the last time anyone

This is the last time anyone saw ##### ########

A few weeks ago I changed my name at the Social Security office here in Los Angeles. My drivers lic. has my chosen name and *F* on it and now I have a S.S. card with my name on it. Pretty awesome feeling, I wanted to share it with you. I got in the elevator and as soon as my reflection left the mirror, so did part of me. I took a deep breath and something more confident, more positive, more me filled that space.

I am getting lasers shot at me today. I started electrolysis in NY on my ::ahem:: breasts though I’m not sure why I didn’t continue, I think the redness etc was a bother at the time. I’m slowing down on my adventures so have time to focus on some positive things like this, my transition, my health, my heart ❤

If you’re interested in getting your name changed, ask your local GLBT center or even check here as many states have applications available online. If you’re in NYC, check out the TLDEF, they processed my name change pro-bono, very professional group. This is another step in the process, a friend recently posed with their name change papers in a tweet and it made me smile, I think transition is a wonderful thing, I get teary-eyed happy and proud when I see others reaching those landmarks ❤

Be well friends! I’m a very happy girl and though I may go by different names, you can always call me Riley (or snugglebutt, cuddlebunny, pottypants…) ❤ Moaaar stuff soon, diapers on the red carpet next post!

Via CapCon

Hello friends, it’s Cincy Bear! Riley is being a busy girl out in the world doing grown-up stuff and didn’t have time to write a post! So before she left Riley put me in a crinkly pair of baby diapers (my favorite kind) and sat me in front of the computer to share some stories from our latest adventures in Chicago!

I’m glad Riley takes me on travels, all these other stuffys are a bit much to handle by myself! This time i wasn’t just coming along for emotional support (or as a convienent pillow) but I was going to be part of a little performance Riley had planned for CapCon! I think CapCon is some sort of diaper-testing ground, most everyone seemed to like diapers and even a few of the people were wearing them, Riley and I loved seeing so many crinkly people, it made us feel less weird about our nighttime requirements. Everyone was so cute too! Some people wore kitties and other people wore sleepers, I wish I could find a sleeper in my size but being a bear its like i’m always wearing a furry sleeper 😛 There were girls and boys and otherwise, it was nice to see crinkly boys because some of the events seem like only the girls wear diapers. I may wear panties and ribbons sometimes but i’m still a boy-bear ❤

On the flight i could tell Riley was a little stress, that screen that she plays with messed up somehow and she lost all of her audio files and some of her notes, the whole flight she was writing and re-writing and getting twisted up in knots about her presentation. See, Riley has performed in front of crowds before as a comedian, toast-giver, activist, stripper etc, but this performance meant alot to her and she wanted to do the be job posiible. She started with a couple ideas, to do a puppet show and diapering tutorial with me and then to explore a bit deeper into the AB/DL experience and tell a story through guided meditation. I’ll talk about the other parts of the performance after we watch this video of Riley and I! Riley hooked me up to this magical device that allows me to talk, pretty coool ❤

We were just so excited to be there, outside of the presentation CapCon had plenty to do. We saw friendly faces from NELIcon and the internets, the event space was very well put together and as soon as the changing rooms were ready Riley got into her cutest little dress and snuggled around, there were people coloring, conversing, cuddling, it was a wonderful place for a little girl and her bear to be. They had a blind-folded coloring contest and there was little kid stuff everywhere, I was a very smiley bear. Later in the evening there was a littles pageant, we saw all the cool talents of the attendees and Riley even showed off her talent for gangster rap (!?). The “princess” winner was the wonderful Kitten from, she gave Riley a big hug and I could tell that was one of Riley’s favorite parts of the weekend ❤

