Kiwifarms, Keffals and No Country for Transwomen: Why I Left Social Media

ALL THE CONTENT WARNINGS LINK HERE TO MY SFW/Permanent Version for sharing

THIS POST WILL BE OFF THIS SITE IN 24 HOURS.

Diaper Cuteness STARTING TOMORROW, Promise ❀

Hi there friends. My Instagram was recently reported down at 10K and I have since locked my twitter. I am stepping away from social media and focusing on my videos and this blog. I will still post on all my paysites and nothing changes about upcoming projects, I just will no longer have a public face on twitter and other social platforms. I am not a victim of any specific doxxing or harassment outside the usual noise, this is about harm reduction. I am not in danger or facing any crisis, I’m fine ❀

This story is the end of my long journey with Kiwifarms… I’m about to head to a national park for a week to enjoy my friends and nature, going to spend more time away from screens ❀

20 Word Version:

Twitter has become a dangerous place to be a “famous” transwoman, especially if you are kinky or a SexWer. I have locked my accounts for my health & safety, largely due to the violent rhetoric from white leftists and transpeople.

4 Tweets Explaining the Keffals Thing, sorry about this dudes Wojacks and language

The Full Version.

My History With Kiwifarms

After appearing on My Strange Addiction I had my privacy invaded by users of anti-trans forums Gendertrendr and Kiwifarms and a person named C*thy Br*nnan. People related to these sites contacted my family, my old job, they met me at my doorstep and more than once in the street. I was living in the South Bronx at the time and they are partially why I moved out of NYC, I no longer felt safe as a single transwoman in my city. Their articles calling me a dangerous pedophile and rapist (for being ABDL or using women’s restrooms) effectively put out a hit on me, posts detailing my alleged crimes with my address and legal name etc, “someone has to stop this person” on their boards and messages like “the law is the only thing keeping me from killing you”. They had targeted me and ABDLs before, but this was a specific campaign to get me offline and underground. I got my ConcealedCarry, I had to explain transgender people and doxxing to Sac PD & Mott Haven PD to protect me and my family. I got a restraining order. I’ve had run ins with other stalkers, some really bad, but nothing like Kiwifarms. It was a nightmare.

I was heartbroken, in my naive mind it was “Feminists” doing this, I was constantly engaged in advocacy in feminist/leftist groups (I was big into OccupyWallstreet at the time) and felt ostracized… I later learned the difference between a Radfem and a real feminist (we didn’t use TERF much then), and that it was mostly politically motivated bigots co-opting feminism and queer folks to singularly attack transpeople, be it through useful idiots or by using fake accounts. LGB Alliance is the leading group for this now. I learned that not everyone wearing the shield of a social movement is authentically part of the cause. Is Every Person with Dreads for the cause? Is Every Person with Golds for the Fall?

Who or What is Keffals?

I spoke vaguely about Kiwifarms over the years and have kept away from mainstream advocacy because like many transpeople/ABDLs, I was legitimately afraid of what this group is capable of. Folks worked hard to get Gendertrendr taken down but Kiwifarms remained… Until this week, when a twitch streamer named Keffals organized a movement around her own doxxing and harassment and finally succeeded in taking down Kiwifarms. It’s been all over the news, a huge moment for face-forward transwomen online.

I want to clarify, I do not follow Keffals outside of this last week and don’t follow Twitch stuff but I see the things she does and want to applaud her. Arrogantly, I see some of myself in her fearlessness, she has done the good work at significant risk to herself and that’s awesome. And I know these people are not going to just stop fighting and trying to destroy her once Kiwifarms goes down, it’s a hate movement and they don’t just give up.

In the wake of this victory, allegation of racism, grooming, lies and theft spread about Keffals. The accusations were laughable, a post about noodles and putting the italian colors in the pride flag. Not exactly virulent racism, maybe some bad jokes or microagressions from an Italian-Canadian. And of course the grooming allegations are false, but that’s the first place bigots always go with LGBT+ folks, supporting trans youth is grooming to them.

These claims are part of what could only be described as a PsyOp or an “Organized Derailment of a Social Movement through Conveying Selected Information to Influence Actions and Emotions”, AKA, Bullshit. It’s incredibly common in the social justice circles, long history of it, recent example being the 4chan MAPS thing. All these claims center around this user “DreadedJai” and their constant harassment of Keffals. It’s all laid out pretty clearly if you simply look. And remember, that while these people are actively threatening and harassing her, Keffals is in hiding from a swatting incident and enemy #1 of every internet transphobe. But now is the time to doxx and brutalize her over alleged racism.

