Hope everyone is being safe tonight! I don’t really celebrate Halloween, I’m one of those “Everyday is Halloween” kinda people, I dress up in costumes all the time and don’t feel I need a specific day for it. It’s also one of those “Amateur Nights”, I was recently quoted in Glamour Magazine about this.
Back in Sacramento I loved Halloween, there was this big event called Trash Film Orgy I was cast for from like 2002-2009. First time I ever went out as a girl, though it wasn’t really as a girl, more like “haha funny look i’m wearing a dress for a lark, ignore the perfect makeup done by my dearest friend and perfect shoes and hair and my sudden confidence, it’s just a bit of fun” Here’s a video from Trash Film Orgy back then if you want to see little tiny baby Riley, though this wasn’t on Halloween.
Nowadays I stay in on Halloween. I still wear costumes of all sorts, but tonight I’d like to remind myself there’s just one costume i’ll never wear again. Not to hide myself or to appease anyone, i’m always going to be me 😛 These pics were from a wedding maybe 10 years ago? Probably the last time I ever went by male pronouns, quite some time after I started socially transitioning. Feels good to know the monkey suit will never return to my back. Though I could see wearing a suit now to rock some kinda sexy Cabaret look.
These photos were taken a couple weeks after…
Funny how things can change 😛 I guess that’s why I don’t like Halloween, I spent so much of my life pretending to be someone else maybe I just don’t see the appeal now.
Hope everyone has a lovely, safe night. Hug your stuffers for me ❤
Also, bonus 18 Year old Riley, aeeeye such a wee bairn!
Spooky times coming up! Been a busy day with lots of filming 🙂 Quick little pic today, Halloween post tomorrow! My next StayKinky video is going to have really neat special effects, i’ve been learning all sorts of new techniques. Pic below was pretty spooky, thought there might be a ghost under my dress. Also you might notice that’z a special kind of camera… more stuff soon ❤
I’m excited and feeling good today. When I get a little too stressed out my stomach is where I feel it the most and my eating suffers, but today I have been eating well and feeling good. I’m usually pretty good, but issues can stack up and you can lose focus, forget to do super important things (forgetting pills was a big one for me, thank golly for daily phone timers) People talk about intersectionality when it comes to social aspects but I think it can be applied to health, mental or otherwise. I think the term “co-morbidities” keeps coming up but they is a very unpleasant word.
My point is that sometimes I lose the forest for the trees and have to go back a few steps on why i’m feeling awful. See the whole structure objectively and see where there are missing supports. Usually it’s something simple, like having some water or eating a sandwich, othertimes it’s a long conversation with your partner or quitting [insert habit here]
Anyway, that’s the thought for the night, I hope everyone has a safe halloween!
When I was 19 years old I had moved into my own little apartment, it was New Year’s Eve and I was completely alone, I had every opportunity to go out but I just stayed at home sat on my roof and watched the fireworks. Still one of the best nights of my life.
Hey there friends! I’ve got some random cute pics to share from the archives 🙂
Might be a little quiet around here until Wednesday, this week is one of those times when life really piles up. Going to do a bit of writing but taking it super easy, i’d encourage everyone to do the same. Even without the election and poll working next week is going to be a big one for me, so I’m resting up best I can. I pretty much slept all day after having a ruffffffff bear morning.
I got attacked by a big honkin’ bug this morning, my bedrooom is kinda drafty and gets the occasional creepy crawly. I do everything I can to keep things from being dusty or dirty but centipedes sneak in sometimes. The bears chase them away tho, its cute though they can get quite fearsome. They look like little Ewoks or Mogwais chasing the little buggers away from Momma. They are good bears 🙂
I just don’t go from 0-60 well, I hate waking up with a yell… Bears calmed me down and I don’t really mind bugs that much, but this one was huge and it was not fun.