Later that night was Riley’s big debut, the room filled up with smiling people and I could tell Riley was nervous. After my little chance to speak (which you can see in the above video) we did a little diaper tutorial showing how Riley takes care of her bears diapered needs, including what to do if your littles “tail” stands up while you’re changing. After the fun, Riley dimmed the lights, asked everyone to get comfortable and started her story. It was a story about a little librarian in a little town who has a strong desire to feel little. Throughout the story Riley asked the audience to close their eyes and pretend, and Riley switched the focuse of the story from a narrative to more of a guided experience, putting the audiences in the main characters role. It was a chance to let your mind go a bit, to use your imagination, to get closer to really feeling little. We bears aren’t like humans, the human brain can really do some amazing things if you let it, the power of suggestion and a comfortable environment allow for some really wonderful exploration of the mind. Riley talks about this as the next step of ageplay, a deepening of the experience, she’ll be sharing more of this with the internet as well as work on more live performance. She sees it as therapy, I see it as a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. By the end of the performance, some were asleep (which shows she did her job) and others were just comfy, the perfomance ended with some strong healing thoughts, as well as Talking Head’s “Dream Operator”, her intention was to invoke a little love, comfort, togetherness for the guests to take home with them, she hopes it worked.

After the performance, the drinks and the late-night activities started flowing, people who hadn’t talked before had a chance to introduce themselves, the party went from room to room and they all stayed up wayyyyy past their bedtime. Except me of course, Riley put me to bed before going out so I can’t attest to the scandulous things she got into that night. The next morning everyone was packing and getting ready to leave, there was a nice breakfast and closing ceremony, plenty of hugs and “can’t wait to see you again”‘s. Riley and I had a bus leaving late that evening but had a chanc to visit Chicago which is a wonderful town, the people walking down the street looked really cool and the locals we met were all very friendly, chill. I was heading to WesternNY then NYC afterwards,  reflecting positively on this event difficult. “Convention-drop” is a real thing, the jet-lag, the nervousness, it all can get to you, stay hydrated, take naps & don’t forget to eat!

I’ll end with a pic of a hotel room, a crinkly girl and a passed-out bear, I hope this illustrates CapCon 2012 was good fun ❤ Riley and I had a lovely time, both at the convention and seeing the lovely city of Chicago. Thank you for all the kind comments, Riley always reads me the nice emails ❤ You guys really keep her going y'know, I really think she'd be lost without this outlet, thanks for taking good care of my Mommy! Riley will be back to posting soon, thanks for reading and more bear cuddles soon, love you all ❤

Road to CapCon

It was the first time I had stepped off a plane in Chicago knowing that I’d be staying for a while, I was nervous. Walking out of O’hare with my bag full of crinkles and clothes I turned to my bear for a little comfort, I was a bit out of my element… I asked bear if he was ready to meet some cool people, not just one or two but a whole bunch. Bear nodded, this little bear doesn’t face anxiety like me, which makes him a very good traveling companion. Cincy insisted that we move forward so we got in a cab and headed towards *CAPCON*.

The Chicago Ageplayers have their stuff together. Around the end of 2011 I received an email from one of CapCon’s (Chicago Ageplay Convention) board members and was invited to come out to do “something” at the convention. I told them YES! and I started working on a presentation. I was terribly excited, I’ve made some really good friends since I started exploring the ageplay scene outside of California. My first big event, the North Eastern Little Invasion, was a great experience. Here’s a slew of links: Post – Kinky – I had a wonderful time there, it was all so new! What you’re seeing right now is the blossoming of the Ageplay Convention, a big necessary step for socialization of the community. To help explain, check out this rough timeline of the AB/DL communities advancement…

