I’m a cheeky little crinkler aren’t I? I was looking through some old pics and came across some adventures I was having in LA a long time ago… I had randomly bought a new bike with a friend and they snapped a few pics on a VERY windy day in North Hollywood. I was thickly diapered and things got a little Marilyn Monroe-Esq 😛
Thick diapers work well with bikerides too, your bottom is nice and soft on the seat. Though I’d probably have worn tights if I was going for a real ride, little pleated skirts aren’t the best choice for cycling or windy days, well, depending on who you ask.
Whenever I see these pics I get a little crush on myself. I just want to pat my cute little bottom and cheer me on. I think we also bought a carseat that day, i’ll save that for a later date. I definitely miss romping around LA in my little skirts and diapers, I have so many cute pics from that era i’m looking forward to sharing.
Hope everyone is enjoying the autumn weather, good time for bike rides, overalls and double diapers ❤ Have a wonderful Saturday friends! Diaper Lifestyle Part 3 coming tomorrow!
Let’s jump right into it today, we’re talking about my personal 24/7 history! Mainly confronting the question, why am I not a 24/7 diaper girl? Why have I been thinking/fantasizing about this for so long but never managed to stick with it? Mild Content Note, some substance/mental health real life stuff ahead but nothing too gritty. You can also read the last 14 years of this site if you’d like the full story ❤
Let’s look at my diaper history for some context:
Pre-Adulthood: Had desires to wear as early as I can remember, strong, seemingly insatiable diaper desires. Stealing diapers, makeshift diapers, all the hyper-obsessive/horny actions of a hormone fueled teen. An occasion when I nearly told my Mom I wet the bed in hopes it would normalize diapers, thankfully decided against it. Had no real aspirations for 24/7, way too much shame around diapers. Planned on being a famous entertainer, thought there’d be no room in that for ABDL. Had my little private stash and wore in total secret.
18-24: Keeping diapers mostly secret but finding partners and engaging in the social aspects of ABDL. Moved across the country once for a full-time Caregivers/Little relationship that quickly disintegrated (as they often do). Created Riley Kilo from Rilo Kiley and started writing this site. Would occasionally get frustrated and depressed about not wearing full-time and my own continence, which I don’t think was healthy in retrospect. I certainly went overboard with things at times, probably why I encourage balance and mindfulness so much now.
25: Filmed My Strange Addiction, had been “public” for years but this was the big one, the thing that would remove my plausible deniability forever. Anyone, anywhere (family, ex-girlfriends, dentists etc.) could potentially know what i’m all about. This was also me signing away any sort of mainstream acting career, something a young Riley anticipated as a life path, I was somewhat of a prolific young performer. I decided to double down on the diaper community and that opened/closed quite a few doors… When I speak of how important the community is to me it’s because I’ve made some serious sacrifices in aide of it. 25 was a major turning point in my life.
26-30: NYC and LA, Sex Work all day everyday, not a lot of time for personal diaper stuff. Stopped writing here and went over to Tumblr for a while, we all know how that turned out. I was doing more Pro-Mommy work than little stuff myself. Meeting lots of other ABDL’s, though my professional life was going well I was a bit of a wrecking ball personally, I wasn’t often showing my best side. I was winning awards but also waking up on bathroom floors, that sort of thing. Diapers were mostly in the periphery.
31-33: Moved to PA, diapers were just a constant but kinda lost in the noise of life, there were times I’d go a month without wearing but was never lacking for crinkles. Lost the motivation to engage in my passions due to mental health stuff. Pumped the brakes on my life, started taking my health and well-being seriously and began to reinvigorate my love for a crinkly bottom.
NOW: I’m as into diapers as ever! It’s diaper-city around here, back to making videos and blogging, wearing most nights and naps and for all outings, but still spending my days mostly out of diapers. This last month in particular i’ve been wearing often and i’ve been loving it 🙂 Unfortunately, starting to deal with rashes and stuff again.
On a Side Note: I never liked to wear diapers and smoke cigarettes at the same time, there was something so incredibly ironic or counter-productive or something about that, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to do a thing because they’re afraid it will ruin that thing forever (like having sex on molly or adding bacon to milkshakes) so I hated the idea of associating the good feeling of diapers with the bad feeling of smoking. So now that i’ve quit, i’m as crinkly as ever 🙂
So why am I not “24/7”? There’s 2 main reasons why I never stuck with it.
The first reason took explaining my entire history, but in brief finding the right mood, motivation and balance for wearing was a necessity for me. Diapers help me stay balanced and bring comfort and security, but when you’re off-kilter to begin with diapers feel like they just get in the way. My life, emotions were in a constant state of ups and downs and I just never found the mood for diapers. That’s better mitigated now, I’m not taking subway rides to dance at clubs all night or chain-smoking on a 10 minute break at a Coffee Shop, my lifes highs and lows have leveled out a bit. I’m better setup for future challenges and my daily challenges are fairly tame. I make a living from home, I have a platform to share diaper thoughts, the cats out of the bag with my family etc, I’m feeling good about it. It really feels like the Mental Barrier on diaper wearing has been broken.
It’s dawning on me that these two issues could fit into the categories of mental and physical. The Mental Barrier is confidence, mood, shame, the things that kept me from wearing despite having every opportunity to do so. The Physical Barrier is rashes, sizing, leaks etc. Then there’s Logistical Barriers, things like affording diapers, telling your partner, hiding them and other societal/access issues. I intend to expand on these in a later post.
We’ve covered/unsealed the Mental Barriers, the Logistical Barriers are ancient history for me, so the last is the Physical Barriers, which is the biggest issue for me. I’ll be expanding on this in my next post and talking about proper diaper hygiene, do’s and don’ts and what i’ve done to deal with the wear and scares of constant diapering!