Anyway, i’m having a nice evening now, going to get crinkly and head to bed, hope everyone has a little bear looking out for them 🙂 Honorary bears include Puppers, Kitties, Monkers, Buns, Mommies, Daddies, and stuffers and caregivers of all shapes and sizes :p
Hey there friends! I have been really enjoying posting daily here again, sharing cute pics and thinking all crinkly-life and these passions that I love so much 🙂 Bear heard I was posting pics and wanted to post some of their own! These little bears are very special and I’m a proud momma ❤
Just doin’ election stuff and snugglin’ bears this afternoon, hope everyone is doing well. Bear sends out hugs to all the littles in the world every night so if you feel a little snuggle right before bed, that’s probably Little Bear Magic 😛
Hugs and hugs! More “Diaper Lifestyle” stuff ASAP, and maybe even some video! Pardon the delay on new videos, been a busy baby! Feel free to leave a nice comment for the bear also, they love reading them!
Few things I’m thinking about this morning that i’m going to try and cobble together into some sort of point… I’ve also put a limiter on this post to try and make a more concise point, if I post more than 10 paragraphs the bus explodes.
Today we’ll be talking about Homestuck, Pokemon and the myth that indigenous Americans couldn’t see the Spanish ships on the horizon because the idea of a 100-foot Galleon was so beyond their comprehension that they subconsciously blocked them out.
When I was kid, my sibling wore glasses but I didn’t. I always wondered what the world looked like to him when he had his glasses off, I thought about it alot. I was always interested in perspectives other than mine, something about “other peoples plots seem more interesting because they ain’t mine“. I think moreso it was about me wanting to get out of my own head by getting into other peoples. Probably why I read so much, I really only really found joy while pretending. Like how some people study psychology to better understand themselves.
I was really, really into Pokemon for the first few years of it and i’ve told the story before of how I was essentially peer/parentally pressured out of it. Revisiting in this year has been a trip, it’s essentially the same but I don’t recognize most of it, there’s all these new rules/items/pokemon that they expect me to know. And that get’s me to the point of things…
What in the fresh hell is the deal with Homestuck? I have been aware of it forever, lots of people I like are into it, but everytime I try to get into it or just figure out what the story/format is all about I get a headache and need a little lie-down. I’m sure it’s great and very creative, I’m not above non-linear storytelling and weird narrative formats (Code Unknown and Rules of Attraction come to mind) but I just can’t seem to parse this. I’m clearly not the only one if the amount of “How Do I Read Homestuck??” posts are anything to go by.
Keeping these ideas in mind…
What does Pokemon look like to someone who’s never seen Pokemon?
What does your Life look like to someone who’s never lived it?
What does Oppression look like to someone who’s never been Oppressed?
Communicating with people of different backgrounds and points of view takes some serious compromise, you must step outside of your own understanding. That’s what empathy is all about really. I feel like most of art, at least my “art” throughout the years, has been an attempt to get people to practice basic empathy. I really learned from running my old consultation company, you teach enough octogenarians how to use computers and you realize how important patience and perspective are.
To the point: something that makes sense to you (like, wearing diapers for example) may really break the mold on other people’s perspective. When I first saw other ABDLs online, my doors swung wide open, there were dozens of us, dozens! I read stuff online still that blows my preconceived notions out of the water, almost always about the experience of someone other than me. Diverse media sources and social circles are the best for that.
When encountering something new, like Pokemon to my parents or Homestuck to me, you can shut off your brain or open your mind to possibilities. The search for knowledge and perspective is lifelong and probably the whole point. It’s good to be flexible with your own perspective and empathetic to other peoples.
Thanks for reading. The additional post below this one is a real doozy so I’d just skip it if you’re reading for fun. Be safe friends, the bears say “be helpful and kind” ❤ Those Bears are such little kind snugglers ❤
THIS IS MY ONE BIG POLITICAL POST FOR THE COMING US ELECTION. ALL THE WARNINGS. NOT FOR LITTLESPACE!
My last post was an explanation of Perspective and how important it is. This post lays out the consequences when perspective is lost or exploited. It’s gonna get real and ugly and it should make you angry enough to VOTE.
