Hello friends! This is another post looking back on my time in NYC – adventure and twitterposts and pics and crinkles! Enjoy ❤
A couple days after the TLC show came out my PC completely failed. I eventually got it back up but had to use an older one for a while, goes to show how when it rains, it pours. I’m not showing this pic because I think it’s fascinating that my PC died, the key point of this picture is the cameras, their apetures yawning and blinking at me all the time. The line between real-life and media can really blur sometimes, it can be dissociative and if you don’t have a strong sense of self transmedia can and will eat your brains. Simply put, it can be hard to tell where you end and where your presence begins.
I’ve been wearing diapers on and off for over a decade, its still wonderful and special and makes me really happy. I’ve been putting ABDL media out for a good chunk of that decade, and at points it can be frustrating, aspects of diapers/regression and the community can lose their shimmer. If i’m depressed or stressed or preoccupied I easily forget how happy they make me, thats why being 24/7 has always enhanced my quality of life. I create a little game where you keep yourself (it’d be easier if I had a daddy) in diapers, I pretend that I really need them, and it keeps me all smiley and crinkly and kinda sad sometimes, but a good kind of sad. Diapers are a way to express feelings that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to… the friends and lovers that have gotten to know me personally know I have walls. These walls that are up for a reason, but that’s another post…
If I have one kind of incontinence, it’s urge incontinence. The cause of this could be the issues I have with the base of my spine, or the 8 car accidents I’ve been in (only 1 was my fault) or the hormones i’m taking. Of course, the most likely reason is the fact that I wear diapers all the time and kinda have a thing for wetting my diapers. Urge incontinence means that your need to wet can be triggered, and that the bladder muscles can function inappropriately. Washing your hands is a good example, whenever I do the dishes I suddenly feel a strong need to wet my diapers. I also have “hand on the door syndrome” in which whenever I get close to home or know that I’ll be using the potty soon, I feel a much stronger feeling of needing to wet.
In this case, I just got off the subway a few blocks away from my apartment and it was raining… this is double tough, you’re surrounded by running water and i’m about to get home. I was wearing a S/M underjams under my jeans, I had some I picked up at a thrift store and they absorb ok, but I rarely wet them. This time I didn’t really have an option, I was standing waiting for the light on a particularly aggressive corner in the Bronx, and the urge to wet hit me like a ton of bricks. I went from happily walking home to “omg i’m going to piss myself” in seconds flat, so I did. I’ve wet myself on that corner before in better diapers , and I get strange looks from people like “why isn’t she walking?” and I usually look at my phone like I haven’t noticed the light changing. Even in the rain, it would have been pretty obvious that I was wetting myself, so I sprang across the street, this set off whats known as Stress Incontinence – wetting when you cough/sneeze/exercise.
By the time I got across the street I was already wetting, I had to just stand under this Metro North overpass while I pretended to do something else other than pee my pants, luckily there were no pedestrians around. I tried to pace myself so I didn’t flood the diaper, but the underjams are super thin, more of a reminder that you’re diapered rather than something you can actually utilize. I totally leaked, soaked my jeans, closed my umbrella to try to hide a little bit of my shame by soaking the rest of my body, and kinda waddled back to my building, hoping I wouldn’t run into any residents, especially the super or my flatmate. I got home safe, no strange looks or questions I wouldn’t want to answer. Just a wet little girl who really needs a change 😛
This is a response to a friend who asked why I wasn’t in diapers. The picture is me shortly after my little accident, happy dry crinkly cuddle bunny 😛
This picture was taken at 4:00am during a storm. The sound, the light, the reflections, NYC is magic.
I’m off to Pennsylvania for a fun diapered weekend, should be packing not posting 😛 More stuff soon!!!