Freud, John Lennon & Oedipus set the groundwork.
Shameful thoughts lurk in the recesses of our minds, the closet.
Looking in the backs of magazines, we started sending each other letters.
  Moved to the dungeons and mail-order zines, a profitable niche 
The letters became emails, magazines became BBS.
Adult entertainment makes it easy to see another adult in a diaper.
Forums evolve alongside dating sites, “~lets meet in real life”.
We tell our partners, post pictures of our partners, blogs start.
Online dating communities become ghettoized, forums provide more conflict than council.
Internet allows for local groups to spring up, munches begin.
The female AB/DL is demystified, the community becomes more inclusive.
A non-sexual definition of AB/DL becomes more prominent among some groups.
Furry conventions become huge, unspoken solidarity forms with the fur people.
Kinky becomes more accepted, the slow blossoming of the worlds sexuality.
Fetlife makes kinky organizing easy, “Why doesn’t our town have one?”.
Honest, organized people find leadership roles throughout the community.
Conventions spring up discretely, attendees report back positive things.
Munches flourish, positive representations of AB/DL begin appearing in media.
This post comes out, getting people excited about community organizing (right?)
The ageplay dynamic becomes as accepted as the dom/sub dynamic.
Slowly kinky, queer, creative, openminded people all begin to openly tolerate crinkly people.
A definitive piece of media comes out effectively destroying misconceptions.
Well-known celebrity opens up about AB/DL interests (my bets are on Sarah Silverman).
Some of the taboo nature goes away, wearing diapers becomes a little less thrilling.
NELIcon & Capcon & USLittles all hit their centennial.
AB/DL president is elected, eaten by a radioactive dinosaur.
Honestly, the future of AB/DL is an exciting one. Is there going to be a youth insurgence of diaper-wearing video game addicts that just wear for convenience? Is water going to become so scarce or transportation so difficult that diapers become the norm? Are plastic diapers going to completely disappear creating a new generation with exponentially less/more diaper fetishists? If space travel becomes more common, would diapers/alternative waste disposal methods become common, required? Honestly, I kinda got excited thinking about being “forced” to be cathed or diapered (or both, I know, i’m pretty kinky) before a little space flight, all tightly secured into a suit and seat with no control over my potty functions ❤ Will it still be fun if it's normalized? Maybe yes, maybe no, I wear diapers everyday and I still love it, I just wanted to through some strange concepts at you. Let's get back to the convention, I started in Chicago now i'm in space writing Lisa Nowak slash fiction…
CapCon was fantastic. If you’d like more details about the specific happenings of the event, Zorro’s, CapCon, or ABGussy’s have pretty good details. I unfortunately lost most of my Ipad data before going to the event, which I will complain about next post. I don’t have much to report back in terms of specifics as I didn’t digest much of the actual event, I regrettably didn’t attend any classes but was around for a few of the events, the Pageant was *lotsa* fun but the Nerf guns were too scary for me :0 I spent quiet a bit of time meeting new people and exploring, I had a few changes and wore a few cute little things. I like just observing, the main things that I noticed was this event was very well organized, this is CapCon’s second year and it showed. The organizers etc know what they’re doing and the hotel seemed to work with them, it’s very difficult in these things to find a conducive venue. I was impressed, the schedule floated at times but that makes it a little more enjoyable I think, less strict, CapCon staff did well to keep folks informed as to what was going on. The attendees were from all over, as far as Alaska/Germany (even LosAngeles), all ages, sexualities, identities, colors, religions, it was a diverse event, I love that scope of individuality that you’ll find in these little havens of subculture. It was eye-opening, everyone behaved, people treated each other with respect and new friendships formed. This was the first chance to meet other crinkly people for a number of attendees, no-pressure, just love.
If you have the opportunity to visit any one of the ageplay Conventions, do it. They’re only going to grow, get better, and I feel privileged to be a part of the genesis of the AB/DL convention. The future excites me as much as it did walking out of NELIcon last year, CapCon has my full, unwavering support and I hope to attend (in my Attends) US Littles at some point. Are there any others? How long will it be until we start a California one? Who’s coming to CapCon 2013 with me?
Bear and I made it safe home and have a bunch of wonderful memories. I’ll be talking more about Chicago and sharing a video from my presentation tomorrow! Hugs to everyone I met there, Its sooooo cool to meet so many random & entirely friendly people. I’m gushy right now, I also want to sincerely thank the CapCon organizers, volunteers, they put on a wonderful convention and I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend. I specifically wanted to thank those who donated items to the Raffle which benefited the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (rock!).