More soon, thanks so much for reading ❤
(pic is bear and I during a bit of 24/7 several years ago)
Evening friends! I’m snuggled up under a blankie, watching a PBS documentary on Pandas with my little stuffed Panda ❤ Busy girl today, installed some cool home security stuff, got a dashcam, making sure me and the stuffies are safe 🙂
I also wrote quite a bit more about 24/7 and “Diaper Lifestyle” thing. Wonder if saying “Diaper Lifestyle” instead of “Diaper Lover”, would be good, but I also suppose they could be different things. I think of it very casually like “Juicer Life” or “Jogger Life”, like something that you integrate into your life but isn’t like a religion. I just didn’t like “Diaper Lover”, “Lover” isn’t applied to many other interests like that. Just always sounded a little overzealous for me, but at the same time I do love diapers :p
Just thinking, doing lots of crinkle studies and getting up to date with some things i’ve lost track of in the ABDL world. Seems like i’m seeing new creatives and content creators everyday. Feeling a little intimidated to be honest, so many cool people and patreons out there!
Hugs from the Panda and I! Hope everyone’s having a snuggly night ❤
Hi there friends! It’s a special day, it’s been 14 years since I started writing this site! Here I am, PA instead of CA, 34 instead of 20, wearing fancy Pink MegaMax’s instead of Depends. ABDL diapers sure have gotten cuter in the last 14 years, I’m also cuter (and more self-confident) now too 😛
I was looking back at my first 2 posts and had a little laugh, the first post is “I’m Going 24/7 WOOOO!” and the second post, the next day, is “Here’s why I didn’t stay 24/7”. Very reflective of the next 14 years, lots of ups and downs and starts and stops. Instead of making a big celebratory post about 14 years of blogging and all the exciting things coming up, i’d like to go back to the roots and talk about going 24/7.
I’ll be talking personal history, challenges and some key tips and tricks i’ve found over the years. I’m also avoiding “24/7” and going with “Diaper Lifestyle” or “DL” as a term, something that will evolve and change as we talk about it. So here we go!
First, there’s a plethora of resources out there if you’re looking for immediate info, guides, videos etc, here’s a random guide for wetting/messing I just googled ( https://babyfurcommunity.org/doc/Practical247.pdf ) to give you an idea of what’s out there. I would encourage you to avoid the guides from BedwettingABDL/Deeker for good reasons I won’t get into now. You can find discussion/support of varying quality and other 24/7 folks occasionally on Reddit’s r/ABDL.
As I’m writing and thinking more on this I feel it becoming something much larger (like a well-wet diaper). A Diapered Lifestyle in our current world can be a necessity, especially for those of us that were already averse to public restrooms. Right before Covid I wore diapers out of the house about 50% of the time, I could use a public restroom if I needed to wash my hands and in an absolute pinch to pee, but if I knew I was going to be out for long or was feeling sensitive I would diaper up. Since March, I’ve been in diapers for every outing, though the amount of outings have significantly decreased. I can’t risk infection for a number of reasons, so I’ve been extra 100% careful. My outings have included some thickly diapered business travel, but mostly just thickly diapered grocery store and thrift store trips, and I haven’t seen the inside of a public restroom but to wash my hands, all thanks to diapers.
I don’t like public restrooms. I have horror stories some of you may know, some that you’d hear and think “Wow, no wonder she’d never want to go into a Public Bathroom again”. I have deep-seated public bathroom anxiety, I simply can’t use the bathroom comfortably knowing strangers can hear me or are waiting. I’ve always been like this and it was one of those things that drinking took the edge off of, but there’s certainly a healthier solution and it’s right between my legs!
Transgirl Limit Break Paragraph ahead watch out:
It also doesn’t help that there’s various evangelical/conservative funded hate groups making my bathroom choice a wedge issue. They politicize my peeing, so I’m going to do whatever I choose to maintain a high quality of life. Like most bigotry, there is no compromise that will make them happy, so to hell with them. These bastards have potentially made restrooms unsafe for me, and noone has the right to criticize my diaper wearing. They will anyway, but again, to hell with them! We’ve only got one go, don’t let the naysayers prevent you from living your best life. It sounds so cheesy and saccharine but gosh darn it, i’m a Proud Diaper Girl for life ❤
Anyway, I’ve been avoiding putting out “Diapers are so great during Covid!” posts because I want to do something legit with that idea, I’d love to use this as a way to talk about rational self-acceptance of diaper wearing. I’m quoted saying the ABDL community isn’t trying to convert anyone… but I must take the mask off now. This site and my various media appearances have been a brainwashing psy-op with the intention of converting as many people into drooling, diaper-wetting babies as possible. I’ve been fairly successful so far and Phase 2 is about to begin…
In all seriousness, I think there’s a real case for practical 24/7 Diaper Wearing and would love to put together some good information about the best ways to live a Diapered Lifestyle.
Next post will be thoughts on my personal experience with 24/7, followed by some posts the coming weeks detailing the best ways to handle a fully Diapered Lifestyle. We’ll be talking brands, skincare, clothing, fit, eco-friendliness and all aspects of Diapering! I’m not expecting to do the “traditional” 24/7 anytime soon but will be diapered often, I’ll talk about that next post.
Thanks for all the support over the years ❤ Talk soon and StayDiapered!
(thought i’d share one of my favorite pics for my anniversary <3)
Last Content Warning for a while: bit’ of sad stuff ahead, then lots of smiles!
Jazz Legend Bleedin’ Gums Murphy once said “Singing the blues isn’t about making yourself feel better, it’s about making other people feel worse”
The last 5 days I’ve sat down every morning and tried to write something ABDL, write about peeing my pants or one of the brand new diapers I have… but everything that’s coming out is depressing, sardonic or preachy. Life has been really tough for everyone lately and I’m certainly having my share of challenges. Today’s posts going to be about direction and focusing on the positive. So let’s get out some sad stuff first.
It seems I can’t go 2 posts without mentioning a friend that’s passed. Specifically my friend Bill Chill, who did some filming and graphic design for this site (including my current header) and was a cool artist and gentle friend. I just found out and am very sad. Message me if you were mutual friends (Chicago/CAP people) and want to talk.
I’m not numb to it, I’m just numb to talking about it. I’m the kind of sad that just needs some time and bear snuggles.
