little diapered chat

You know that feeling you get, when you see a picture, or someone in a crowd, someone realllllly cute, and you just kinda fall in love? That “d’awwwwww” feeling, you swoon and imagine holding that persons hand or patting their diapered bottom. Depending on where you’re at hormonally/emotionally you could get really jealous, reflect off of their privilege, your regrets and insecurities, and feel bad about yourself. You could also feel inspired, more focused on becoming a lovely person yourself. You could have the urge to buy them things, or to masturbate furiously, or try to invalidate them. Your palms get a little sweaty, chest tightens and you want nothing more than for them to acknowledge you and maybe, just maybe, like you.

I get that feeling sometimes, especially around diaper girls. Diapers are kinda my thing, not sure if I’ve addressed that, I especially like cute diaper girls. I lose my composure, I have witnessed things that were too cute to handle, I panic, my brain can’t handle the cuteness sometimes. I do well attracting cis and/or vanilla women because I don’t really like cisgendered and/or vanilla women, though I don’t count out any identity for romance. I just couldn’t see myself going the distance with a someone who didn’t get into my little side, think its cute etc. I lose my usually suave composure around diaper girls because, well, if you’re visiting this website I probably don’t have to explain why diaper girls are a national treasure, I mean, c’mon, look at her…

And that brings me to today’s video. I first saw Candi on fetlife and many of the aforementioned feelings kinda sprung up. Not trying to marginalize anyone, but I like transgirls, I like transpeople, sharing friendship, cuddles, intimacy, special moments, love, sex. I haven’t found myself dating or wanting to date a transperson (or anyone really), I couldn’t imagine being with someone as confuzzled as me, also why I generally look outside of my age range. After my first love and I went our separate ways, I entered a intimate, exploratory, occasionally abusive relationship with myself. I’ve never had a legitimate role-model for relationships and would rather focus on my own life, goals, accomplishments, than partner up with some other lost soul. I think I’m happy being unattached, I travel, i’m a sex worker, I put my diary on the internet, these things can be hard to deal with in a relationship and I scare/turn away most if not all relationships. I’ve considered a relationship with a few people recently but I don’t know, I can see it ending bad, I don’t want to hurt anyone or lead them on. I do occasionally feel the bitter sting of loneliness, and that’s what good friends and stuffed animals are for.

Let’s talk about Candi. We started talking a few months ago, her pictures were really amazing and she seemed to be a sweet girl. I reached out to her for some advice about girl-stuff and she was quick to respond, I could tell that we were going to be friends. I moved to NYC, she visited, we connected  and for an evening in the Bronx we were too cuddly littles and our stuffys, watching cartoons and eating snacks. I do tend to take a more Mommy/big sister/domme role more, it’s comfortable for me, I love having little diapered friends fall asleep in my arms. I see myself “retiring” as a full-time submissive, though I will always enjoy giving affection and caring for littles. Candi enabled my maternal instinct as she is quite the little girl, our time together was wonderfully platonic and she regresses in a way that is really amazing to see. I find that we can have walls up that keep us from really letting go, from being who we want to be, from playing and being little. This little girl transcends that and seeing her in her natural state was really inspiring, I couldn’t stop smiling.

I’ve continued learning from her take on the little lifestyle, through our friendship, fetlife, twitter and various littles forums. She’s recently launched LifestyleLittle.com and I’m really looking forward to seeing that grow. Her Vlog is getting a great start, I see it becoming a top ABDL site if she continues with it. It’s a pleasure to read the musings on the specifics of the diapered world, pressures of being little, stories about her Mommy (fellow adult entertainment pro Lucia Matthews) and their time together, lots of good introspective stuff against a background of pink and pretty. Check her site out… but watch this video first 🙂

Untitled from Riley Kilo on Vimeo.

We had a little diapered chat when she visited and made a little video about our stuffys, diaper sizes, staying dry at night. I hope you like it ❤

Annnnnnnnd to wrap up this post, just a few moments ago I got my millionth hit since I transitioned to RileyKilo.com in 2009, syncronistically happening around my 5 year anniversary. It’s been great and have lots more in store for the site, but what I’m really excited about is the folks that are getting out there with fresh new sites like Zorro and Candi, comment with your suggestions on other worthwhile reads. These folks are adding to the record of human history, taking it upon themselves to share with the world and to build awareness and understanding. If you have a positive message, ideas and emotions to get out, just do it and don’t worry about viewership, say it, write it, Vlog it, express yourself. Here’s looking forward to more millionth hits around the littles world, to more crinkly, cuddly creativity, to new friends and people that can totally disarm you… here’s to diaper girls ❤

more stuff soon

quick one while she’s away

Hello friends! I thought I’d just take a brief moment to fill you in on some details as to my adventures! Sooooo here we go!

