Awkward Archive

I made this video in 2006, it was my first video communique with the diapered world. It’s weird, awkward, kinda cute, kinda embarrassing, a fun little look into the past.

It’s pretty silly, right?

When I’m diapering myself, I was wearing a dancer belt (gaff), I bought that one in high school during a time where I was very uncomfortable with my body. I wasn’t as confident, I had gone out as a girl plenty of times but I thought hiding your penis was an essential part of being a girl, I felt like I was frustrated, and got erections more frequently and randomly than I do now. It was too small and it hurt, but it also was pretty prone to making me come in my pants, diapers did as well. Maybe it has something to do with how I was circumcised but I’m a very sensitive young lady, my first few sexual encounters with women were brief. I got good with my hands, I never really liked penetrating women, it didn’t feel right, but the other factors usually made up for the awkward aspect that I was a woman pretending to be a man sticking their penis into another woman. Of course it takes me longer now, due to hormones and experience, and i’m happy with that. 
I’ve been getting E-mails & comments lately that say “the hormones are working”, I’d like to give my thoughts on that. They totally are working, my hips, breasts, skin, emotions, virility, are all effected by hormones and it’s awesome. At the same time, I’ve been living and working as a woman for a looong time and hormones have made me physically and chemically more female, but they haven’t turned me into a woman, I did that myself. 
I kept the little end piece, it’s a sign that i didn’t know what the hell I was doing at that point. I still felt shame about my choices and the internal struggle of expressing yourself over conforming, I’ve since found a healthy medium.
enjoy ❤

9 thoughts on “Awkward Archive

  1. every time you post a video you make me fall in love with you a little bit more. thank you for putting yourself out there and thank you for making me go back and listen to A.M. again. Your a beautiful person!

  2. OMG Riley that was adorable! you come a long way girl. I so enjoyed this video, I appreciate your need to archive your transformation, you are giving others an education on what you life entails getting to where you feel you need to be. You are a sweetheart <3 thank you for sharing your life with us!!! ditto on what chad & mark said too.

    much love to you riley 🙂

    {H}

  3. Thanks for posting this. I really related to the title, in that I definitely had a similarly awkward experience while I gradually came out to myself. There was a lot of time spent in front of a mirror talking to myself aloud or in my head as opposed to a camera. Sometimes its painful to look back because of how much adversity I've faced, but at the same time it kinda shows that I was this person all along; my identity was just shy 🙂 big hugs

  4. I had no idea you were the diapered cheerleader. I remember watching that video so much! I am a sissy baby girl and I think you are amazing!

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