A SMALL PART OF THE ATTACKS:

It looks like internet bickering until you realize it’s classic Kiwifarms behaviour, go see the threads on their new site l*lc*w.farm right now, it’s all the same talking points. They bait with harassment, like Jai and others have with demanding money then calling them racist when they don’t donate, calling transwomen groomers, bigots, grifters etc then turn tail and call them bigots when they respond. When Keffals said Jai should be “excised from this community like a tumor” she was 100% right in saying that. We have to kick abusive people out of our community, it’s how marginalized communities survive. That’s not a violent threat or racist screed, it’s firm words from an advocate under fire.

But in classic Kiwifarms behaviour, they took that Tumor line to mean Keffals hates all black women and is a monster who deserves to be hacked, doxxed or killed.

A SMALL PART OF THE RESPONSE

I speak extensively about issues of bigotry in my communities. There is real racism around and it often goes ignored, we all need to listen to people sharing their authentic experiences, it’s how we learn. BUT THIS IS NOT THAT. This is a bunch of people with a deliberately disingenuous attacks at the top Transwoman in the worlds spotlight right now, to muddy the waters around Keffals, change the conversation and make her the villain, not the violent trolls on Kiwifarms.

It’s Psyop 101, Divide and Conquer. One Part Kiwifarms brigade and One Part dogpiling for that sweet attention and GofundMe money, they all like and platform each-other and their GofundMes.

I here this often from advocates, but STOP INFANTILIZING PEOPLE OF COLOR, TRANS PEOPLE ETC. Not every transpersons opinion is valid solely because they are trans. You are allowed to contradict and argue and call out bad behaviour regardless of race or gender. Treating marginalized people with kids gloves is othering them, not respecting them as equals. There are people out there that lie, grift and play cards and you can’t let them bully you into silence. Are you gonna listen to Enrique T*rrio about racism just because he’s brown?

Let’s talk about Candice Owens and Jessica Yaniv.

Candice Owens is a black woman who says claims of sexism and racism in America are a deception from the liberals and the jews. She has proven herself time and time again to be a bad actor. As a white person capable of independent thought, I don’t feel the need to sit down and consider her words or be afraid to call her a liar or say she’s a cancer to our communities because I 100% believe that, with no reference to privacy invasion or violence, we should excise people like that from our social justice communities. While there’s an obv history of objectification of black women, “Tumor” is hardly a racial line and more a “we are a community and need to be free of bad actors like this troll”.

If a black woman is being really awful, her blackness or femininity should not shield her from criticism – I have never met a black person or woman who thinks that it should, but I’ve met a whole lot of racists and misogynists who do. There are similar, authentic black women in social justice and I sit down and listen to them. I would never question their experience or judgement on issues or racism. But that’s not Candice Owens.

Jessica Yaniv is a transgender woman who tried to force a salon to wax her testicles. They said they didn’t know how and they were not comfortable doing it. She spent the next few years suing the women, threatening people, getting arrested and more, all because of “transphobia”. But that’s not transphobia, that’s people setting skill and comfort boundaries from someone who is clearly violent and unhinged. They had every right to refuse her service. It’s not transphobia to say NO to a transperson.

There are similar, authentic stories of discrimination from transwomen and I sit down and listen to them. I would never question their experience or judgement on issues of discrimination. But that’s not Jessica Yaniv.

And there are countless, valid stories of white transwomen ignoring, marginalizing and being flat out racist and I would never question the experience of black transwomen on these topics. But that’s not Keffals, at least not anything I’ve seen, and its clear the brigadiers are not engaging in a honest way. I strive to judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin, and if someone proves time and again that they are full of it, block them. I have black republicans in my family, people i’ve known most my life, I don’t listen to them about racism because they just parrot FOX. Racist black people exist, black skin does not make you an expert on racism. And of course, I acknowledge my own learned racism from media, family, school etc, I try to be aware. But I’m not going to let Blaire White tell me transphobes are perverts and I won’t let black conservatives tell me “Black Americans are the most murderous group in America“. I will always speak truth to propaganda when given the opportunity.

Why Twitter Has Become Unusable For Me

As a victim of Kiwifarms, I know the consequences of stochastic terrorism. I have seen too many people on my follower list getting caught up in these lies and scams and when I inform them, they agree with it. Legitimate violence too, “we should hack Keffals and if I see her in the street I will beat her up”, such as the first tweet above. They are gleefully communicating with people who think that blocking a troll is worthy of violence, “Fuck around and Find Out” against a trans woman, and for what? Insensitive tweets? Using blocklists? Swatting kills, and these people think Keffals 100% deserves it. And these are not random trolls, these are Transwomen with 40K followers and platforming these trolls to thousands of likes.