South Bronx – Life has been good here, filming and networking and helping out with various groundswell movements around the city. My roommate is fostering a child so I’m moving upstate mid-November to my nursery in Buffalo. I’m going to shed my grown up New York City façade for cuddles and crinkles, spend some time focusing on editing/writing/filming/webcamming. Look forward to lots of bedtime stories, diaper stuffs, sleep tests and live chats on this site ❤
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Thailand – My Thailand trip was put on hiatus for a number of reasons, focusing on getting my life/career settled here, the flooding makes me nervous, lots of reasons to stay in the States. I will make it there before I turn 30, just taking my time to do more research and form a serious plan.
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Midwest – I’m considering a cross-country trip where I meet different folks in different states and kinda work my way across the country. from big city to big city on rails and buses, embrace my global network of diapered friends, get unique perspectives on our culture. Another option, and this is tentative, but I’ve always wanted to drive a Cadillac across the country and I just might be able to, though I don’t plan on trashing this one like old Dean and Sal did theirs. 
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L.A. – I’m going to be moving to the Southland in January before NY state turns into an icy tundra. I have tentative plans on how this is going to happen, ideas are appreciated. I’ve recently shot for a couple mainstream T-girl porn sites and there’s lots of work for me in LosAngeles. There I would be able to set-up my own site and get some consistent revenue for my next bit of travels. I plan to stay until March, maybe longer. My NYC pace is going to be like a knife through hot butter in LA (thanks for the allegory WetSnuggles) and I’m planning on getting lots done there, while maintaining my strong sense of self. I want to take my Mom to Cancun sometime next year, start electrolysis, save up for SRS etc, I’m going to need to racks for that. 
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Wall St. – I’ve been spending some of my free-time at Zuccotti park documenting and observing (and on rare occasions, participating in) the Occupation going on there. I feel this is something really important going on right now, the emotion, dedication and tension are amazing to capture. I’m going down there today for a teach-in with the SRLP to speak on gender and inclusiveness within the movement… in the words of Boots Riley –  “If I ain’t involved I feel I ain’t breathing, If I can’t change the world I ain’t leaving.”
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NYC and beyond – These past 6 months have been enlightening, daunting, risky and worthwhile. I feel I have a better grasp on who I am and where I’m going, with media, art and activism. I’ve met lifelong friends, shared great moments, taken opportunities and embraced new ideas, I feel wherever I go from here I can apply much of what I’ve learned here. Working with Slutwalk was amazing, seeing the difference between how sex workers are treated here as opposed to CA and the ramifications of that. I was inside Stonewall, the folk-home of the gay rights movement when the gay marriage bill passed, I was at ground zero ten years after, I was at the first day of what is becoming the most significant activist movement since the protests against the Vietnam war. This place is danger and magic, and I look forward to living here again soon.
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I’m going to be floating around the coast for a bit before heading upstate and commuting between the coast/Buffalo. Legit Toronto/NYC/Philly/Boston folks should get a hold of me before the end of the year. Thoughts are welcome from L.A. folks (N/S. Hollywood is my destination) and I’ll be heading back to SF as well, I miss the bay and my love goes out to the people on the streets of Oakland right now. 

pro≠con

Back in April I attended a gathering of diapered folks, NELIcon, when I first started exploring the East Coast. The North Eastern Littles Invasion (NELI) group has an event in New Jersey in which I met a ton of awesome ABs, DLs, littles and bigs. It was a very unique event and something I was proud to be part of, friendly, open people and lots of wonderful moments. Unfortunately due to privacy concerns I haven’t been able to share much of the event with the internet. 

This I can share, and though the video is jumpy and the story a bit shaggy, it brought me to tears, the energy in the room was tense, electric. Telling stories from our own childhoods can be misconstrued by those looking from the outside in, when we talk about *actual* children we can raise some negative attention, I almost didn’t share it for that reason. Our origins, our formative years and thoughts are important, this is our world and our stories, much as NELI was our time and our place. We mustn’t let outside misconceptions limit our experiences or sharing of our knowledge and history.

