Peetown pt 4: Sandy Cheeks

I’ve always dreamed of taking diaper pictures on the beach… and here I am!!!

There’s a few Kinky things i’ve always wanted to try but never had the chance. I’ve never really approached sexual situations with an itinerary, I tend to enjoy experiences in the moment and not think of things too technically. I learned in a bathtub in my early 20’s that high expectations of what will happen to you during sex or having a checklist in your head can really ruin the mood. The only thing that matters is the two (or more) folks consent and vibe together and the rest will happen naturally, which usually involves a lot of aggressive humping and hard kissing… I find that gropey excited relatively kink-free play to be the meat and potatoes of casual sexual interactions, the advanced kink stuff takes trust and trust takes time, right? The caveat being SexWork (SW) where an itinerary is fine if negotiated and paying well… Check out “Duke of Burgundy“, interesting movie on selfishness in kink among victorian lesbian entomologists, something i’m sure we can all relate to.

Speaking of SW, my life has been a series of casual encounters and friends with benefits and that’s been mostly by design. the “Why?” of that is told throughout this blog but trust/abandonment issues is the glib response, it’s more that I haven’t had time or lived in one place long enough. Though in the here & now I have partners and friends and private relationships and am quite happy. But it certainly took some time to adjust and realize “here’s these handful of people that I super care about and that care about me, honestly, and they’re not going anywhere”. It took a while to accept that people might actually like me for me, or that I might be a tolerable enough person that someone may want to spend the rest of their life with me. Also my sex life is different now that I don’t drink, I won’t elaborate here but a cute, drunk, lonely transgirl can find herself in some less than savory places.

Even in that Fairy Tale meeting of the perfect partner, I doubt I would ever be truly monogamous. Not because I sleep around or anything, my heteronormative sex drive and desire to sleep with random people is null and was never really that high… though my sex drive for kinky stuff is and will likely always be significant, I like diapers now more than ever. In a relationship I would want the freedom to diaper whatever cute butts I want, both for work and pleasure. I think honesty and openness solves all those problems, loyalty isn’t possession, you can give your heart to one person and your body to many, you can be loyal and free. I’ve always been happy with co-habitation, I think most people are. I wish more people would just live with each other and not worry about sex or outside perceptions or anything. Makes me happy to see so many people living like that in Ptown, remove those sexual and social hangups and just sleep and eat in the same house. CDC data shows a positive trend in co-ed living, I see more of this happening in future as barriers break down.

Side note, I decided long ago to keep my personal relationships off the internet, being a known entity Trans ABDL person can lead to assumptions etc, I am constantly getting doxxed, I would hate for my actions to out someone. I can handle the horrible internet people, but part of being in a relationship is caring for and protecting your partner and posting pics or sharing information could put them in harms way, so I don’t. Dating me come with a whole can of social worms, one of the reasons “Fame” can be lonely. I’m fun, but how many would take me home to Mama?

And I’ve always been a bit of a loner, I need time to myself and I ideally relationships find that happy medium of togetherness and independence. I think the key is to find another loner and hook up with them. And while I may be happier and more free on my own, I doubt i’m better off. Easy to let things get out of control when you’re alone.

Coming back to the diapering of cute butts… I’ve generally been the “Top” in most situations, it’s appeal is a combination of Lust and Trust. It’s really hot to take control and I feel comfortable in that role and I don’t have to risk making myself too vulnerable, especially in casual situations. Being sub really means something to me and I don’t want to risk bad experiences, I am certainly a little and need to be held and snugged and kept in thick diapers and restraints etc… you all know that about me ❤ And the fear of having a negative experience in that context scares me, I know as a top I am taking less risks, and it’s great regardless. Especially diaper stuff, I enjoy diapering butts as much as getting my butt diapered.

And in reality, I’ve always had an assertive personality and often found myself taking control… when you’ve got two cute, diapered, subby transgirls on a bed, one’s going to be slightly more dominant and hold the leash. I’m way past the sexist notion that it’s somehow wrong to be an assertive top woman, I left the fear of being seen as “masculine” back in the 2010’s with the Cargo Pants and Nu-Metal.

