Crinkles of the Iron Fist Tournament

Have you heard of Hexa&Co? They’re one of those monthly diaper subscription sites like Willow or Nexwear. They send you a big box of their brand of diapers every month, like a Lootcrate or Blue Apron program for diapers. I’ve always found these subscription sites super-shady, they tend to sucker you in with Free Samples etc and then charge the heck out of you, hoping you forget to cancel or they find some other opportunity to over-charge you. It’s very clear it’s not a sustainable business, as Hexa&Co seem to have changed ownership at least, maybe even gone out of business as their Facebook seems abandoned. I def. wouldn’t send them money at this point.

While they may be a footnote the memory of their diapers live on. I bought a box of these Hexa&Co briefs that looked very much like a Fundoshi, which is a traditional Japanese garment probably best known as what Heihachi wore in Tekken 4. People still call it the Heihachi diaper, especially when Akuma wore it in the Street Fighter/Tekken crossover.

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TheHexa&Co briefs were medium sized and fit around a 32″-44″ inch waist, but they were super big on me. At first I thought it was some revolutionary new ultra-secure diaper, but after a leaky night out I realized I was wearing them wrong or they weren’t the right fit for me. I guess you could say I wasn’t having much fun in my fundoshi.

Fact: a fundoshi isn’t actually a diaper, it just kinda looks like one when you use PS2 era graphics. I don’t know if there’s a specific name for the elaborate cloth Japanese diapers that you see on sites like BabyGals.jp, I’ll have to do some further searching for those as I’d love to have some. When you google “traditional Japanese diaper” Fundoshi comes up, so your best guess is as good as mine. Also, “Omutsu” おむつ is Japanese for diaper. I’m happy to say I knew that without looking it up and it’s a pretty cute if you say it out loud.

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Looking back on these pics, I think that waistband was meant to go under the diaper, like how the Tena-Flex fit. Theirs some velcro, so you make the belt as tight as you need and then pull the diaper over it. That makes sense. Even an experienced diaper-girl like me can get a little confuzzled sometimes

So those are the Hexa&Co diapers, they really make me want to order some Tena Flex, I love how those go on and I could see more modern diapers styled that way, they’re really easy to change. This is a little random video if you haven’t seen them before.

Hugs and have a lovely day, it’s starting to sorta kinda look like spring again, going to spend today hopping around like a little bunny 🙂 I love bunnies! Hope you have a lovely weekend, more stuff soon!

Photoshop Phriday

Hey there friends! Happy Good Friday… I’m not religious, so I can’t help but think of this very NSFW song from the band “Why?”. It’s surprisingly evocative of experiences I’ve had and the general feeling of the party malaise, that feeling of being worn out by life experience. It’s also intentionally off-putting and grimy, like many people lost in the madness of sex, drugs, music and desperate attempts at self-validation. If there is one thing in this world worth taking a sunday off to worship it’s human creativity, and music is maybe the oldest and purest form. I find music much more relatable than God, at least the one I grew up learning about. Wow, I really went off on one there, holidays get me in a weird mood.

Anywayyyy, it took me like an hour to write that paragraph and i’m not sure I actually said anything. What i’d really like to talk about is photos! I have lots of cute ones, have spent the last few days goofing around in Lightroom. I’m most familiar with photoshop and wanted to branch out, Lightroom is apparently better for workflow and I have many, many pics to go through.

I don’t go heavy with the editing, mostly leaving in blemishes etc, that’s a major issue I had with mainstream porn. I found all my photos with Grooby etc. totally airbrushed and I imaged how insecure it would make a young transperson, I know it sure made me feel insecure. Plus, I’ve always wanted to be in the position where my personal beliefs would conflict with my career in entertainment.

I also see the dreamy pastel looking Snapchat/Instagram accounts that use heavy filters, a random one for example. Some people have nothing but those style photos, it’s a fun fantasy image they’re trying to create and I see it more like performance art. It’s nice to think there’s this cute babygirl in a vaseline smeared world of soft stuffies and perfect skin when most people are used to the sharp edges and brown smudges of the real world.

