Sad Girl Update: 60 Days Post-Op

Just an emotional little update about being 60 Days Post Op & nowhere near healed yet. This is a sad, raw one, so watch only if you wanna empathize hard.

I have a smiley video coming soon about Armpits but am going to take some serious time to rest. After filming this I spent the night in the ER with my friend who has kidney stones, came home and finished editing this. I’m doing OK, I have an indomitable spirit, I had a great time in Chicago and seeing my friends, just very tired and need to rest emotionally and physically.

More soon friends, just another hurdle, a last insult. I wrote this on Facebook to my closest friends, so I should share it hear as well, as the folks reading this are the people that matter most to me ❀


Coming back from Chicago/Milwaukee, feeling good but very tired.

As some of you know I had a orchiectomy 60 days ago. Generally it’s healed up in a couple weeks but due to a complication during surgery that caused a hematoma situation, I am still healing and fairly weak.

I should be 100% healed up in about a month and start to be able to enjoy my new body, but I will emphatically say the last 60 days have been very difficult on me. No regrets and the issues are temporary, but I never had an easy transition and this feels like the final suckerpunch of the whole thing.

I look incredible and i’m mostly feeling great. I was always waiting for a happy ending to write the Story of My Life, and now that I’m much clearer and healthier and finally basically finished with my transition, I’m finally at the place I want to be & can start telling my story. I’ve been working on a Sedaris/Shepherd Style Memoir & I’ve got over 1200 blog posts over the last 16 years, there’s probably a book in there somewhere.

Thanks for the support friends for the last like 18 years of me being Riley, and to those who knew I was Riley before I even did. I’ve spent more of my life authentically than I have not and I couldn’t have done it without such supportive, kind friends.

Be well, life is full of challenges and I’ve overcome them all, thanks for cheering me on and for all the love & support.

And I see Built to Spill in a couple weeks!!!! Life really is a Joyride ❀

Diaper Lifestyle #5 – Diaper Euphoria Part 1

Hi there friends! I’m here to change diapers and share pictures and i’m all out of wet girls, so here’s some adorable pictures!

This is titled Diaper Euphoria 1 because I know I’m going to make dozens and dozens of posts with this title. This little girl is so happy to be back into her diapers and while she’s not wearing all the time yet she’s still filling them up as good as she ever did πŸ™‚ Still changing diapers as good as ever too!!!

I am comfortable and sedate and surrounded by good people and friendly pets, with one girl in particular filling both roles, person and squishy cute pet. Did I ever tell you that I really like squishing diapers? That few things bring me more joy then a good hearty squish?

It feels good to be squishing again but instead of spending all this time talking about how much I love squishing I’m just going to go do some squishing and catch you up when I’m back home πŸ™‚ these are just the beginning of what is going to be a incredible week of pictures!

Feeling really competent and confident about my picture taking skills too. I have a passion for people and for documentation, I forget how much photography can document emotion, instead of just being a means to express it like the self photography I do. It’s a lot harder to get candid shots of yourself πŸ™‚ I love capturing a shy little smile, or the glimmer from a littles eyes while you change her desperately full diaper.

If my goal was to bring more Beauty into my experience of ABDL, this has been a successful trip. I’ve been blessed with some lovely subjects and some lovely scenarios, I hope they brighten your life as much as they have brightened mine ❀

More pics soon and not just of me!!! Thanks for following friends and for all the support this is going to be one heck of a year and starting out with an incredible spring!!! Hugs!!!

And a little video too!!!

Diaper Lifestyle #4 – Back in Diapers

Hiiiiiiiiiii friends!!!

I have big news πŸ™‚ I wore some diapers!!!

I started my big adventure and went on a couple big plane trips & got to see some cool lights and sounds in Detroit!!

And then I made my way to my destination, a sweet snuggly friend in a very cold and cheesy place! I’ll be around here a while and then head to Chicago for more Adventure and Fun!

But most importantly I am finally starting to feel good enough that I can wear my diapers again, I wore one to bed last night and had a few accidents this morning and it was really full and felt really squishy and nice πŸ™‚ I really forget how much I love a squishy diaper, I guess I didn’t forget but I just really really wanted to remember πŸ™‚

This has been a nice chill trip so far and I really look forward to see what kind of Adventures we’re going to have but I also think there’s going to be just lots of chilling and cuddling and video games and good stuff like that! My friend wears diapers too so I don’t feel so shy about mine, friends are good when they make you feel comfortable by peeing their pants also :p

Lots of adventure coming soon hope you enjoy the little video and there’s lots of smiles coming ahead for this happy little diaper girl!!!