So the #1 thing on my Kinky bucketlist? Building trust and having IRL experiences with an experienced and caring dominant. Someone I could trust to tie me down or keep me in diapers, someone that was on the same page as me and that I had true sexual tension with. Someone who perceives me as the submissive sexual creature I so desire to be. To have true sexual immersion, to turn off my history and anxieties and inhibitions and just experience subspace or littlespace or the feeling of being dominated and used… all in a safe, consensual environment with someone I don’t doubt. Holodecks won’t get invented until the 23rd century so until then I’ll keep hopeful.

I don’t know if it’ll ever be so good as it is in the great romance books or in my imagination right before an orgasm, but degrees of love and sex is all we can ask for. I wonder how many sexual experiences have been ruined by checklists, how many have been turned off kink because their partner wanted to go on every ride at Disneyland. I didn’t see the movie Princess Bride until I was in my 30’s because sometimes good things can wait. So Carpe Diem but also Tranquillā, I think if I rushed into more kink sitatuions I’d be worse off. For now I’d rather focus on myself and play video games/masturbate on a Saturday night than go out and have mediocre sex. Have you seen video games lately? Incredible.

This whole post was a preface for my sexy bucketlist. It all seems silly now, but here’s some stuff i’ve alwas wanted to try but have been too shy or practical or didn’t have enough jello to do. I’ll save that for next post though, this is too darn long as it is.

What’s on your kinky bucket list? More thoughts on kink, relationships and the things that go hump in the night! New post with more Peetown pics this week, stick around! Thanks for reading ❤

Peetown pt 3: Lights, Camera, Authorship!

Hey there friends! I’m finally done organizing all my pics from the trip, working on a fun little video that’ll be up in the next couple days, just a little voiceover work and it’ll be ready to go! I wanted to post some pics and ended up doing some writing on content and the process of writing… Read on for a look into what’s going on in my little bunny mind at this very moment, skip to the end for the diapers/provincetown stuff!

On Pics:

I’ve been trying to think of good places to put all my pics, I have legit tens of thousands of photos that I’ve been sifting through on the over 10TB of data from the last 15 years of content creation… I recently organized all my videos and created a Dropbox-esq account to back it all up (and provide private links to a handful of close friends) so I’m satisfied with where my videos are going and how i’m organizing it all… but photos are something completely different. I’m exploring and figuring it out, just the backend stuff I’ve got to figure out to be successful at this whole content thing. I have a ton of organizing to do!

On Video:

At the start of this year I set a goal to make 52 videos in 2021 and have mostly achieved that, just not the way I intended to. I have been doing weekly StayKinky videos but I really wanted to do more live content and weekly StayDiapered videos, like those Size 7 videos i’ve been talking about for time immemorial. I’m not beating myself off over it, I just know what I want to focus on moving forward. Also I’ve got these fancy video games and would love to stream more of that, as well as just general chatting and fun streams, I have soooo many costumes/leotards etc, I could just change outfits and have fun on cam for hours. I have been antisocial too long, video chatting seems like a nice way to break the ice… but I do prefer a more structured performance environment, keeping the 4th wall up so to speak. So a main focus on Youtube and my StayKinky videos, with some supplemental live stuff for extra fun. Sounds like a plan!

On Writing:

I’ve always felt shy in unstructured social settings online, I’m awful at chatting and stuff, I’m much more verbal and tend to write how I talk, and use speech to text alot which makes me sound like a bit of a clown. I feel writing in a structured setting like a blog or a letter is much more my style, that text back and forth makes me anxious. I also tend to read people’s facial expressions a ton and the lack of that makes it tough. I think I can confidently say I’ve always been a good writer and a terrible grammatician, I use too many commas and “I”, lots of run on sentences and the use of words like “alot” and “lots”. I find myself editing text as often as I do writing it and it still tends to be sloppy and often too long, like this post is becoming!