Let’s end on the happy thought of kinky and crinkly people getting together, having a great time and doing positive things for each other and for the world. Wonderful, what an age we live in! Hugs, Love and a bright future of crinkly togetherness ❤ 

Bill Cunningham NY

Last year shortly after the premiere of My Strange Addiction I got an email from the producers of the Bill Cunningham show. They were having a bit of a cast reunion, it was me, the guy who pulls hair out of drains, the woman who smells gas (who I speak with relatively often) and a stand-in for the over-tanning girl. We each had friends with us as the “normal” dissenting voice, it was madness and I’ll be able to share a clip of it with you today ❤
This is not a show by the wonderful NYC photographer Bill Cunningham, nor is it about Bill Cunningham, an original member of the Box Tops. No, this is about the lame Bill Cunningham, the guy known for the infamous “Barack HUSSAAAAIN Obama” Speech at a McCain rally in 2008. I mostly went on to get practice on speaking under pressure on television but also to maybe plant some seeds of positivity for the daytime TV folks. It was filming in Manhattan, I had to convince them to pay my friend and I a whole $50 each. They had already cast me, sent a car to the Bronx, did my hair and make-up, I knew I had some creative freedom, they wanted me to wear a footy and do some other stuff that I flat-out refused.

Before I explain too much, here’s a mildly hallucinogenic clip from the show. I still have yet to see the full-version but I’ll describe the events further into this post. I didn’t post this, it’s very strangely edited and please don’t bother reading or responding to the comments. 
Here’s me representing me on the Bill Cunningham show.

Back in the green room they had me sit with the other people, which was terribly interesting. Being in this room with these people you saw on TV, I will reserve posting my judgements of them, lets just say it was a very strange room to be in.  As soon as the producers left I gave them a pep-talk, basically to not be pressured by the producers on the side of the stage with big signs that say “get angry” or “interrupt each other”, that it’s not our responsibility to make good TV for them, don’t embarrass yourself because you’re caught up in the moment. Lie to the producers, change your story when the cameras are on, don’t do anything over the top that could be taken out of context. My friend and I were the only people there with any production experience and we later noted the nervousness of the people, mostly mid-westerners, mainstream kind-of people, where my friend and I were expressive queer New Yorkers. One of the “friends” even mentioned that it was her dream to be on TV, Michael yawned.

The producers largely left my friend and I alone while prepping everyone else, it gave me time to observe that though the guests of the show are largely people of color, the folks behind the scenes, producers, the host (who is a on-the-record racist) were all white. I had come into the taping of the show a day before we shot ours, I was incognito with the intention of gathering information. The show felt pretty darn exploitative, as if they wanted to show the worst side of their guests, to perpetuate really negative stereotypes. This was the moment where I really considered not doing it. The experience and potential effects was worth the uncomfortable feeling that I’m helping put money into the pocket of someone who profits from negative depiction of often compartmentalized people, sex workers, people of color etc. That all makes me shudder.

I did it anyway, I had hoped to bring some positivity into it and get my personal message out, a message of sanity, consent and positive thinking. I always imagine a person sitting at home with the AB/DL desire digging at them, no community, no confidence, watching Daytime TV and all of a sudden here comes this smiling beam of light telling you that you’re ok, that we’re ok. Call me naive, but I believe the negative effects of AB/DL’s are often constructed by the dissenting voices within the community and the positive aspects are the ones that have an effect on people. Positive representations in the media help deflect the negative ones, the pedos etc. Diapered folks have been on TV for decades with varying success, we’ve set a precedent that can be improved on as the world collectively opens its mind due to education, internet and tolerance. At least I hope it does, it’s easy to tell things are getting better… I feel as if i’m in the last generation of transpeople that are actively segregated, things are still bad for transpeople, but it’s getting better and it’s getting better fast. With that said, there’s been a number of transgender murders this month (including one of the girls from the NYC clubs) and there’s still a fight, a fight that needs the voice of both cis & transgender people. Start locally, vote queer, get involved, please. Now back to the show.