It’s a personal story, watch if you’re curious and are in the mood for some feelings, a sad story. Sad really isn’t the right word, i’d like to think beyond sad, beyond misery and happiness and fear and honor to just pure emotion. There isn’t a sad/happy binary, it’s all just life. 

That’s why I like this story, I was in tears. This is something that could be considered triggering in regards to bullying experiences as a young child, it was for me. Much of the emotion is lost in the transition from analog human expression to HDV tape, plus a battery issue forced me to use my ipod around the end of part 2, but give it a look if you feel so inclined. Moreso I would recommend visiting Zorro Daddy’s blog for further reading, or buy yourself (or myself) “There Once Was A Girl“, his very creative AB/DL coloring and activity book.

Below are parts 1&2 of a very personal story, “When I Was In 3rd Grade” by Zorro Daddy.

“This isn’t a fantasy or bed time story. 

It’s for real and one of the most pivotal things that ever happened to me.”

I Represent Me – Reddit IAmA

Hey there folks! Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my blog, so I wanted to give what is not just a retrospective on my life since the inception of ProtectionBlog (now StayDiapered) but a reflection of my entire experience. This is me, laid down in a more reader friendly format instead of being cryptically strewn across the last 1825 days (look TLC, I can multiply stuff too) –  This is my Reddit IAmA.

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IAMA Adult Baby/Diaper Lover featured on TLC’s “My Strange Addiction” – Riley Kilo AmA

A fellow redditor linked me to an AmA request for Riley Kilo, so here I am!

I can’t answer anything in regards to the production of the show, but I’d be happy to field questions about ABDL culture, who I am and what I do, ageplay, sex work (stripping/cam performance etc) i’ve done in SF and NYC and respectful questions about my transition/gender

I’ll answer to the best of my abilities, you can find more of me @ RileyKilo.com (ad-free site) and to begin, I’m a transwoman (2 years of hormones) in NYC who enjoys being “little”, wearing diapers and exploring regression through objects generally associated with babies or toddlers. It’s a positive thing in my life and hopefully this will be a enlightening venture for all involved!

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[-] bloogens 5 points
How do your family and friends view this lifestyle? Are they supportive? How did you “come out” to them?

[-] rileyk 5 points
My family consists of a Mom and a sibling. We grew up blue collar and love each other, occasionally squabble but have a strong bond, my single mom worked hard, multiple jobs to care for my brother and I. I had a stepfather from 8 to 17 that was an alcoholic bastard, but is no longer part of our lives.

My sibling told me once that If I would have come out as an adult baby transgender stripper that he would have rejected me outright, but I played it smart, and at the pace that I made my own realizations.

I moved in with my secret much older boyfriend at 17, I came out to my brother (and soon after to my mom) as “gay” at 18, I was confused and didn’t really fully realize the difference between sexual and gender identity.

I came out as trans at 19, it was confusing for them but they were cool and they accepted me changing my first name, Riley Kilo isn’t my legal name, I changed my name from something quite masculine to something that kinda works both ways like sam/sammi.

I came out as AB/DL at 22 before moving to Massachusetts to be part of an ageplay family, which was a total disaster. My little family was accepting, they wanted the best for me, I made a bad decision which I fessed up to and returned to Northern California shortly thereafter.

I never talk to my family about the details of my diaper wearing habits (duh and/or hello) but they know, my brother sees stuff of me on 4chan or cheggit now and then, he’ll text me something like “oh god, i refreshed the page one time too many” and it’s not something we’re too serious about. In coming out, i’ve learned the better YOU feel about something, the better the person you’re telling will, I try not to make it seem like a big deal. It’s really not, I don’t smell like diapers or suck on a paci all the time, it’s something me and similarly interested people love doing, and we generally do it discretely (unless a shock TV show is around)
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[-] DGCA 32 points
What’s it like having a name so similar to Rilo Kiley?

[-] rileyk 3 points
it’s awesome, when I was 16, I was in Hollywood seeing a screening of Clint Eastwoods “Blood Work” in which a friend played a decapitated body. Along with him came Blake Sennett, and I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for Rilo Kiley’s “August” started playing on the theatre’s radio, this was the first time I heard them, and I’ve been a fan since, but mostly of their older stuff. I ❤ most of Fleetwood Mac, I kinda consider Rilo Kiley to be a modern rendition. I've been kinda out of them for a while, but they were a big part of my "coming of age".