It’s an uphill climb, I didn’t pay much attention in school (too busy reading) and I only have a big vocabulary because I watch movies and read books and tend to absorb language well, that’s why my accent is a walking tour of the coasts. I read style guides and try my best but the literary world is very intimidating, I’ve read “On Writing” twice now though! I’ve always wanted to write a book but would need a dedicated, relatable editor and that’s hard to find. I figured if I ever wrote something real, if it was Non Fiction it’d be in the style of David Sedaris or Jean Shepherd and if it was Fiction it’s be like Kerouac or Chuck Palahniuk, not that’d i’d aim to ape their style but more just a blueprint of what’s possible.

Intimidating also describes setting out to write a book, telling a narrative from front to back, 200 pages or more, how could I tell my life story in that manner? What gets left in and cut out? It’s an impossible task for me, my brain can’t take on that challenge without more experience under my belt. A series of Essays describing different notable moments from my life sounds much more doable. And I think finding a proper editor is also doable, I have the confidence now to start working on something real. I’ve been working on a book for my whole life, just a matter of compiling all the cocktail napkins and diaries into something cohesive.

Funny, the song i’m listening to goes “Chemicals, Don’t Strangle My Pen!” and I have been reflecting on how much quitting nicotine has improved my desire to write. Good things all around, proud of myself, 3 Weeks and doing great!

On Retirement:

Was reading some posts from an old friend, she’s published a few detective novels and has a dayjob, something many writers need. She was talking about how she hadn’t started her retirement plan until her mid-30’s, explaining how her mental health etc lead her to delay and how she shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it etc… and i’m sitting here thinking how most everyone I know in their 30’s is still working at bars or gigging it with no real aspirations otherwise, it’s hard to invest in your future when you’re living check to check… I’m not exactly living check to check anymore, I have a little more freedom from all the work i’ve put into StayKinky and the help of friends, and it’s got me thinking about my future. My retirement plan was always some dismissive morbid statement, but now that i’m healthier and happier, I see potential in my future and have been considering what i’ll do when the format shifts or when I move on from the content i’m making now. I guess i’ll always adapt… I was joking with her that the sex work retirement plan is writing, marriage or death and that i’ll probably take the writing path. And as always, I plan to continue making videos of my diapered butt even when it’s far past appropriate to do so… I decide when I stop being cute and little and that’s never 😛

On My Back:

This part is about Provincetown and Diapers.

As you can tell from my last few posts, i’m at a crossroads right now and my little bunny brain is working overtime. I think this trip reminded me that I have worth, leaving my comfort zone, reconnecting with the ocean, all those things really recharged my batteries. I lived in a dozen houses and went to a dozen schools as a kid and traveled non-stop as an adult… I needed to get on the road to get my mojo back. I care so much less about inconsequential things now that my palates been refreshed, I’ve been crinkly as a girl can be and have done some serious self-improvement this last month back. Life is good, and going through all these pics, videos and words from my trip has been really helpful in keeping me smiley and focused. And of course all the super positive feedback i’ve received, thanks so much for all the happy thoughts!!!

In terms of the pics… I had ordered some M4’s to the room and was layering those with these bb diapers, they’re the new Pampers Cruisers Size 6, super cute and colorful! I was being such a soggy girl! Mostly just my double diapers on little Peetown adventures, I was wearing those sweatpants for my early morning beach walks, took lots of soggy pics around the ABnb. The light in provincetown made me look so cute, I took like 600 pictures and wish I’d have taken 600 more… will have to go back sometime soon ❤

Thanks for listening, more fun headed to this spot soon ❤ Happy thoughts!!!

Vacations really do make you fall in love again… and in this case, I fell back in love with myself, my crinkles and cuteness!

Thanks for reading friends ❤ Be good to yourself, hope for the best but plan for the worst! This little girl is doing great, more fun sooooon!!!