I was editing a video and listening to smooth Japanese music when suddenly I dropped everything and came rushing here! Some thoughts have culminated into a point and I’d like to share it here 🙂 Talk about shame and getting over yourself ahead!
Internet reviewer Yahtzee once said “Maybe we don’t play retro video games because of nostalgia but because old games have what we want”. This resonated with me, because there’s so much rationalizing going on all the time, when all you really need is “I do this because I like it, it feels good”. I dance around my room to Bubblegum J-pop in certain moods because that music makes me feel unlike anything else. I’m very glad to have found that genre and used to be pretty shy about liking it, especially around my more pretentious music peers.
To bring it a little closer to home, I have been wearing swimsuits and bodysuits more often lately because they make me feel the cutest! They also get me excited, and I’m ridiculously susceptible to snuggles when I’m in one, especially a little gymnastics outfit. I think it’s because I took gymnastics when I was really little and always wanted to wear ballet outfits… but there I go rationalizing again. I just like wearing them, they feel good and turn me on. That’s the beginning and end of the story.
Introspection is super important in personal development, but it’s totally ok to put all that in the “Too Hard” or “Do Later” pile. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, enjoy your particular pleasures. I always kinda felt like a “pervert” or “shameful” for having sexy times (especially by myself) while really indulging in my kinks. And then I realized that i’m the only one keeping myself from enjoying these things. The world may have built those walls of shame but I’m the one keeping them up.
I’m learning it’s OK to stop stressing for a second and just enjoy myself. Not everything needs a point, not everything is leading to some greater goal or part of some grander scheme. Sometimes I just want to wear a cute swimsuit and masturbate to myself in the mirror, if that’s a crime then lock me up. Actually… please lock me up 😛
I find the more you limit yourself, the more things lose control. When I was younger I’d suppress my diaper lust then go all out on occasion, enemas, pacifiers, plastic pants, the whole works. I was always a complete sticky mess afterwards and usually didn’t feel great about it, often ashamed and a little manic, those hard emotional swings are never healthy. I’d be irresistibly horny and usually do about half of what i’d planned to do to myself. I’d then swing hard to “ugh, what a mess, why would anyone love me if I do stuff like that”.
I have since found a much better balance. I still get really turned on, do some kinda kinky shameful things, but it’s all in good fun. It’s good to go a little wild now and then as long as it’s reasonably safe 🙂
There’s a time for serious self-reflection and a time to pee into a pair of snowpants because it feels good. I’ve avoided repeating the “B” word constantly, but BALANCE really is important. Not to sound like the 16th-century Catholic church but I allow myself a certain amount of indulgences and try not to go overboard, I have certainly been guilty of that in the past. I often over-indulged in more socially acceptable things (but certainly more harmful), all the while I secretly longed for other things.
Standing on a cliff over water, some people dive in w/o a thought, some people do a flip, some look cautiously then join in. I’ve always been shivering on the cliff, too afraid to enjoy myself, over-thinking the dangers, fearing criticism from my peers. I’m finally starting to feel like jumping in, enjoying myself instead of worrying about every little thing.
Thanks for reading. Like what you like! I’m going to go put on a diaper and the bears are gonna pat my big poofy bottom because they know I like it 😛 If this site had a mission statement it’d be “getting over the shame of being yourself” or the more direct “fuck shame” and I hope we can all find a little more confidence in ourselves and our interests. We could all be a little more like Amélie ❤
-Additional Reading – My post about being coerced out of liking pokemon and revisiting lost loves 🙂
Also, if you haven’t seen Amelie, go see it! I don’t know if it’s still a total cliche to recommend that movie, but it’s a total masterpiece and a must watch. It’s peerless in its sense of wonder except for maybe “Roman Holiday“… watch both if you haven’t!