Weeks and Weakening

(another sorta sad post, I promise they won’t always be like this, check back in a month or so if you’re sick of the sad stuff)

Dreams are the toughest thing for me and I’m nearly at my wits end. I won’t go into detail, but my dreams last weeks and weeks, stuck in a cycle where I wake up and go to sleep again in my dreams multiple times. Sometimes I fear I’m losing my grip on reality. That’s awful but it’s the truth. Last night was probably the worst night I’ve had in recent memory, where I tried and tried to escape my dream but couldn’t.

So what can I do? I’ve done some research on Lucid Dreaming, something I’ve always avoided because I generally don’t want to be present in my dreams, but I learned some tactics to potentially wake myself up if I realize I’m in a dream. Having a reality check item on me is one, sort of like a Totem in that movie Inception. This goes hand and hand with the second helpful thing, which is wearing my diapers (nappy Totem!) to bed. I haven’t lately because I just haven’t been in the mood but I realize more and more that I NEED them. I wish I had someone that MADE me wear them, maybe a nightly little Tinychat where you can make sure I have my pampers on… Pushing past sad times and grumpy moods is going to be key in getting back to normal sleep and in the process a healthier and happier life. I’m extremely frustrated with my living conditions as well, where I live has become increasingly noisy and while I have a beautiful crib I sleep on a couch most every night. There’s a ton of things piled up that make my life miserable, but I’m going to do my best to resolve them. I just need to try again, diapers and earplugs, instead of getting wasted and passing out which has long been the only way to get a full nights sleep for me.

I sound like a wreck. I haven’t always been this way and won’t always be this way. I feel better everyday, I know the dreams can’t hurt me but I am a bit tired of waking up exhausted or panicking. Diapers and Earplugs. Let’s see how they work, I’ve tried before but like so many things I haven’t stayed consistent. Wish me sweet dreams, I want to wake up pouty because I’m soggy like the pictures below, not because of bad memories coming to life in dreams.

I’ll also add snuggling my bear to the list of things that help me dream and sleep better. I love my bear ❤


Song of the Day – “No Regrets” – Aesop Rock (amazing hip-hop story song about dreams)

9 thoughts on “Weeks and Weakening

  1. *piles and piles obs hugs* hopes you sleep betters, finks bears and paddings and cribs and earplugs are prolly a good ideas 🙂 Nightmares are no funs for little girls *piles obs more hugs*

  2. D: lots of hugs. Please don’t get wasted and pass out, Riley! The earplugs and diapers idea is good, especially when you have the Tranquility ATNs- those are my favorite! Maybe get yourself a baby bottle and something relaxing (and dry) to suck out of it, like milk or juice.

      • yep, I have bottled water before bed too! A plastic mattress protector and a disposable bedpad are must-haves for me, so I can go back to sleep if I leak.

  3. I know that being largely anonymous takes some of the sincerity out of this, but please don’t doubt it all together.

    I think your chat idea is a great one. To make sure you are properly attired in your “pampers.” If I ever get to a place in my own life where I could reliably contribute, I will make sure to contact you to offer my services. Please know that it isn’t for lack of interest.

    I do think that you should always be appropriately diapered, but even more especially at night. Tsk. Tsk.

    Bad dreams are tough, and there isn’t much I can say to help with that. I am sorry to hear about you having them though. For what it is worth, I would like to make some suggestions to maybe help, if not with the dreams, then lessening their impact on you.

    Comfort. Comfort. Comfort. Not just the physical, but the mental and emotional as well.

    1. Always be diapered for bed. Even if you do not want to, or aren’t feeling it. It is an important part of who you are. The baby girl. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by not being the best Riley, little Riley can be.

    2. You mentioned cuddling your stuffy. Keep cuddling your stuffy. Keep them with you especially at night. Let them be your social support in the middle of the night, in the darkness, when you wake up from bad dreams. Let them be an anchor for you, a safe haven in a sea of negative emotion.

    3. Take a favorite bottle or sippy cup to bed of a favorite drink. Non-alcoholic Riley. I know a lot of people who water or milk helps them sleep better at night. I would recommend juice, apple juice maybe. Something that is still good after being out a couple hours at night, that you enjoy the taste of, and that is not alcoholic or have any caffeine in it.

    4. Take a pacifier or teething ring to bed with you. Something that you cannot choke on, but that you can use to calm you down, and help you get comfortable if you find yourself preoccupied with the troubles of the day or wake up heart racing.

    5. Take a shower before bed. Be smooth. Be clean, soft, and comfortable in your own skin the best you can. Metaphorically wash the day away. Then wear something you like to bed, like a favorite pair of pajamas.

    I do not know what else to say. I hope any of this advice helps, even a little bit.

    My email is listed in the form above. Please do not publish it, but also feel free to email me if you would like to chat at all. I know you aren’t hurting for people making contact with you online.

    Other than that, I sincerely hope your bad dreams don’t continue to haunt you for long and things get better for you.


    – just a Big who feels sorry for littles who are haunted and tormented by bad dreams.

    • Thank you for this, all of this. I’m going to be talking about last night in todays post, and I did a number of the things you recommended before bed and slept relatively well. ❤ ❤ ❤ Happy thoughts

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