This is a little clip of me giving myself a pep-talk in the green room, I was nervous about talking about my intimate details in front of a crowd of randoms. I was slathered in make-up, and far more concerned about possibly revealing my trans-status than talking about my crinkles. The best thing about this appearance, something that I had pleaded with the producers not to mention, was that I was presented as a cis-gendered woman. They never mentioned my XY origin, the host even went as far as to mention my “jay-jay”. The part that you don’t see is my so-called roommate comes on, immediately asks Bill what a “jay-jay” was, and he responds with “a vagina, a va-jay-jay”, I was dying but didn’t comment, our host was quiet the class act. Mr. Cunningham was clearly flirting with me at points, though I believe he was prone to heavy casual petting around women, as I had seen him molest a smiling therapist the day before. If he would have touched me without consent he would have brought back a stump, and i’m a pretty cuddly person. There was a stage hypnotist who I opted out of, it all seemed like a circus, not a fancy french “Cirque” but one of those circuses where they taser the elephants.

Michael nailed his dissenting role. A theatre-enthusiast and old friend, we provided contrast to each other Michael with eyeliner and a black leather jacket, me in pastels. He was fabulous and concise, said not an ill-word. We played off each other, I primed him with what to say/not to say (as I’ve done before any media appearance) and there were a few moments of gold, though I’m not sure what actually made it onto the show. He totally ditched all the negativity and drew the ire to non-points, the best part was just as it was finishing Bill asks Michael, “is there any other issues you have with Riley?” and he responded “well I can’t imagine the effect that she’s having on the environment”, a point which global-warming denier Bill immediately laughed off. We nailed it, I signed some autographs (like in the picture below) then went out to the LES and danced the night away.

I wanted to gather my thoughts on this before I shared it with you, it’s kinda funny, weird, a good experience. I’ve been working on a press-primer for AB/DL media experiences, but for now you can find great information on the National Coalition for Sexual Freedoms Resource Library, I pretty much quote verbatim from there on the show. If you’re contacted by media, feel free to contact me if you’d like to discuss the best ways to stay safe and get through it with most of your dignity intact.

This post has been all over the place, enjoy the strange video and thanks for giving me the confidence to go on TV and represent myself in a positive way. CapCon video in the next post, big hugs and more stuff soon!

Life is Miserable

This is going to be a smiley post, like a big hug, a welcome pat on the bottom, a breath of fresh air. I wrote this over the last week and am just finishing it today, though I find the title a bit gruesome i’m stuck on it, but don’t worry, my pen is still filled with the ink of belligerent optimism ❤ I'm going to lay down some pretty profound concepts, I'm going to tell you the details about where I am and what I've been up to, I'll try not to omit too many of the gory details. Let's start with LA.

I moved here to be closer to the film/media/porn scene, and that has largely paid off. I’ve shot for a bunch of companies, topping with WendySummers, solo work and bottoming with a tgirl in an upcoming scene for “Shemale Pornstar”. My first DVD, “Bang My Tranny Ass 10” came out a few weeks ago, saying those words kinda blows mind. Here comes the justification… I started doing mainstream porn after a potential appearance on a London morning show fell through in September, I put out my availability and booked for shemalestrokers and shemaleyum that same week. The money can be decent and at that point NYC was quickly eating into my bank account, I had some money saved but had little income so I started booking shoots around the East coast while occasionally banking some content for myself. I have a ton of unreleased pics/video that I’ll be giving a test-run on my private site. I made the decision to move to Southern California and shoot here, Hollywood is the best place to be for what I’m trying to accomplish  I do a number of things on the side to live, I still work on peoples PCs and provide private content, among other things. I have trouble getting motivated about a “normal” job at a cafe or something, my last experience was rather traumatic and I feel i’ve learned much of what is to be learned in the service industry. With that said, I’ve been actively looking for some part-time work in my neighborhood, my travels are over for now and can finally have a schedule etc.

Porn has taught me many things. The reason why I seeked out performing in porn is simple, it’s education vs experience.