My main issue is with people who profit off an unrealistic beauty standards, the beauty industry etc. Society unfortunately assigns immense amounts of worth to “beauty”, and it’s madness that expertise in a photo-editing program can make that worth skyrocket. I didn’t plan on writing a rant on Instagram influencers and their profiting off eroding the self esteem of countless young people, but yeah, eff that. People have blemishes, and I’d rather see real skin doing what real skin does than airbrushed perfection.

Dr. Riley says “Do No Harm”. Though I must say, I’m looser in my morals now, I did photoshop a pimple off my butt this morning in order to salvage a photo. I also very rarely wear make-up these days and intend to xhange that. I’m ostensibly terrible at it, I hate how it feels and it just conflicts with my personality at its core, but sometimes I have to wear makeup and it’s something I want to learn to enjoy and get better at instead of sitting back and sulking. I’m not like totally committed to this personality, I’m willing to grow and learn and do things differently. I do look forward to exploring make-up more, I do love how it makes me look 🙂

Well that was whole big bunch of opinions! Let’s get back to the cute pics!

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The top 3 are from Teddycon 2017 I think, just trying on some random cute pampers ~ I think it’s a Crinklz Safari and a ABU Lavender. There’s me with a couple cool Llamas, and yes, they were real Llamas. I’m red as a beet because I couldn’t stop laughing at the one in sunglasses, they were the chillest llamas I’d ever met. Last 2 are me at the Faire and me pulling up my dress and showing off my ATNs 🙂 I told you last post, I’m always pulling up my dress for no reason 😛

Thanks for reading! More pics soon and StayKinky.com is back up, although pretty much nothing is there. Workin’ on it ❤

Against All Odds

I promise this won’t be another post about my music tastes, even though I did name it after a Peter Gabriel song.

I’m really trying to find a permanant home for my websites. I just had StayKinky taken off of WordPress, I was under the impression “Mature Content” also meant naked photos, but they suspended the account. I guess you can’t use it exclusively for porn, but if there’s a little porn here and there it’s no big deal. I’m glad I didn’t pay for the 100$ Premium account as I did for this website, I think I’m safe from having this one taken down as there is very little nudity, but it also might be considered “porn” by people who would rather see it gone.

I know it’s relatively cheap and easy to do, but despite the fact that I once considered myself adept at computers enough to run a small business for years, I never got far into coding and web authoring etc. Against all odds and advantages, I never followed the path that many geeks my age did, getting into the tech field, largely due to that wrist-breaking incident in 8th grade that i’ve mentioned countless times. I even managed to moan about it on Television. It was a really important time in my life, I was getting really into building computers/deep internet stuff, this being around 1999 which was DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT from now in terms of computers and their mainstream understanding.

I have a feeling if I didn’t break my wrists, I would probably have coded/worked in tech for the rest of my life. But not only did breaking my wrists seriously stunt my ability to type for an extended period (i’m aching just this far into a post) but it changed the way I saw the world. I started focusing on other things, I always felt outside of the mainstream and this made me realize how different I really was. Oh schooling, those blossoming, formative years spent in a soul-crushing prison intended to scar us for life. Maybe that’s just public schools, I don’t know.

I think through it all, I got to know myself better. I became more social. I wonder if I’d have just stuck to the screens and didn’t realize all this trans-stuff until later, or maybe never really face it. Maybe I’d have made a bunch of money and been able to transition easily, or not, lets not speculate. By the time I was 15, just a couple years after messing up my wrists, I was sure I was going to be an actress. Then I got more into filming and editing, worked in video production for a while, got really into being a barista for indie coffee shops, even bartending for a few years. Now I think my future lies elsewhere, more in the social work/therapy field, with a minor in sex worker/pro-mommy. Looking back, 13 year old me probably wouldn’t be surprised at what a massive sex-working tart I am, I’ve always had the notion to pull up my dress 😛

So to find some point to the last few paragraphs, I’m feeling a little lost when it comes to setting up these new websites, but i’m working on it. Hopefully StayDiapered.com isn’t going anywhere and I’ll find a home for StayKinky soon. Just need to sit down and do some serious figuring out. In the mean time, more cute pics!

