Legalize it

NY state just legalized gay marriage! I went to Stonewall to capture the festivities leading up the decision, to see the angst and anger or elation and expression. The moments leading up to it were tense, as you can see in the video, and when they finally passed the vote, the bar, streets, whole village exploded. I’ve seen pride festivals, gay legislature passed, crazy street parties, this was those and more. There was a thick NYPD presence and the city showed it’s diversity by the many bystanders that had little to no idea why tons of GLBT people were losing their minds in the streets. The energy of excitement and liberation was there, the weather, mood, music, everything represented clouds opening to bring in a refreshing new glow to a city. There were many glowing couples tonight, part of a discriminated against people who just were allowed another step towards being recognized as equals, many steps to go, but this is a big one. This happened in California, everybody got excited, I was there at the rallys and parties and then it was all taken away, I hope it’ll stick this time.

There’s a humid smog that resonates over the city this time of year, but tonight was crips, clean, a beautiful June night. There’s many people who can breathe a little easier tonight, knowing that a chapter in the fight for legally expressing their love has come to a close. It’s another 30 days before it goes through and there’s always more bumps in the road ahead, but tonight is awesome, and a majority of New York lawmakers managed to do the “Love” movement a solid tonight. Very exciting, now let’s find the next fight (gender rights maybe?) and get behind that with all 100,000 jiggawatts that our community can produce when we unite. Transday of action was cool, lots of different agendas, sign waving and speeches, a nice little march around city hall, but the numbers weren’t there yet.

The Drag march was also a bit of a drag, it was more about burningman-esq freak-outery than rights and legislation, and that’s cool, just more of a crazy party than anything. It’s interesting to see beautiful girls who haven’t started and have no desire to transition, just hot made-up men, alongside transpeople, cisgendered people and genderhackers. It’s inspiring to see people get down in a unique way, but does pride have the same effect as burning man, when folks go crazy for a small part of the year and then going back to conforming as soon as the playa is washed off or the glitter fades? Who knows, NYC is so terribly diverse that its best not to judge folks off of appearances… wait, that’s an awful thing to do anywhere.

Tonight was awesome, I’m exhausted, enjoy the video 🙂 Trans Day of Action and Drag March videos coming soon, I feel like I took part in something historic, I’m totally giddy right now as I sit down at the computer to edit the video you see above. More stuff soooon!

Legalize it

NY state just legalized gay marriage! I went to Stonewall to capture the festivities leading up the decision, to see the angst and anger or elation and expression. The moments leading up to it were tense, as you can see in the video, and when they finally passed the vote, the bar, streets, whole village exploded. I’ve seen pride festivals, gay legislature passed, crazy street parties, this was those and more. There was a thick NYPD presence and the city showed it’s diversity by the many bystanders that had little to no idea why tons of GLBT people were losing their minds in the streets. The energy of excitement and liberation was there, the weather, mood, music, everything represented clouds opening to bring in a refreshing new glow to a city. There were many glowing couples tonight, part of a discriminated against people who just were allowed another step towards being recognized as equals, many steps to go, but this is a big one. This happened in California, everybody got excited, I was there at the rallys and parties and then it was all taken away, I hope it’ll stick this time.

There’s a humid smog that resonates over the city this time of year, but tonight was crips, clean, a beautiful June night. There’s many people who can breathe a little easier tonight, knowing that a chapter in the fight for legally expressing their love has come to a close. It’s another 30 days before it goes through and there’s always more bumps in the road ahead, but tonight is awesome, and a majority of New York lawmakers managed to do the “Love” movement a solid tonight. Very exciting, now let’s find the next fight (gender rights maybe?) and get behind that with all 100,000 jiggawatts that our community can produce when we unite. Transday of action was cool, lots of different agendas, sign waving and speeches, a nice little march around city hall, but the numbers weren’t there yet.

The Drag march was also a bit of a drag, it was more about burningman-esq freak-outery than rights and legislation, and that’s cool, just more of a crazy party than anything. It’s interesting to see beautiful girls who haven’t started and have no desire to transition, just hot made-up men, alongside transpeople, cisgendered people and genderhackers. It’s inspiring to see people get down in a unique way, but does pride have the same effect as burning man, when folks go crazy for a small part of the year and then going back to conforming as soon as the playa is washed off or the glitter fades? Who knows, NYC is so terribly diverse that its best not to judge folks off of appearances… wait, that’s an awful thing to do anywhere.