Many of these accuser accounts have high follows and low followers, they tweet 500 times a day and everything is super-aggressive crowdfunding, but that’s a whole different story, mutual aid funds are rampant. People make up alot of stuff for money, there’s tons of legit Gofundmes and plenty of fake ones.

Remember This Video? It’s Private Now as I need to update it.

When you get famous to any degree, you lose any expectation of privacy. People will demand and demand of you, and they will keep trying to slice pieces off until they have the whole thing. If you do not react the way they want you to, they use your fame and history as leverage to harm or guilt you. And now you have to worry about getting run-up-on for a tweet about noodles. It’s especially heinous in leftist spaces, where everybody is secretly hitler and just one false move away from exposing themselves. And that brings me to the main point….

I can’t be part of a community that spreads this violent rhetoric. I block and block and I still see people pushing violence. It makes me fear for my life and the safety of my loved ones knowing that some minor infraction will lead to being doxxed again. I have someone in my life that cannot move house or deal with swatting or harassment so I have to leave the scene. I was already a lush then but after their attacks I hit the drink and [redacted] hard and spent the next 8 years on the linoleum. It really broke me and things continued to fall apart from there. I became paranoid and disconnected from my friends and lost a few, further deepening my iso and depression. I missed so many opportunities out of fear, made so many bad choices out of self hate. I have been just now starting to re-associate, 3 years no alcohol, getting my confidence and self-worth back. I expected backlash from MSA, but nothing like that. I’m glad I did it, because maybe it would have killed whoever else would have been in their crosshairs.

I feel like it could all just happen again

And I don’t know if I can take it again. This time it could really do harm to my partner or family and I can’t let that happen, it’s not worth all the joy I get from my friends there. And it’s been mostly joy on there and in my life recently in general, but Twitter is just a place of ugliness for me, the hate has become too prevalent. When I see people violently threatening famous transwomen and being celebrated for it, it’s time for me to leave Twitter.

I am not a pacifist, I believe in direct political action and own weapons for self defense. But I believe that the threshold for violence is astronomical, only in the most extreme situations of self-defense. But Trans/Social Justice Twitter is a whole different universe. Microagressions? Doxxed. Mildly offensive tweet? Hacked. Blocking a woman who’s been harrassing you? That’s fine… oh sorry, it’s a white transwoman blocking a black woman so it’s the Death Penalty i’m afraid. She should have just continued to listen to her demands for money and accusations of grooming and grifting! It’s a horrifying mindset and indicative of college age tankie “kill anyone who disagrees” crowd. I have my time working with leftist groups, I don’t reject them, but these folks are not on the side of good. They wouldn’t be threatening transwomen’s lives if they were.

The problem at the core of all of this is not the grifters or psyops, they will always exist. It’s the lazy college aged white people who don’t research, they just proselytize, they look at the surface level of an issue and retweet. It’s a fashion to them, they don’t care enough to learn the truth, they just hear “Keffals is racist pass it on” and go “ooooo, here’s some tea, ‘hey everyone, Keffals is racist and i’m super not racist cause I tweeted about it!'”

IF YOU ARE GOING TO SELF-STYLE YOURSELF AS AN ADVOCATE, YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK!

There’s been a big post going around about Keffals, being used as part of “the real proof” of her being an evil bigot. If a single person took the time to read it, they would know how clearly written by a Kiwifarms user it is. Below are a few selections, I remind you she was in hiding from death threats, another thing they constantly deny and pretend is a “grift”. She has never called anyone the N word or outed people in any provable way, this whole article is just calling her a groomer, liar, sex shaming and victim blaming, saying she has a “Death Drive”. Not only is it ok to doxx, harass and ruin her life, it’s actually her fault. Also this was written by a black transwomen to lend it credence, a woman who has not posted on twitter for a year until this, which is the first thing she’s ever posted online.

And here’s the owner of that blog defending Kiwifarms and RTing posts denying online radicalization from sites like Kiwifarms. It’s just right there on the surface if you ACTUALLY CARE, but these self-absorbed tweeters only care about earning the “NOT RACIST” badge, not about doing actual work or critical thinking to combat racism.

Leaving Twitter is a good thing and long overdue.

I need take some time to make definitive media about these efforts dividing and conquering our community. I need to stop fearing the social media clowns and just speak truth. Stop arguing and wasting my time, Ducking the overnight advocates. I need to write a book about my experience. I need to rise above the rabble, continue reading and learning about the experiences of marginalized people, not arguing with anime profiles on Twitter. I need to grow up. Keep working with my local orgs and being politically active however I can, especially heading into the midterms. I am not worried about being called racist by white college kids on twitter. I know what i’m about, my friends and fans and family know what i’m about. I don’t need to prove myself to any moral arbiter, just need to keep learning and working.