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The first pics are in a swimsuit I found at Justice, a fabulously cute store that sells little girl clothes up to size 20, kids sizes usually only go up to 16. I’ve found many cute outfits there 🙂 After those pics are a couple randoms, hanging out in a Northshore, Puppy with a pair of my pink undies, a big shopping haul and me dressed as Tinkerbell! Lots of crinkly adventures, still working through 2017… So many selfies! I’ll post some recent pics soon! I have some thoughts on Fetlife and more travel stuff soon, thanks for reading and big healing hugs!

Dreamland IRS

Long post musing about music. Cute pics below!

Ever wake up with that “There’s no way in hell i’m going to work today” feeling? I did today, and after working non-stop since I got back from CA, I’m taking the day off.

I did my taxes yesterday (relevant Simpsons clip), which was an expensive and woefully un-erotic experience, so I reached out to one of my favorite things in the modern world… “24/7 lofi hip hop radio – beats to study/chill/relax” Youtube videos. There’s a million of them, and after listening to the Donkey Kong Country soundtrack (the most chill thing I could think of) I moved onto a study/chill/relax playlist of music from Kirby games. That’s where I found this song.

It sounds like a memory from my childhood, though I ‘d never heard of Kirby Triple Deluxe before yesterday. It immediately cheered me up and I battled through taxes with Kirby as my spirit guide. I love gaming but the last Nintendo system I had was the N64, Nintendo seems to be the the most reliable source of cute games with cute music, so I’m on a mission to find more. I’ve become a big fan of the Animal Crossing soundtracks, begun exploring songs from Zelda/Mario that I’ve never heard or have long forgot, like Dire Dire Docks. Also exploring the Undertale/Cave Story soundtracks, so much good stuff!

I’m a bit of a music obsessive, I worked at Tower Records and have had many musician friends, filmed many shows, have met many of my idols from working at my old Theatre and at Tower. Game music has always seemed separate from “regular music”, it’s often more fabricated and made to serve a function like Elevator music or Muzak. Generally not made for pure artistic expression or to convey a message other than “there’s a boss coming” or “this is an ice level”. And I suppose that’s why most video game music isn’t enjoyable out of context.

The counterpoint to all that are the games I mentioned above and dozens more (FTL, Stardew Valley, Ori & the Blind Forest etc.) that really put love and attention into their music. These soundtracks are intended to be fawned over by nerds like me, simple melodies meant to be performed by 200 piece orchestras, like this live performance which may be the absolutely cutest thing in the entire world. The hand dancing/hand puppets, the fact that they put their Ponyo front and center with hundreds of people behind her, I get misty eyed over the pure joy of it 🙂

I also think they know people like me love synthesizers and theremins, but that could be a chicken/egg argument. Do I love synth music because of video games, or was it my Moms Culture Club records or is it just that synth music is the best music. You put a cute little catchy synth melody and i’m sold, like the first song on this mix, which I’m listening to for the first time as I write and loving it. This kind of music really speaks to the little part of me as well as the grown up who just wants some peace and positivity while they confront the boss levels of the world, like taxes.

I bring up money because I’ve had a few comments about starting a patreon or something of the sort. I may decide to eventually, but I want to get a few months into making video and continuously blogging before I make any big promises. If you do want to send something my way, you can message me on this sites contact form. I must be posting from Hyrule, this post sure has a ton of Links!

All these bad jokes and talk of music and taxes has me distracted from the most important issue, posting cute crinkly pics! From 2017, these first two are me before the Dr., happy in my diapers at home then nervous in the waiting room. I’m not sure about these other ones , likely just one of the many, many times I’ve gone out with a diaper under my skirt. Apparently I was really into Northshore Smalls in 2017.

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That’s all the thoughts for today, more soggy and snuggly fun soon. I’m trying to post every-single-day so look for a new one tomorrow 🙂 Hugs and have a lovely Sunday!