Right now we’re going to need alot of perspective to stay sane. I have been hanging on to the last threads of tolerance for certain political leanings, and occasionally I have to take a step back and try to appreciate their perspective. That doesn’t mean accept or enable them, but to merely try to understand where they’re coming from to best explain my perspective… y’know, the right one. Kidding of course, I am ignorant of many things but when I see people behave against their own interests out of sheer propagated ignorance, it’s important to break them out of that mold. “Respecting others opinions” only goes so far when their opinions are actively harming people. And not harming their ability to afford a Jetski but rather bringing their health and safety into political crosshairs.
Most of us are looking around at a world so full of willful ignorance we can hardly stand it, I for one just want to scream when I see these maskless rallies, just 2 last night in my area. I know those folks will be at my polling place in a weeks time infecting everyone. To be incredibly over dramatic, I may not be alive a month from now because of them, I doubt my poor little lungs could survive Covid. And in the most brutal sense, my death would be a win for them, one less democrat transperson to prey on their children.
For proof of that statement, I just got this text from the “American Principles Project”, a Evangelical Super PAC. This is the perspective they are trying to push. It’s a disingenuous lie and it makes me absolutely furious but that’s their perspective. It’s going to take a wealth of advocacy, patience and truth to change it.
Unfortunately many people won’t seek out my perspective because they’ve had theirs so consistently manipulated. The text message above is part of a $4 Million Dollar push to attack transpeople in swingstates. They’re using my safety as a wedge issue, they don’t actually care about the safety of children (or they would care about the safety of ALL children), they want to trans folks as a pedophles and use that messaging to get people to think Democrats are too “radical”. They can’t harass the gays anymore so they do it with the trans folks, and there’s way less trans people to defend ourselves (especially w/ money and power). They’ve painted a huge target on our backs while they laugh and make jokes about our deaths.
The greatest enemy of free thought is a manufactured perspective intended to emotionally exploit people for profit and power. There’s a ton of money in confirmation bias and there’s a ton of power in maintaining the Status Quo. Unfortunately, the Status Quo doesn’t work for a lot of people, so I’ve come to really despise all the “SQWs”, the Status Quo Warriors, but I suppose if I was ignorant and weak-willed, any sort of break from my perspective would be seen as a threat to me. Perhaps it would be indecipherable to me, possibly due to not understanding my own privilege (“I’ve worked my whole life, why should someone get a free lunch!”) or because i’ve been lied to (“Why would you vote Democrat, they love killing babies!”) or because i’m just a moron (“If you allow gay marriage someday there won’t be any more procreation!”).
Simply, if we’re going to get anywhere we need to come together and find at least a mutual reality. The things I’m seeing are so exhaustively false, and while its important to be reminded of what we see online is paid promotion/botting/confirmation bias nonsense, I see people IRL pushing these completely unreal narratives. When reading ANYTHING, seek out the authors perspective. If you took the above text message at face value, you’d think a concerned Democrat left the party due to child-endangering policy, when in reality it’s a lie top to bottom. But some people don’t do the research so when I encounter a transphobe, their perspective has this big fat lie lying on top like a pat of bigotry butter on a propaganda pancake.
Keep your perspective fluid. Homestuck could click for me someday and maybe more people will gain empathy for each other. I’m not betting on either, but the only thing I can do in this situation is share my perspective on things and hope it resonates with someone. You could call me an alarmist or overreacting, but if you’re part of certain groups, this election is life or death.
I think Joe B*den (name blanked because I have been receiving tons of anti-biden spam) is a milquetoast good ol’ boy who probably doesn’t give one lick about people like me, but he’s a step in the proper direction (really avoided saying “right” there) and hopefully Dems can be pushed harder and harder left. Would be great to see crazy ideas like access to health care, accountability in politics and law enforcement, civil protections and body autonomy. And hey, maybe even a plan for dealing with a pandemic other “Pretend it doesn’t exist/Blame the Democrats”. So Joe B*den has this diaper girl’s endorsement, i’m sure he’ll be putting out a press release any minute now.
