So, where did we leave off? Oh yeah, I’m depressed, hiding, it’s nearing the end of November. I get a call from my father and a few days later I’m up in Sacramento. I shook off some of that negative feelings, went into the situation with a good attitude and was rewarded with a good experience, funny how that works 🙂 I even got a chance to wear some nappies, and I managed to snap this froggy legged photo before sleepy time on one of my nights up north. You can take the girl out of the nursery, but you can’t take the nursery out of the girl 😛
These below are two silly pics, the first is my PC being packed up and brought back in my suitcase, with my Bambinos as soft padding on the side. I’ve used diapers for packing plenty of times, they’re pretty handy. The second photo is a ton of roasted Marshmallows. My friends who roasted them are “vanilla”, but familiar with my marshmallow trick. We all had a good laugh at the absurdity of it, I just want to assure you all these marshmallows were not for me. So why would someone roast this many marshmallows at once, if not for some sort of sexual gratification? I’ll put the answer at the end of this post :p
Doing something for family, getting up to see some friends, and having a few weeks to sorta “get back to my roots” turned out to be a much needed change of pace. I actually mowed a lawn, was much more domestic than I’ve been lately, I’ve been a total city girl, not used to the slower pace of the Sacramento suburban life (though where I live currently is pretty darn suburban). It was good, the trip back was tougher than usual, took me a second to adjust to all the *freedom* I had after being in a somewhat starchy environment. After a moment of bouncing around all over the place like a fish put into a new tank, I caught myself, and turned my attention to the important things, transition, career, people I care about. Sometimes when we’re buzzing around, we lose focus…I also put myself back into nappies, I think those help me stay focused, though any reason I’d give would sound like a total reach.
It was nice, to not just wear late at night or early in the morning, but to be a crinklepants all day, in all my activities. The weather is just right here in LA for hoodies, jeans and diapers, or skirts, tights and diapers 😛 Footy sleeper weather, cuddle weather, it’s perfect 🙂 As much as I like cold places, my skin always dries out, I have a perpetual sniffle, I quickly start to hate it, especially snow. SoCal is spoiling me for winter, but the summers here are pretty brutal unless you live on the water. I’m boring you with this weather talk. These two pictures I sent to friends, I was pretty soggy in the Close-Up one, and the footy sleeper one was right out of a shower, powdered, pampered and pajama’d for bedtime~
I’m excited about some upcoming changes, feeling good, out of my little hiding phase… I’m pretty embarrassed by how I deal with life sometimes, I’d like to think I’m getting better at dealing with it. I’d like to think I’m doing pretty well despite all the sad moments, the tough times. I’m going to keep believing that, proving that in all the ways I can.
Oh, I nearly forgot, the NorCal folks were roasting marshmallows en masse for a s’more blend of beer they were making. It sounds OK, but also really sugary and awful, it also had graham crackers and chocolate in it. Not sure about that.
Talk soon friends, it’s early in the morning on December 17th, I’m still in my PJ’s, going to have some tea and do an extra-good job flossing my teeth, as I have a dentist appointment this afternoon. I bought the Groupon for the dentist with bitcoins, that’s pretty awesome. New dentists always make me nervous. It sounds silly, or maybe just really sad, but i’m afraid they’re going to be mean to me because i’m trans. If anything is a good example of trans and/or bullying related anxiety, it’s this right here. Not discouraged though, it’s mostly an irrational fear, and it’s easy to get caught up in those worries. Being me is worth these moments of anxiousness, I’m stronger than my worries, I am not discouraged 🙂
I intended on ending with a positive note, but that dentist thing put a stop to that… I’ll just leave with a happy wave, a “stay warm” and “big hugs” 🙂 More stuff sooooon!!!