Hey friends! it’s early early on Tuesday morning, just a little update on how i’m doing after yesterdays venting. I have a paragraph on that later, but let’s get to the fun stuff 🙂
Mainly I wanted to show you this adorable & unintentionally hilarious card from my Mom. My Mom & I have a good relationship, we haven’t always, but we do now. She’s a very dynamic woman and while we politically don’t align that doesnt’ get in the way of being friends. She’s been very supportive of my transition, alongside one of my Aunts, and it’s made the last 4 weeks that much more bearable. Funny to get a “Tithadesh” letter from your Aunt saying Mazel Tov over my orchiectomy, but we’re a funny family. She also sent me a gift package of Almonds, sending Nuts post-Orchiectomy is a bit of irony.
Speaking of cute & hilarious double entendres… this is the letter my Mom sent me, if you’re drinking something prepare for a spittake.
My Mom has a deep sense of Irony but I don’t think she realized how funny “Pampering Session” is. I always get her self-care stuff for holidays and I guess and she slipped a $100 into my birthday card that will most likely goto “Pampering” in some regard 😛
She also called me last night with some of the young ones in the family, they all sung happy birthday and it made me smile really big. If hearing a super cute 3 & 7 year old sing you happy birthday doesn’t cheer you up, then nothing will. I also talked to my Dad and helped him sync his phone to his car, even on birthdays ol’ Dads need tech support. Don’t get me wrong, my family has been very un-supportive in the past, especially my Mom, but time & positive affirmation heals (some) wounds. My family being supportive of me has helped alot, I’m very fortunate to have that.
I also got this card from my friend, it’s really pretty 🙂 They are convinced that i’m really Tinkerbell 😛 😛
2 Sad Paragraphs, down from 5 last post!
After a few of my closest friends passed away, I stopped trying to make/maintain friendships with folks. I was alone for a long time, and then started having exclusively transactional relationships with people, usually sex/attention = money being the transaction. My “friends” were either back Home or in NYC/LA, and since moving to Pennsylvania I ventured to make some real friends, and I have. I have since opened up more to people, but i’m very sensitive about rejection.
Thankfully You & I don’t need a “scene” to wear diapers and be happy little snugglers. I never needed approval from others, never needed status or “fame” or clout to feel good or be happy, I have always avoided those traps. I deleted my Twitter & feel pretty darn good about it. I gave a ton and got little back, so I’m just going to give in my own space, to people who care enough to visit 🙂
Thanks for listening friends.
Happy Stuff Again:
So I’m going to do some editing and filming today, yesterday was snowy and icky so today might be the day I go out and get my fancy birthday dinner 🙂 Yesterday I made my favorite thing, big Kober Beef Burgers with Avocado, Garlic Aioli, Blue Cheese & French Fries on top. Cooked in butter where you keep scooping the butter over the burger, so goooood 🙂 🙂
I also got a Victorias Secret card so i’m going to be looking pretty cute. I should be out of panties soon tho and back in my diapers, the Hematoma is going down and i’m healing fast, yesterday I did a ton of laundry and activity and while I was hurting at the end of the day, I was able to do it!
Thanks friends and I’m going to skip a day or two here and work on some Orchiectomy Update stuff, get my nails done & go sit under a tree for a while.
Hope everyone has a lovely day, hugs from smiley little Riley :):)
Hi there friends, this is Riley with some thoughts about life, love & our place in the world. Here we go 🙂 🙂
I turn 37 years old today, such a prime age to be. I just woke up, grabbed my bunny and my raccoon and gave them lots of hugs. They wished me happy birthday (in my voice) as I got up and slid in to my computer chair, turning on my little heater and comforting myself in my big musky comforter. I turn on my headphones and queue a Mountain Goats song, I’m still riding the high from that concert. I’m in a good mental health space, just a little sad, and wanted to work through some things this morning with my therapist, the page.
