I am currently in New Jersey, today is the day I move to NYC.
More media soon. I’ll be kinda settling for the next day or so, but I’ll be back and posting ASAP. No more week long breaks Riley, you’re in the big times now 🙂
NYC
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Monthly Archives: May 2011
i’m going to pee my pants
5/18
As rational people, we often times need to step back and rationalize our behavior, this post is kinda about that, but it’s mostly about me being on the verge of peeing my pants. At this moment i’m en route to NYC, wearing a Goodnite that I don’t really trust, on a bus with an unusable bathroom… I figured now was a good time to reflect.
A little background on my bathroom experiences… I’ve always hated public restrooms, they are often gross & unsafe for a girl like me, even gender neutral bathrooms make me uncomfortable. I’ve always been too self-conscious to use the bathroom in front of strangers, I get terribly nervous about the sounds, the other people, I’m afraid people are laughing at me… I know it sounds silly, but I’ve had a number of bad bathroom experiences, things like getting locked in a dark bathroom for too long at Christian summer camp, being threatened at Target and a couple other things that will give this post too dark of a theme than I’m comfortable sharing. If you know me well, you know I’m less about focusing on negatives and more about alternatives.
Diapers have lessened much of that stress. I still use public restrooms while I’m traveling, but mostly for changing from something wet to dry, though I have been known to pull my diaper down and use the restroom like a big girl. TI don’t wet if it would compromise my discretion, or if i’m not wearing a proper diaper (as is the case now) or lack of wanting to be in a wet diaper for an extended period. When I do change in public, the dash from the stall to the garbage can is always worrisome, I often bring little scented bags and dispose of the diaper in that manner. I’ve had a few awkward moments, but I’m sure most of my close-calls were all in my head, just over-anxious that other people are concerned about what i’m doing. I live much of my life in a very discrete manner, in my eyes and the eyes of others, I’m just a girl with special underwear, nothing to worry about 🙂
Writing isn’t really helping me pee less. I have my camera bag on my lap and can’t really position myself properly to wet in addition to the fact that leaking right now isn’t really an option. When I get to the city, I’ll find a starbucks or something, feel better, re-apply powder and get on with my day. There’s a ton of exciting things going on, but this happens to be what i’m thinking about the most at the moment, I’ll be posting more soon… thanks for reading!!!
*update*
5/22 I wrote this on the morning of the 19th, when I got to Manhattan, I visited multiple starbucks without public restrooms, and ended up wetting. Goodnites are surprisingly absorbent, especially if you’re wearing a skirt, as I was. I resumed my adventure a little wetter than I began, I’m happy with my diapers, I feel lovely in them, and though I’m feeling like a big girl sometimes, I know that I need my diapers, or I might just have an accident. I’m blushing right now.
one hand typing
::this post is brought to you by my libido::
I feel sexy.
My breasts are big enough that I can pull up my shirt and it stays up. I’ve fallen in love with panties again, this summer I’m anticipating less diapers and more cute cotton undies, short skirts and strappy tops. I’m looking excited about being in a more fashion-forward environment, it was great to dress as I pleased in San Fransisco, my wardrobe is a little cute, a little bohemian, a little hipster, but mainly just an expression of my confidence and personality. I’m sure I’ll do fine in NYC, I’m not into labels and rarely buy new clothes, I think I might have to do a little thrift store shopping when I get there. Other than feeling sexy because of my undies and breasts, My body is finallly at a point where I’m really happy to show myself off. I’ll be taking a TON of pictures.
I also feel awesome because everything working out really well with this move. I’m going to be separated from my crib for a bit & miss my friends in Buffalo, but this really is a great opportunity, its going to be interesting, lots of travel, Buffalo is about 7 hours from NYC. I’ll be posting stuff intermittently, and once I get my stuff moved expect much more Riley, with a big smile on her face and the Bronx as a backdrop. How exciting!
SRS seems like a reality, Thailand by winter seems like a reality, doing something really powerful seems like a reality… life is good. I feel so awesome, I’m going to say some silly things…
I can’t waaaaiiiiiit to have girlparts! I still have tons of fun with my boyparts, but videos like this make me always get excited about how things are going to be after SRS. I just hope my vagina isn’t all blurred out like hers.
