goals and the sameness of hotel rooms

Hello friends! It’s little Riley, in her nappies, sitting down to the keyboard for the first time in too long. I’ve had some pretty exciting adventures while I was away, took plenty of photos πŸ™‚

I just went to my music folder and found a handful of songs with Los Angeles/California in the title and a few of my favorite songs about this place… though most of them are pretty cynical about this place. Though there is much to be said about the negatives of California, this place is so diverse, beautiful, alive… I will always be proud to say I’m from California.


With that said, after almost a year in this apartment and close to 2 in LA, It’s time to move on. I’m looking at a few options, Seattle, Denver, Chicago, San Diego, maybe back to NYC, i’m a bit overwhelmed! My apartment situation is demanding a move, and I’m able to basically go wherever I can afford. I don’t want to stay in LA, I’ll go through reasons, but mostly it’s the car-reliant living and air quality. I need to really focus on health and transition right now, I made a series of goals a few months ago when I hurt my hand, and my trip to the clean air of Colorado provided me the clarity I desperately needed. My goals are as follows, and i’ll break up the monotony with random crinkle pics over the last few weeks.

1.) Get Healthy – Not to say I’m drastically unhealthy, I take pretty good care of myself most of the time, but like everyone I should really see a real Dr. with some consistency, not just for hormones and STD tests. I need to get a primary care physician for both my general heath and for my transition, I simply don’t get the tests I need to make sure the hormones aren’t doing any damage. I need to get off the pills and on injections as well as start seeing a therapist regularly. These needs aren’t going to be fulfilled in my current situation, I know, I’m needy, but a switch to a less populated place with a better doctor to needy patient ratio is much needed. Also, I developed Asthma after my first summer in LA, a fine reason to move to a less toxic place.

2.) Do Something – I have been in a creative drought lately. I write but I never publish, I take photos and record videos but I’m not doing enough. I need to write a book, or make a film, or help others write books or make films. I feel like i’m wasting my potential. This blog is hugely important to me, making videos and sharing stories is my art, it’s what I want to do with my life, and I don’t take it seriously enough (or potentially take it too seriously). I need to not worry and just let the posts, pics and passion flow. My goal is to continue with this blog, do more video and not take month long breaks!!!

3.) Transition – Will I still want to be a girl when i’m no longer young and pretty? Is supressing testosterone sapping my motivation? Am I going to regret surgery? Do I even really pass? THESE QUESTION GRRRRRR I’ve got hundreds more, and they swirl around my head everyday. They don’t exist because they’re valid questions, they’re just uncertainties, some a result of self-loathing, some from the vitriol or innocent curiosity of others, some spawn from just emotions gone awry. I know what decision I want to make and I’m tired of the back/forth, the doubt and frustration. My goal is to enter the next step of my transition, with the proper care, support and focus I should be able to get SRS by 2015 and move on from this whole chapter of my life. It’s not going to solve all my problems, but it’ll solve a big one.

Β I want to move somewhere that’s not LA, save up money, work and be creative, get the surgery, maybe fall in love, get a yellow lab and move to the mountains, me the diaper-wearing webcamgirl and him the rugged mountain college professor (pretty much every guy i’ve ever dated has held some sort of professorship, have a thing for elbow patches). Oh, speaking of daddies, here’s a few of those crinkle pics, I think you can tell what my two favorite poses are πŸ˜›





Hugs everyone! I’ll be busy busy busy tonight, filming a local trans event for GJLA, something fun and positive. I’m excited about next months new adventure, i’ve given my 30 days and am moving out no matter what… but to where? I know a change like this, or my transition, isn’t going to instantly grant me a better life, or free me from depression/bad habits, but it’s a good start. I’m not running away from anything but rather always running towards something. I’ll keep you posted as things progress, have an awesome Saturday and more cuddles soon from your little wanderer πŸ™‚

11 thoughts on “goals and the sameness of hotel rooms

  1. Having lived in a few of the places you mentioned (and having explored living in all of them), my advice is this: Chicago is probably one of your best bets for transgender support (check out the Howard Brown Health Center) outside of the west coast, but it's still a pricey place to live with an uncomfortably high violent crime rate. I really enjoy Denver's weather and laid back lifestyle, and it's probably got the lowest cost of living of any of the places you mentioned. I might also suggest Minneapolis. It's more comfortable and more cosmopolitan than I had ever imagined. Also, like California, Colorado, and Illinois, Minnesota has strong laws protecting the rights of transgender people. Hope that helps!

  2. Glad to see you posting again, you are as cute and crinkly as ever! πŸ™‚

    Hope you find somewhere comfortable to live that suits your needs πŸ™‚ (If it were me, I'd pick Seattle, it's so pretty [also, have you considered Toronto XD])

    I also hope your health does improve, as someone living with Asthma, it can be an annoyance, so lets hope that can be addressed as well in the right place.

    I do think you are quite the lovely girl, and don't let doubts stop you πŸ™‚

    I do approve of the choice of dog, and look forward to see more stuff soon πŸ˜€

  3. thanks, yeah, I spend so much time on the road that a place with a low cost of living is ideal. I like chicago, but it'd be nice to live somewhere kinda-sorta-safe, at least for a while?

    Thanks for the thoughts ❀

  4. I think you should check out. Greenville Sc is a very Nice place to live it has beautiful scenery, nice people good air, and cost of living is really inexpensive.

  5. Twin cities area in Minnesota is nice. No big industries, woods, lakes and fresh air.

    I went there to school for one year.

    The university seems to have a trans program.

  6. #3 transition : I was in lust when I saw you on your strange addiction. I thought you were the girl you know you are. I truely believe you will be forever pretty. As far as moving, I can't imagine living in LA, I was depressed every time I had to work there.

    I'm so glad I clicked here from your twitter. Your pics and story is so fun. Follow your heart, live where you'll be happy.

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