Capcon Carne Consent Conversation Carnival

This is the worst titled post i’ve ever made by some degree. It gets better from there!

This video is 4 different stories from my past about Consent. Small Content Warning about drinking & creeps.

I am going on a big adventure today! I am also taking the big step of wearing a diaper for the first time! Will be posting a big travelogue and all that! It’s bee 51 Days since my Orchi and i’m still not 100% but ready to go and feeling good!

I won’t be at Capcon but will be in the city during that time, expect lots of adorable pics and more!!! Thanks friends, hugs and hugs!

Diaper Lifestyle #3 – The Before Times

Remember those days in the Old Country, the Before Times?

When we would run free through the barley in just our diapers, painted in the orange of the setting sun, we would spend all days exploring the countryside & eating fresh berries & charcuterie while nesting in the embrace of a Grey Poplar as I read you the ABDL fiction of our ancestors.

As the stars came out and the night faded we would waddle home to our centuries old door, we’d change each other by candle light and drift off soundly in our thick nightime diapers, with only the sound of rustling sheep, crackling flame, & bedwetting hypnosis ASMR coming from a tiny wooden phonograph.

When we moved to the cities life became more complicated, we had no space to dance, to snoof. We could no longer see the stars and no longer feel our connections to them. When we squish and crinkle we see noses wrinkle and glares avert, it’s no longer just each others smiles we look into, we see faces of judgment, and I hear you those nights, cooing the sheep in your dreams, or your open hand trailing beside you, as if it still feels the tall grass brushing against it… though there is nothing green here.

I remember when we used to dance.

Oh i’m just being maudlin, we will dance again soon, I filmed this just a few months ago πŸ˜›

It’s been nearly 50 Days since I’ve worn diapers and i’m getting really poetic about it πŸ˜› I have always been a city girl, I did WWOOF for a little while & love the idea of more holistic, organic living, she says in a room that looks like the room from Lain.

I have always been a bit of a nerd with a luddite streak, I am awful at messaging and still prefer phone calls, I used to be really into IT but now have to google everything πŸ˜› But we’re getting off the point, though I do I worry sometimes that diapers won’t be plastic anymore, but I’m just going to keep riding the waves and stop worrying or if you prefer… DONT PANIC.

(CW: Medical Talk:) I’m going to be on a plane soon and I think i’ll be diapered for it, I haven’t flown without a diaper in a Decade+ and I think that will be the perfect time for my triumphant return to thick diapers. My hematoma is almost gone (probably a few weeks before it’s gone 100% but it’s small enough to not be bothered by diapers anymore) and the incision wound is healed, starting to feel ok πŸ™‚

Thanks for reading! Going to film a little thing about Capcon & Consent & I really hope you like my new video, and thanks for letting me wax poetic a little bit, like I grew up in the old country not in a Suburban Day-Glo Concrete Dystopia. I wanna goto Ireland someday, do I know any Irish ABDLs?

More soon friends, Stay Diapered!

Diaper Lifestyle #2 – Keep Your Rileys Diapered!

Hi friends!!! I have 2 New Videos!

First up is a little clip while I was experimenting with livestream stuff, I will be doing a commentary on these “How It’s Made” diaper videos. I want to learn how diapers are made from the ground up!

And here’s a little update on what I’m doing and where this blog is going! Still not back in diapers just yet!

I will be out of town this next week & will be getting on planes & trains and will make sure to bring along some of this new special underwear I bought, it’s crinkly and has lots of padding so if I have an accident I won’t get the hotel beds or plane seats all soggy :0

I also have a video about my 44 Day Orchiectomy ~ still healing and feeling better πŸ™‚

I also will be Re-Uploading my “You Can’t Hurry Love” video! Youtube was not happy with that one so I’m going to edit it down a bit, I felt lots of smiles from that one!

More soon! Hugs Friends!!!

Back Home Again Again

My diaper lifestyle series continues soon~ little personal Content Warning filled post for tonight.

