Life is Miserable

This is going to be a smiley post, like a big hug, a welcome pat on the bottom, a breath of fresh air. I wrote this over the last week and am just finishing it today, though I find the title a bit gruesome i’m stuck on it, but don’t worry, my pen is still filled with the ink of belligerent optimism ❤ I'm going to lay down some pretty profound concepts, I'm going to tell you the details about where I am and what I've been up to, I'll try not to omit too many of the gory details. Let's start with LA.

I moved here to be closer to the film/media/porn scene, and that has largely paid off. I’ve shot for a bunch of companies, topping with WendySummers, solo work and bottoming with a tgirl in an upcoming scene for “Shemale Pornstar”. My first DVD, “Bang My Tranny Ass 10” came out a few weeks ago, saying those words kinda blows mind. Here comes the justification… I started doing mainstream porn after a potential appearance on a London morning show fell through in September, I put out my availability and booked for shemalestrokers and shemaleyum that same week. The money can be decent and at that point NYC was quickly eating into my bank account, I had some money saved but had little income so I started booking shoots around the East coast while occasionally banking some content for myself. I have a ton of unreleased pics/video that I’ll be giving a test-run on my private site. I made the decision to move to Southern California and shoot here, Hollywood is the best place to be for what I’m trying to accomplish  I do a number of things on the side to live, I still work on peoples PCs and provide private content, among other things. I have trouble getting motivated about a “normal” job at a cafe or something, my last experience was rather traumatic and I feel i’ve learned much of what is to be learned in the service industry. With that said, I’ve been actively looking for some part-time work in my neighborhood, my travels are over for now and can finally have a schedule etc.

Porn has taught me many things. The reason why I seeked out performing in porn is simple, it’s education vs experience.

I have experience as a filmmaker, being on sets, as a P.A. and as talent, I study film and have probably seen more movies than most people due to a childhood full of late movie nights and 6 years working at an indie theatre. I’ve seen a number of angles of the industry, I’ve worked for festivals and produced and acted in shorts, I’ve learned by interacting within the industry, I don’t have a ton of credits (I’ve always worked under my legal name, which isn’t Riley Kilo) but I feel I’m starting to benefit from my experiences. I’ve had a chance to ask Joe Carnahan about directing, April Webster about casting, David Sedaris about becoming a humorist and others I’ve encountered, I have seen my friends make movies and fail, make movies and totally succeed. I have no formal education, have taught myself to shoot and edit though there’s still much I have to learn in terms of pro-production/lighting/advanced editing. There are aspiring filmmakers out there armed with film school degrees yet lack any real-world experience, i’m somewhere in between. My goal here in Hollywood is to learn the filmmaking trade while learning the ins & out of how porn is made, skills that are going to pay off as I get more into the both the adult and mainstream film industry.

My aspirations are for kinky video and real-life interactions, I’ve been on the road and am finally sinking my feet into LA. I’m writing this at the social security office, I’m applying for my final bit of name-change, deleting any trace of my legal name off the books. My transition is going well, taking it slow, still on a pretty low-dose of hormones. Though I wish the effects were more profound, I’m waiting to up the dose to pre-SRS levels until SRS becomes more of reality. I really, really want to just be a girl, to not have to shave everything all the time, to be able to just live, to not have the stresses of the modern transwoman. I’ve made SRS and setting up an LA nursery my main goals, how exciting!

So, I’m working in legitimate forms of success, my Paypal has been shut down (trying WePay now) and I’ve abandoned as I have nothing really to say about my transition, and have/will find other means to express those feelings. I’ve been participating in activism here and there, there are a number of means to have a positive influence here in LA. I’m bruised from a misstep in Vegas, healing from a burn in Brooklyn and broken from developing Torticollus early this week and am finally gaining movement in my neck again. Life has been miserable to be honest, but I’m finding the silver lining as always. I have much to look forward to, being out of “Model Condition” has opened up other ideas and really proved the fragility of it all, a good lesson. My life is pretty awesome, just little bits of misery mixed in, the less-fun part of balance.

Look forward to thoughts and video from CapCon, a new storytime, a clip from a recent day-time television appearance, new gender-health video, a coloring book review and more in-depth diaper coverage as well as both free & paid webcam shows ❤ keep your eyes on this little spot of the Internet, things are just starting to get interesting, the UK premiere of the MyStrangeAddiction episode I was featured in is close and I'll make sure to have lots of concise information up for the new visitors to my site. Thanks everyone for getting me to this point, and won't you join me into the journey into the unknown called "The Future", I'm glad to have such love and support all over the crinkly world, thank you, thank you ❤

Love, and more stuff soon ❤

3 thoughts on “Life is Miserable

  1. Thank you Riley for sharing that with us,I know many people would not approve of the stuff you do in the porn industry but I know far more people watch porn and pretend they don't what I like about you is your honesty,what we see is what we get your straight up with everything you do I hope you succeed in everything you do and keep yourself protected from harm in the porn world will you be diapered in any of the stuff your shooting and oh by the way are you not going to introduce your cute friend in the last photo.

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