A family member was arguing how insufferable my Democrat Aunt would be if B*den wins. I had to reminded them that if Tr*mp wins, a doctor could legally refuse to see me and let me die on the operating table. They said that’s not true, I sent proof, they changed the subject. They just regurgitate Fox and shuts down whenever their perspective is challenged. With people like that I’m not sure there’s anyway to break through, I learned a LOOONG time ago that money is more important than family to many people, and I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s family would choose a tax break over their childs safety and well being. I just comfort myself by saying they don’t believe because they’re politically ignorant, they don’t read or go outside their pervue or anything, they just watch FOX. Even when the political campaign is over, the boogiemen they create still don’t go away. It’s manufactured fear, it’s insidious and it’s the biggest foe we’re up against.
I’ve hit my limit, thanks for reading. I’m preaching to the choir here I know I just wanted to get all that off my chest. I’m looking forward to next Weds when my poll work is over and all I have to be anxious about is LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE. To gain some perspective though, I’m fit, have a lovely little bear to snuggle and a place to rant about politics if I need be. I try to use this platform for good, but let’s get back to the diapers and fun, shall we?
Took the day off 😛 Bought some pillows for my chair/butt and one for between my legs when I sleep. I have been an achey baby lately so I have been looking for ways to mitigate that… the worst is my hands getting tired but nobody wants to hear little Riley complain about her twiggy little hands… that’s why I like the bears, they are such good listeners!
When you’re wearing thick crinkles it’s really helpful to have a pillow between your legs, just another little thing that’s helping me stay comfy in my diapers! Life is all about figuring it all out I guess, I’ve been wearing makeup most of my life and still have very little idea how that all works. I just remind myself that everyone else is just as confused as I am, that brings me peace.
Here’s some random retro diaper pics from the archive, such a crinkly little snuggler! I think these were maybe LA or right when I moved to PA? My hair was uber-long there. even longer than it is now! Still peeing my pants tho 😛
Ok friends, have a wonderful evening 🙂 Be sure to get all crinkly if you pee your pants too! Give your stuffers a snug for me ❤
If you’re just scrolling, read this one! It’s a good one!
It’s a crisp Autumn evening, let’s chat about something that is full of joy 🙂 Today i’ll be defining what I see as a “Diaper Lifestyle” and what it means to me.
Simply: Diaper Lifestyle is allowing the option of diaper use into your life.
It’s not any more complicated than that, if you’re 24/7, an occasional wetter or just keep a pull-up in your purse for emergencies, you’re participating in a Diapered Lifestyle. I’m careful to not apply that label to others, it’s just how I see diaper use demographically. Products, health, public perception, all that effects a Diaper Lifestyle regardless of the motivation behind wearing. I like that take on DL, I’ve always distanced myself from “Diaper Lover”, while I clearly love diapers it’s not the kind of love one would have for say, a Meat Lovers Pizza.
I keep coming back to “Juicer Life”, I had lots of friends into raw food and juice and it was just part of life, they discussed different juicers and always kept Nalgene bottles with them. Some days they wouldn’t juice at all, but sometimes folks would juice enough for a week and share with others. It was something we did for social fun and our own well being. Juice, like diapers, can have health benefits but this comparison goes much further.
In life, it’s important to think of something to do and see that task to completion. The day to day of life, the main part of it really, is setting standards for yourself based on your needs and wants. Following through on your personal goals is the true measure of success in life, and being a diaper girl may sound like a silly goal to some but it’s what matters to me.
I want to enable diapers as routine in my life because I know that will make me happy, and while the diapers and everything involved in it is wonderful, the doing of the thing is the sweet nectar of life. I say that with no hyperbole, nothing in the world feels better than knowing you’ve done a good job. That’s why littles melt so easily, a real “well done!” is the rarest warm fuzzy of all especially among prickly adults. When we hear that and it’s authentic, smiles and long weepy hugs usually come next.