Hey friends, was a really rough night and day in the ER with/for my friend, but i’m back, feeling relatively healthy ( I have what they have but not nearly as bad ) and I am glad that I didn’t catch CV yet.

Sorry to bother you with all this new Smiley stuff coming soon. I was planning on posting my recent video, the “Just Dance in Diapers” video but I need to re-edit it and re-upload it. I got picked up by one of those LibsofTiktok again, need to catch up on some sleep, I feel like I have this compulsive horrible relationship with Twitter where I keep going back and keep getting upset etc… I feel it’s just another self-destructive addiction cycle. I really need to get out of town for a little while and out of this negative hematoma-fueled funk.

I was planning on posting this later but I tried on the new Minnie Pull-Ups & will be doing a video of them shortly, sending hugs ❀

500 Days of Well Being

Hi friends! I have 4 Pictures to show you from yesterday!

I watched Tenet last night so let’s do this backwards.

Picture 1: Bed time with the special bear. I usually have Cincy at my headboard but last night I grabbed the little bear and gave them lots of snuggles. Sometimes a little girl needs to give her favorite bear lots of hugs especially after a long day of adventure πŸ™‚

Picture 2: It was snowing and freezing rain yesterday leaving my doctors appointment, I was visiting some thrift stores & stuff around Philly & saw this nonsense. It’s what looks like a Cement Saw just sitting precariously in a tiny bin, bouncing and threatening anyone behind them. I didn’t have to change lanes, but I changed lanes… A friend called it a “Final Destination” moment, but even those movies are more creative than this. I also love that there’s no license plate or anything, I think someone stole this truck mid-job, i’m going to post this on Reddit r/Osha.

Picture 3: 500 Days Nicotine Free!!! I showed my doctor this, he was so proud. Feeling awesome about it πŸ™‚ Today it has been 1,433Β days since I quit drinking, in April 1st it will be 4 Years since i’ve touched alcohol, which is incredible to me, I can hardly believe it.

My doctor is a stoic man but he gives this very warm “that’s great” everytime I update him on my smoking or drinking. Very few people saw me during the worst times of it, and he was one person who saw just how literally close to death I was with it all. I no longer have issues with my liver/kidneys or anemia, i’m doing well and the stability of PA & things like having the same doctor for 6 years straight has been great. Up until moving here, I had never lived in the same house for more than 4 years, even as a child. I went to 7 different elementary schools, have never had any constant stability, mentally or geographically. And the latter leads to the former, has allowed me to be the person i’ve always had the potential to be.

Being older is awesome, I’m 37 & happier than i’ve ever been. Younger folks need to learn that you never grow up, there’s no switch that turns you into an adult. You just take more responsibility and care more about certain things and less about other things. And while your body may not reach the heights it once did, your spirit soars. I’m gonna cry.

Picture 4: Me looking adorable at my Doctors appointment. It was 30 Degrees and snowing when I left the appointment, still dressed for spring. Little girls like me do “Spring Dances” to try to get the bunnies and flowers come out, this is our uniform, pink and pastels and floral prints πŸ™‚

Ok! I have a big baby thing to goto today, will fill you in tomorrow, but I have to run! Talk soon, hope you have a wonderful Saturday friends πŸ™‚

“Happy Birthday Daughter”

Hey friends! it’s early early on Tuesday morning, just a little update on how i’m doing after yesterdays venting. I have a paragraph on that later, but let’s get to the fun stuff πŸ™‚

Mainly I wanted to show you this adorable & unintentionally hilarious card from my Mom. My Mom & I have a good relationship, we haven’t always, but we do now. She’s a very dynamic woman and while we politically don’t align that doesnt’ get in the way of being friends. She’s been very supportive of my transition, alongside one of my Aunts, and it’s made the last 4 weeks that much more bearable. Funny to get a “Tithadesh” letter from your Aunt saying Mazel Tov over my orchiectomy, but we’re a funny family. She also sent me a gift package of Almonds, sending Nuts post-Orchiectomy is a bit of irony.

Speaking of cute & hilarious double entendres… this is the letter my Mom sent me, if you’re drinking something prepare for a spittake.

