Let’s jump right into it today, we’re talking about my personal 24/7 history! Mainly confronting the question, why am I not a 24/7 diaper girl? Why have I been thinking/fantasizing about this for so long but never managed to stick with it? Mild Content Note, some substance/mental health real life stuff ahead but nothing too gritty. You can also read the last 14 years of this site if you’d like the full story ❤
Let’s look at my diaper history for some context:
Pre-Adulthood: Had desires to wear as early as I can remember, strong, seemingly insatiable diaper desires. Stealing diapers, makeshift diapers, all the hyper-obsessive/horny actions of a hormone fueled teen. An occasion when I nearly told my Mom I wet the bed in hopes it would normalize diapers, thankfully decided against it. Had no real aspirations for 24/7, way too much shame around diapers. Planned on being a famous entertainer, thought there’d be no room in that for ABDL. Had my little private stash and wore in total secret.
18-24: Keeping diapers mostly secret but finding partners and engaging in the social aspects of ABDL. Moved across the country once for a full-time Caregivers/Little relationship that quickly disintegrated (as they often do). Created Riley Kilo from Rilo Kiley and started writing this site. Would occasionally get frustrated and depressed about not wearing full-time and my own continence, which I don’t think was healthy in retrospect. I certainly went overboard with things at times, probably why I encourage balance and mindfulness so much now.
25: Filmed My Strange Addiction, had been “public” for years but this was the big one, the thing that would remove my plausible deniability forever. Anyone, anywhere (family, ex-girlfriends, dentists etc.) could potentially know what i’m all about. This was also me signing away any sort of mainstream acting career, something a young Riley anticipated as a life path, I was somewhat of a prolific young performer. I decided to double down on the diaper community and that opened/closed quite a few doors… When I speak of how important the community is to me it’s because I’ve made some serious sacrifices in aide of it. 25 was a major turning point in my life.
26-30: NYC and LA, Sex Work all day everyday, not a lot of time for personal diaper stuff. Stopped writing here and went over to Tumblr for a while, we all know how that turned out. I was doing more Pro-Mommy work than little stuff myself. Meeting lots of other ABDL’s, though my professional life was going well I was a bit of a wrecking ball personally, I wasn’t often showing my best side. I was winning awards but also waking up on bathroom floors, that sort of thing. Diapers were mostly in the periphery.
31-33: Moved to PA, diapers were just a constant but kinda lost in the noise of life, there were times I’d go a month without wearing but was never lacking for crinkles. Lost the motivation to engage in my passions due to mental health stuff. Pumped the brakes on my life, started taking my health and well-being seriously and began to reinvigorate my love for a crinkly bottom.
NOW: I’m as into diapers as ever! It’s diaper-city around here, back to making videos and blogging, wearing most nights and naps and for all outings, but still spending my days mostly out of diapers. This last month in particular i’ve been wearing often and i’ve been loving it 🙂 Unfortunately, starting to deal with rashes and stuff again.
On a Side Note: I never liked to wear diapers and smoke cigarettes at the same time, there was something so incredibly ironic or counter-productive or something about that, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to do a thing because they’re afraid it will ruin that thing forever (like having sex on molly or adding bacon to milkshakes) so I hated the idea of associating the good feeling of diapers with the bad feeling of smoking. So now that i’ve quit, i’m as crinkly as ever 🙂
So why am I not “24/7”? There’s 2 main reasons why I never stuck with it.
The first reason took explaining my entire history, but in brief finding the right mood, motivation and balance for wearing was a necessity for me. Diapers help me stay balanced and bring comfort and security, but when you’re off-kilter to begin with diapers feel like they just get in the way. My life, emotions were in a constant state of ups and downs and I just never found the mood for diapers. That’s better mitigated now, I’m not taking subway rides to dance at clubs all night or chain-smoking on a 10 minute break at a Coffee Shop, my lifes highs and lows have leveled out a bit. I’m better setup for future challenges and my daily challenges are fairly tame. I make a living from home, I have a platform to share diaper thoughts, the cats out of the bag with my family etc, I’m feeling good about it. It really feels like the Mental Barrier on diaper wearing has been broken.
It’s dawning on me that these two issues could fit into the categories of mental and physical. The Mental Barrier is confidence, mood, shame, the things that kept me from wearing despite having every opportunity to do so. The Physical Barrier is rashes, sizing, leaks etc. Then there’s Logistical Barriers, things like affording diapers, telling your partner, hiding them and other societal/access issues. I intend to expand on these in a later post.
We’ve covered/unsealed the Mental Barriers, the Logistical Barriers are ancient history for me, so the last is the Physical Barriers, which is the biggest issue for me. I’ll be expanding on this in my next post and talking about proper diaper hygiene, do’s and don’ts and what i’ve done to deal with the wear and scares of constant diapering!
More soon, thanks so much for reading ❤
(pic is bear and I during a bit of 24/7 several years ago)