I have experience as a filmmaker, being on sets, as a P.A. and as talent, I study film and have probably seen more movies than most people due to a childhood full of late movie nights and 6 years working at an indie theatre. I’ve seen a number of angles of the industry, I’ve worked for festivals and produced and acted in shorts, I’ve learned by interacting within the industry, I don’t have a ton of credits (I’ve always worked under my legal name, which isn’t Riley Kilo) but I feel I’m starting to benefit from my experiences. I’ve had a chance to ask Joe Carnahan about directing, April Webster about casting, David Sedaris about becoming a humorist and others I’ve encountered, I have seen my friends make movies and fail, make movies and totally succeed. I have no formal education, have taught myself to shoot and edit though there’s still much I have to learn in terms of pro-production/lighting/advanced editing. There are aspiring filmmakers out there armed with film school degrees yet lack any real-world experience, i’m somewhere in between. My goal here in Hollywood is to learn the filmmaking trade while learning the ins & out of how porn is made, skills that are going to pay off as I get more into the both the adult and mainstream film industry.

My aspirations are for kinky video and real-life interactions, I’ve been on the road and am finally sinking my feet into LA. I’m writing this at the social security office, I’m applying for my final bit of name-change, deleting any trace of my legal name off the books. My transition is going well, taking it slow, still on a pretty low-dose of hormones. Though I wish the effects were more profound, I’m waiting to up the dose to pre-SRS levels until SRS becomes more of reality. I really, really want to just be a girl, to not have to shave everything all the time, to be able to just live, to not have the stresses of the modern transwoman. I’ve made SRS and setting up an LA nursery my main goals, how exciting!

So, I’m working in legitimate forms of success, my Paypal has been shut down (trying WePay now) and I’ve abandoned as I have nothing really to say about my transition, and have/will find other means to express those feelings. I’ve been participating in activism here and there, there are a number of means to have a positive influence here in LA. I’m bruised from a misstep in Vegas, healing from a burn in Brooklyn and broken from developing Torticollus early this week and am finally gaining movement in my neck again. Life has been miserable to be honest, but I’m finding the silver lining as always. I have much to look forward to, being out of “Model Condition” has opened up other ideas and really proved the fragility of it all, a good lesson. My life is pretty awesome, just little bits of misery mixed in, the less-fun part of balance.

Look forward to thoughts and video from CapCon, a new storytime, a clip from a recent day-time television appearance, new gender-health video, a coloring book review and more in-depth diaper coverage as well as both free & paid webcam shows ❤ keep your eyes on this little spot of the Internet, things are just starting to get interesting, the UK premiere of the MyStrangeAddiction episode I was featured in is close and I'll make sure to have lots of concise information up for the new visitors to my site. Thanks everyone for getting me to this point, and won't you join me into the journey into the unknown called "The Future", I'm glad to have such love and support all over the crinkly world, thank you, thank you ❤

Love, and more stuff soon ❤


This is a little supplementary post to my Vegas adventure. The last post was tell, this is show ❤

I arrived in Vegas to meet with a friend, I packed a cute outfit or two, my powder and my crinkles, I was ready! See, I was visiting a friend who shares my adoration for *protection* and so we made plans to go out on a little diapered adventure. My friend I was visiting made sure I had my Attends and plastic pants and even a cool pair of cotton bloomers from NeverGrownUp on. I was a properly padded young lady ❤

It was a very nice day so I wore a skirt, skirts are fun because they’re  breezy and they hide diapers better than jeans, especially if you wear a poofy one like mine. My skirt says Disney on the tag and it’s not for grown-ups 😛  You could sometimes here me crinkle if it was quiet, but it was rarely quiet. It would be really easy to check my diapers if you just snuck your hand under and even slipped a finger inside my plastic pants to see how wet I was. I was definitley being a wet girl, It was hot so I was keeping more  hydrated then usual, and I had been wearing diapers for the last week or so 24/7, I couldn’t help myself from wetting pretty much non-stop 😛 Luckily there were plenty of diapers for me ❤