And then I write the words, “I’m feeling really…”
(Couple Sad Paragraphs Ahead)
I’m feeling really isolated. I put a ton of time and work into making stuff for the “ABDL community” and I realize that concept is really ridiculous. There is no ABDL community because there’s no cohesion, no standards, and i’m done pretending there is. I thought making ethical, well-produced content was the key, but it’s not. It seems the majority of people want self-aggrandizing behaviour, they want mixed-age spaces and stolen content. The only way you can get canceled in the trans, kink or ABDL community is by going against the status quo, and the status quo is rotten. So I have to stop caring for my own mental health.
People yell “Ethics! No Abusers! No Minors!” and the second you give them something to do about it, they clam up. A few weeks ago when everyone dogpiled on me for daring to question those Two Kink “Leaders” really broke me, it was clear how many people within my community were just waiting to badmouth me as soon as they could, and then clam up when confronted about it. Why continue caring or trying to fit in when these folks so clearly don’t want me around?
I was never one to fit in. I am not a conformist, I don’t jump onto popular topics and I create my worldview as organically as possible, I have never assigned myself to a single group or ethos, I’m non-dogmatic. The “Popular” people hate that, they are pro-trans until the transwomen use their voices, they are pro-kink until the kink isn’t fashionable, it’s a facade, and I’ve never played it. I’ve never wanted to be popular or make a ton of money, I just want to make art and make people, myself included, feel better about themselves.
I no longer consider myself part of the larger “ABDL Community” because they clearly don’t want or need me. I have my site and my Youtube, will keep making things i’m passionate about, but any feeling of having a community or feeling welcome in ABDL is gone. I won’t name names, but after trying to be friendly or welcoming to folks I keep getting slapped in the face, people I thought were friends or allies.
That makes me sad, but as my friend said “You shouldn’t hang around people who just make you feel bad”, and the whole Twitter/Insta/Reddit ABDL is no longer a place for me. It’s just the same high school asshole behaviour i’ve hated my whole life, and i’m better for it. Whatever drop-off in viewership I have, it’s not worth spending one more second of my life with these people. And while I have friends there, my relationship rule is “When The Lows Are So Extreme That The Good Feels Fcking Cheap” it’s time to leave that space or person.
And finally, I have issues with loss, trust, bullying etc, I don’t make friends easily and don’t open up easily, so when people go out of their way to hurt me, or to break trust, or to dispose of me, then it really hurts, it boils the blood and encompasses my thoughts, it brings up a lifetime of “Why am I so broken? & There must be a good reason why everyone is mean to me…” thoughts. I know i’m talented and beautiful and strong but these places make me feel broken, ugly & weak, so I must leave.
(Mostly Positive from here on)
And so I have legitimately left Twitter, I know I have cried wolf before, but I’m done, for good. Going to share my blogposts there automatically but that’s all.
I’m reformatting. Transcaping.com/Transcaping YT is going to be for all my cultural complaining & pop culture stuff and my ABDL spaces will focus on being little, joy and profit, because i’m tired of publishing free content out of some vague hope i’ll be rewarded for it, either financially or by making the world safer for ABDL folks. All this internet drama is just sapping my joy, going to focus on creating good media for good folks & let the bullies have their social media. I’m tired of being an altruist in a community of cutthroat capitalists.
So i’ve got that off my chest. I really have an amazing life with so much joy and opportunity. this has been an incredibly challenging year so far, my friend was down for heart stuff and then my Orchiectomy trials on top of all the other stuff going on, but I am as optimistic as ever about my future, I am so excited about the things happening this year, so much travel, seeing bands, friends, last year started some big things and this year they come to fruition. I really am living the good life, need to stop climbing into the sewers or as one person put it “Eating Big Rocks just to show us how inedible they are”.
So now that i’ve listened to a bunch of good music this morning and ate my Luna Bar, I’m going to go give my friend a big hug and snuggle up in bed with them and the bears, I’m going to make some Kobe Beef Cheese Burgers later and probably just goof off and watch TV shows about Airport Security and play video games and just live my life. Maybe i’ll make a little video about my birthday to share smiles with the world.