I’m really looking forward to that feeling of pulling up a pair of panties snug to my body, or that feeling when you’re being changed and a nice clean diaper goes over your exposed crotch, making you feel all warm and snuggly. Me and my body are going to have such fun together, and with other people too.
Hooray for boobies! Hooray for feeling sexually confident! Hooray!!!!
More stuff soon ❤
big city dreams
Hello friends! I’m just making a quick little post… 2 things…
Here’s a video that I really love, you’ve likely seen it already.
I think it’s the best piece of AB/DL-related media i’ve done.
Much love to Doug Martsch, Built to Spill & The Halo Benders, your music keeps my fire going 🙂
The second thing i’d like to share with you, is that i’m moving to NYC later this month. Opportunities and adventure are in store, i’m still pretty young and as passionate as ever, this is a good thing.
More stuff soon. NELIcon stuff, sexy/cute/informative videos and other awesomeness is on the way.
❤
racks
Where I come from, thousands of something is consider “racks”. It’s a central valley/bay area colloquialism, one of my favorite things about traveling is the versatility of the English language, ABDL sounds like gibberish when you say it out loud. Slang is a huge part of our culuture, a way to prove that you’re ferreal if you’re in a neighborhood that doesn’t cotton to outsiders. This post isn’t about language or bad neighborhoods, it’s about me getting racks of pageviews.
As many of you know, before this site became RileyKilo.com, I was located at ineedprotection.blogspot.com. That site is pretty much a graveyard, my next big project is going through and cleaning it up, putting stuff back up where it needs to be. My writing style has improved over the years and I’m frankly embarrassed by some of the posts, but at the same time I don’t want to omit too much of my honest feelings from back then, regardless of how poorly written they are. If you’re going to read my archives, maybe wait a couple weeks first 😛 I know people online (people I don’t email often enough) that have been following me from the beginning, I had a prescence online before I manifested as a clearly defined entity in October 19th 2006, intent on sharing the life of Riley with the entire world 🙂
That’s a little background, and I’m excited about the future. I recently noticed i’m well past 500,000 pageviews since Bloggers migration to Google in June of 2010. I haven’t an accurate count for my hits prior to that point, but the more people I meet the more I realize how much my videos have gotten around. I’m excited about making new, awesome, HD stuff, I’ve been steadily getting more hits recently and this TV show is going to be awessssome. I’m finally getting comfortable with voice recognition so I’m less limited by my wrist dexterity… I still have a ton to edit, emails to answer, lots of figuring out how to successfully produce web content… I’m putting my contact form back up, webmasters please apply, content management/hosting/advice – I have a couple domains to fill up 🙂
Thanks for everyone who’s been following me over the years, who’ve donated, who’ve sent kind messages, comments, advice and thoughts. Thanks, I’ve come a long way and this blog has really helped me stay focused.
aaaaaand
It turns out i’m international ❤ check out these blogs 3 they've given me shout outs in the last couple weeks – I use Chrome to read foreign sites, the translations are rough at best.
from France comes “New Innocence”, the life of a 25 year-old diapered person, translates well, a good read!
from Germany we have a “Diaper Capitol”, I was featured in a list of diapered bloggers
and from my latest fascination, Toronto, the cute and current confessions of a dumpling, fur/diaper content, well written.
Thanks again for everything, it only gets more interesting from here! More stuff soon ❤
wet spots
first off – I’m back in upstate NY, will be pretty static for the next week or so, I have stacks of work to do. Thoughts on travel/adventure/the last 3 weeks over at LetsGetSRS.com
Second off, I woke up wet : (
I was exhausted last night, had a lovely day of friends, fitness, editing, manageable internet drama, and a biiiig dinner to make up for those calories burned. It was late, as always I was in my sleeper and diaper and even had my hair in little pigtails. I fell asleep on the couch listening to music… I woke up a bit later, needles off the record, its quiet and serene and I smile at the bit of isolation, thinking this is definitely NOT the city. In my nursery I have my crib for sleeping and then another bed for guests & cuddles & changes, and I thought i’d change out the very wet Depends I was wearing into a fresh diaper for bedtime, and then go sleep in my crib. I curl up on the bed and hug my bear, a pre-diapering ritual, and as I lay back to change, as soon as my head hits the pillow, I fall right asleep.