I feel that’s where Gender Euphoria comes from. I have never been happier than the first time I walked alone down a street in a dress, I still remember every detail of that moment. A huge part of that joy was throwing off the weighted blanket of indecision and allowing life to happen. In that moment I was just living and not second guessing myself or waiting for things to happen. In that same vein, i’ve found a great deal of joy in posting these last few days, instead of planning or making promises I’m engaging in my passions, I’m doing the thing.
I’m so happy to have something that I like as much as diapers. One of my life goals was to just be authentically me, a diaper girl! Knowing that I’ll always have a diaper in my purse or on my bottom brings me great comfort, I hope sharing my story does the same to others. The best moments of life are the little moments of being completely present, when you know exactly who you are and what you want because you’re being who you are and doing what you want.
So that’s what I define as Diaper Lifestyle, it’s more of an action that an identity. I live a diaper lifestyle, I am active in a diaper lifestyle. And things have to stay fluid, I like wearing sexy lingerie or cute cotton undies sometimes and just having diapers on the periphery. I also won’t be focusing on “un-potty training” or setting too strict of rules, it’s easy to get disillusioned or burnout. It’s about the journey not the destination, and while wearing diapers can lead to loss of control, I’m not seeking it out nor actively preventing it. What happens happens though I do find great comfort in bedwetting. If I’ve learned one thing about myself it’s that stability is good but rigidity is bad. Also, taking things too seriously should be avoided, I can definitely be accused of that.
The labels and rules have their place, but what’s most important is the shared goal…
The goal of a Diapered Lifestyle is to improve Quality of Life by including diapers.
We’ll spend the next few posts discussing ways diapers improve Quality of Life and how to get over some of the challenges diaper wearing brings. You’re witnessing the inception of a practical manual and argument for diaper wearing. It’ll be Riley Paine’s “Crinkle Sense”, a manifesto intended to endear the colonies towards a more pampered future!
In all seriousness, I’m just a silly girl who likes to talk about diapers as much as she can ❤
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading alongside my journey to better understand our crinkly selves 😛 More stuff sooooon, I’m in a somewhat soggy Megamax so I should change and get started on my day ❤ Big big hugs from the bunny and I!
I’m a cheeky little crinkler aren’t I? I was looking through some old pics and came across some adventures I was having in LA a long time ago… I had randomly bought a new bike with a friend and they snapped a few pics on a VERY windy day in North Hollywood. I was thickly diapered and things got a little Marilyn Monroe-Esq 😛
Thick diapers work well with bikerides too, your bottom is nice and soft on the seat. Though I’d probably have worn tights if I was going for a real ride, little pleated skirts aren’t the best choice for cycling or windy days, well, depending on who you ask.
Whenever I see these pics I get a little crush on myself. I just want to pat my cute little bottom and cheer me on. I think we also bought a carseat that day, i’ll save that for a later date. I definitely miss romping around LA in my little skirts and diapers, I have so many cute pics from that era i’m looking forward to sharing.
Hope everyone is enjoying the autumn weather, good time for bike rides, overalls and double diapers ❤ Have a wonderful Saturday friends! Diaper Lifestyle Part 3 coming tomorrow!
Let’s jump right into it today, we’re talking about my personal 24/7 history! Mainly confronting the question, why am I not a 24/7 diaper girl? Why have I been thinking/fantasizing about this for so long but never managed to stick with it? Mild Content Note, some substance/mental health real life stuff ahead but nothing too gritty. You can also read the last 14 years of this site if you’d like the full story ❤
Let’s look at my diaper history for some context:
Pre-Adulthood: Had desires to wear as early as I can remember, strong, seemingly insatiable diaper desires. Stealing diapers, makeshift diapers, all the hyper-obsessive/horny actions of a hormone fueled teen. An occasion when I nearly told my Mom I wet the bed in hopes it would normalize diapers, thankfully decided against it. Had no real aspirations for 24/7, way too much shame around diapers. Planned on being a famous entertainer, thought there’d be no room in that for ABDL. Had my little private stash and wore in total secret.