I miss wearing diapers. I’m still healing, and it’s been over a month since being in diapers… I am doing ok, but the dark corners of ABDL are really illuminated without the fog of diapers, the powder dust etc. I look forward to snuggling up with my diapers sooooon, the scar is healing well and while the hematoma is still prominent and kinda painful, it’s mostly an afterthought. Glad I got it done, glad it’s healing, still makes me sad tho, still kinda looks & feels like I have testicles until the healing finishes which I was not expecting this long after the surgery. I’m not “Depressed” yet, but I’m sad.
So i’m going to spend the day not being sad. I’ve spent the last 37 Years with the wrong genitals, I spent alot of it in the gutter or dead-end customer service spaces, but I have everything in the world ahead of me. I could be doing great things, instead i’m spending days making free videos for a community who (mostly) won’t lift a finger to support me, and that makes me feel foolish, so I’m done.
Thanks to everyone who still watches this space, I want to spend the next 37 Years being the best little Riley I can be, and social media just turns me & everyone else into self-absorbed assholes so I gotta go. I’ve always believed in “Effect your Local Community, Be The Best You To Change The World” and while I am involved in local politics, trying to change the ABDL community for the better is a lost cause. I can just try to share joy & empower my friends (including you, the person reading this) and leave all the profiteers, fake allies & bullies to their social media cesspools.
Thanks for listening, my life is full of joy, i’m going to go wrap myself up in it instead of dealing with all the “popular kids” & trolls trying to dim my light.
Be well friends, and new post tomorrow with a really cute Birthday Card in it!!!
Hi Friends! This is my newest video discussing Ageplay, Diapers & AgeRe, an offshoot of the “Age Regression” interest.
I have lots and lots to talk about since I last posted but instead of taking my morning telling you what i’m going to make, i’m just going to make it and we’ll me up when i’m done 🙂
Healing is going great, still black & blue but no pain, no restrictions really, been getting out in the sun and feeling good!
~ 4 Weeks Post-Op Update (will likely film today)
~ “Riley Without Her Diapers Is Like An Angel Without Her Wings” – A discussion on the “Why are there so many Transgender Diaper Girls?” topic that pops up on occasion.
~ And Diaper Reviews Again! I still haven’t forgotten about those 😛 I have been in a *place* lately and needed to work out some of this social stuff, but want to move forward with the bread&butter joyful stuff of ABDL :):)
Hugs friends, my birthday is Monday, going to take a breath and start to really embrace this new body and feel good about it. Maybe i’ll run to NYC for a couple days or just eat a really big turkey avocado sandwich and sleep the clock around.
More soon friends. Thanks for listening, more soooooon!
Hey friends!!! Wanted to send a big big hug for my Valentines Day friends, here’s a lovely new video featuring lots of fun Faire Shenanigan from last Autumn!
I’ve never felt lonely on Valentines Day, it’s just a hallmark card holiday designed to encourage mating in the cold seasons… I have felt left out on Purim before, all those lovely dried fruits and chocolate :):)
I also masturbated for the first time today! It all works down there and felt good and I still came quite a bit 🙂
Happy thoughts friends! This video is unlisted and Rated R so you have to log in to YT/Google to watch it 🙂 Hugs and happy thoughts!!!
Hey there friends, I’m catching up on a ton of editing and I finally finished this project that I started in 2020… that’s how backlogged I am. It’s nice to have this time to edit and I feel really productive, though I am still kinda recovering & exhausted from the surgery. On Valentines Day I get my parts checked out by the doc… It’s still swollen but going down rapidly, incision is healing, hardly any pain, just so glad to be nearly done with all this. The inside of my thighs are still mad discoulred and still getting lots of naps in, moving slow, can’t lift etc. Still being careful about erections and stuff, still lots of bruising around my parts.