“When you bang your head against the wall and feel blood, it’s not the wall that’s bleeding”

And if Keffals does have issues, lets confront them in a sound way. Not with death threats or “get this bitch”. It’s good to talk about race, it’s good to hold people accountable, it’s never ok to encourage violence or privacy invasion. That’s why i’m so exhausted by this, in the face of these violent words, the white transwomen shrug and say “Well, Fuck Around and Find Out”. That’s not solidarity, that’s a deeply flawed and broken community and mindset. Trans leftists have called me a p*do for wearing diapers, a baby killer for voting democrat, a capitalist and rapist for being a sex worker. They attack me because they don’t want a real challenge, they just want to control and antagonize. It absolutely detracts from real, actual issues and all it does is serve their egos. And once they lose attention, they turn to the right. Look at Amy Daly and Vito Gesualdi, two people who went far left to far right over the course of their twitter careers. All progress is made in spite of these people and social media is full of them.

I am more afraid of fundamentalist trans leftists than I am Republicans in my day to day online activities, the wolf I can anticipate, but not the wolf in sheeps clothing.

The racist who screams anti-racism, the anti-sex/SexWork queers who believe all the groomer/trafficking propaganda, the sexual assaulting transwoman who plays victim when called out (more on Chloe Corrupt in another post), the pro-violence/anti-voting wing of the tankie left, the scam artists hiding behind black Gofundmes or behind that of dead kids. Their refusal to evaluate what they share harms this community, all because they are too vain or shallow to actually understand the things they say or platform. It hurts my soul and lowers my bar, so I gotta gracefully exit.

Thanks for reading, this blog has been a rock so I will stick with that. I am finding my thoughts consumed by these clowns, it makes me angry, clouds my mind and stresses me out, I express myself clumsily and say things I shouldn’t. I need to spend more time where people actually care about the cause, not just the attention. Ya’ll know if I was in this advocacy stuff for attention or money, I’d be doing things way differently.

I’m gonna hop in the shower, clean off all this mud and come out clean and focused. I will continue to listen, question my views on race and listen to people with some sense. Books over Tweets anyday πŸ™‚

Be well friends. Don’t let anyone do the thinking for you ❀

Riley K.

Further Reading:

BaltimoreMag: Why We Need To Listen To Black Women

UrielTheWatcher Lays it All Down

What is a Psyop

SHAREABLE VERSION ON MY SFW BLOG

Accountability Diary – She Gazed

Hello Internet!

This post will be a quick journal of my recent accountability project, no diaper, kink or fun content to be found here, just explaining my process and working some things out. All the Content Warnings, this is bad stuff but it’s good work, I am well, happy & healthy. I’m not in the role of the victim here, but rather the advocate. If you’re only here for diaper stuff, which is totally valid, Go check out my latest video and come back soon for more silly nonsense, this post is heavy lifting. The actual post/video, unlike this one, will actually be compelling and well made.

I’ve been examining “How Abusers Keep Abusing” and i’d like to be as transparent as possible about this particular project, so I think this diary is the best way to do it. I want to avoid social media and limit the arguing and emotions. I’m not trying to jam anyone up or sneak around, I’m just a blogger trying to figure out if VICE media just put a tiara on an abuser or not. And all things considered the reviews on that special are positive it seems and this has nothing to do with any criticism of that show or her representation of ABDL in it.

And personally, I need to vent, digging through all this grime effects me (i’d be concerned if it didn’t) and writing about it helps, prevents me from getting too caught up or having it consume my thinking too much, as it has the last few days. Consider this a pre-draft alpha, this is my writing process made public, I tend to spill it all and then edit the hell out it.

Let me sincerely thank everyone who has trusted me with their story. It’s not easy sharing and revisiting these experiences and it’s less easy trusting strangers on the internet, I want folks to know that while the video may not come out until the end of September (I originally stated Halloween but I will do everything I can to get it out sooner) I want to keep you informed of what i’m doing and assure you that I am actively working on this, I would never set out on a task like this without the full expectation of taking it to completion. I am traveling through September and will have some other content coming out in the meantime.

In addition to Kat, I will also be briefly discussing “Chloe Corrupt” from Northern California in the video and showing the similarities in their manipulative and defensive tactics. But for the remainder of this post I will be talking specifically about Kat and their associates.


Thanks for reading, here we go.