Northshore – The Movie

I’ve been thinking about getting some new diapers. I buy a ton of diapers from thrift stores, you may know i’m a vocal advocate of thrift stores and they’re one of the best places to find crinkles. I love shopping for/buying diapers and there’s a wonderful gambling aspect to it, you never know what treasures you may find. I’ve found cases of Molicares, rare vintages, strange diapers from faraway lands, although it’s mostly Depends, hospital brands and bed pads. Sizing is also an issue usually, I once found a couple bags of Northshore Care Supremes and squeaked with joy only to find out they were X-Large, I still bought a bag and I’m sure they’ll end up on someones bottom 🙂

You rarely find fancy internet diapers, ABDL folks often invest more thought into concealing their purchases than the non-ABDL aware diaper purchasing person does. You often see people shopping with boxes of Goodnites or Depends sitting openly in their carts, whereas I’ve seen countless “How do you buy diapers discreetly” posts in which people contemplate nosy cashiers questioning their diaper purchases. Sometimes you have to step outside yourself and realize 99% of people don’t see diapers the same way as we do. A cashier asking “Are these diapers for you?” would be interpreted as a joke, not an interrogation.

Back to the point, I have bags and bags of random diapers that are great for romping around the house and short trips but nothing I would really trust using in public, especially during a movie or whatever. I also have a handful of fancy diapers which I’m always hesitant to wear because I plan to use them for special occasions, videos, visitors etc. To boil my feelings of designer diapers down to a sentence, I appreciate them but find them to be impractical and a bit wasteful for my needs. I also have a thing for clinical-style diapers, but I’ll explore my criticisms of designer diapers in another post, but don’t get me wrong, they’re awesome and offer a unique experience, smiling just now thinking of a time in Toronto where I wore a Dry 24/7 on a long soggy day, couldn’t sit, could barely walk, soaked all around the edges… best feeling in all of diaperdom.

While looking online for random diapers, I came across these Egosan diapers which caught my interest, would love to hear thoughts on those. My goto-diaper was always the Tranquility ATNs but I’ve grown out of those (lol) especially since the last few bags have seemed really poorly made, tapes/plastic seem to rip constantly. Kind of like Attends, I got tired of that “plastic bag wrapped around your waist” feeling they get as the padding breaks apart. My second thought was Molicares, but there seems to be so many different kinds and some sort of rebranding going on, I’m not sure if I’ll get the right ones.

This whole post comes around to me likely getting Northshore Care Supremes again, probably the cloth backed AirSupremes since summer is coming up. The smalls fit me relatively well, they seem to be safe and snug (most leaks are cause by a bad fit, not lack of absorbency) and they look pretty cute, have a low-rise on me so they don’t poke out. I need something I can wear out and feel free to use, but also something to wear for “just in case” and won’t feel bad about not using fully, and at 1$ a diaper it’s not a big deal.

The pics below are of me in a very soggy small. I wore them to a movie in my shortalls, If I remember it was Alien Covenant and I had an accident or two and never worried about leaks. That’s a nice feeling.

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That’s all the crinkly thoughts I have for the day, midway through this post I showered and got into a random CVS diaper for the morning 🙂 Hugs and more stuff soon, next post will be about Provincetown and/or random crinkly pics!

Blurry

These are the pictures I mentioned in the last post, just a bunch of blurry, no context randoms, moments in a diapered life in Spring 2017. I will go into this further in the future but to answer the most common question I get, no, I don’t wear 24/7, I have in the past, but it doesn’t really fit with my lifestyle atm. I do wear pretty often tho, as these photos surely prove 😛

I believe the plastic pants pic was shortly after an enema, one of the rare times you’ll see me in Plastic Panties. Those diapers were huge too, I think they were the ABU Lavenders.

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I love this little dress below, it’s my “Scottish Seamstress Dress” where I pretend I’m a cute scottish girl who makes her own clothes, the kind that Belle and Sebastian sing about. It’s one of my favorites, especially with tights and hightops. I need to get a pair of Doc Martens!

