depressive character (or) floundering

It’s tough being me. I’ve had a very long life in my short time here.


I miss California, I miss my friends and the familiar places. I miss the warm weather. 

 You’d think after all my travels I wouldn’t get homesick, but I’ve never really had a home, just a sunshiny state and the streets of a city that taught me everything I know, good and bad.

I’m tired, but can’t sleep. Hungry, but can’t eat. Sad, but can’t cry. Happy, but can only smile for pictures.

I still have quite a bit of work to do in my life before I can honestly say things are right for me. 

I’ve come a long way, but still have miles to go.

This is merely me embracing the full spectrum of human emotions… or whatever.

Here’s some of my favorite pics of me with famous people. 

Cheer up Riley, go take a nap and you’ll feel better, you’ll get your motivation (mojo?) back soon enough.


(blame it on the hormones)

Crib details

Hello friends! Thanks for all the kind words about the crib! As promised, here’s the details on how I turned this…
into this…

I wanted to build something that was big enough to fit my 5’7” little cuddly self. I have had 2 cribs in the past and they were merely baby cribs that I could curl up in, good for naps but not for an actual bed. I started with the original concept that I would build it independently, using the 4 posts as a structure, and then fencing in the middle with a central door, using 2 more posts to create a gate. I decided against this due to the lack of structural integrity, plus I didn’t really want the whole front to be big posts. After a trip to lowes I found good posts and fencing, below is a pic of my original design…
There were a few “must haves” for the crib. It had to have an entry in the front, able to broken down and transported, no sharp edges inside the crib, off the ground, and to be stable enough to withstand the struggles of a tied up little Riley. I was searching on craigslist for cribs, and saw that there were many twin beds for sale. I realized that it would be much easier to build around something, as opposed to build slats across the bottom and materialize the structure system myself. I found a very lovely and very used canopy bed on CL for 150$ that included the boxspring. I was skeptical at first, but I walked away with the set for 100$. I have the pieces for the canopy, but haven’t gone that far yet. Painting it was and is an option but I really like how the pink of the bedding reflects off the white. I had something to build around, now I just had to find the ends and sides and a way to attach it. 
After another trip to Lowes I found a section of deck fencing, as opposed to the lawn and garden fencing I originally was looking at. The posts were sturdy and the tops, bottoms and posts of the front railing were independent so it would be easier to piece together. The back and ends were from the lawn and garden section, the ends were gates for a fence and luckily were about the width of a twin side bed. The back fencing (or railing) was a pretty big piece that I hacksawed off on both sides  I do like the look of the curvature of the back part, but don’t really like the pointy-ness, but its just the back and I usually have blankets over them and its high enough were its not a danger by any means.
Back to the posts, after a few broken screws I went out and got a powerdrill so get through the toughness of the vintage wood. I simply used elbow brackets to fasten the 4 posts to the 4 corners of the bed, 2 on the bottom near the mattress, one on the top for stability… I didn’t do the top brackets near the headboard, due to the visibility of the brackets, it is a little bit flexible but still quite sturdy. This pic is of the footboard near the gate.
Now that I had my posts attached, I could start attaching the ends. I stuck the ends between the mattress and the original frame of the bed, and then fastened them to the posts with elbow brackets and screws. The back of the ends were pretty ugly, but one side is against the wall and the other is always covered with a blanket. I had my solid ends, so I measured and cut the back piece and attached it to brackets  (in the same section of the fencing at Lowes) These brackets I covered with stuffed animals that always enjoy hanging out in the corners of the crib ❤
I had a back and sturdy sides, now the toughest part, the front. Ideally I would have built a slide-down side, but I deemed that too difficult early in the process. I also denied the concept of barnyard doors (swinging out from the corners of the bed) due to the sheer weight of the pieces I was working with. I wanted something bigger than me, something that would make me feel small in comparison, so I had to use big pieces. Expanding on my original concept, I decided to have the gate by the footboard, and thankfully found one that swings on its own, so I didn’t have to use a random hinge. I attached the hinge to the post by the footboard and measured things out so it had just a little bit of action, the two pieces of the gate can move independently, but only by a few inches, so it could attach to the post on the opposite side. 
From the deck fencing section, I got the pieces for the stationary part of the front, cut twice and measured once, and attached them to a post that the gate would swing into so it closes. This was the most difficult part to conceptualize and measure, luckily the front piece had sockets instead of brackets that the bottom and top fit into so it looks clean, and everything fit together rather nicely. The bottom post even has a bit of flatness to it so I can put my glasses/bottle/whatever there easily without worry. 
So there you have it. A little ingenuity, a bit of help from a friend (thank you, I love you) and a ton of luck I ended up with something that is not only visually impressive but also unique, every time I look at it I smile. It was quite an accomplishment and is further proof that you can do anything you put your mind to, it’s always been an aspiration to have my own crib, but I could have never guessed it would turn out this wonderful. All together, it cost about $550 – 
Lowes
Front stationary railing pieces – $75
Front Evenflo gate – $40
Head and Footboards – $50 (2x$25)
Posts – $125 (5x$25) 
Back railing – $50
Brackets etc. $50
———-
 Mattress – $25 from thrift store (febreze + bedwetting sheets over it)
Bedding – $35 (BB&Beyond clearance)
Canopy bed and box-spring – $100 (Craigslist)
= $550
I’m happy to share these details and answer any questions you may have about it. For really the first time in my 20’s I actually have things going pretty well for me, an unclear but positive future. I’m feeling good and on the right path with my transition, not to say there won’t be travel, adventure and hardships ahead.  I’ve finally had some efforts in the past finally pay-off for me, I’m no longer a homeless trans-girl in San Fransisco. The folks who have supported me during the tougher times, with donations and kind words, I will always have a place in my heart for them. I’ve been off and done with unemployment for over a month and have a healthy relationship with my bank once again, my confidence is growing everyday and aspiration are higher than ever. My focus now is positivity and enacting social progress, to share my story in hopes that it will help others.
Life is awesome, my crib is awesome, and YOU are awesome. I hope this sparks some new ideas for the amateur AB/DL furniture builders out there, and feel free to distribute/copy my idea to your hearts extent, it’s the least I can do for a community that has accepted me with such kindness.

