Twitterpated: Holidays vol. 1

Unlike twitterpated’s in the past, I won’t be sharing my actual twitter posts with you so many of these photos are brand new! It’s been a strange, busy couple months since the holidays started and I wanted to recap with some pics and thoughts from these last few chilly months πŸ™‚

This first pic was shortly after applying for my place in Denver (which was denied) and I was finishing up the treatment etc. for the hand I injured at my workplace. It was a tough time, but I wasn’t faltered by “life stuff” getting in the way.

Β I dressed up all cute, put on some tights and shorts and a shirt I had left over from my time as a server. I went on a date with a guy that wasn’t very good (read: horrible). I was stressed about money, about my living situation, about my health and about my path. I was pretty lost.

My big leather jacket couldn’t even make me feel safe. So I did something I’ve done before, I hid. I hate hiding, I start to internalize and internalize until it feels like I’m the house from Poltergeist, scaring myself until I finally implode. It’s not good, it’s not healthy, it’s a knee-jerk reaction to the harshness of the world.

So I hid, I sent faceless, shadowy pictures to the internet, to lovers, because I didn’t feel very good about myself. I know, it sounds sad, but it’s sometimes the way we deal with things. I’m not saying it’s ok, but it’s the past now, and I still have the smiley photos to bring me back to the good times, and the dark pictures as a reminder that even when I don’t feel beautiful (as a model or as a person) my passions, desires and journey still exist. The shadows are just stronger sometimes.

Β This isn’t the time where I start feeling better, I’ve got a trip to my hometown, a big warm thanksgiving lasagne and trays and trays of roasted marshmallows until then. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow for those pictures. Until then, November me is hiding, a bit lost, but not forgotten or broken.

Big hugs, thanks for reading πŸ™‚

3 thoughts on “Twitterpated: Holidays vol. 1

  1. It's nice to see updates on how things are going Riley πŸ™‚

    I know things can be a bit difficult at times, but you've always been able to overcome them and push forward, and I'm sure that you will be able to this time as well πŸ™‚ (I may be repeating myself here slightly :P)

    It's also quite nice to see you all padded πŸ˜€ I look forward to seeing more padded and happy Riley in the future πŸ˜€

  2. Aww hun sorry ti hear about everything, lets hope you find a place in denver, I was thinking about moving there so I may be able to dig up the links to some of the apartment complexes. Plus side is that I live in Nebraska so its sbort train ride and we can chill out sometime.

  3. mew mew πŸ™‚ Yah Denver is probably a bit away for me, I'd say I'm pretty happy with my living situation at the moment, but it's still not ideal. I bet that's a beautiful trainride, I'll post next time i visit there πŸ™‚

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