[-] DGCA 3 points
That’s awesome! I never made the Fleetwood Mac connection myself but I can definitely see it. This has always been my favorite Rilo Kiley song for a while.

[-] rileyk 1 points
that song still makes me really sad and happy at the same time 🙂

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[-] rowdyonthevex 7 points
I still don’t see how this is an addiction. It’s more of a hobby or a sexual fetish or a lifestyle.

[-] rileyk 3 points
it’s a fascination, a lifestyle a love/fetish for certain comfort objects. It’s not an addiction, compulsion or chemical dependency.

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[-] waldentwo 6 points
I saw that episode when it aired, and I just wanted to say that I’m very happy for you. Everyone should have the freedom to do what they want if it isn’t hurting other people. I’m glad you came to a place where you found something that makes you feel happy and content 🙂

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[-] AdamMurray91 3 points
What was the history between you and your guy friend that was featured in the episode? any juicy bits? I couldn’t help but think maybe you were more than friends..

[-] rileyk 1 points
James is the straightest guy I know, we’ve know each other forever and have never fucked, sucked or anything of the sort. Lots of juicy, crazy stories from hanging out in SF back in the day, but nothing sexual between us.

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[-] mcr2582 1 points
If you’ve watched other shows that cover the AB/DL lifestyle, the people who go on them are typically older, in a mommy/baby relationship, and come off as depressed loners. I think Riley’s point is that this episode was going to be made regardless, and while she didn’t have control over the way the show was edited, she could make an attempt to provide positive footage to work with, and I think she did a great job. The show clearly has a template for all the people they profile. It’s almost humorous. For example, any number that is mentioned gets multiplied out, “That’s XXX per year!”

Like “Taboo”, this show is designed to show off someone’s life decisions and portray it as what it basically is: different than the so-called mainstream. But as the saying goes, “The only normal people, are the ones you don’t know very well.” In this case, I think Riley maintained a very positive, energetic attitude throughout the show. She played along with the templated “coming out to a friend” and “seeing a professional” stages. And certainly compared to the legitimate medical risk in eating dryer sheets, the AB lifestyle pales in comparison. Even the doctor admitted that it’s not something Riley can change and didn’t suggest that there was anything wrong with that. The only real negative the show could highlight was the challenge finding a partner, but there are plenty of people in and outside of the lifestyle that would be thrilled to meet a like-minded individual.

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[-] sldkfj 3 points
Do you have any other habits or hobbies that are completely (or at least mostly) unrelated to this?

[-] rileyk 3 points
I really love movies, Peckinpah, Lynch, Kubrick, Cronenburg, the weirder the better. I love to buy/sell Vinyl records, really into music (built to spill and Aphex Twin are two favorites) and have learned to be better about not judging others tastes, something your almost trained to do in record store counter culture. I love computers and the internet. I love sex.

I’m into fitness and yoga, but not into the spiritual aspects. I was raised christian for the values, am no longer a spiritual person, agnostic, I rarely think about or discuss religion, god, or what happens when we die.

[-] sldkfj 3 points 2 months ago
Wow. We have extremely similar taste in things.

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[-] rileyk 5 points 2 months ago
The ageplay family I was in fell apart due to issues beyond my control, I’ve never really talked about it, and never intend to.

I also usually don’t intend to mess my diapers, but I do have an enema once in a while, I come from California, the land of beautiful women with sparkly clean colons.

Why do people always want to know about pooping first? I generally find that to be a troll move.

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[-] SoThatHappened 2 points 2 months ago
What exactly goes on in your mind when you’re wearing the diaper?
How far do you take the age regression?
Have you heard of New Orleans Senator David Vitter? His political enemies make much noise about the rumor that he’s into diaper play. Does you family know? Friends?

[-] rileyk 2 points 2 months ago
I generally get a feeling of cuddly-comfort when in a diaper, sometimes it puts me into a really regressive state where i feel cute, innocent, vulnurable and sometimes it’s more of a confident “this feels right” thing.
I take regression pretty far, I can really get into a baby state when i’m with a partner or playing around with hypnosis (which is rare), it’s all about your mental image, when I feel a crinkly diaper on me and a paci in my mouth I get into a slightly alternative mental state, “babyspace” i’ve heard it called. This is similar to if you had me (consensually) bound and gagged in a cage, I’d likely slip into “subspace”, or if you gave me a really good massage, i’d slip into my “happyplace”.

