Hey there friends! I’m finally done organizing all my pics from the trip, working on a fun little video that’ll be up in the next couple days, just a little voiceover work and it’ll be ready to go! I wanted to post some pics and ended up doing some writing on content and the process of writing… Read on for a look into what’s going on in my little bunny mind at this very moment, skip to the end for the diapers/provincetown stuff!
I’ve been trying to think of good places to put all my pics, I have legit tens of thousands of photos that I’ve been sifting through on the over 10TB of data from the last 15 years of content creation… I recently organized all my videos and created a Dropbox-esq account to back it all up (and provide private links to a handful of close friends) so I’m satisfied with where my videos are going and how i’m organizing it all… but photos are something completely different. I’m exploring and figuring it out, just the backend stuff I’ve got to figure out to be successful at this whole content thing. I have a ton of organizing to do!
At the start of this year I set a goal to make 52 videos in 2021 and have mostly achieved that, just not the way I intended to. I have been doing weekly StayKinky videos but I really wanted to do more live content and weekly StayDiapered videos, like those Size 7 videos i’ve been talking about for time immemorial. I’m not beating myself off over it, I just know what I want to focus on moving forward. Also I’ve got these fancy video games and would love to stream more of that, as well as just general chatting and fun streams, I have soooo many costumes/leotards etc, I could just change outfits and have fun on cam for hours. I have been antisocial too long, video chatting seems like a nice way to break the ice… but I do prefer a more structured performance environment, keeping the 4th wall up so to speak. So a main focus on Youtube and my StayKinky videos, with some supplemental live stuff for extra fun. Sounds like a plan!
I’ve always felt shy in unstructured social settings online, I’m awful at chatting and stuff, I’m much more verbal and tend to write how I talk, and use speech to text alot which makes me sound like a bit of a clown. I feel writing in a structured setting like a blog or a letter is much more my style, that text back and forth makes me anxious. I also tend to read people’s facial expressions a ton and the lack of that makes it tough. I think I can confidently say I’ve always been a good writer and a terrible grammatician, I use too many commas and “I”, lots of run on sentences and the use of words like “alot” and “lots”. I find myself editing text as often as I do writing it and it still tends to be sloppy and often too long, like this post is becoming!
It’s an uphill climb, I didn’t pay much attention in school (too busy reading) and I only have a big vocabulary because I watch movies and read books and tend to absorb language well, that’s why my accent is a walking tour of the coasts. I read style guides and try my best but the literary world is very intimidating, I’ve read “On Writing” twice now though! I’ve always wanted to write a book but would need a dedicated, relatable editor and that’s hard to find. I figured if I ever wrote something real, if it was Non Fiction it’d be in the style of David Sedaris or Jean Shepherd and if it was Fiction it’s be like Kerouac or Chuck Palahniuk, not that’d i’d aim to ape their style but more just a blueprint of what’s possible.
Intimidating also describes setting out to write a book, telling a narrative from front to back, 200 pages or more, how could I tell my life story in that manner? What gets left in and cut out? It’s an impossible task for me, my brain can’t take on that challenge without more experience under my belt. A series of Essays describing different notable moments from my life sounds much more doable. And I think finding a proper editor is also doable, I have the confidence now to start working on something real. I’ve been working on a book for my whole life, just a matter of compiling all the cocktail napkins and diaries into something cohesive.
Funny, the song i’m listening to goes “Chemicals, Don’t Strangle My Pen!” and I have been reflecting on how much quitting nicotine has improved my desire to write. Good things all around, proud of myself, 3 Weeks and doing great!
Was reading some posts from an old friend, she’s published a few detective novels and has a dayjob, something many writers need. She was talking about how she hadn’t started her retirement plan until her mid-30’s, explaining how her mental health etc lead her to delay and how she shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it etc… and i’m sitting here thinking how most everyone I know in their 30’s is still working at bars or gigging it with no real aspirations otherwise, it’s hard to invest in your future when you’re living check to check… I’m not exactly living check to check anymore, I have a little more freedom from all the work i’ve put into StayKinky and the help of friends, and it’s got me thinking about my future. My retirement plan was always some dismissive morbid statement, but now that i’m healthier and happier, I see potential in my future and have been considering what i’ll do when the format shifts or when I move on from the content i’m making now. I guess i’ll always adapt… I was joking with her that the sex work retirement plan is writing, marriage or death and that i’ll probably take the writing path. And as always, I plan to continue making videos of my diapered butt even when it’s far past appropriate to do so… I decide when I stop being cute and little and that’s never 😛
On My Back:
This part is about Provincetown and Diapers.
As you can tell from my last few posts, i’m at a crossroads right now and my little bunny brain is working overtime. I think this trip reminded me that I have worth, leaving my comfort zone, reconnecting with the ocean, all those things really recharged my batteries. I lived in a dozen houses and went to a dozen schools as a kid and traveled non-stop as an adult… I needed to get on the road to get my mojo back. I care so much less about inconsequential things now that my palates been refreshed, I’ve been crinkly as a girl can be and have done some serious self-improvement this last month back. Life is good, and going through all these pics, videos and words from my trip has been really helpful in keeping me smiley and focused. And of course all the super positive feedback i’ve received, thanks so much for all the happy thoughts!!!
In terms of the pics… I had ordered some M4’s to the room and was layering those with these bb diapers, they’re the new Pampers Cruisers Size 6, super cute and colorful! I was being such a soggy girl! Mostly just my double diapers on little Peetown adventures, I was wearing those sweatpants for my early morning beach walks, took lots of soggy pics around the ABnb. The light in provincetown made me look so cute, I took like 600 pictures and wish I’d have taken 600 more… will have to go back sometime soon ❤
Thanks for listening, more fun headed to this spot soon ❤ Happy thoughts!!!
Vacations really do make you fall in love again… and in this case, I fell back in love with myself, my crinkles and cuteness!
Thanks for reading friends ❤ Be good to yourself, hope for the best but plan for the worst! This little girl is doing great, more fun sooooon!!!