Out of about 30 submissions split through Contact Form, Twitter and Fetlife, I’ve received about 15 independent reports that I would consider “valuable”. I have received several that I would consider opinion or speculation about her personality, I don’t consider these “Vibe Checks” or character testimony to be relevant. If I was nice to a hundred people and ate one, you’d probably want to hear about that one. Life has no point system, and most every valuable submission has stated how charming and kind they can be, but how there’s a performative aspect to her and can turn ugly.

So I have all these stories in a big pile, what should I do with them? The first step I took is determining the value of each claim, which is done by examining the who/what/where/when and the providence of the person, their statement and the “big picture”. This is all pretty icky work, it’s what we do as a society to vet each other but it can be dangerous if prejudice informs decisions.

For the person, are they active in ABDL, posting and interacting with other community members? Have they been around? Most of these accusations are coming from people I would describe as Known Entities such as verified models and people known online or in local communities. The 2 Anonymous Entries I received corroborate with ID’d people’s stories and led me to people with more information. Many of these folks I have grown to know organically over the years and many are from different cliques and backgrounds, and some I don’t know or don’t know me at all.

As for their statement – Does it make objective sense? Is the message about insulting the person or just sharing their experiences? Are they trying to convince me of something, evoke sympathy? Does the tone not match the level of intensity of the experience, are they not taking it seriously? I think we all have a bullshit detector and frankly, mine is cranked up to 11, as a creative writer (synonym for BS) I have faith in my ability to discern between fact and fiction, though I would not let that weigh too heavily on the scales.

Finally, Does the big picture check out? Am I getting the same facts from separate parties describing the same events? How does it match with the other experiences i’ve been told, do all the dots connect? If one person says baseball bat and the other says pocket knife, that would be cause for concern. Does there seem to be coaching? Is there specific events or just a general “bad vibe?”. Is any of it “political” or subjective?

And from my perspective, after assessing the People, the Statements and the Corroboration, I think it’s pretty clear that these claims have merit.

So lets examine the letters of value – Many center around a single violent incident but all map out a history of ignoring consent, manipulating community members, classic abuser obfuscation and retaliation. Everything from “She never followed through on her end of a commission” or “I was her sub for a while until I realized she was fake” to the much more extreme “she encourages intoxication and breaking consent at parties” to “covering up sexual abuse” to “outing kinky people” to worse and worse and worse. There are a few things that won’t make it into the final product outside of allusions because I, myself, don’t feel comfortable addressing it. I have to set that sort of limit when making a video like this, as some things cut too close to the bone for me.

There’s much more here than a few bad nights or some miscommunication. It seems the knife incident ( I will elaborate on all this in the final product) was just the dam breaking and led to their blacklisting from their local community and having their bad behavior exposed both IRL and online. Often all these claims need is some cohesion or physical proof to get the naysayers to listen and a catalyst event like this (with police reports etc) is often good enough proof for most people. But online, these things are forgotten or ignored. For many industry people, white skin and big breasts is all the vetting they need.


In Defense of Kat


I have a few letters defending her and a few taking a more aggressive stance towards me, lines like “jealousy”, “just looking for attention”, “seeking relevance” etc, but nothing contradicting the piles and piles of accusations. Many are on Twitter and not through email as I asked, as many are taking a similar tone and I assume are sockpuppets, many were created in August 2022 and have no tweets. Email contact would likely expose the facade.


I have seen this often in kink communities and we as world see it more often lately with internet fame and echo chambers… that Cult of Personality mindset. The cliques entire worldviews lies on idea that their person is in fact completely honest and always has been. All the claims of abuse, misdealings, lies, crimes etc are just jealous and petty, it’s all a big conspiracy designed to take this paragon of honesty down because everyone is just so toxic and they can’t handle her positivity (???). Most people see right through it, but through manipulation, insulation and personal reliance people like this gain staunch defenders, building a wall to shield others from reality. In discussing this project, many folks who had never spoken with her, big names in ABDL, were surprised to find she had blocked almost every other model/woman in the scene. If that’s not a red flag I don’t know what is. I was tweeting about this like, 2 years ago, this has been a well documented issue with this person.


Why has she so wholeheartedly rejected the ABDL community? I can only assume it’s because she wants to hide away and catch unsuspecting young ABDLs who only see “KAT IS AN INNOCENT ANGEL” comments, maintain that insular echo chamber. This is like, Abuser 101, find the young or naive, control the conversation, isolate, block and ban anyone who MIGHT call her out. The truth is irrefutable, so the goal is to prevent the truth from penetrating to the manipulated. It’s so heinous when you look at it objectively, it’s this gaslighting chamber and it separates new people from their communities, where accountability matters.