So I’m going to bank some writing, I’ve got drafts and notes and red-string connecting it all together with some eventual plan for posts/pages of a book. Everyone and my mother has been pushing me to write a legit book, so I think i’m going to take all my profound feelings and sardonic worldview and work towards something real. I overuse “Sardonic” because I grew up on Daria and read a lot of Sedaris, I’d love to write a book with that Jean Shepherd/David Sedaris style Essay structure. Something full of laughs and tears and shocking moments of depravity, all that good stuff! I also love to see what a professional editor could do with some of my drafts, get better at grammar and syntax and all that because sometimes I no write so good.
I’ve always wanted this site to be a bright space online, one where people can come to feel warm and loved, to read my story and see themselves in it. We’re adults and we can tackle adult issues, but I feel there’s a time and place. I shant (I also overuse shant, in the sense that I use it at all) be ignoring my feelings or the icky sticky parts of AB/DL/Trans life, I’m just going to open the drapes for a while. Let’s be little together, talk about crinkles and bears 🙂
It’s going to be a tough couple weeks, I’m mainly stressing about the election from a citizens perspective but also worrying about working it. I’ve been a diligent poll worker and my polling site really needs me this time, but I’m super nervous about getting sick. I have been 1000% Cautious and safe and not eating out or going anywhere really, but this poll working thing is a civic duty IMO and I can;t . Money where your mouth is moment. Will probably be a lot less anxious and miserable when this is all over, thanks for bearing with me. And I’m still confidently 3 weeks+ nicotine free, life is good, I’m happy and safe, just need to remind myself of that sometimes.
Moving forward, consider this site a cuddly little space! Sad posts will be spread out and clearly marked. Starting in 6 days (my 14 year-anniversary!) I’m going to be putting out daily posts and other fun stuff. Fresh start, fresh diapers, fresh outlook.
So that’s that, packing away the Content Warnings and pulling out the NSFW warnings! I’ve recently went through my 200+ kinky and/or ABDL videos and organized/updated them, now I’m moving on to my photos so you’ll be seeing lots of retro pics and memories! Over the years I’ve served as a constant reminder that life, love, success are not all straight lines. There’s ups and downs, wins and losses, sad days and ones filled with happiness and contentment. Living an authentic life is the goal, every other moment of joy is a bonus 🙂 Thanks for following on my journey, cute diaper pics, new video, audio (i’ve been threatening a podcast for a while) and all that coming soon.
I have a new little Raccoon friend to cheer me on and all the kind comments and messages from ya’ll ❤ Thanks for all the support, more smiles on their way! I’m off to change out of my morning crinkles and get busy livin’ 🙂 Hugs!
Hi there friends! As you know, I’ve been having tons of fun with the IsoStorytime crew, reading stories and doing little groups! It’s like a little online ABDL convention with stories, music, talents and games! It’s fun for everyone especially plushies, stuffies and bears 🙂
I made a little video talking about all the fun you can have at ISO Storytime 🙂 Hope you like it!
Thanks for watching and don’t forget to check out their coloring pages too! Hope everyone is well, more stuffy stuff soon!
Hello friends! I’m taking a moment outside of the Adobe Lightroom to say hello! I have been doing so much “Behind The Scenes” stuff, need to remind myself to actually post, not put it off, prioritize! I was going to call this post “Prioritize!” but that’s aggressive and not representative of my current level of chill.
This Babygirl has been quite Zen this last week or so. I’ve had my fair share of challenges, temptations, moments of stress etc and have persevered. I’m constantly reminding myself that I’m capable of controlling how I react to stimulus. I’ve been staying in control of my environment, not getting “Stuck” doing anything, keeping my agency which is really important for me. Part of the reason why I fear rollercoasters (and maybe relationships), I can’t stand being stuck or controlled.
I think that plays into my love of kink, I really like the idea of being tied up and submitting myself to someone because it’s a huge tribute of trust and faith. I have generally been the tie-er upper, the dominant in my sexual interactions. This is mainly because I’ve yet to meet anyone I can trust enough to bottom for, if there really even is that kind of person for me.
I’m opening up more, and as well as being Zen, i’ve been horny as hell. Just in the general sense, but also in regards to constant diaper excitement, I’ve been one crinkly soggy girl lately. Being pretty balanced about it all, but yeah, there’s been a little diapered-pillow-humping lately, and I’ve dusted off my plugs and toys and everything. Been a busy little organization bee lately, Idle Hands are the devils playthings after all 😛 My idea of a wholesome activity is organizing my dildos and diapers, what a little homemaker.
I’ve been doing alot of Riley work lately, getting my life and career operating like a well-lubed machine, and as this whole virus thing gets figured out, I’ll likely start socializing again. I have been cut-off from the world for a while even before *all this*, missed the last few ABDL cons, haven’t been spending much time in the city, friends spread all over… I knew I wasn’t showing my best side to the world and wanted to cobble my life back together before coming back on the scene (including blogging etc).
So I’m doing what I’m best at, getting up early, listening to Björk (who was in the Sugarcubes, the song posted below) and editing porn. I’m so close to having all my archives edited, I did all the videos and now there’s about 7 photosets (about a thousand Raw photos in total) left. I’ll be doing one of those Daily Photo thingies on my sites, mainly just to keep me honest and posting everyday. I’m setting myself up to not fail, it’s exciting and makes me very hopeful for the future 🙂
Ok, so I’m going to continue being weird (weirder than usual) this week, sorry if you’ve been trying to get ahold of me, I’m still keeping the internet, especially the news, at arms length. Managing my stress levels, makin’ plans, snugglin’ bears, editing pics, life is good!
More and more soon and daily posts here incoming ❤ Today’s 2 pics are random ones I was editing before writing this, one from LA and the other from Alexandria 🙂 Thanks for being patient lately and over the last 14 years (!!!) of this blog 🙂 HUGS!!!!!!
If you’ve been following my site over the years, you’ve seen the rollercoaster of drama that has been my life, adventure, travel and every possible aspect of clusterfuckery that one person could face. I have reached brilliant highs, faced the loneliest of lows and experienced various cream-filled middles. I’m probably healthier and happier at moment of writing then i’ve ever been, despite the abundance of new misery in the world.
