a few in bed

I have some questions, questions that i’ve been asking myself and not really getting any good answers. I’m going to be starting therapy ASAP, going in to start working on the financial aid stuff for that, for hormones and for school in Fall on Tuesday. Exciting moment change, unfortunately it’s been a pretty strange, tough year so far and I’m going to feel much better when I turn in rent this month. I’m entirely responsible for the tough times I’ve been having (except the food poisoning, that was just bad luck) and I am kinda tired of trying to be sane and productive on my own, I need a little help from my friends, from professionals… I want to feel good about being a girl again, but lately it’s just been conjecture and “am I really doing the right thing?”. This kind of anxiety has been wrecking me, and it’s been wrecking me for a long time now. I need to get back on the tracks or stop the train.
I’ll be sharing some stories of munch parties, these internal dialogues I’ve been having, new outfits and fun stuff like that. This blog has been really personal lately, my confidence has been in the dumps and my art has been portraying that. I can’t say the clouds are breaking just yet, but I’m sure they will.

Ignore that last post about my private site, there’s been a dynamic shift largely due to my mismanagement of DropBox, the concept of a private site like the one I offer isn’t really sustainable… I still operate it and if you signed up, it’s still totally available (and will be for a long, long time) but I’m no longer accepting new members.

The best bet is my clips4sale. It’ll be up soon. In the meantime, here’s a few snuggly pictures taken with a new camera that was sent to me by a wonderful friend 🙂 I have lots of exciting positive stuff going on, but those traditional stresses like cash & confidence fog it all up. It’ll be ok, hugs guise… love from your little Riley girl~

just a couple pics in my attends snugglepants 🙂

bad news and bears

There’s a bear in my bed… bear is probably the only one who would get close to me at this moment…

I like(d) Panera Breads, a soup/salad cafe that is most well known for it’s co-op resteraunts where you can work to make up what you eat. That’s not how it is in Studio City, but I admire those ethics from a large chain like Panera. I had a Spinach and Artichoke souffle on Weds morning, and I’m just now barely able to eat solid food.

About an hour or so after the souffle I started feeling sick, layed down, then it got much much worse very fast. I won’t go into details, but the first 12 hours was probably one of the most miserable experiences of my life. For a little girl like me losing all those fluids can be really tough, I still am pretty weak but at least my stomach isn’t completely crampy and awful. I’m almost scared to eat, I’m going to be on the BRAT (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast) diet for the next few days, I’m hoping I get something other than Pedialyte and chicken broth.

I’m just writing this to update… I was planning on going to Vegas for AVN (wish me luck tonight) but had already kinda made the decision against going before my sickness, it’s not my scene really, I’d rather stick with the fetish folks 🙂

Talk soon friends… Hugs and I’ve recieved some pretty awesome things lately and want to let you know that I am grateful for every letter, gift, hug and smile that is sent my way. We’re all one Souffle from being horrible, naked, puking messes, and we’re just one weekend away from unshaven, gross Riley to cute pampered little princess 😛 More soooon!

Poor little Riley in her straightjacket :0

i’m ok, you’re ok

Hey there friends. Here’s a few things that are OK. 

-It’s ok to pretend you’re a kitten and wear little ears.
-It’s ok to make the same poor decisions over and over again. Maybe someday you won’t.
-It’s ok to avoid challenges sometimes. Life isn’t a contest, it’s a struggle, nobody is keeping score.
-It’s ok to cut your hair, change your name and move someplace new. 
-It’s ok to torrent old seasons of the Simpsons because they are national treasures.
-It’s ok to reject any modern definition of yourself and make a new one.
– It’s ok to sing along to songs and mess up most of the words, but only in private.
-It’s ok to dictate your own behavior
-It’s going to be OK.
Feeling positive about things, though I can’t make my hands write anything that isn’t weird and cryptic. Pics and cuddles and stuff soon. Things have changed very, very drastically in the last 2 months, especially with my living situation. As the dust settles I have to say, I think things worked out. I’m excited, but adjusting, I feel awful all the time for not being able to respond to the incoming messages I get with any sort of efficiency, please forgive me, I’m getting better. 
I have new glasses and a cute pink camera that just came in the mail. I’m going to Vegas in a few days because I was nominated for a porno award. Life is bizarre.

Hugs internet. More stuff soon. 

::heart sign::