18-24: Keeping diapers mostly secret but finding partners and engaging in the social aspects of ABDL. Moved across the country once for a full-time Caregivers/Little relationship that quickly disintegrated (as they often do). Created Riley Kilo from Rilo Kiley and started writing this site. Would occasionally get frustrated and depressed about not wearing full-time and my own continence, which I don’t think was healthy in retrospect. I certainly went overboard with things at times, probably why I encourage balance and mindfulness so much now.
25: Filmed My Strange Addiction, had been “public” for years but this was the big one, the thing that would remove my plausible deniability forever. Anyone, anywhere (family, ex-girlfriends, dentists etc.) could potentially know what i’m all about. This was also me signing away any sort of mainstream acting career, something a young Riley anticipated as a life path, I was somewhat of a prolific young performer. I decided to double down on the diaper community and that opened/closed quite a few doors… When I speak of how important the community is to me it’s because I’ve made some serious sacrifices in aide of it. 25 was a major turning point in my life.
26-30: NYC and LA, Sex Work all day everyday, not a lot of time for personal diaper stuff. Stopped writing here and went over to Tumblr for a while, we all know how that turned out. I was doing more Pro-Mommy work than little stuff myself. Meeting lots of other ABDL’s, though my professional life was going well I was a bit of a wrecking ball personally, I wasn’t often showing my best side. I was winning awards but also waking up on bathroom floors, that sort of thing. Diapers were mostly in the periphery.
31-33: Moved to PA, diapers were just a constant but kinda lost in the noise of life, there were times I’d go a month without wearing but was never lacking for crinkles. Lost the motivation to engage in my passions due to mental health stuff. Pumped the brakes on my life, started taking my health and well-being seriously and began to reinvigorate my love for a crinkly bottom.
NOW: I’m as into diapers as ever! It’s diaper-city around here, back to making videos and blogging, wearing most nights and naps and for all outings, but still spending my days mostly out of diapers. This last month in particular i’ve been wearing often and i’ve been loving it 🙂 Unfortunately, starting to deal with rashes and stuff again.
On a Side Note: I never liked to wear diapers and smoke cigarettes at the same time, there was something so incredibly ironic or counter-productive or something about that, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to do a thing because they’re afraid it will ruin that thing forever (like having sex on molly or adding bacon to milkshakes) so I hated the idea of associating the good feeling of diapers with the bad feeling of smoking. So now that i’ve quit, i’m as crinkly as ever 🙂
So why am I not “24/7”? There’s 2 main reasons why I never stuck with it.
The first reason took explaining my entire history, but in brief finding the right mood, motivation and balance for wearing was a necessity for me. Diapers help me stay balanced and bring comfort and security, but when you’re off-kilter to begin with diapers feel like they just get in the way. My life, emotions were in a constant state of ups and downs and I just never found the mood for diapers. That’s better mitigated now, I’m not taking subway rides to dance at clubs all night or chain-smoking on a 10 minute break at a Coffee Shop, my lifes highs and lows have leveled out a bit. I’m better setup for future challenges and my daily challenges are fairly tame. I make a living from home, I have a platform to share diaper thoughts, the cats out of the bag with my family etc, I’m feeling good about it. It really feels like the Mental Barrier on diaper wearing has been broken.
It’s dawning on me that these two issues could fit into the categories of mental and physical. The Mental Barrier is confidence, mood, shame, the things that kept me from wearing despite having every opportunity to do so. The Physical Barrier is rashes, sizing, leaks etc. Then there’s Logistical Barriers, things like affording diapers, telling your partner, hiding them and other societal/access issues. I intend to expand on these in a later post.
We’ve covered/unsealed the Mental Barriers, the Logistical Barriers are ancient history for me, so the last is the Physical Barriers, which is the biggest issue for me. I’ll be expanding on this in my next post and talking about proper diaper hygiene, do’s and don’ts and what i’ve done to deal with the wear and scares of constant diapering!
More soon, thanks so much for reading ❤
(pic is bear and I during a bit of 24/7 several years ago)