Tonight was awesome, I’m exhausted, enjoy the video 🙂 Trans Day of Action and Drag March videos coming soon, I feel like I took part in something historic, I’m totally giddy right now as I sit down at the computer to edit the video you see above. More stuff soooon!

you can react if you want to

After leaving the club last night, I had a few hundred in my pocket, I felt hot and dirty from the drinks and busy hands of the clientele there. I wrongly expected a strip club, what I found was more of a free-for-all. For context, let me lay down some details of my experience stripping in SF.

The club was a transgender specific venue, dancers on Tuesday and Thursday, drag shows other nights. The strippers started around 10:30 and went until last call at 2, usually didn’t get busy until 1. The reason for this was that most of the people didn’t come to enjoy the environment, they came to bring a girl home with them. There were 2 authoritative figures, the owner and a bossy DJ, the owner was a smart but strict, kinda mousy and obviously an admirer. He told me the rules my first night there, no nudity off the stage, only topless onstage, no touching or toplessness in the champagne room, no going home with people, everyone dances 3 times a night to a 3 song set, your first night there you had to dance first. There were set prices and lengths for lapdances and the owner kept a close eye on the girls and visitors. The girls kept all the money they made, the drinks were moderately priced and all the bar/door income went to the club.

It was kinda safe, kinda fun, the girls still broke all the rules all the time, but there was at least a facade of authority. At the club in NYC it was much more of a free-for-all, lapdances were twenty but you could get down anywhere, the girls all acted as free agents not as employees. The drinks were super expensive, the club doesn’t seem to always host transgirls so the door (which was twice as much as SF) and bar were likely split between the promotor and club.

Both places were equally sleazy, but SF had a bit more charm to it. It was more of a show, and the nights didn’t go so long due to bars closing at 2am instead of NYC’s 4am. I worked both clubs for the reason I do many things, for the experience. It was interesting to see the part of the transcommunity that you rarely see at leadership conferences and support groups. Sex workers are easily the least protected and most at-risk group, I think solutions come from understanding, and that begins with being able to relate. I have more opportunities available to me than the girls that work those places, even if it’s merely youth or longer periods of sobriety or the ability to use a computer. I want to do what I can to help my sisters and at the same time not judge, I’ve sinned enough to not start picking up stones. I like that analogy so I’m going to stick with it, but honestly, sex work is underground, shameful, not polite conversation yet an inevitable part of society (see “oldest profession“). It happens everyday all the time and I feel we should do overcome the taboo of it and protect those involved.

I will likely be going to the clubs again, but with a different mindset. It seems like a good place to be seen by promoters and industry people, and I’ve been among the youngest, most natural of the girls there so I’ve received a ton of attention. When I first walked in, I was completely ignored until the loudest girl (we had one in SF) asked me if I had a cock (same thing happened in SF, except backstage). I like being passable, but I’ve faced my share of adversity from gay people as well, society is a total mess. I’ll be posting more about my adventures both above and below ground, I’ll be reporting (semi)live from the frontlines of the gender movement, I’ll fill you in on the grimy bits. More stuff soon, stay vigilant and stay proud 🙂

cute room NYC

Hey there! I’m about to head out to some post-mermaid parade festivities to do some “networking” with local kinksters. Tomorrow is Folsom Street East, the kinky street fair, i’ll be there on scene reporting back 🙂
a little video showing off my new room, nothing big, just a little update.
 I’m off to adventure around the city, more stuff soooooon 🙂
EDIT the suns coming up, here’s the embed

2 weeks since landing

Hey there… I never posted this over here, it’s been over 2 weeks since I came to NYC, it’s been very eventful, I have so much to say! I’m just going to post this for now, and then get back to you, I promise there will be good news, stories, excitement. Check LetsGetSRS.com for some recent news and thoughts, and I’ve posted an Amazon wishlist as well… and donations are always appreciated… it’s not cheap living here 😛

you can dance if you want to

I’m crotch deep in this city right now. Its been 2 whole weeks since I came here, and I’ve already seen/done so much. I’ve been to transgender meetup groups, set up an appointment for a doctor, started the name change process, went to a few fetish munches and parties, and a day long fetish-con. Tonight I am visiting a club much like one I’ve mentioned in San Francisco, it’s a place where a young, attractive transgirl can make a bit of easy money, if she’s willing to take off her clothes and dance. I tend to break it down like that, it helps me rationalize my actions, it also kinda makes me laugh.

