Dreaming again

~Be warned ye land lubbers, kinda sad transition talk ahead~

I tried to make a video and take a bunch of photos last week, set it up like a real photoshoot… didn’t work out well, I have a long way to go before I’m taking really high quality photos again… and moreso, have to deal with some serious dysphoria stuff that comes from how I feel about my body at any one moment. I’ve always had issues with my self-image, issues with comparing myself to others and not feeling comfortable in my skin. Transitioning really helped but as I am now at the crux of starting my physical transition over, I really can’t stand how my body looks. I’m getting back towards that cute and soft person I was for a while. I’m feeling the effects of not being on hormones, and it’s painful.

I went to the doctor last Friday, got some tests, will likely get the prescription later this week then start physically transitioning again. Patches this time, so it’ll be a little different. I imagine the outcome will be different as well. I plan to talk more about this in videos, I see so many transpeople come out, then 2 years later they’ve had surgery etc. and that’s it. I suppose that could have happened to me as well, but they didn’t. I can’t be the only one. So I’d love to be able to talk to others about how you can start over and to put it in a weird sort of way, that failure is an option.

Despite what my aggressive inner monologue has to say, I’m not too old or too jaded and I haven’t ruined my chances to be pretty, happy, loved or successful. I haven’t said or done such mean things to myself that I can’t ever love me again.

I wrote all that then took a step away for a day or two. I need to sit down in front of a camera and lay all this out… but for now, I’ll just leave you with the positive thoughts that change is possible, and it’s never too late. Hugs, and here are some pics from that Dream day, some of my favorites ❤

5 thoughts on “Dreaming again

  1. Riley,
    I might be biased but I think you are Beautiful, Gorgeous and Sexy. I really think you would make someone very happy to be on the arm of that someone.

  2. Never forget that outer beauty is only glamour, a temporary and faddish thing. So long as you stay beautiful inside you will always shine. Of course, you need to do what feels right for yourself. Listen to your heart and be true to it. You heart is good so nothing can remove your beauty.

  3. A person once mentioned that looking into one’s eyes is akin to peering into their soul. Perhaps, then, to view a photographer’s work is to view the world from their perspective?

    In the 2010 pictures, the nature of the lighting, facial expressions and posing is really telling, conveying a lonely, somber feeling. I wonder what the more current pictures have to say.

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