I’m looking up at a loft bed, sleeping on that loft bed is a beautiful young woman, collared and diapered, purring to herself as she sleeps. I’m down here typing because she wet her diapers, just soaked them, and I had to give her a change and some hugs and a fresh little pad to sleep on until I get her up and give her a bath, all that got me wide awake. It takes a couple minutes for the hot water to get going, so my hands still kinda smell like wet molicares, soft girl and baby powder.  I’m going to cut up some pears and apples and have a little nummy breakfast for her when she comes down from her little dreamyland, then a bath, I’ll let her play on her websites for a bit and will likely have a bottle, a story, we’ll play something cute on Wii…. she’s my special girl and I’m trying my best to give her a special day.

We’ve been playing like this for a bit, but I just put the collar on her last night. I’ve never really been in a situation where I am the consistent domme, I never really felt like I could take responsibility, and most of the sexual encounters I’ve had have been mostly vanilla. We’re trying it out, I think this is something I could get used to. Me and Lisa have known each other for about six years, I shooped her out of this picture from this post – from our first night together, Halloween in 2004.

         I was just back from a trip around the world, to France then Beijing, I came home to my lover, the professor, in my little apartment where we slept in separate rooms. Me and Lisa had been talking online for months, and we decided that now was the time she traveled to my town. I picked her up at the train station, we hung out, and long story short, the next weekend I was living in a hotel and she was sleeping in my bed…. with the professor. I moved into a punk rock house and started my amazing life of adventure, debauchery and downtown living. 6 years of of ups and downs started, but I haven’t seen her for over 2 years. I wanted to have nothing to do with her at one point, we’ve had many ups and downs, and to this day she still apologizes for some of the youthful wrong decisions that tore us apart, but we are here, up in the woods, we are stronger and better for it… but frankly, it took a long time for me to forget. I keep my heart pretty close to my chest, its soft and sensitive, from lack of use and all that drama 6 years ago. I installed a big heavy door, lest someone get in there and mess it up again. Lisa has that door open, but she’s just peeking in right now, seeing what she once had and may have again.

We’re in a little cabin in the redwoods together, it’s really amazing up here, I’m getting a little bit of farm work done, not breaking my back as I have before. It’s pretty comfortable, but I didn’t deserve this 2 months ago, and it wasn’t really a viable option, me and Lisa hadn’t quite reconnected a that point, plus I needed to migrate to SF, I really think I needed that. If I lost my job and just retreated to a safe, isolated place, I wouldn’t have learned a damn thing. I needed to do some soul-searching, some adventuring, I needed to explore the newness before I return to that old jazz standard of videogames and diapers. We didn’t really know how to express ourselves very well, our attempts at intimacy weren’t quite passionate enactments of our greatest fantasies, but more like a monkey trying to fuck a football.  We’ve grown up in our own ways, we have the ability as adults to talk about things, to explore things with more understanding. I’ve changed so much since back then, I now have confidence, freedom and a sense of irony, things vital in any relationship. The last time I saw her I felt like a hopeless dope-fiend, and now I’m a dopeless hope-fiend, a much better places to be. Lisa’s changes have been more physical, she’s still the cute geeky little puppy I’ve always known (for better or for worse) and certain physical attributes that even makes me jealous… sometimes.

I never really saw myself being with a transgirl, romantically, and it’s not really like that. I generally end up playing the dominant role with women, and this is no exception. I have a submissive deep down part of me, but all I’ve been exploring lately is my domme side, be it with my little diapered girl Lisa recently, or the cute scene girls in the central valley/bay area, I apparently have a pretty dominant personality, and women are attracted to that. I’m not specifically attracted to breasts and vaginas but a woman who takes care of herself is something I am very attracted to but never pursue, yet still manage to have someone jump my bones once in a while. There are few greater things in the world than being, or being in the company of a woman who is begging for your touch, little cute body exposed, Massive Attack in the background, every cell in her body wants a kiss, a hug, tender love or hard fucking. I see myself in this scenario with a man I deeply care for, and it’s wonderful. Every woman I’ve been with I’ve had some sort of personal connection with, most girls I’ve been with have been longtime friends turned lovers. Most of the girls I’ve been with have shared my view on sexuality, primarily attracted to men, but enjoy the company of another soft warm girl, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong that.

I’m safe, happy, kinda biding my time until this unemployment thing happens, just got a bunch of stuff for my computer so I can post more up here, I think I might be here for a little while longer, I think portland was a pipe dream, more stuff soon, I’m getting my PC set-up tomorrow, it takes a long time to get to a mailbox here, I am in the middle of nowhere. Get out and vote today friends, and check back for more stuff soon ❤

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