I don’t know what to expect, I imagine its a strip club and there’s rules/methods of doing things, I’m curious to see how NY differs from SF. I’m not desperate for the money, but I’m spending more than I’m making, at least in the last 2 weeks. It’s just a really interesting experience, you make good money and meet interesting people. I could walk in the place and be told I’m not cute enough, not transitioned enough, or not a good enough dancer, but I think my body is very marketable at this point. I’m not above using my physical apprerance to get into doors that otherwise would be closed, but I honestly do have a “righteous cause”. The internal debate of ends and means is there but complacency rarely wins out, at least since moving to NYC.

I feel hot! I feel sexy, why not do it? I was thinking earlier it surprised me how little I expected to do this, even as a young transgirl. I have never felt as attractive and/or attracted to myself as I am right now, and will stripping effect that? Will it effect my ego, and make me feel less awesome? Some of the coolest people I’ve known have stripped at one point, my junior prom & senior ball dates both became strippers. There’s a HUGE stigma about this, sex workers are not protected by the law, and it is sometimes the only option to make it in the city. I’m sacrificing my reputation (which wasn’t immaculate to begin with) to be open about something that many girls can’t be. This is real life, I will leave no detail omitted and I can still feel my integrity is intact, it’s hard to understand, so I’m putting it down on paper.

I connected with some of the girls in SF, learned a few origin stories, some of it was really sad, we were these shunned little sex workers. There is a very dark side to it all, the things that go on in the backroom, in the cars and tiny hotel rooms, the smeared makeup & roll of twenties on the dresser. You can be torn down by the mindset that everyone sees you as a whore, that you’ll never be accepted and these decisions will follow you forever. I already feel like an outcast, I felt like I was compromising my integrity when I was working for a major corporation or a controlling asshole at a coffee shop. I’m smart and tough enough to not get myself into too scary of a situation, and if something awful happens, it’s happened as I walked to work or existed in other places within mainstream society, why not have some control over the situation, go underground and stack bills? I need income to achieve my goals, and sometimes we have to take calculated risks.

I went on Cam4 this morning, and had 800 people watching me. I have a photographer or two to work with, I hope to produce a TON of content, of myself and others, and use that money to fund my creative projects, that’s the plan, and it looks like it’s working out. I’m excited, but still have a ton of work to do I’m going to give these clubs a shot on the east coast, and may my ego be the only thing bruised.

*awful* (or) diapers at wal-mart

here’s a youtube video posted this morning

This was the first thing I saw online today. It’s pretty awful. She’s wearing shorts under her diaper, so it’s not that crazy, but still. My brain goes two ways on this. I really like seeing girls in diapers… It’s something I can’t avoid being attracted to. I also like seeing people act like members of a society, and maybe resist being totally trashy. I’m sure this happens all the time, but when it’s associated with AB/DL it tends to be an entirely negative thing. 
I can see the timeline for this video in my head…
Guy gets girlfriend to go out on a dare, either because he likes diapers like us, or just chose it at random.
Girl gets off her shift at “the mall”, smokes a pack of Virginia Slims and meets with her awful friends to go do this thing.
Films it, puts it online, folks like myself find it almost immediately.
The trolls of the ABDL community send out a ton of awful messages and comments, making us all look like illiterate perverts.
Girl/Guy react poorly, take it offline or just make awful reaction videos
nothing is gained.
Now that we’ve got a timeline, I submit to you 4 seemingly related ideas.
Wal-Mart isn’t a good store, but I understand some communities lack anything else. 
It’s sometimes OK to not wear shoes, it’s nice to have the natural movement and can be healthy while training.
Going in public and doing goofy things is a unique part of being young, and can be harmless fun
There are a large influx of Hispanic people in this country that have the same access to jobs as us.
Separate, these things are common factors in many peoples lives. 
BUT…
If you are being racist against Mexicans while Shoeless in a Wal-Mart as your girlfriend takes off the diaper she was wearing as a dare, you are fucking awful, knock it off.
Ok, I’m going to go do some yoga as the sun comes up over Manhattan. I hope the internet doesn’t fail so hard the rest of the day. Next post, expect more awesome and less awful 🙂

…final thought, I had fun writing this post, and at no point was actually upset about anything…maybe the Mexicans thing, but it helped prove my point, whatever that was.

diapers in NYC

Here’s a new video about me in diapers around town.
I’m still getting everything settled in my apartment, spending almost all of my time around the city, getting things moving in good directions.
more stuff, trying to make video but failing at it, it’s too noisy, the color is off, i’m sweaty… but I wanted to post it, there’s some cute bits 🙂