My Mom has a deep sense of Irony but I don’t think she realized how funny “Pampering Session” is. I always get her self-care stuff for holidays and I guess and she slipped a $100 into my birthday card that will most likely goto “Pampering” in some regard πŸ˜›

She also called me last night with some of the young ones in the family, they all sung happy birthday and it made me smile really big. If hearing a super cute 3 & 7 year old sing you happy birthday doesn’t cheer you up, then nothing will. I also talked to my Dad and helped him sync his phone to his car, even on birthdays ol’ Dads need tech support. Don’t get me wrong, my family has been very un-supportive in the past, especially my Mom, but time & positive affirmation heals (some) wounds. My family being supportive of me has helped alot, I’m very fortunate to have that.

I also got this card from my friend, it’s really pretty πŸ™‚ They are convinced that i’m really Tinkerbell πŸ˜› πŸ˜›


2 Sad Paragraphs, down from 5 last post!

After a few of my closest friends passed away, I stopped trying to make/maintain friendships with folks. I was alone for a long time, and then started having exclusively transactional relationships with people, usually sex/attention = money being the transaction. My “friends” were either back Home or in NYC/LA, and since moving to Pennsylvania I ventured to make some real friends, and I have. I have since opened up more to people, but i’m very sensitive about rejection.

Thankfully You & I don’t need a “scene” to wear diapers and be happy little snugglers. I never needed approval from others, never needed status or “fame” or clout to feel good or be happy, I have always avoided those traps. I deleted my Twitter & feel pretty darn good about it. I gave a ton and got little back, so I’m just going to give in my own space, to people who care enough to visit πŸ™‚

Thanks for listening friends.

Happy Stuff Again:

So I’m going to do some editing and filming today, yesterday was snowy and icky so today might be the day I go out and get my fancy birthday dinner πŸ™‚ Yesterday I made my favorite thing, big Kober Beef Burgers with Avocado, Garlic Aioli, Blue Cheese & French Fries on top. Cooked in butter where you keep scooping the butter over the burger, so goooood πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I also got a Victorias Secret card so i’m going to be looking pretty cute. I should be out of panties soon tho and back in my diapers, the Hematoma is going down and i’m healing fast, yesterday I did a ton of laundry and activity and while I was hurting at the end of the day, I was able to do it!

Thanks friends and I’m going to skip a day or two here and work on some Orchiectomy Update stuff, get my nails done & go sit under a tree for a while.

Hope everyone has a lovely day, hugs from smiley little Riley :):)

37 More

Hi there friends, this is Riley with some thoughts about life, love & our place in the world. Here we go πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I turn 37 years old today, such a prime age to be. I just woke up, grabbed my bunny and my raccoon and gave them lots of hugs. They wished me happy birthday (in my voice) as I got up and slid in to my computer chair, turning on my little heater and comforting myself in my big musky comforter. I turn on my headphones and queue a Mountain Goats song, I’m still riding the high from that concert. I’m in a good mental health space, just a little sad, and wanted to work through some things this morning with my therapist, the page.

And then I write the words, “I’m feeling really…”

(Couple Sad Paragraphs Ahead)

I’m feeling really isolated. I put a ton of time and work into making stuff for the “ABDL community” and I realize that concept is really ridiculous. There is no ABDL community because there’s no cohesion, no standards, and i’m done pretending there is. I thought making ethical, well-produced content was the key, but it’s not. It seems the majority of people want self-aggrandizing behaviour, they want mixed-age spaces and stolen content. The only way you can get canceled in the trans, kink or ABDL community is by going against the status quo, and the status quo is rotten. So I have to stop caring for my own mental health.

People yell “Ethics! No Abusers! No Minors!” and the second you give them something to do about it, they clam up. A few weeks ago when everyone dogpiled on me for daring to question those Two Kink “Leaders” really broke me, it was clear how many people within my community were just waiting to badmouth me as soon as they could, and then clam up when confronted about it. Why continue caring or trying to fit in when these folks so clearly don’t want me around?

I was never one to fit in. I am not a conformist, I don’t jump onto popular topics and I create my worldview as organically as possible, I have never assigned myself to a single group or ethos, I’m non-dogmatic. The “Popular” people hate that, they are pro-trans until the transwomen use their voices, they are pro-kink until the kink isn’t fashionable, it’s a facade, and I’ve never played it. I’ve never wanted to be popular or make a ton of money, I just want to make art and make people, myself included, feel better about themselves.