With a smile and a big hug, thanks for reading and stay diapered!!!

Hello friends! I have a new video for you! 
I’ll be posting some better pics of the crib tomorrow and some of my whole nursery 🙂
I designed and built it myself (with a little help from a friend) and it is really lovely and suuuper comfy.
If you have questions about the construction of the crib, i’ll be posting a step-by-step in the near future.
Thanks for watching, this is video from my new camera, things are going great for me, I am utterly exhausted, from the business in CA (which enabled me to buy the crib and my new HD camera) and filming for television (which was simply *intense*) I have become a bit of a new Riley. I have been on my hormones for the last bit more than ever, my breasts are growing more everyday and my head is in a good place. I’m heading to New Jersey in a few weeks, then to NYC, working and exploring and seeking out adventures that will lead to better awareness of the world around me. I have been to Canada and have ridden the mighty moon worm. I’m online, will be posting more and more and more, so check back! No more weeks off for this little girl!
more stuff soon

Ooh Canada

I’m going to the enchanted land of Canadia! I missed Jeff Tweedy of Wilcox last night, but I have am adventure ahead of me regardless 🙂 I’m so excited to cross the border, look at strange money and minor differences 🙂 I love traveling! I’m on a journey for a new camera and I will be happy to tell you how it goes. I m diapered, happy, crinkly and smiling little girl right now, for reals, so excited!

I took down the contact page because, I still plan to clear out my inbox in the near future, so if you haven’t heard from me, You likely will! I will arrange a way to contact me, Fetlife is also a way to message me, but I do get tons of mail there as well 😦 I’m finally finding a bit of time for here. I am focusing on making the best site possible, to have the best means to express myself, and that’s going to take dedication and consistency, this site and myself could be considered somewhat flaky, I just need to get what’s in my notebooks online, really get really introspective about this whole wonderful and wild transition, and talk more about what it’s like to wear diapers as often as I do, which is pretty much all the time. I have lots of stuff to share, and can’t wait to do so!

Hugs everyone! More stuff soon! HD and new crib… The anticipation, it’s brutal, isn’t it? I won’t do it the disservice of posting an Itouch photo, I want to present you with my lovely new nursery with the highest resolution possible 😛

More stuff sooooon!!!

Riley in the mainstream

Hello there friends! It’s been far too long 🙂 I’ve had a very exciting time lately! I have a lovely new place, a lovely new crib, and awesome news! I can’t give you ANY other details than what I give in this post, please don’t ask or try to guess anything about this. I am going to be on TV sometime after July! It’s exciting news and I have put much thought into this whole TV thing, trust me, I feel good about it. That’s it for information, sorry folks!

This is a time in my life where I have a big, open sandbox ahead of me. I’m not exactly sure how it’s all going to go down, or turn out, but I know my life has much more adventure and smiles ahead of me. I can’t wait to show you my new crib, fill you in on the details of my life and to share it all with you 🙂

Short little post… HD video is on it’s way, building a new computer, life is awesome, the snow is covering the ground, and I couldn’t be happier. Really… I feel amazing, positive, theres a few little kinks in my life that I’m still workign out, but I’ll be in Canada tomorrow and I have more adventure ahead of me. Keep checking back, new video soooooon!!!

More stuff ❤ thanks for reading!

omg

Awesome, life is awesome, being super-busy, wish I could write more but soon enough. After the 18th my ife will *kinda* go back to normal, I have a great new set-up, built an amazing crib, please be patient for pics and other news, big stuff soooooon ❤

Pictures of me!!!

Hey there! As I mentioned in a previous post, I had a hard-drive crash, and I lost many of my old pictures! I mainly just have the ones in my picasa and from there it’s up to you! Send me any old pictures, pictureparty at live.com is the best place to send them or you can do whatever the most convenient for you, photobucket/dropbox etc. I’m hoping to get a good amount back by Monday of this week specifically, thanks so much for the help!!! Thanks so much, I really appreciate the help! And remember to check out the Picasa I posted, lots of lovely pictures 🙂
More stuff soooon!