I can get kinda excited in my diapers when i’m out, sometimes I forget i’m wearing them, but this occasion I couldn’t help but let the diapers and little-ness seep into my personality, I would giggle and smile and just enjoyed the atmosphere. I was feeling very affectionate, cuddly, crinkly, I wet before I even left the hotel, I’m awful, prone to wetting as soon as you change me 😛 That’s why I need thick diapers like Attends (or Attends with a stuffer) because changing me all the time can be a chore. Take notes daddies 😛

There were lots of neat people and cool stuff to see! This little diaper girls has no natural inclination to gamble but there was a Batman machine, Gotham is still in peril, my dollar didn’t change anything 😦 I love walking around cities, seeing the sites, the uniqueness of it all, the diversity of architecture & customs, seeing others experience this, I love it all. I wear socks and tennis shoes so I can walk around alllll day.
        not pictured: the expressions of the other people in the elevator >>>

Shortly after seeing the Bellagio and the Venetian I was soaked and needed to be taken back for a change. All the waterfalls must have gotten to me… I waddled back to the hotel and got a fresh pair of Attends ❤
Sometimes I get a little pouty and fussy when i’m wet, but once I get back into a clean diaper I get all smiley again ❤

Next was Treasure Island, I remember coming here years ago but was still amazed by all lights, changes, events, pirate strippers, crowds! I had a beer which didn’t help me stay any dryer, I played some pinball (my favorite game in the world) and watched the big pirate battle. I felt kinda naughty wetting my diapers, holding my friend by the arm wetting my diapers while all the noises distract the audience. I made sure not to leak, but I was tuckered out and needed to get all ready for bed ❤

I wore some really neat plastic panties that kinda felt like latex but was polyurethane, it had snaps on the front so it was easier to change. I had a double-stuffed attend with a baby diaper and had no doubts I was protected from a hefty “you wet the hotel bed” fee. I was already pretty soaked before bed (again, I can’t help but wet when i’m diapered!) so I felt my little wet pants, sucked my thumb and dozed off to diaper dreamland ❤ It was a wonderful adventure and I look forward to sharing more with you soon! This is the second to last Vegas post, more stuff soon ❤ Thanks for reading!