There is light poking through the window as I wake up, I hug my bear and look at my mobile, and then realize that my sleeper is all wet, and that my sheets are all wet, and i’m just freezing. My nostrils (gross word) flare up as I smell the wetness, sometimes it’s a very comforting smell, but this time it meant that I had an accident, a leaky diaper. Feeling embarrassed though noone was around to see, I do what I’ve done a hundred+ times in my life… I peeled off my wet diaper, sleeper and sheets, I’m naked and shivering as I try to dry the mattress then put all of it in the laundry bin and hop into the shower. I have a plastic sheet for my crib, I guess I need one for my other bed too 😦 I usually don’t wear Depends to bed either, but I haven’t ordered any other nice diapers, I’ve got quiet a stockpile of these thin, awful little things.
I feel better, I’m in my people clothes and ready to go out into the world… I’m in another wet diaper, and need to change before I go out, I forsee myself going through this morning activities again another hundred times in my life, and it’s ok, it’s all part of being a diapered little girl, I embrace the sad and happy parts equally. I guess the point of this post is to let the bedwetting folks who read my site know that its ok, that’s why we wear diapers, this little girl can’t help but make little wet spots in her bed or crib now and then, sometimes there are wet spots on the back of my jeans, or on my tights, and that just means she needs to be changed out of her pottypants into something comfy and dry.
That was my morning, more adventures will be had throughout the day, many diapers will be worn and wet, and leaks are bound to happen when that is the case. I’ll be posting more stuff soon, staydiapered to the little ones, and to the mommies/daddies make sure you properly care for your little one when this happens, lots of hugs and comfort… and maybe a little bit of punishment 😛
❤ more stuff soon ❤
triflections
Hello friends! I’m here in Purchase NY, in the closing hours of a long day… How do you quantify a day (in the life)? Other than a short little nap somewhere midstate in NY, i’ve been up for something like 40 hours, not so strange for me when i’m on the road, sleep is a luxury. I’ve been up for many, many, many days in the past and I think I’m starting to show my age a bit. I can’t keep up with these kings card playing, Notorious B.I.G listening kids… Its cool, I’ve been there, whatevs, just not feeling it.
-Next morning————————
I had a great time yesterday. I slept on the floor between a mattress and a couch, close to an affectionate new girly friend, I am still kinda running on fumes, I’m heading upstate to visit some friends and eventually find my way back to my little apartment. I’ve been out so much, I miss my crib, I have my Teddy and diapers and a backpack with clothes and supplies, I’m equally used to having all of my possessions on my back and keeping cute on the road. I feel like the last two weeks have been stretched out over an epic trilogy, Lord of the Riley, something like that… here it goes, the last 2 weeks or so, the motion picture.
——
The first movie is about a young girl who shows up in NYC, everything important to her on her back, camera in hand, looking for opportunities, friends, adventure! Like a midnight cowgirl, shes willing to do whatever it takes to be successful, but also refuses to sacrifice her own morals to get there. She sees herself slowly undressing in front of the camera, she feels special and beautiful and empowered, she feels like her is just a way to get people to open up to what’s in her mind. She meets old friends who have escaped her hometown and are changing the world, she too has big city aspirations. Is this place for her? Is She capable of learning/doing what she needs to flourish there. We follow her from a gathering of minds in Jersey to an artists compound in the Bronx to the bars, smoke filled rooms and underground clubs of Brooklyn, meeting visual artists, writers and innovators along the way.
The second film has a darker tone, our hero finds herself in a place not too far from the city, but the mindstate is worlds away. She finds herself floundering, feeling lost and directionless, without motivation or structure. She struggles in the suburbs, happy & appreciative of the kindness she’s been shown, but she’s hungry and this place she fears will not sate her. Our flower needs a garden growing tall around her be inspired, motivated, to open her petals to the world. She finds herself feeling the same sadness she did in her place of origin, she just wants to blossom but sometimes the suns rays are obscured.
In the 3rd chapter (by no means a finale) we again see her life in a bag, heading towards the city. She arrives in a bizarre microcosm of the world called “college”. She sees her life if circumstances were different, she’s not jealous, she’s happy with her path regardless of the adversity she’s faced. Her prized possession is her experiences, she doesn’t have all the facts but she’s had the real life tests. She realizes that she can’t make it all happen by herself, a fellowship must be formed to make a real difference, what she’s up against is bigger than one person. Drawing from the strength of the people around her, the trifecta (triforce?) of ideas, adventures and opportunities join together, she knows that anything is possible. The film ends with our hero sitting on a Greyhound, she draws her sword and puts it to paper…
Fade out, roll credits, lights come on, the palettes have swapped their reels and everyone has left the theatre, but everyone involved knows that’s she’s still out there and her quest is far from over ❤
tabooooooooo
Hello friends. Here’s the intro & AB part of the show Taboo.