I have heard about David Vitter. Media loves to run with a story like that, I try not to focus on the bad press.

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[-] androidjoweh 2 points 2 months ago
Hi riley I am a huge fan, i first found you while i was searching for stuff on hormone therapy stuff for my friend kyle (soon to be Anita, i am so happy for her) and i found letsgetsrs on youtube and was immediately hooked. I too wear diapers but not as an abdl but cause i have to due to an undiagnosed medical condition. Seeing you do your thing and persivere as trans in a world like this really makes me think that good things happen to good people. So now on to my question~ Who are the most inspirational people you can think of? could be people you actually know, movie stars, celebrities etc.. who inspires you the most.

[-] rileyk 3 points 2 months ago
I’m really inspired by younger transpeople, those who have taken it upon themselves to make a better life.

Celebrity wise, I love Edward James Olmos because he’s an interesting looking guy who really made a place for himself, and really does good things for the Latino community.

I really love David Firth, I think he’s an amazing artist, I admire Pedro Almodovar for what he’s shown in his films, I love Björk for being so happily childish and artistic, Alex Chilton, John Waters, Mitch Hedberg and probably most of all, Kurt Vonnegut for just being Kurt Vonnegut, I’ve learned so much from his outlook on life.

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[-] apostrophie 2 points
This is awesome. Thanks for doing this AmA, super interesting and sorry about the jerks/debby downers. Rock the fuck on.

[-] stoicaurelius 1 points 2 months ago
Hey buddy, I remember you from Sacramento via Wayne, Candice, etc etc. Cool to see you’re doing well 🙂

[-] rileyk 0 points 2 months ago
thanks ❤ did you see Candice on My Strange Addiction? She did great, but they made her look all scared, we just kicked it Brooklyn a couple nights ago 🙂

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[-] porkmaestro 1 points 2 months ago
Hi! Really sweet AMA. I’m curious, do people question the legitimacy of your transgenderedness because of the kinky stuff you do? If so, how do you react to those people?

As a separate note, I’m very deeply immersed in sissification myself and have been for a long time. Unfortunately, I’ve never expressed it. You are very brave for putting yourself out there like this. I don’t think I could do the same because I am quite shy, but if I was more bold I most certainly would 😀 props, yo!

[-] rileyk 3 points 2 months ago
I’d be more brave if I didn’t make money off of this. I do monetize my love of diapers in various ways, donations/private videos/my now-defunct site with Pampered Penny but my website is Ad-Free, and has been for most of the last 5 years. I try my best to represent myself (and in some peoples eyes, the community) in a positive light, if only to alleviate some if the social and personal shame from liking something so unique. I’m activist in many ways, and an opportunist in others.

I get a ton of drama from trans people for being ABDL, and just as much from ABDL people for being trans. I recently was featured in an article for the NY Observer about the 4chan/Brony community, and they really responded negatively to both my trans/ABDL nature. In any community there’s going to be assholes, this whole argument of how “We’re” represented is pretty ridiculous, I do my thing and keep an open mind, other folks tend to still hate on anything outside of their comfort zone.

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[-] oscar_the_slouch 1 points 2 months ago
Has being AB/DL gotten interfered with your work life? Also what do you do for a living? Do your coworkers know and if so how have they reacted (if at all)?

[-] rileyk 2 points 2 months ago
My first job was taco bell, 2 months later, I started working at an indie theatre where we accepted each others as individuals. Most places i’ve worked i’ve either completely hidden my identity or had an open enough environment that I could be whoever I wanted to be as long as I was responsible and legit. I currently do PC consultation, sell vinyl and porn to make my living.

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[-] Mutch 1 points 2 months ago
Can you explain what an ageplay family is? Thanks, this is a whole world i never knew existed and now I am curious.

[-] rileyk 1 points 2 months ago
I think I made that seem like it was actually a thing, I moved in with a Poly-family, meaning open but intimate relationship. The term family is used because of the submissive/dominant aspect, In this context I would be the little girl to a mommy and daddy, and maybe have other big/little brothers and sisters, whoever else was brought into the fold. It’s not incestuous, the terms mommy/daddy just make more sense than mistress/master. There’s a ton of stuff out there about D/s relationships, this is just a way to approach it that’s becoming more recognized in the kink community.