I felt the need to share some thoughts on my last few hours in Vegas, I had a great time and i’m now back in LA, though I wrote much of this on the bus ride home. Next post I’ll have a little story of my diapered adventures and soon after that I’ll read a story that reinforces some thoughts shared here. I’m excited, so happy to be back home to my Attends and my cuddle bear, life is good ❤
Now in this post, I intend to send a message to the entire brain, not just the neurons that fire when you think of crinkly teddy bear snuggles. Ready for it?
You can find friendly people EVERYWHERE
Walking down the  “Fremont Experience” I saw a ton of people that I likely wouldn’t want to have a conversation with. It occurred to me that people goto Vegas to be that Vegas guy/girl, to soak themselves with cologne and drink an 88oz Daiquiri out of a plastic guitar, to get out those 9inch heels and that Ed Hardy shirt and pretend you’re a high-roller. This whole town looks like you degaussed an old CRT. I’m not as impressed by the grandness, it’s all terribly ornamental, like a brittle withering Christmas tree still wrapped in lights. I left Vegas with nothing but positive feelings, honestly, keep reading. 
Going off the beaten track has often lead to positivity in my life, sometimes you find El Dorado and sometimes you find someone waiting for you in an alley with a chain. After leaving the Piano bar i found myself walking past the “worlds largest pint glass”, which doesn’t make sense, like saying the worlds heaviest pound, but Vegas throws logic into the wind. A man with a guitar sang these lyrics —
Lounging around the house chillin in my Snuggie
Turn on MTV so they can teach me how to Dougie
I smiled but at this moment I found a strong urge to leave the LED covered overhang of Fremont, I saw a collectible toy shop (still open at 11:30pm) with a Dig Dug machine that ate my quarter. There was a sign that said “Drink & Drag” in a mostly closed mall. I asked the store dude if it was Drink and Drag ::made a car driving motion with my hands:: or Drink and Draggggg ::did a little beauty queen pose:: they laughed, told me it was the latter.
The place had just opened last week, a bar/bowling alley/night club where all the employees were in drag, there was a Rhianna and a Amy Winehouse that would perform to their respective song, lots of dancing stripper guys in little undies, it was the Vegas I was looking for. Not a big fan of drag, but you can usually find a few transpeople amongst the queens, and I did. Not that I can only hangout with transpeople, i’m just more likely to see people I know.
I met this awesome couple, college type guy and eloquent young transwoman, we shared stories and cheered bottles of Pabst, they were excited to meet someone without “an agenda”, though i’m not sure exactly what that means. About 15 minutes in the “OMG you’re trans!” conversation started, It made me smile and blush, they were excited, I was flattered, good times all around. I’ve had occasions where gay/tranny venues have asked me if I was at the right place, which I find as pretty backwards discrimination, rude, like cis/straight people aren’t allowed. Could you imagine going to a straight bar and having them say “I don’t think you’d belong here”? Thems fightin’ words.
They invited me home, I politely declined and we went our separate ways. It’s now 3am, walking down the once bustling Fremont towards the bus station, the families have gone to bed and the drunks were out in full-force. Never did I feel unsafe as Vegas is designed for the 24 hour lifestyle, I got on the greyhound and headed home. Getting to LA in the harsh light of day, I showered off the filth, met with a friend and went to an afternoon ageplay event at a local dungeon, then finally got some sleep. I digress, back to the point.
You may look around and find yourself surrounded by people you don’t relate to, folks who make decisions and take actions that you’re not into, but don’t let that discourage you. Society often shuns/compartmentalizes those who are outside the mainstream, fear would be one cause of that. You’ll find the innovators are off the main strip, in the nooks and crannies of this big English muffin we call life. There are no bad people, but there is greed, ignorance, posturing, negativity… these are symptoms that can be cured with love, kindness and understanding. Some people fit in and are kind and awesome, some aren’t, some people learn and change, some never get the chance. You may call them “douchebags” but it’s not vinegar and water that flows in their veins, its the same thing as you and I.
Vegas has been the backdrop for a simple lesson, don’t judge a book by its cover, and you never know when you’re going to come across something wonderful and new. More stuff soon, love, love, love and this little girl needs to sink her feet into the sand, my wanderin’ days are over (for now) ❤


I’m in Las Vegas, at a little bar waiting for my ride back to Los Angeles.

This place is a hot mess. I’ve got 3 hours left and that feels like an eternity. It’s not bad, its just not my vibe, not into gambling away my hard earned coins, my days of getting wasted as a primary form of entertainment are long over, not really into stumbling drunks or blasting Sammy Hagar. I do like cute women with short-hair singing piano renditions of Blur songs, I think I found the only palatable place, thick smoke in the air and girls kissing *not* just to get the dudes looking. I’ve enjoyed this trip, met with some wonderful old friends and new. This has also been good preparation for my upcoming “RileyCare” venture, more stuff on that soon.

Despite the constant novelty (more on that soon as well) i’ve had a positive, profitable trip, and most importantly I got to wear my attends and walk around in my cute little outfit, a fresh faced young lady letting the light reflect off of her, suspending her own inner reflection for a moment, just a moment.

More soon, a man just walked up to the Piano and is playing a very heartfelt rendition of Weezers “Say it Ain’t So”, y’know, I might stay after all ❤


What a wonderful trip to SF! Good times with friends, awesome shoot with PamperedPenny and a grip of cool crinkly girls! Now a big glass of Orange Juice at a favorite SF cafe then back to Hollywood! Life is good! I love you all, everyone who’s ever visited this site, seriously, cuddles for everyone! More stuff soon!


Here’s some pics of a very soggy Fabine I wore at CapCon! This is about 18 hours of soggy little Riley, it’s a wonderful diaper, no flaws that i’ve seen 😛 
More stuff soon!