Why This Matters To Me

Probably way too much information about me, but here we go…

I am a sex worker and have been since I turned 18. I have done sex work at clubs and bars, craigslist, in person, in dungeons, and now mostly online with some clandestine IRL encounters. I know that scene.


I also have done all the drugs and gone to all the parties and am also very experienced in that scene, I know when someone is yakked out or how some drunk people deal with boundaries and I know how that should not be mixed with BDSM play space.


Furthermore, I was groomed by a college professor at age 13 until I became an adult, achieved through manipulation and entertainment industry connections. I have been in the entertainment industry since I was a small child.


I tell you these 3 messy details to assure you that I can see it.


I can see it in the people who have abused me and I can see it in those who abuse others. And most frighteningly, I can see it in myself when I gaze too deeply into the abyss. I make this video because I want everyone to see it so we may hope to never see it again. I want the abusers in this community to know there is no hiding behind fans or institutions, we see you.

“J’ACCUSE!”


This next part is messy but due diligence demands that I consider motive. Why would these issues come up now and where are they coming from? What would someone gain from making these accusations up? Though I must say, I fundamentally disregard the notion that women makes these accusations flippantly, for revenge, jealousy, or the implications that it’s just a tool in their box to hurt someone. It has certainly happen, especially when race is a motivating factor, If you’re reading this you should know about Emmit Till, Black Wall Street etc and if you don’t, read this Times Article.

But the Gamergate ideal that false accusations is a common, growing issue is a result of misogynistic propaganda and divisive political rhetoric to radicalize young men. That’s not speculation, that’s page one of the Steve Bannon playbook. Many folks of all political backgrounds and genders capitalize on this idea and use it as a shield, hence the serious number of posts and messages attempting to derail accountability and having a chilling effect on women voices. The statement from the follows:

If you speak your truth, you will be perceived as a petty, jealous, overreacting bitch, no man will want you and no women will work with you. In fact, you may just be crazy.


But lets not let internet confirmation bias skew the numbers, you are more likely to be crushed by a vending machine than face false accusations of abuse because someone doesn’t like you. I am way more ubiquitous in ABDL and a controversial figure to say the least, yet nobody has ever accused me of any sexual assault, scams, manipulation or anything despite having been to many, many events all around the country and fairly ubiquitous in this community for like, ever.

You know why? Because I don’t abuse people. I have been a jerk sure, I can be loud and opinionated and wrong about stuff, but I would 100% hope if you found out that I was doing some proper bad stuff, you would call my ass out. And hopefully I would be granted forgiveness if I deserved it and i’d probably go and do something else with my life if I didn’t. Although I don’t plan on facing this dilemma… I surely wouldn’t send out a bunch of my fans and friends to defend and argue or attempt to silence anyone, I’m proud to say I have not gained that kind of cult fandom nor do I seek it.

While I have fans and supporters, I am a largely neutral party in this community and would not give any deference to personal relationships. Some of these people I have known for over a decade and I don’t see them making these allegations about anyone else despite rivalries and disagreements always existing. They marginalize these voices by making it seem personal and I was hoping as someone completely unrelated and dare I say, trustworthy, I would be able to cut through the conjecture. I intend to present the information as I have with other bad actors such as ABDiscovery and ABDLTruth, providing evidence and testimony from the community, not personal anecdote or opinion.

The Goal – ‘Only those who do not seek power are qualified to hold it.’

When I went on MSA, I did so because i didn’t want someone to get big in this community and then the world finds out that they’re a p*do or they use that huge platform to take advantage of people. Fame lets people rise above accountability, gives them notoriety they may not have earned. I know what people are capable of when they have power and insulation and the willingness to exploit. I grit my teeth as I write this. I remember the faces of the people who knew but chose to ignore. I know how it feels to be a small voice. I know what’s at stake.

The Goal is to collect all these scattered experiences together into a single document and let people make their own judgments. I’m trying to maintain object permanence so when people are vetting her, they can learn of other folks experiences. And hopefully, they will address these issues and be more transparent with their fans and the community and nobody will be at risk for getting exploited or worse. And failing any of that, we will hopefully use this as a means to identify other bad actors or provide precedent if future issues were to arise. My efforts here are not about pursuing anything beyond awareness.

This is what the start of accountability looks like, some of the compiled letters about Kat and her actions.

For now I need a break, I’m putting this out to breathe, I am no longer actively seeking submissions (though feel free to send info/follow up) and have more than enough testimony and stories, tweets, video clips etc to make a reasonable doubt argument. And remember, It’s important to tell this story with respect for privacy of both the victims as well as Kat & her partners, so please do not share any information that would be identifying etc.

