I’ve always dreamed of taking diaper pictures on the beach… and here I am!!!
There’s a few Kinky things i’ve always wanted to try but never had the chance. I’ve never really approached sexual situations with an itinerary, I tend to enjoy experiences in the moment and not think of things too technically. I learned in a bathtub in my early 20’s that high expectations of what will happen to you during sex or having a checklist in your head can really ruin the mood. The only thing that matters is the two (or more) folks consent and vibe together and the rest will happen naturally, which usually involves a lot of aggressive humping and hard kissing… I find that gropey excited relatively kink-free play to be the meat and potatoes of casual sexual interactions, the advanced kink stuff takes trust and trust takes time, right? The caveat being SexWork (SW) where an itinerary is fine if negotiated and paying well… Check out “Duke of Burgundy“, interesting movie on selfishness in kink among victorian lesbian entomologists, something i’m sure we can all relate to.
Speaking of SW, my life has been a series of casual encounters and friends with benefits and that’s been mostly by design. the “Why?” of that is told throughout this blog but trust/abandonment issues is the glib response, it’s more that I haven’t had time or lived in one place long enough. Though in the here & now I have partners and friends and private relationships and am quite happy. But it certainly took some time to adjust and realize “here’s these handful of people that I super care about and that care about me, honestly, and they’re not going anywhere”. It took a while to accept that people might actually like me for me, or that I might be a tolerable enough person that someone may want to spend the rest of their life with me. Also my sex life is different now that I don’t drink, I won’t elaborate here but a cute, drunk, lonely transgirl can find herself in some less than savory places.
Even in that Fairy Tale meeting of the perfect partner, I doubt I would ever be truly monogamous. Not because I sleep around or anything, my heteronormative sex drive and desire to sleep with random people is null and was never really that high… though my sex drive for kinky stuff is and will likely always be significant, I like diapers now more than ever. In a relationship I would want the freedom to diaper whatever cute butts I want, both for work and pleasure. I think honesty and openness solves all those problems, loyalty isn’t possession, you can give your heart to one person and your body to many, you can be loyal and free. I’ve always been happy with co-habitation, I think most people are. I wish more people would just live with each other and not worry about sex or outside perceptions or anything. Makes me happy to see so many people living like that in Ptown, remove those sexual and social hangups and just sleep and eat in the same house. CDC data shows a positive trend in co-ed living, I see more of this happening in future as barriers break down.
Side note, I decided long ago to keep my personal relationships off the internet, being a known entity Trans ABDL person can lead to assumptions etc, I am constantly getting doxxed, I would hate for my actions to out someone. I can handle the horrible internet people, but part of being in a relationship is caring for and protecting your partner and posting pics or sharing information could put them in harms way, so I don’t. Dating me come with a whole can of social worms, one of the reasons “Fame” can be lonely. I’m fun, but how many would take me home to Mama?
And I’ve always been a bit of a loner, I need time to myself and I ideally relationships find that happy medium of togetherness and independence. I think the key is to find another loner and hook up with them. And while I may be happier and more free on my own, I doubt i’m better off. Easy to let things get out of control when you’re alone.
Coming back to the diapering of cute butts… I’ve generally been the “Top” in most situations, it’s appeal is a combination of Lust and Trust. It’s really hot to take control and I feel comfortable in that role and I don’t have to risk making myself too vulnerable, especially in casual situations. Being sub really means something to me and I don’t want to risk bad experiences, I am certainly a little and need to be held and snugged and kept in thick diapers and restraints etc… you all know that about me ❤ And the fear of having a negative experience in that context scares me, I know as a top I am taking less risks, and it’s great regardless. Especially diaper stuff, I enjoy diapering butts as much as getting my butt diapered.
And in reality, I’ve always had an assertive personality and often found myself taking control… when you’ve got two cute, diapered, subby transgirls on a bed, one’s going to be slightly more dominant and hold the leash. I’m way past the sexist notion that it’s somehow wrong to be an assertive top woman, I left the fear of being seen as “masculine” back in the 2010’s with the Cargo Pants and Nu-Metal.
So the #1 thing on my Kinky bucketlist? Building trust and having IRL experiences with an experienced and caring dominant. Someone I could trust to tie me down or keep me in diapers, someone that was on the same page as me and that I had true sexual tension with. Someone who perceives me as the submissive sexual creature I so desire to be. To have true sexual immersion, to turn off my history and anxieties and inhibitions and just experience subspace or littlespace or the feeling of being dominated and used… all in a safe, consensual environment with someone I don’t doubt. Holodecks won’t get invented until the 23rd century so until then I’ll keep hopeful.
I don’t know if it’ll ever be so good as it is in the great romance books or in my imagination right before an orgasm, but degrees of love and sex is all we can ask for. I wonder how many sexual experiences have been ruined by checklists, how many have been turned off kink because their partner wanted to go on every ride at Disneyland. I didn’t see the movie Princess Bride until I was in my 30’s because sometimes good things can wait. So Carpe Diem but also Tranquillā, I think if I rushed into more kink sitatuions I’d be worse off. For now I’d rather focus on myself and play video games/masturbate on a Saturday night than go out and have mediocre sex. Have you seen video games lately? Incredible.
This whole post was a preface for my sexy bucketlist. It all seems silly now, but here’s some stuff i’ve alwas wanted to try but have been too shy or practical or didn’t have enough jello to do. I’ll save that for next post though, this is too darn long as it is.
What’s on your kinky bucket list? More thoughts on kink, relationships and the things that go hump in the night! New post with more Peetown pics this week, stick around! Thanks for reading ❤