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[-] killthemallseriously 1 points 2 months ago
Can we have a picture of you in diapers as evidence please?

[-] rileyk 3 points 2 months ago
https://picasaweb.google.com/protectionblog

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[-] phaman 1 points 2 months ago
I’ve watched a handful of episodes of my strange addiction and they all have the same trend where each person reveals their secret to a best friend. I always believed this part is faked every time. I don’t recall her name but reading the others comments here it may have been Candice? While I believe it is possible that someone would keep it a secret, I find it more plausible that a close friend would be in the loop and both parties would be more comfortable discussing/revealing in private for the first time instead of Maury type cameras in your face.

tl;dr : does the close friend really have no clue?

[-] rileyk 1 points 2 months ago
“I can’t answer anything in regards to the production of the show”

Candice and I are good buddies 🙂

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[-] Neonite 1 points 2 months ago
(please be still awake)

Before you transitioned and such, did you ever doubt that you were actually trans? I have a friend who, on top of not being in a position to look into transitioning or anything yet, gets down on herself for any bit of possible ‘masculinity,’ or something, that she shows. She’s afraid that she’s just a guy lying to himself about wanting to be a girl. What would you say to someone in that situation? (Ugh, I kind of feel like a dick for asking this and talking about her like this, but bluh.)

Also, as another AB, I just want to say you’re awesome and strong and I hope you find a lot of happiness in your life. ❤

[-] rileyk 2 points 2 months ago
With transitioning comes inner turmoil, dysphoria is a term used to describe the negative feelings transpeople have towards their bodies before transition, you just feel wrong as your current gender, and happier expressing yourself in a different role. I felt as if I was gay for a long time, before I really came to understand my gender identity and started exploring being a woman. At a young age, when I was more fascinated with women’s clothing than I was with being perceived as a woman, I didn’t want to be trans for fear of being ostracized from society and felt a ton of shame surrounding my feelings. As went on to meet tradespeople and understand that people actually live happily during and after transition. Finding that world really opened my life, and helped solidify my desire to identify as a woman.

My transition has been one of looks, depth of emotion and self-expression, my personality has remained intact, and haven’t really sacrificed my behavior or interests. Many of the women in my life have been not necessarily masculine, just open, empowered, strong, i’ve never been a girly girl, a bit of a tomboy honestly. As a transperson, I try not to constrain myself to gender standards, I do what I have to to pass as a woman in public but other than that, I’m basically the same person I’ve always been. We all grow and learn and adapt, but when you start putting down violent video games because you think that makes you more of a boy I think that might be a slippery slope.

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[-] Hyro0o0 1 points 2 months ago
You may remember me as that “Super Collab” weirdo whose website you’ve linked on your blog. My question is how do I get the TV people to notice and do a show about ME? 😛

[-] rileyk 1 points 2 months ago
that supercollab was awesome! I’m not sure, they initially contacted me but have an opening casting call for “strange addicts”, many other shows have that. Just be careful, smart, cautious 🙂

I know a dude is going on Dr. Phil later this year, and i’m going to London next month to do some TV there. Put your face out there 🙂

[-] MsKillian 1 points 2 months ago
I’d like to add that I know her and she is awesome. Hi Riley 🙂

[-] arctickit 2 points 2 months ago
As another fellow ABDL (well more of a caretaker for my own sissy), the only thing I dislike is that you’re spammed on one of the sites I frequent/add my own videos onto. For that reason alone I’ve always stayed away from your site. I seriously thought you just did it for the money because of the way your links are portrayed.

However, from reading about you I respect you more and I think you should keep up what you’re doing, especially working towards SRS. I have a friend I’m taking to the doctor soon for her first surgery. She’s been on hrt for 5 years now I think.

[-] rileyk 1 points 23 hours ago
Yeah, there’s some folks out there that spam me either because they either think they’re promoting me or because they want you to think exactly what you did. I see “me” posting in the chans or other sites relatively often, It always sends a shiver up my spine and a weird sense of disassociation.

The doing it for the money thing always gets me, I’ve made zero money from ad revenue on my site, I’ve done “diaper porn” and donations have kept me more or less alive at a couple points, but i really do love diapers and sharing that part of my life with the world. The friends I’ve made have been more than enough make up for whatever fluctuating effort I put into the site. Plus tons of free diapers ❤

Well wishes to you friend, I’m going to keep working towards SRS, doing more general activism and media stuff, it’s all pretty exciting ❤ thanks for the kind words and the second chance!