I no longer consider myself part of the larger “ABDL Community” because they clearly don’t want or need me. I have my site and my Youtube, will keep making things i’m passionate about, but any feeling of having a community or feeling welcome in ABDL is gone. I won’t name names, but after trying to be friendly or welcoming to folks I keep getting slapped in the face, people I thought were friends or allies.

That makes me sad, but as my friend said “You shouldn’t hang around people who just make you feel bad”, and the whole Twitter/Insta/Reddit ABDL is no longer a place for me. It’s just the same high school asshole behaviour i’ve hated my whole life, and i’m better for it. Whatever drop-off in viewership I have, it’s not worth spending one more second of my life with these people. And while I have friends there, my relationship rule is “When The Lows Are So Extreme That The Good Feels Fcking Cheap” it’s time to leave that space or person.

And finally, I have issues with loss, trust, bullying etc, I don’t make friends easily and don’t open up easily, so when people go out of their way to hurt me, or to break trust, or to dispose of me, then it really hurts, it boils the blood and encompasses my thoughts, it brings up a lifetime of “Why am I so broken? & There must be a good reason why everyone is mean to me…” thoughts. I know i’m talented and beautiful and strong but these places make me feel broken, ugly & weak, so I must leave.

(Mostly Positive from here on)

And so I have legitimately left Twitter, I know I have cried wolf before, but I’m done, for good. Going to share my blogposts there automatically but that’s all.

I’m reformatting. YT is going to be for all my cultural complaining & pop culture stuff and my ABDL spaces will focus on being little, joy and profit, because i’m tired of publishing free content out of some vague hope i’ll be rewarded for it, either financially or by making the world safer for ABDL folks. All this internet drama is just sapping my joy, going to focus on creating good media for good folks & let the bullies have their social media. I’m tired of being an altruist in a community of cutthroat capitalists.

So i’ve got that off my chest. I really have an amazing life with so much joy and opportunity. this has been an incredibly challenging year so far, my friend was down for heart stuff and then my Orchiectomy trials on top of all the other stuff going on, but I am as optimistic as ever about my future, I am so excited about the things happening this year, so much travel, seeing bands, friends, last year started some big things and this year they come to fruition. I really am living the good life, need to stop climbing into the sewers or as one person put it “Eating Big Rocks just to show us how inedible they are”.

So now that i’ve listened to a bunch of good music this morning and ate my Luna Bar, I’m going to go give my friend a big hug and snuggle up in bed with them and the bears, I’m going to make some Kobe Beef Cheese Burgers later and probably just goof off and watch TV shows about Airport Security and play video games and just live my life. Maybe i’ll make a little video about my birthday to share smiles with the world.

I miss wearing diapers. I’m still healing, and it’s been over a month since being in diapers… I am doing ok, but the dark corners of ABDL are really illuminated without the fog of diapers, the powder dust etc. I look forward to snuggling up with my diapers sooooon, the scar is healing well and while the hematoma is still prominent and kinda painful, it’s mostly an afterthought. Glad I got it done, glad it’s healing, still makes me sad tho, still kinda looks & feels like I have testicles until the healing finishes which I was not expecting this long after the surgery. I’m not “Depressed” yet, but I’m sad.

So i’m going to spend the day not being sad. I’ve spent the last 37 Years with the wrong genitals, I spent alot of it in the gutter or dead-end customer service spaces, but I have everything in the world ahead of me. I could be doing great things, instead i’m spending days making free videos for a community who (mostly) won’t lift a finger to support me, and that makes me feel foolish, so I’m done.

Thanks to everyone who still watches this space, I want to spend the next 37 Years being the best little Riley I can be, and social media just turns me & everyone else into self-absorbed assholes so I gotta go. I’ve always believed in “Effect your Local Community, Be The Best You To Change The World” and while I am involved in local politics, trying to change the ABDL community for the better is a lost cause. I can just try to share joy & empower my friends (including you, the person reading this) and leave all the profiteers, fake allies & bullies to their social media cesspools.

Thanks for listening, my life is full of joy, i’m going to go wrap myself up in it instead of dealing with all the “popular kids” & trolls trying to dim my light.

Be well friends, and new post tomorrow with a really cute Birthday Card in it!!!