I’m going to have to balance out my joy here, our emotions can be pendulums and we must be careful to swing too far in any direction. I’ve been talking to friends/family in California and holding my tongue about how happy I am to not be facing the wildfires and to have access to clean PA air. My heart goes out to anyone having troubles right now… i’ll try not to celebrate too much in this post, but allow me to share some recent joy with you!
Joy 1: Happy Bottom
I bought a big ol’ case of Pink Megamaxes! I have such a good diaper situation right now, daytimes and nighttimes and pull-ups and briefs and cloth and everything! I have a ton of reviews planned and so much cool stuff to share, and it seems there’s cool new brands coming out everyday. Exciting! I am 100% back to being a diaper girl, not 24/7 or anything, just very happy to be back in diapers so frequently 🙂
I’ve come to peace with some stuff lately. There’s been some pain binding me up, some lingering toxicity, revenge plots, some real deep down nasty stuff that I have put in a cage and kicked into a volcano. I’m sure i’ll get flashes on some lonely night but I’ve had some revelations about what I’m spending my mental energy on. Removing this toxicity in my life kinda felt like deleting a game off your phone, it’s still there and I can revisit it whenever I want, but I’m not thinking about it everyday and it’s not wasting anymore of my time. While Hearthstone I could justify as a relaxing game, thinking about some of this old pain was a waste of processing power. I’m well aware of my past and have spent much of my life lamenting it, i’m over it, time to move forward.
Joy 3: Abstinence
I quit drinking 540 days ago, I quit smoking cigarettes last week. I’m going in with the same strength and confidence that I had with drinking and am 100% convinced that I am finished with that. I don’t express this often online, I never liked sharing that aspect of me because I never liked that aspect of me. But if you’ve met me IRL, I’ve always been a bit of a lush and usually have something lit between my fingers, I’ve always run with a tuff crowd, lived a tuff life in tuff places, so I developed a few prickly habits/addictions. Desperate measures for desperate people I suppose.
I can let the bad stuff go now, I have a grasp on my mental health, a safe space to live and some other good signs of a stable, productive life. It’s hard to do your taxes while skydiving, and I’ve been skydiving most of my adult life. I’m saving the stories of how bad I was for the tell-all memoir, but I was pretty damn bad. I smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish, and nothing about it was glamorous, cool or beneficial, it was just pain for pain’s sake. I’ve always wanted to quit and known the harm, I just continued to fail and fail and it hurt everytime. I “quit tomorrow” for nearly a decade. But this time it’s worked ❤ I also don’t judge anyone for any vices, I still imbibe pot but don’t find that particularly destructive, live your life. Some people can drink just fine, I can’t anymore so I don’t. We’re all on our own journeys ❤
Glad to be moving on. Not looking for advice or notes, I’ve got this! And I can’t express enough how much of a positive change this is, smoking was a daily reminder that I was a failure, that I lacked control, and it depressed the hell out of me on top of making me feel like garbage 24/7. I didn’t like to wear diapers etc while smoking, it sorta kept me in a perpetual pissy mood and just sapped my energy and will to live/create. You’ll notice the difference in my output, attitude, skin and in every aspect of my life. I haven’t had a single blinding migraine or “i’m about to die” chest pain this whole week, that alone has elevated my mood significantly. If you’ve never been a smoker you probably think I’m an irresponsible babby who’s over-exaggerating the negative effects, but if you were a serious smoker you know that juxtaposition of smoking 20+ “this makes me feel terrible and is killing me” sticks a day and paying a huge cost (in everyway) for the privilege. Makes you really think “what an asshole i’ve been” and once you have that perspective going back seems ridiculous. Freedom!
Joy 4: Video Games are cool
Video games are really amazing nowadays. I have always been interested in games but don’t often actually play them, but this year has been awesome, bought myself an Xbox and a friend bought me a Switch (thanks Lily <3) and have actually finished a couple games. I’d love to do some streaming sometime, have all the gear, just need to DO IT!
Joy 5: Platform
This platform, my YT, my name etc, is the most valuable asset I have. I’m so grateful to have someone listening and I want to do my due diligence to listen and respond back. Moving forward I’m going to be better about keeping in touch with people and organizations that are important to myself and the ABDL community. I get so many letters and plan to balance that with live chats, streaming, Chaturb8 etc. I have been hiding myself for so long, I’d love to go full E-Girl and share everything, not just the occasional ABDL video or big stack of porn.
I am so grateful to have this platform, some personal things have been holding me back for a looooong time and I’m damn serious about unshackling myself. This is probably the 860th time I’ve posted this “MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO GET BETTER JUST YOU WATCH” post, but i’m damn, damn damn certain that myself and the person reading this (you!) are wonderful people with a ton of potential. I’m primed and excited about entering a more legitimate, tempered portion of my life. Lots of exciting stuff coming soon ❤
Joy 5: Memory
I have one more very important note. A really wonderful person and member of the ABDL community RebeccaCuddles passed away recently, I’ve posted a video talking about Loss and dedicated it to her memory. Twitter and various other community sites have more information on them, but please be respectful of those mourning. Link to Video
The friends I’ve lost bring about smiles instead of tears when I revisit them in memory. I have seen those smiles appear all over the community for Rebecca, it’s the best anyone can ask for in life, to be remembered with a smile.
I’m going to be one irritable cuss over the next week or so, so I’m stepping away from social media, staying under the blankets for a couple days. Going to eat a bunch of food, play a bunch of video games, snuggle the bears and wear lots of diapers! Sounds like a wonderful way to transition into the colder weather. I’m going into caterpillar mode for a few days, keep your eyes out for a little diapered butterfly soon ❤
More thoughts and positive stuff sooooon! Thanks for listening, lots more soon, including photo-a-day stuff and great new reviews, commentary and all that good stuff! Big hugs from the bears and I!
