Hey there friends, quick little post with some quick heavy thoughts, content warning on family, aging, employment etc. I’m doing good, don’t worry, just need to vent…
— Just got back from my California trip to see my Mom and Dad, it was emotional and exhausting and I’m not really equipped to talk about it right now. Overall it was very positive and I did the right thing. My folks are divorced, had a stepdad who’s been out of the picture for a long time but had a big hand in raising me, I should post a clifnotes of my life sometime… so I saw them because they’re getting on in years, a harsh reminder that I am too, going to the hospital where my mom does chemo, seeing my father groan and move slowly, it’s been trying emotionally. My family isn’t the really emotional, loving kind, we try but that’s not how we operate around each other. Maybe that’s where my walled up emotional nature comes from, why writing and creativity is such an important outlet, because I have trouble relating those feelings in my private life. We also don’t fight, but there’s worlds between us even when we’re in the same room. That’s tough.
They see me at my best now, they are proud that I am doing well and I wanted to show them just how well. I don’t know when I will see them again, but at least I left on good terms. If the worst happens, at least they know their daughter is doing OK.
Things travel-wise escalated quickly in the time I was gone, and my anxious ass is not doing well with that but I feel healthy and am staying safe. I won’t be talking about the recent worldwide news on this site, I want this to be a place of comfort and reassurance, just be safe out there friends, look to the helpers, and help who you can.
— I didn’t get that job i’ve been so excited about. I don’t try to get ahead of myself often, but it went so well that I was starting to plan around it. Their loss. I was doing it to supplement my producing of content but I’ll just have to work harder. I nailed the interviews and was perfect for it, so something must have happened with background checks. I’ve never even been arrested but I’m probably on some kind of “known subversives” list, apparently there was an FBI background check for this job. I don’t like to chalk it up to me being trans or a highly publicized ABDL but that’s always a worry… I just thought this company was cool.
It could have been anything really, the one thing I know it couldn’t have been is lack of effort or competence on my part. We live in a world where people are turning down jobs because of credit checks, so sometimes its hard to come up if you’ve been down. Some people just need to work harder in life to get what comes easy to others, mental health, money, companionship, compassion, it’s tough for everybody yet some people really got to struggle just to break even. The only thing we can do is support each other. Nothin’ will keep me down, just gotta work around the walls.
I’m not taking this too hard just going to keep moving forward. Now I have more time to create great content, write, make a living doing something I enjoy and that spreads joy. I have faith in myself and my worth even if others may not.
READ THIS HAPPY STUFF! — I’m going to spend the forseeable future being healthy and happy and making a lot of great stuff. I had an absolutely fabulous day today despite the bad job news and worldwide worries, i’ll be blastin’ out a hot stream of positive stuff right after this post. I don’t really want to dwell, so let’s clean the slate and move forward. Thanks for all the positivity and support. Great things to come.
More stuff in like 5 mins! Here’s me and a pinball machine I absolutely wrecked while I was there. This score would be like #15 for this table on Pinside.com, I’m starting to get really good at pinball 🙂 Happy thoughts!
Thanks for listening ❤