I have a firm belief that this show is focused on perpetuating stereotypes and showing parts of the subculture in a negative light. This show enforces a desire to conform & live within the standards of society even if it means sacrificing your mental/emotional health.
The couple featured on this show does represent many AB/DL folks out there, and I’m not speaking ill of the manner in which they live, this is just yet another time when a depressive character is featured on TV as an adult baby. That said, he’s an intelligent guy who’s been through quite a life, and I remember following his site when I was first starting out online. I’ve seen posts by that he was “misquoted” by NatGeo, something I tryed to avoid by staying on-point with the film crew.
This makes me excited about my first chance to represent us on the national level. Again, I can’t speak very much about it, but I’m just really looking forward to showing us as happy, worldly, energetic folks who just have a different way than some to pursue happiness. And even if it turns out more negative than I expected, they contacted me initially and were going to make the episode with or without my involvement, I’m sure I’m not the worst choice out there.
Here’s the video, share where you please. I’m not sure if it’s going to be taken down by Vimeo, but I’ll keep vigilant about posting it.
Feel free to download the full episode (350 Megs) from my Dropbox… don’t tell NatGeo what i’m doing here 😛
farm fresh girl
2:00 am May 1st
Hello friends! I’m here in Purchase NY, in the closing hours of a long day… How do you quantify a day? Other than a short little nap somewhere midstate in NY, I’ve been up for something like 40 hours, kinda feels like one long day. This is not so strange for me when i’m on the road, a good nights sleep is a privilege. I’ve been up for many, many, many days in the past and I think I’m starting to show my age a bit. I can’t keep up with these kings card playing, Notorious B.I.G listening kids… Its cool, I’ve been there, whatever, just not feeling it.
7:00 am May 1st
I had a great time yesterday. I slept on the floor between a mattress and a couch, close to an affectionate new girly friend, I am still kinda running on fumes, I’m heading upstate to visit some friends and eventually find my way back to. I’ve been out so much, I miss my crib, I have my Teddy and diapers and a backpack with clothes and supplies, I’m equally used to having all of my possessions on my back and keeping cute on the road. I feel like the last two weeks have been stretched out over an epic trilogy, “Lord of the Rings” meets “Midnight Cowboy”… that’s for the next post.
For this post, I have to share this amazing video randomly shown to me last night. I’m a big fan of Farmers Markets and feeling connected with your food, health education and localization is a big deal. What you put in your body directly effects how you feel, I think much of my confidence and positivity comes from my eating patterns, fruits/veggies, good proteins and avoiding processed foods and just generally eating consciously. I have an intimate connection with my food… and this is a video of someone who feels the same way. This video is very well made, way over the top, not safe for work or really any setting, it’s funny, but not the kind of funny that makes you laugh… it’s weird, sexy, gross, cute and passionate all at the same time. I see some of myself as the girl in this video, just a diapered young woman exploring her body and love of farm fresh food ❤
Enjoy. It’s pretty ridiculous.
out of nowhere from
flux capacity
Hello friends ❤
It’s been quite a weekend. Queer advocacy, diapered friends, transgender Jews, road trips, college parties, dead icons, small towns, big cities… it’s overcast but that doesn’t mean the suns not out. I’ve been meeting good people, filling up my travelogue with new ideas, opportunities, places to go & people to film. My life is in a very lovely state of flux and I’m enjoy the little bits of misery as much as I am my overall state of happiness. I am getting very comfortable on this coast, look forward to *actual* posts soon, with thoughts and feelings and all that good stuff… until then, just know that I’m out filling my life up with all sorts of new positive experiences 🙂
here’s a cute little picture. I’ll be with my desktop soon, so I’ll be putting out some of the more recent videos I’ve shot, both public (reviews/stories/vlogs) and private (NELIcon and PVR videos) – until then, be well and staydiapered ❤
StayDiapered! 