A Commenter helped me, someone who’s never had surgery, understand this more. They said that I had essentially survived what would be a life-threatening trauma and my body responds in kind, and that helped me understand my fatigue and malaise and all the various issues I was having with my body. Granted this is in the most controlled & safe situation and hundreds of Orchis happen everyday, so it’s not even remotely a life-threatening situation, but it’s a helpful perspective for healing. I have trouble “taking it easy” and I have been really forcing myself to, I got “Tales of Arise” and will be jamming out to that to keep me anchored.
Speaking of video juegos… but first, juegos is “games” & I would always get that confused with huevos or “eggs” so i’d say “acabo de recibir un nuevo video huevos” meaning “I just got a new video egg”
I made this neat video all about the AB DL scenes in Yakuza Like A Dragon! It’s funny, I recorded the voiceover before the first “Pause” about 2 years ago, funny to hear how my voice has changed, I think it was pretty back then but it’s prettier now 😛
This video has some fighting and guns but is mostly silly video game stuff, minor content warning.
I highly recommend the Yakuza series but it’s for more mature gamers, not emotionally or age-wise, but just there’s lots of dialogue and video game nonsense and long cutscenes etc that would turn off the less tolerant gamer. If you can handle the very JRPG aspects of the series, be sure to check it out 🙂 I will probably revisit the AB DL scene from Kiwami 2 eventually, and there’s new Yakuza games coming out all the time so hopefully we’ll see Susumu-chan again!
Thanks friends, more soooooon! And I chose to pause my Patreon for billing while I recover but lotsa new stuff coming to my paysites, including finally publishing my Red Velvet Autumn Adventure! Hugs friends, stay warm & stay diapered!!!
You can really tell the difference in my posts between when I use my voice and when I type myself. Going back and re-reading the last post, it’s rough.
Here’s a new video all about my Orchiectomy and my feelings as of this moment (or Sunday Morning rather)
If you like Monkeys and Raccoons and Snuggly Trans Girls then give it a look, it’s a little honest and raw but I am feeling a little raw right now, exposed. I am just going to keep moving forward but first take some time to lick my wounds, cuddle bears, play Civilization.
I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning and write 1000 words about how much I miss my diapers and call the post Diaper girl without diapers makes sad girl.. I honestly want to cry, I miss them so much, i’m sitting here with my eyes welling up, i’m such a mess. I just want my diapers 😦
Hugs friends, more smiles soon, thanks for riding the ups and downs with me.
So first off I want to say that I have some exciting stuff talking about my orchiectomy and everything coming out, everything is going well there and I’ve been sleeping really well and stuff so I’m just so happy about my decision and moving forward ❤
You can find the daily vids on Transcaping.com or my Transcaping YouTube channel.
Second this came up in the meantime so before I get to all that here’s a new video about some large creators that decided to put a big Target on my back for speaking my little mind.
I’m going to take a break and just focus on my pay site stuff while I continue to heal I’ll probably be back to posting consistently on here around Valentine’s Day. I told myself I needed some time to heal so I haven’t been overworking myself to post on this channel, but Smiley fun diaper content coming soon!!!
Thanks friends, i’m going to get snuggle bears, try to get some sun and discovery my new body congruency <3<3 Lots of Love friends, thanks for all the support.
I’m pretty much flat out in bed right now I have a lot to talk about and so much to share but none of it is really well put together right now, I don’t want to give you too much random emotions, because I have lots to spare 🙂
Last night was very difficult because I didn’t have pain medication until this morning and I am a very swollen uncomfortable girl but I am also the happiest little girl in the world <3<3
I feel like it hasn’t really kicked in yet because I’m still really swollen and it kind of feels like I have really big testicles right now, but that’ll be gone soon and I’ll be back to my absolutely gorgeous and perfect little body, finally closer to being the way I feel 🙂
But yeah having to lay on my back like this is not great and I am very sore and just not feeling it so I am going to log off for a little bit and do some serious recovering 🙂
I’ve got a big ice pack on my crotch and I’m about to watch a movie, thanks friends, more hugs and hugs and hugs!!!!!