in the outbox

I’ve been getting a ton of great emails, supporters, curious parties, new readers and old friends. I’ve met some really awesome people through the blog and enjoy spending time answering questions and sending out positive thoughts. I’ve been making some headway but still have a grip of emails left to answer, but I wanted to answer this one publicly. I received this silly-ass question from a reader by the name of “Meg Griffin”.

I first read this as a command, not a question, like “can you not wear bathing suits, because of your penis”. I can wear girl bathing suits, I just usually wear something with a wrap or little shorts, sometimes half unzipped with a bikini underneath. The core of the question is legitimate, but the delivery could use some work. This is not the only awful question I’ve received from this person, the other ones are more gross than funny 😦 I would say half of my emails are about as awful as this, but oftentimes much longer. I do get a bunch of great letters from awesome people, decent letters from cool people, ramblings from maniacs and everything in between. The people who read this blog are awesome, and I’ve met some really awesome people through it, and that’s why I keep answering e-mails.

I did want to take a moment to clarify a few things. As always, there’s more going on behind the scenes than you can imagine, this TV show thing landed and my life got even more intense than it already was. It’s all been pretty positive, just my minds in an interesting place right now. I’ve been recognized on the street and on the subway multiple times so I’ve dressed like a hipster boy the last few days… jeans/thin black shirt with band you’ve never heard of on it, it kinda feels like crossdressing these days. At the same time I’ve been feeling more gender fluid, as I’ve been doing the very boyparts-centric camshows consistently lately. Living in the city, my sudden need for a new PC and my habit of doing things that are good for my career and not for my current financial situation, I’ve scouted around part-time jobs at a few coffee/sex/record shops around the city but haven’t heard back from anyone, being a west-coaster doesn’t help i’m sure. I’m not too worried, just keeping you informed, donations appreciated!

On that note, more information! I have my name and gender marker change appointment next weekend, I’ve been to a clinic here, saw a really great doctor and got all my proper tests. Some of my levels are a little off but i’m taking supplements now for that and overall it was positive i’m STI/STD free and have a pretty good bill of health, more details tomorrow over at LetsGetSRS.com. Little things have gotten better in the last few days, I get this little patch of eczema on my right hand that looks like the Hawaiian islands when I’m really stressed, it’s been here most of my time in NYC and is gone this morning. Other than that, my body is doing pretty great, breasts are awesome, feeling all soft and cuddly, healthy happy girl. We got an A/C at my apartment so I’ve been diapered more often, really feeling good about that, the fun hasn’t been sucked out of it by media exposure, and I doubt it will. NYC is still filthy hot, so I can really only wear inside and only when the A/C is on, but wearing less makes the times you do wear even more special 🙂

I’ll be getting through the letters, and please folks, not really looking to meet people in real-life, nor chat on instant messengers or become penpals really, it sounds rude, but I really am a ridiculously busy girl, and unless there’s a specific project or event or something, I probably won’t meet you. I’m single and I’m not actively looking for a daddy or playmates. I won’t ignore those letters, but don’t feel bad if/when I turn down your offer for a coffee date or something. I get lonely sometimes, but I don’t need the stress of bad dates and drama of getting all excited about someone, meeting them and realizing they aren’t who they said they are. I worry about going on a date and getting a stalker, or someone falling in love with me, someone who’s drama or a mess or there’s someone waiting out there in an alley with a chain. I have to be cautious, with my body and with my hear. lately I’ve been hurting over a love long lost, my first, my only “real” relationship, the one with the Dr. I think that might be another reason why i’m not really dating, I’m kinda fragile right now, the show, the move and the hormones have brought out old memories and unexpected feelings.

I’m overworked and underpaid, oversexed but underfucked, underground yet overexposed. I’m trying to keep my aim true and my head together, trying to survive and mostly succeeding. Look forward to more video, words, and pictures soon, BIG hugs from this little girl ❤

9 thoughts on “in the outbox

  1. Eloquent as ever. I dare say, few, if any of us would wish to trade places with you, which simply shows how truly brave and tough a little girl you are. I also believe that we Riley readers, that really care about you, invariably have these traits reinforced in ourselves to some degree, which we shouldn't hesitate to thank you for.<3
    “Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.” – quote from unknown source

  2. I think you are very brave and I envy what you are doing in your life.

    Growing up I was always the skinny runt with usually only one or two girls that were shorter than me and everyone else taller and just bigger over all.

    I'm not gay but I always wished that I was a girl. I was (and still am) attracted to girl's/women's clothing. I spent a lot of time thinking about growing up and moving to another city, breaking contact with everyone that I knew, changing my name to a neutral one, and work my way into changing over to being a girl/woman.

    The main reason I didn't is because I was too chicken. It didn't help that I had a growth spurt after high school so that I went from being 5'6″ to over six feet tall. I was really unhappy about that.

    Sure I could have still done it, move and hide and outwardly become a girl/woman but I'm not as brave as you are and I think it is harder for guys that want to be girls but are only attracted to girls, making me a lesbian.

    Anyway, I admire how brave you are and that you are living your life and going for it.

    PS: I don't think the question about the bikini is a bad question. True it could have been worded better but not everyone in good with words. Maybe I'm just an optimist on this but maybe she just really didn't know and was curious and didn't know if it was possible or not.

    Alex (my neutral name I might have used…)

  3. Riley WOW! I can only imagine how crazy life has gotten for you since MSA. You are entering this stage of you life/transition with so much on your plate. I love your blogs because the content is honest and very current. You are doing so much to meet your goals, I admire you! Too many ppl send messages aren't well thought out due to many reasons, I don't think many ppl are that nasty on purpose but if you feel she is wasting time and effort just give her communication the big black X. I must say you said alot (and I understand it), I am sure your preparation before being satisfied enough to send it was painstaking because you want to make the point but not hurt anyone's feelings, well done baby girl. Continue to stay strong and stay in charge of your life. Sorry for your heavy heart too, love can really suck at times. Been there felt that myself.

    <3 u

    {H}

  4. Hello Riley, I can't believe the nerve of some people especially of that “Meg Griffan” person. How dare she ask such questions or demands. I hope you don't give her the satisfaction of a response. I get that you are a busy girl and also understand how you wouldn't want to meet people for coffee etc just in case they aren't who they say they are. Sorry for asking in my email if we could chat sometime. I'm glad you found a a good doctor and a clinic. Hope you find a job that pays more as well. Take care. Huggles.

  5. Hey that rude email got me thinking. if yo have any experience with bathing costumes id apprechiate if you could write a post with some tips for trans girls that are pre op/ pre hormones, might be more appropriate on letsgetsrs, but either way it would be much apprechiated.

  6. I'm a new reader, and having only lately found your blog, I gotta say; WOW! You are probably one of the most “human” people I've read. Some day, when you're a grand ol' diapered dame in her 60's or so, you'll have one hell of a biography to write.

    A bit about me: After darn near breaking my neck in an industrial accident a couple of years ago (I've had C5,6,7 fused) I've had issues that put me in diapers. I've also had a life-long desire to be female (since I was 6 y.o.) that was verbally beaten into suppresion by my family. In short, I'm really impressed with your strength of will, and thankful that you are willing to share your story with us.

    I don't have much to give, but if you ever head out to Seattle, give us a head's up and I'll buy you dinner and a brew at one of the Hale's Alehouses.

    tinlizzie, an inco-dl in western WA.

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