Thanks for reading all of this, more cuteness and cuddles sooooon!!!

Safety and Solidarity friends ❀

Riley K.

“Work Hard on Work Worth Doing”

Pink Diaper Fairy August Adventure!

Adorable new video of my little Faire Adventures!!!

Love my little pink dress <3<3 One of my favorite thrift store finds lately, I have collected quite a few little onesie-leotard outfits like that lately and plan to wear a bunch more this fall! I got a really regal purple one the other day, this is primetime for my thrift store shopping because all the Halloween stuff is coming out! I get so many incredible costumes for cheap, many of them custom kids dance outfits that nobody would ever want again (unless you’re a super cute & small diapergirl!)

Hugs and hugs, video about Pride coming up, more cute sunshiny fun incoming! Enjoying making these little travelogues, I shoot all this stuff just rarely stitch it all together in a cohesive way. More fun cuteness incoming and remember, there’s weekly and more diaper content, so much, on my ManyVids! Links on StayKinky.com!!!!

StayDiapered friends <3<3

3 Big Asks – Positive Moments, Fake Mommies and Bad Dommes

There’s 3 Big Asks I have For 3 Upcoming Projects, firmly on the opposite spectrums of our community. Please when sending information, leave out anything that could be personally identifying such as addresses, legal names. I’m just trying to clarify and get the full story on various issues, so please contact me about any other misdeeds we may see in the ABDL community but for now, let’s focus on these 3 Specific Issues. I will not be sharing or highlighting any information shared without getting approval first, I understand these issues are sensitive.

Thanks for reading and I really appreciate any help folks are willing to provide! CONTACT ME HERE and at the top of the page!

First – “Our Awesome Community” Project

This will be my 4th ABDL Accountability video and I want to highlight all the collaboration and positivity in our community after dwelling in the grime. So many new companies and events over the last decade I can’t keep track, so i’m reaching out to find out what’s the best of the best.

Specifically, I am looking for examples of companies, events, websites, or even personal moments, of good vibes and inclusiveness.

I want to hear about stores using diverse models, trans people winning talent shows, helping one another and charity and advocacy. Let’s talk about the good we do, how we’ve made others feel welcome or how we’ve felt welcome or seen ourselves!

Bonus points around important topics that are often forgotten in this community such as accessibility. What were some great moments in your ABDL life due to community inclusiveness and/or is there a store/event/website/folks that you’d like to celebrate?

Couple examples:

  • ABDL Models supporting and promoting each other during some of the various adult sites purges we’ve faced. I don’t see a lot of competitiveness among the “faces” of this community and we all seem to get along pretty well these days.
  • ABU being taken over by good folks after the bad actions of the OG ABU
  • The formation and anniversaries of events like Capcon, Munches etc.

Looking for a specific examples and specific companies! Want to cover a whole bunch of different kinds of awesomeness, specifically around INCLUSIVITY!!!

WILL BE CLOSING SUBMISSIONS IN ABOUT A WEEK!

Second – Fake Mommy Scams

Have you been contacted by a catfish/fake/bot mommy? Have you been a victim of one of these all-too-common scams? Have you discovered your online crush was not who they said they were? Please let me know, screenshots or links to accounts are super appreciated.

WILL BE CLOSING SUBMISSIONS IN 3 WEEKS

Third – Bad Dommes and Unsafe Providers

Has anyone here had issues with a bad Dom/Domme or “Provider” in the ABDL Community?

Additionally, has anyone encountered a Bad Domme out of Colorado? I have seen a large number of claims about abuse, threats, harassment and overall “Bad Domme” behavior. Unfortunately none of this is collected anywhere and just scattered about Twitter and Fetlife. I have never met this person or been privvy to their actions myself, though I trust the accusations as I believe most people should, do, or will.

I think what would help the most is just telling your story or potentially linking me with organizations or individuals that have been victimized by this person. Also, any sort of public social media posts would be helpful but I think they are very experienced at scraping that, though I am finding quite a bit of talk on Twitter. I am not doing this to litigate this evidence but rather to expose it will be talking to a whole lot of different people about this, and if you don’t want to be involved anymore just say so, I know I can run out of spoons with this kind of stuff pretty easily.

I’d like to share the full story to cut through the conjecture, as I have with ABDiscovery, ABDLTruth etc. I want voices to be heard and abusers to be held accountable, if only to protect future victims and help identify other bad actors. After VICE dropped the ball by platforming this person, I feel it’s the need for independent media to pick it up again and hold these folks accountable, so any help would be significantly appreciated. I was planning on doing a “Bad Provider” video as an extension of my “Fake Mommies” video and was not expecting to have a such a well-known subject

And please, not looking for any addresses or anything too specific.