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[-] hms_surprise 1 points 2 months ago
i don’t mean this to be offensive, but do you see yourself ever moving past the diaper and regression exploration?
also, this is a baader-meinhof phenomenon to the extreme: i just watched your feature episode on tlc yesterday.

[-] rileyk 6 points 2 months ago
I have had a pretty rough life, and that may be the reason for my willingness to explore something that is outside of the norm and find my own path, but isn’t the orgin of my behavior. My desire for diapers/regression happened at a very early age, literally my first memories, before my parents divorce or the heavy bullying in middle school/early high school happened. I don’t regress to cope with or relive past trauma, merely to find comfort in objects that I’m attracted to for a relatively unknown reason. It’s a positive thing in my life because I have something to embrace, a community to be a part of and a way to find “inner peace”. I’m happy to know what I love and be able to explore it, I generally find that naysayers are still searching for what makes them smile, i’ve kinda already found it 🙂

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[-] hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn -13 points 2 months ago
have you ever discussed this with your therapist?

[-] rileyk
When did everyone get a therapist? My therapists are my friends and lovers, the people in the city I live and my own inner dialogue. The therapist on the show was pretty cool with who I am and what I do, “this seems to really work for you” was a direct quote.

——–

[-] onecooldan 1 points 2 months ago
Hi Riley, thanks for the porn!

5 years ago today

I started this site 5 years ago today.

I was working at an indie theatre full-time – living by myself in a studio apartment with a crib in it. I wasn’t open about my love of crinkles to many of my friends, a couple I’d told I was a bedwetter, others I convinced that adult diapers were a innovative market on E-Bay that I was embracing, I was honest with few.

Now anyone with Cable TV knows my “little secret”, I’ve been recognized at ABDL events as well as on the subway, at bars and even Occupy Wall Street. I’m putting out better videos than ever and have lots of new ideas and content to share. This week I had 3 adult modeling gigs and I’m going to be hopping coasts again in the next few months. I’ve made great friends through the site, and donations have quite literally kept me alive at points over the years. This site is the best thing that has ever happened to me, a driving force of positivity in my life.

I look back on that young girl, 20 years old and pouring her little heart out on the Internet to anyone willing to click through. I see the confident woman, making her dreams of art, media and adventure come true, I see where I’ll be after another 5 years, established, experienced and making the films she’s always wanted to make, and making things better for the folks following their own paths.

I’m happy, exhausted and feeling clarity and confidence that comes from a job well done, a life well spent. Below is my first post, the first words in what will be the story of my diapered life. Thanks for being a part of it, and here’s to another 5 years ❤

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Panties at my Ankles – The First Day

I’ve wanted to do this since I first put a diaper on. Since I was looking in my mom’s bathroom and looking at the pads I was too young to wear, putting them in my underwear for the feeling, as opposed to prevent anything. I’m going to be a diaper wearer 24/7. I have enough diapers, I have enough privacy, and I have enough willpower. I’m wearing panties for the last time… I cleaned out my underwear drawer and replaced them with diapers. I wish you could sell old panties on eBay, I’d make a fortune. I have one pair as a back-up. They’re the ones I wore to the prom, a comfortable pair of pink VictoriasSecret my ex-boyfriend bought me when we went gallery shopping in NewYork. They’ve always been my “lucky panties”, but I even have to hide them away. Out of site… out of mind. I’m not doing this just to make myself incontinent. I don’t mess (for those not aware of the lingo, messing means #2 – look for a glossary post later), maybe later on this is something that would be attractive to me, but I’m a very hygienic person, so probably not. I’m going to wear diapers 24/7, to bed, to work, at parties and on dates. If this eventually makes me incontinent or more open to wetting, or a bed wetter, it’s for the best, because I’ll be diapered anyway. What to Expect out of this BlogI’m going to be writing about my daily life as a diapered individual, adversity I encounter, peoples reactions, as well as my thoughts (and hopefully comments with yours) about making this decision and going through with it. Thanks for reading this first post, and I guess I better pack this last pair away and go grab a DryNite!

Dry 24/7 Field Test

Hello friends!