Hey there friends! Just a quick little pic collection today pulled from my twitter 🙂
Wanted to thank everyone for the feedback on my last post, I have been stewing on that for a while and while it was certainly too long and most of it common sense, I needed to get those thoughts out. It brought up some other issues that I don’t really know how to speak on at the moment, especially when it comes to boycotting certain diaper companies. I don’t advertise/promote the products for anyone I disagree with, but some of the information out there is so he-said/she-said and muddled with arguments, excuses and anger. You’ve not seen me wear certain companies because I’m not sure how I feel about the companies, and frankly I don’t want to use my platform to destroy someone’s livelyhood… but also some issues can’t be ignored. So before I go off on anybody, I need to be sure of what i’m saying. That last post was a refresher that I need to use my voice as responsibly as possible. I have had enough people tell me I was their gateway to ABDL that I don’t want to disappoint them or lead them astray. I’m starting to really feel like a Mommy around here 🙂
It’s been an incredibly busy month, and thankfully right now I’m done with most of the drama. Nothing bad really, just life stuff, long hospital calls with family, moving, dentistry, organizing, private struggles etc… But most of that is over for now. I’ve been living here in PA for 4 years now (!!!) and I’m so, so happy to be here. There’s been a few things I’ve needed to do to make it better, my living situation is safe and good, but I needed to do a few things to make it better which took some time and money but it’s done. Pardon the vagueness, it’s just so boring that I’m trying to make it sound mysterious and interesting.
I love PA and don’t regret moving here for a minute. There’s so much big news in my life, transition stuff, big milestones (500 days free from drinking!) and other exciting smiley stuff.
I’m moving a little slow with the content but the changes recently have been to open up more options for filming, and I have aloooot more space now ❤ So expect more green screen fun, insightful posts, cute diaper fun and lots of positivity ❤
Hello friends in the ABDL community, we need to talk. Huge Content Warning, we’re going to really get into it here. Most of this doesn’t apply to the average ABDL person but there’s still some things in here that we can all do better on.
Today’s post has been brewing for a while, I’ve mostly avoided controversy since reinvigorating this blog but it’s time to get serious. I’ve seen some bad behavior in the community (Community members defined by those participating in ABDL activities online or otherwise) and there’s some issues we need to go over to make sure that this community stays positive, inclusive and safe. There’s going to be people who argue with me about this, call me judgmental or accuse me of policing/shaming people, but I believe that these standards are universal and should be adhered to by all ABDL folks. This is some pretty basic stuff that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to say.
Issue #1: Age
A few months ago someone on Reddit said this community has a pedophile problem, I argued against that because that behavior wasn’t in my purview at the time, I was convinced the Deekers and creepers were scared back into their caves. I realized recently that I was being ignorant and my view of the community was rose tinted.
Age gets argued more than anything, as laws etc are different around the world and this community and age fluidity go hand in hand. BUT here in America and most of the western world (yeah, I know Austrias Age of Consent is 14 but let’s just stick with 18, not debating that) all agree that there’s a clear line between Minor and Adult, and that line is crossed when someone turns 18.
IF SOMEONE IS UNDER 18, DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEMIN ABDL ACTIVITIES. I recently saw a public Twitter post of a 30+ year old man bragging about grooming his 17 year old neighbor, they said they’d “Induct them into the ABDL community next year” and they helped them “come out as ABDL to their parents”. I was absolutely sickened by somebody admitting this and worse trying to normalize it. But what’s the absolute dregs is that some people that I followed liked the post and had followed this person. It really opened my eyes to something that I thought was universally considered both immoral and illegal, the grooming of a minor. What scares me is that it was likely “just a fantasy” and this person is actively looking for victims. And these people are victims, regardless of whatever dream logic the predators may apply.
I was groomed by a college professor when I was 14 years old, started a sexual relationship with him when I was 18. I was into diapers before I met him and quite mature, I thought it was love. Turns out he was a stone-cold pedophile and I was far from the first, a fact I didn’t realize until I was older and one that keeps my fists clenched in rage to this day. This is a personal issue with me and I refuse to stay silent about it, people who prey on children for their own sexual or romantic satisfaction are monsters, full stop. I will never stop calling people out on this and if you want to argue with me about age of consent, just leave your replies in the bin. If you’re 18 and dating a 17 year old, that’s a different story and if you’re providing structured queer outreach to LGBT youth (such as Pflag) that’s also a different story. The individuals preying on children are not doing it for the child’s benefit, but for their own. People should not take it upon themselves to “help” these minors, I don’t care who you are or what your motivations may be.
What scares me is that the people reaching out to minors think that it’s okay or they’re doing a good thing, I’m here to it emphatically say they are 100% wrong. I hope that we can all agree that if you’ve been alive for 6570 days or more you shouldn’t be engaging in ABDL activities with people under 18. Many of us felt a lot of confusion and shame as underage ABDLs, but that’s an experience everybody has to go through and is not aided by older people getting involved personally. If you want to help confused young people, telling your story is the best way. I’m certain that underage people have read my blog despite my protestations, when I was under 18 I was reading ABDL blogs, it’s inevitable, people are going to find this information when they’re younger like many of us did, no amount of 18+ Only signs are going to change that, I just ignore them and won’t respond if someone underage does reach out. I fully believe they are better figuring out on their own as opposed to my 30-something self getting involved personally in their development. It would be entirely inappropriate, despite me having the purest intentions.
While some peeking into 18+ Twitters etc. from minors is inevitable, what is not even remotely OK is inviting interactions with minors, making ABDL spaces for minors and adults to mingle or publishing “All Ages” or “Young Adult” content with ABDL fiction as a central focus. (Rosalie Bent does this and I can’t believe people still support that name). We all know that ABDL is more than just a kink for some people, but do not forget it is still an adult thing done by consenting adults that should not include minors. Some minors develop ABDL interests early, I did, but I also had sex before I was 18 with other under 18’s, just because kids are out there having sex or wearing diapers, doesn’t mean adults can get involved. Organizations like ScarletTeen and PFlag are run by professionals in the field of psychology, sexuality and sexual development, they are vetted and generally legit. Leave the “help” for confused young people to the parents and professionals. This standard is both to protect yourself from pedo accusations and protect youth from predators.