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Just the little bear snuggling up against my wet crinkles. Bear is such a little ham 🙂

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Going through these random selfies makes me smile just like Bear, who’s always smiling. Smiley Bear! More pics and stuff soon ~~

The Catch-up Pt. 6 – Where I’ve Been

ContentWarning/Real Life stuff ahead. 

Soooo many pictures. So many pictures that I don’t remember the context of. So many random diapered outings, selfies, scenery, I’m basically sitting next to you at a diner after a long way away, showing you photos on my phone. Unfortunately for various reasons my life is probably blurrier than most, the constant change and past experimentation with illicit substances etc, so I have the photos and maybe not the whole story. And then there’s things that I remember all too well… I have a feeling that we all have those moments that keep us staring at the ceiling at night, wondering equally why we acted that way and why we’re still thinking about it.

I’ve been terribly grumpy the last few days. Maybe it’s work or lack of sleep or adjusting back to life after my California trip, at least its not a hangover. It’s been really fun sharing all these pics and stories, was just looking through all my pics from Provincetown for the next post, but seeing all this old video and pics has made me a little sad. I haven’t taken hormones for years, I intend to start again but for various reasons I just couldn’t take them and since then my body has basically de-transitioned, though I still of course identify and “present” as a woman. I’ve had some pretty serious health issues over the last few years, both my fault and not my fault, and now that I am out of the rough when it comes to that I am having that feeling of starting all over again, but in a morose as opposed to optimistic way.

When I was 23 and first started taking hormones, I regretted not starting my path to transition earlier. Now, 10 years later, the regret is tenfold. But something I read online the other day got to me. I forget the context but someone posted “Is your life more about achieving goals or managing regret?” and that stuck with me. I’ve spent some time as a bitter person. Outwardly friendly but detached, not staying in touch or making many new friends, going through the motions of life with a boulder chained to me, groaning when I look in the mirror. I never imagined myself that way. Going through a bunch of old stuff at my Moms house in California also triggered some pretty heavy negative nostalgia, (negstalgia?). Years ago I kinda lost it when my best friend and someone I dearly loved died one after another and the trip brought up many old memories. I hate to use that as an excuse, but I already had unresolved personal issues before that, and drinking too much and depressive triggers kinda led me down a dark path.

So what is my life, when it seems I’ve spent more time lately regretting than progressing. Well, the one thing I’ll always have is perseverance. As a child, as a teenager, all my life I’ve faced struggles and i’ve always come through it, I’ve never lost hope that someday I will feel content, loved and able to love. I could say I feel that now even, though there are some kinks to be worked out, no pun intended. Quitting drinking has been a big positive change for me, I’m writing again, getting back into things that truly interest me, sharing with the world, spreading positivity, all that good stuff. I’m working on it!

My main goal now is consistency, looking 10, 20 years from now and seeing that the plans I’ve made will have come to fruition, or at least altered for good reason. I know things can’t always stay the same, people will leave and routines will change, but my heart and overall mission should remain absolute. Without it, I fear that bitterness will take over.

I remember now the context of that goals/regrets quote above, it was in a thread on “What’s the worst insult you’ve ever received”, because it’s devastating to  think that my past, the bad things, would somehow restrict my future. When I talk about perseverance, that’s the main foe I need to persevere, to not lose hope, to “Not let the bastards get me down”.

If there ever was a legit answer about why I wasn’t posting, this is it. I wasn’t sharing because while some wonderful things were happening in my life, there was a shadow of depression and regret looming over it all, I didn’t want to create because I was depressed and I was depressed because I wasn’t creating. I was waiting for the time when I knew I’d be able to stay back, stay focused, and stay diapered/stay kinky 😛

Life is actually really good at the moment and are getting better everyday. I have some lovely stuff to share with you, including another random picture post right after this one. Though I won’t shy away from telling my true feelings, I’d love to focus on the positive, the cute pics and diapered musings. I am at a point where things are looking very bright indeed and I hope you’ll stick with me while I stick with it 🙂

Big Bear Hugs and more stuff *very* soon