I’ve had quite a bit of adventure since I moved to NYC for the summer/fall and I’ve been really excited to share stories/pics/videos with you, this post has all three!

This is my crinkly Canadian adventure with Jellybean Puppy ❤

I’m awfully proud of this video, one of my better ones and a step in the right direction, I feel as if I evoked Carl Sagan for a moment there. I hope you enjoy it, I’ll be transcribing the subtitles tomorrow, I had a great time making it and as always, there are things I’d like to say beyond the video… so lets start while i’m in pull-ups…

I began my day in an ATN – washed up for my adventure and put on a pair of my crinkly panties, the new version of Goodnites – the zebra pattern makes them look so grown-up! I needed to wear something with a little bit more protection if I was going to be out all day, goodnites are far too small for a heavy wetter like myself ❤ It was kinda daunting putting on this diaper, they cost 2.38 for the smalls (2.66 for the mediums) and I only had one. Precautiouns were taken, I wiped my hands with baby wipes after getting all powdery and I made sure to line the 4 tapes up just right, even without a landing zone. Luckily I've had a decade+ of experience diapering myself, and have diapered a number of other people as well. Hm… I wonder how many people reading this have been pampered at one point or another by little ol' me, thoughts like that make me smile.

 I was quite the cuddly, playful girl after getting in it, that feeling that you might not be changed for a looooong time, I get that same feeling when I’m being scolded or teased about my wetness… you know you’re diapered, and you’re going to StayDiapered.

 The Dry 24/7’s are really huge, really, really huge diapers, and one of their key advantages is they are bulky while still in a small size. Bulkyness is attractive due to my love of that comfy, pillowy diaper feeling – unfortunately many diapers rarely can wear to capacity, I have to change or they fall apart after too long. The bulk of these fills out anything you wear so keep that in mind, I was in a below the knees skirt and if you were looking you’d likely see the diaper.  I like this for play, but they definitely limit the clothing options for wearing something like this… I don’t mind being a little more open while i’m traveling, for flights I always have my bear and my diapers and sometimes a paci, folks usually don’t mind because they think I’m an unaccompanied minor or just a little scared. 

I’m not scared because I have my stuffy and my diapers ❤

I went up to Niagara to do touristy things and a friend had free Buffet coupons… we ate a bunch of food, each put in $10 and won $60 on a star trek slot machine. We played a couple arcade games and lamented the lack of pinball in modern society

I surely didn’t become any less soggy throughout the day 😛

Can you tell i’m crinkly?

After playing up in the great white north for a little while my diaper really started to sag, I needed a onesie or even a snug pair of tights to keep things in place. The edges around the diaper started to get a little wet and my panties were pretty much soaked from the wetness coming through the plastic… that’s probably the biggest issue with this diaper. That can be solved by wearing a cover or plastic pants, but it is a notable issue. I don’t think it’s wet enough to get through thicker fabric, but you really feel wet when these are wet, that’s a better feeling to have at home not when you’re waiting to cross the border.

I crinkled back to my nursery safely, in my experience the Canadian border folks are so much friendlier than those in the Southland, I rarely worry as I’m just a harmless young lady with her stuffed puppy, shouldn’t be a surprise to find a diaper under my skirt 🙂

The Dry 24/7 stood the test of time, but not a whole 24 hours… I had to get on a bus to NYC once I got back to the states and thought it would be best to change before the 8 hour bus ride. Again, my panties were soaked and my inner thighs felt all wet, I got in my crib and pulled off a very heavy, a very soggy diaper and sent it on it’s way to a landfill somewhere in Jersey. Skin being exposed to fresh air after a long time in diapers makes everything so sensitive, that between diapers feeling of vulnerable nakedness is always a highlight of the diaper change.
These pictures should help illustrate just how soggy I was.

It was a lovely diapered day, and i’m glad I have friends to share it with… I have trouble giving decisive diaper reviews, they’re are goods (bulkiness, absorbency, tapes, odor control, soft plastic, good fit for smaller people, institutional look) and bads (bulkiness, no tape zone, the plastic and edging sweats, kinda boring institutional look) but overall I’m happy with this diaper, and I look forward to trying them again. Would I order them? Nope! Medically transitioning without healthcare is expensive, so I’m happy with my thrift store finds and Tranquility ATN’s (about a $1 a piece) plus the diapers sent to me by readers like you ❤

More crinkly adventures soon! Hugs and you can find the full public gallery here.