I see some conversation about age dysphoria, I don’t know enough about this to comment about it but I do understand things like “Clovergender” are shared specifically to make queer people look bad and imply LGBT folks are supportive of pedophiles. I’m not saying they are the same thing, but be cautious how you identify. And while Age Dysphoria is a hot topic to some, we need to set some solid standards around that. I’m annoyed that I have to say this, but chronological age cannot be argued. You can feel whatever age you want to feel but if you’re over 18 on the calendar but feel like you’re 12, you’re still over 18 and should not be interacting with minors. Feel and identify all you want, but it doesn’t give you access to minors. Also, being ABDL is not the same as being a protected class (I never facepalmed so hard when I first heard that argument). But i’m getting off track…
If you are sexually attracted to minors, you need help. I believe pedophiles/pederasts/ephebophile (or whatever the term du jour is) are often victims themselves and can be helped out of what I imagine is a particular kind of twisted hell, therapy, medications etc. I don’t believe those who are trying to get better should be immediately crucified, but with that said, if someone knows they’re attracted to kids and are not seeking help, or are actively seeking out underage people, they deserve nothing but removal of their ability to harm, be it institutionalization or prison. My empathy for pedophiles ends when they act on those feelings in any way, no quarter given to predators.
This doesn’t mean as an ABDL person you can’t ever interact with minors outside of the context of ABDL, we’re not given a black mark that says we can’t ever be around kids, you just don’t do ABDL stuff with kids for obvious reasons. It’s all part of living a balanced, healthy life, being ABDL shouldn’t restrict you from any aspect of life, be it parenthood or taking your little cousin to the park, you just have to know when and where and with whom ABDL is appropriate. And with under 18 people, it’s never appropriate.
What Can I Do?: Stay vigilant. Notify other community members if people are openly underage or seeking underage people. Report block and ban any images of children. Watch for red flags such as an absence of “18+” or IRL age in profiles. I’m really proud of the community for all the messages making me aware people that I should block, keep up the good work. That said, try not to amplify pedos or link to pedo sites, be smart about how you call content out. If you see something and don’t know what to do, you can always contact me @RileyBBQ on Twitter and i’ll get on it.
Issue #2: Consent
Consent: Permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
Non-Consent: Not agreed to by one or more of the people involved
Let’s first get the simple stuff out of the way, don’t send uninvited pictures to anybody or post pictures of you wearing diapers in spaces where it is not okay.
Posting diaper pics on twitter? Great!
Sending crotchshots to unconsenting people, even other ABDLs? Not ok.
Posting diaper stuff on Fetlife or ABDL forum? Great!
Posting ABDL roleplay to actual incontinence forums or incon spaces, harassing actual incon people who are telling their stories or posting crude, provocative comments etc? Super NOT OK.
Leave NonABDL incontinent people out of this, many of these people have enough struggles without having a bunch of creeps to send on their comments to fetishize them. If you are ABDL and incontinent and want to discuss products etc, go ahead, just leave the ABDL stuff out of it, it makes us look bad and more despicably it hurts/messes with other people. When it comes to sexuality I think “Do No Harm” should be a good standard.
Let’s talk about being in public, a controversial topic i’ve largely avoided because the conversation often descends into memes and hot takes, but we need to seriously sit down and talk about this for a minute. And before the contrarians come out of the woodworks, no, appearing on TV is not breaking peoples consent. That’s an asinine argument not worthy of debating, I’m not actually there, not a immediate threat and people tuned into the show on their own volition. Anyone using that argument is being severely disingenuous.
Many of us wear diapers 24/7 and in that pursuit there will be times when we are wearing and using diapers in public, and that’s fine, I do it all the time 🙂 Whenever I get out of the car my shirt usually bunches up and sometimes there’s a little diaper exposed, happens to the best of us. Sometimes we like to take cheeky pics on a train or in an empty public restroom or something, that’s fine but could potentially come with consequences. Anybody who’s taken a bar upskirt for their partner knows that could lead to an awkward conversation, at worst some public indecency rap but most likely not, because we’re taking these pictures privately and not as a means to expose ourselves to the public. There’s also a time and place, I’ve worn practically nothing during protests, I’ve gone full topless diapers and overalls at Folsom Street Fair. These are largely controlled environments in large groups of people doing the same thing and a worlds away from going to a gas station wearing only a T-shirt and Diaper.
When you’re a single individual walking down a public street or grocery shopping in an intentionally exposed diaper you have to realize that there could be very serious consequences for that. From being arrested, to being on the sex offender list, to getting beat up, to just being seen as a perv who’s trying to get a reaction out of people. If I saw someone exhibiting themselves like that, especially as a single woman, i’d perceive them as a threat and would feel unsafe around them as they would be acting unpredictable, like a clearly pantsless man in a trenchcoat. I’m seeing more posts like this especially with the anonymity that masks provide, so lets set some guidelines.
Some Diaper Peek or Bulge: It happens to everyone, don’t worry, noone cares or even notices.
Pacifiers, little clothes that don’t deliberately expose diapers, stuffies, comfort objects, collars, wearing in stressful situations like doctors or dentists: All great, wear and be who you want to be, diapers help me get through the day and I wouldn’t take that away from anyone, especially those who use it as a means to quell anxiety.
Outfits designed to intentionally provoke strangers into awareness of your diapers or roleplaying/scenes with strangers involved: Not cool.
I know humiliation is a big thing to some in this community but if you’re getting that thrill from non-consenting random people, you’re doing it wrong. I love humiliation but it belongs between me and other ABDLs. If you wear diapers normally you have nothing to worry about, I’m specifically addressing deliberate exhibition and how it’s a lack of respect for others. There’s a huge difference between a little bit of wardrobe related diaper peek and going full-bore LOOK AT MY DIAPERS EVERYONE. You wanna wear a princess dress with a poofy diaper? Have fun. Wanna wear Overalls, a Pampers shirt and a Paw Patrol backpack? Live your life! Nobody is trying to tell you that you can’t be you, it’s just the times i’ve seen people do “public display” they’re usually drunk, manic or horny and incredibly defensive when people call them out. Well, no amount of memes or “WHO CARES ABOUT NORMIES” is going to make that ok, and I’m certain that people acting rationally and with concern for others would not put themselves into that situation. Again, can’t believe I have to say this and worry about backlash for it, but don’t intentionally expose your diapers to strangers in everyday situations. Pretty basic stuff!
To clarify, i’ve had friends with piercings and mohawks and wear shirts that say “ChristPuncher” on them, they get all kinds of looks and some of it is just to “freak out the normies”, but when the intention is to get a kinky thrill from showing strangers your exposed diapers, well, that’s a bridge too far for me. Situational Awareness is key, what may be fine in Provincetown or Folsom probably won’t fly at an Iowa Walmart. It may seem like it’s all fun and games until a kid or parent sees you, calls the cops on the “diaper exhibitionist” and you’re now national news. So even if you don’t care about consent, think about the consequences for your life and the public perception of other ABDL folks. Call it “Concern Trolling” all you want, but I’d hate to see someone go out for what they assume is a fun diaper day (based off seeing others do it on Twitter) only to end up in a jail cell. Also, there’s some porn out there that goes wayyyyy to far with public exposure, and I would encourage you to avoid that, just because it’s being filmed for profit doesn’t mean it’s ok, in fact I think it’s a little worse.
Also, if you’re going to mess in public, there are many things you can do to avoid anybody knowing. Take those steps, people are just trying to live their lives and they don’t need to he subjected to poo smells, maybe do your messing/changing in the bathroom if you must. To the fully continent among us, think like an incontinent person and take every precaution they would. It’s entirely possible to be 24/7 diaper dependent and it remain entirely personal and private.
What Can I Do?: Just keep wearing diapers and maintain the concept that your underclothes are a personal thing, and while I’m sure some people will try to equate it with people sagging their pants, any intellectually honest person will know there is a difference. It’s not the end of the world if somebody sees your diaper, but the intention behind an exposed diaper is what really matters, make sure your intentions are pure and not dependent on the reactions of others. Simply, keep your diapers to yourself. I think most of this is common sense, but I’ve seen some drunk clowns film themselves walking around in just diapers lately and want to encourage people to think before you act, if only so you don’t end up on LadBible .
Issue #3: Mental Health
What follows is mostly personal advice for those struggling with ABDL at its core.
Many people in the ABDL community live with mental health issues. For some of us, knowing that we are ABDL has exacerbated some of those issues, adding to feelings of rejection, loneliness, “othering” etc. The pursuit of an ABDL relationship or ABDL acceptance can be soul crushing at times. Even the people in this community can be cruel and exclusive (more on that later). What can we do to find peace within ourselves and live healthy, happy lives while the stigma of ABDL hangs over our heads?
Search for balance. None of us are defined by this, we are all individuals with our own thoughts and feelings and loves and hates. If being an ABDL is causing you significant pain sometimes it’s beneficial to take a break, reevaluate your goals, take a look at your pyramid of actualization and find where balance is needed. I first saw this in the movie “God Help The Girl” (CW: Anorexia) and it really put things into perspective for me. I’m not saying this is for everyone or even applicable to real life, but it definitely opened my mind about priorities.
We all know that there’s stigma and shame around this but if it’s actively causing you daily pain, some introspection is needed. I know therapy isn’t a cure-all and it’s as difficult as ever to access now, but ABDL should not be something that makes life harder to live and if it does, I would encourage some deep introspection. I argue tooth and nail that ABDL is not an addiction, let alone My Strange one, but it can be a compulsion, an obsession, and those things can lead you to do things an otherwise rational person wouldn’t. Practice mindfulness, this link is a primer on it, for more thoughts, check out David Foster Wallace’s “This Is Water“. None of this is offered as a cure, it doesn’t apply to every unique mind, but I feel it’s helped me when my mental train derails and I get too spun out about something.
I can’t speak or claim to understand any of what’s going on in people’s hearts, but from personal experience I have sometimes has my head wrapped around something so tight that I lost perspective. Wearing diapers or being little should not be a barrier to a happy, healthy life.
What Can I Do?: There’s no homework on this one other than being kind and inclusive and listening to people who are struggling with ABDL. This community does wonderful things for the people involved and I have always found comfort in it. If anything’s going to help people that are feeling the shame and insecurity that comes from a misunderstood and somewhat unique interest such as ABDL, it’s fellow ABDLs coming together to support each other. Be a positive voice in this community, even if it’s just cheering on others.
Issue #4: Inclusivity
This is going to be the most “controversial” part of this post, though it certainly shouldn’t be. This community has many of the same problems with exclusivity that the world at large suffers. I’m sure some will claim I’m being exclusive or gatekeeping with my post today, but calling out bad behavior when it shows itself is necessary and not “bullying” or “shaming”, it’s maintaining the safety and sanctity of this community and protecting non-participants from bad actors. One rouge ABDL could do more harm to this community than a lifetime of positivity posting, so yeah i’m drawing a line in the sand when one needs to be drawn. Some people can’t handle being told what to do, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stay silent on it.
So, to the point, if we’re going to go anywhere as a community, we need to be accepting of EVERY body type, ethnicity, neurodivergent status, gender, religion, lifestyle, sexuality, socio-economic status, all the folks that are often ignored, “othered” or shamed. We need to elevate positive, diverse voices and silence hateful ones.
I’ve always personally avoided making blanket validity statements like “EVERYONE IS WELCOME AND VALID” or whatever, because it’s easy to say that and then forget to put it into action. Not to say those statements lack value, but what’s most important is that you live by it. When the brain sets itself to a task, writing down that task on a ToDo list triggers the same feelings of accomplishment that actually accomplishing the deed does, therefore making the deed feel practically done. Basically, we need to see more inclusivity in action.
The diversity in the community is a blessing and a curse. Anyone from any background can be ABDL, there are both diapered Klan Members and diapered NAACP members (I’m the latter, have unfortunately met the former). What we need to do as a community is what the progressive world as a whole is doing, which is denounce racism, ableism, and every other harmful -ism that we see. As a skinny white girl, I need to help platform those who might not get the same play as I do, as demographically the online voices in this community are largely male and white.
People around here are not mad at all white males for just being white males, but white males are often the ones quickest to reject the need for inclusivity. Many of my favorite people are white dudes that have the presence of mind to speak out against other white dudes when they’re being bigoted. I’m white, relatively healthy and a somewhat attractive woman, i’m aware enough to know that’s like having 3 extra stamps on a privilege bingo card, even though I have had my fair share of disadvantages and strife. We need to be aware of intersectionality, peoples personal and private struggles, and we need not assume that peoples front facing image is the whole story. Everyone needs to do their due diligence here, and we privileged folks need to step up for those being marginalized by others. Sometimes it’s a Retweet, sometimes it’s defending someone on a forum, sometimes it’s hanging out with a shy someone at a convention. Just be aware of other peoples needs and potential roadblocks, and do what you can to help! I know many of us are shy too, but we can all try our best!
This last 4 years have really emboldened voices of hate, we’ve always struggled with bigots like any online community but the trolls are more prevalent than ever before. They are attacking us, making hate videos, Doxxing, pretending to be us, pushing narratives that are destructive to the community at whole. These are outside voices, but there’s plenty of hatred and exclusivity within the community. Attacks on women for merely existing in the ABDL world, blatant racism, ageism, ableism, body shaming, people just being downright terrible about other peoples bodies and lives. It’s just not acceptable and we need to do better.
What Can I Do?: This is really where we need to come together and call out shitty behavior. I see people posting racist memes and luckily, people are pretty vigilant about calling people out. People are so afraid of “Cancel Culture”, myself included knowing that this post will ruffle some feathers, but in reality it’s an often necessary tool to shout down the bigots. When you see someone talking shit, call them out, don’t just scroll past. Making the world a better place is a contact sport, and we need to put on our big people pants and stop the hate before it starts. Luckily, most people I see on Twitter etc. are good about this, but there’s still more we can do. Let’s see more diverse models. Let’s help content creators of all backgrounds. Let’s include the furries, the daddies, the middles, the messers and the non-diaper wearers. You don’t have to get down with all that, but you can also keep your thoughts to yourself and not shame folks. If you prefer looking at skinny girls, that’s cool, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to disparage heavier girls. Nothing gives you the right to put other people down.
Couple final notes on inclusivity: It’s so simple but so often forgotten, LISTEN to folks with different viewpoints than you. If you don’t like how someone looks, keep it to yourself! I’ve been 100% guilty of some of these things I so adamantly against, about a decade ago I made the argument that a well-spoken skinny fit girl on TV is going to sell the community to the public better than Stanley from Taboo and that’s a pretty dick thing to say, rooted in my own arrogance. I used to not believe there were any cisgender women legitimately into this, a belief that came from my own insecurities. Up until I was 12 or so (1998 mind you) I was a legit budding racist, it’s something I was taught by friends and family but thankfully was able to unlearn. It’s important that we both hold people accountable as well as give them the opportunity to learn. People say bone-headed things sometimes, I believe in giving most people the benefit of the doubt.
With that said, some people just want to spread hate and find joy in doing so, and those people should be shouted down and disallowed from things like community forums and events. We as a community need to be proactive in encouraging and embracing marginalized folks in what is already a significantly marginalized group. We’re all in this together, it’s not White vs. Black, Men vs. Women, Straight vs. Gay, it’s People vs. Bigots, and if we all stand together we can truly make ABDL an acronym for everyone.
We are at the forefront of this thing called ABDL, with every post you’re writing the history of this community. As the world becomes more digital and isolated, more people are going to find their realities, their friendships, support groups and so on within the online ABDL community, and I want it to be a safe space for them. For some people, myself especially, this community and the folks within are the most important thing in their world.
There’s going to be new people in the community that may not understand Consent, we need to educate them. More underage people will try and engage in the conversation, we need to make sure to keep the wall of age up between individuals and minors. If someone saw that Neighbor Grooming post and was looking to prove ABDLs are pedo adjacent, they would have had a field day and honestly I wouldn’t be able to argue with them, especially because I saw more likes than comments. This is a world where everything is quantified, and the voices speaking against bad actors need to be much louder than the voices of the bad actors themselves. Because there will always will be people like Deeker or Neighbor Groomer, we just need to come together be better than those people, show the world what we will and won’t stand for.
So let’s embrace the good things about being ABDL! We need to raise up people in our community whose voices are not being heard and squash any bigotry or hatred you see. Hold people responsible for their actions especially if their actions come at the cost non-consenting people’s solidarity. I’ve given plenty of people plenty of reasons to dislike or debate me, that’s fine, but what I won’t accept is people hating me or others for who I am or for things I can’t control. I don’t expect this community to get together and sing Kumbaya all the time, there will be drama, but what we can’t accept is bigotry, illegal or non-consensual behavior. We can and must do better, and it’s going to take a long look in the mirror to make this a welcome place for everybody. It’d be nice to put on a diaper and know that i’m in the company of well-meaning people, I’ve been struggling with that lately. I thought i’d gotten over the shame of being ABDL, but this time it’s the people within the community that made me want to leave and not look back. I won’t of course, you’re stuck with me, I just needed to put pen to paper and hopefully help the community work some of the kinks out (pun intended).
Thank you for reading. If your reaction to this is anger or frustration at me for bringing these things to light then i’ve done my job. I’ve been a voice in this community for nearly 15 years now, and I felt it was necessary to have this talk. Things have gotten better since the days of the WetSet forums or early Adisc, but we still have a long way to go. I’m optimistic, I hope you are too.
Cheers to a better community and better lives as individuals for it. I love ya’ll and only want the best for everyone. Let’s make it happen, the change starts with you.