ONGOING SUBMISSIONS – I PLAN TO FINISH THE PROJECT BEFORE HALLOWEEN

THE BIG ASK!!!

Check out my Newly Opened CONTACT ME Page and be sure to leave a return email if you want to get back. If you want to just send a poke you may also and we can discuss specifics. Please for now, don’t just use the contact form as a way to chat about random stuff!

Thanks for everything and here’s to a safer, better community!!!

New ABDL in Media Video from VICE

Here’s a new video from VICE and “Vice’s Guide To Sex” – Featuring awesome folks like CaseyStrom of ABU, DiaperPerv and Dr. Rhoda. It also features “Goddess” Kat Marie, who I understand is a massive bastard, but more on that later as these things develop.

I don’t have much to say yet, but here it is. Just planning on another round of folks praising this and universally bashing every other media appearance, forgetting how much positive media I’ve done or not counting it as positive because of the oft-repeated “eeeugh why does a TRANSGIRL have to represent us, makes us look like fr**ks”. After some of the doxxing and harrassment I faced (which is finally getting addressed a decade on with the recent attempts at a Kiwifarms takedown) I hope this community doesn’t forget the challenges folks would face coming out in media, and how we needed to do that in hopes someday we’d get a fair shake.

Just a little exhausting when a known abuser is getting a ton of praise and platforming. Exhausting when people say “there’s been no good appearances” followed by “well, I don’t follow or watch Rileys appearances”. As always, I do my best backing off of social media and working on a definitive document covering an issue, so I will do that, I feel I might be getting a little too sour for my liking πŸ˜› Things are getting a little too spicy for the pepper as they say.

Ok, I am going to play some Tony Hawk and goto bed, I have completely lost interest in my current video game, Final Fantasy 7 Remake Intergrade DX Ultra Hyper Remix Edition, and really need something to spice me back up, I think I might get that Cult of The Lamb game, love Devolver Digital.

I had a big community ask I was planning on putting out tonight but the VICE thing derailed it. I was intending on putting out this thing about “finding positive examples of inclusivity” but instead I have all these abuse allegations floating around the community now. Because this is going to give this person a ton of fame and I think it’s important to tell the whole truth, not the he said/she said of social media. But i’ll be real, it looks really bad for Kat Marie.

More stuff soon and including a review of Dr. Rhodas “You Are Not Broken” Book which I received a hardcopy of recently from a fan and really look forward to reading and discussing! Also some incredible new ABDL videos on my “StayKinky” manyvids site, just goto staykinky.com, follow the links and buy some adult content, I just put out an incredible soggy diaper video πŸ™‚

<3<3<3

ABDL Accountability: Defying r/GirlsinDiapers AntiTrans Policy

18+ ABDL CONTENT – Watch in 4K

A Discussion about Reddit’s r/GirlsinDiapers Subreddit and their “No Trans Posts” Policy, designed to exclude a huge population of ABDL girls from posting on a popular Subreddit. The Mods use an outdated, narrow margin, Obama-Era Poll to justify banning transwoman and continuing to squat on the “GirlsinDiapers” name on Reddit and it’s large following, which should allow ALL ABDL Girls.

The sub is lost and not worth campaigning for,  just using this situation to discuss the larger issues with exclusivity in social spaces and the lengths folks will go to make a “you’re not welcome” statement.

Thanks for watching and please keep an open mind!

WRITTEN AND
PRODUCED
BY RILEY KILO

>> SELECTED MUSIC
FROM MUSICBOXX.COM, FLEETWOOD MIDI
& DONKEYKONG64

Glossary
———-

Ciswomen/Cisgender
Simply, “Not Transgender” – An easy and inoffensive term to distinguish between Trans/Not Trans folks.

ABDL
Adult Baby/Diaper Lover or Diaper Lifestyle

Misogynist
Having or Showing a Dislike or Prejudice for Women

Meatspace
Real Life, Not Online

Egg/Eggy
A Transperson who isn’t out or aware of being trans yet

Catfishing
To pretend to be someone else for money, attention, thrills or ???

Citations
———-

1 – Subreddit Squatting
https://www.reddit.com/r/circlebroke/comments/1wvx09/subreddit_squatting_a_phenomenon_where_users/

2 – Girls In Diapers Survey
https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlsInDiapers/comments/43gbfi/survey_results/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

2.5 – ABDL Demographic Survey
https://www.reddit.com/r/ABDL/comments/ahop91/rabdl_demographic_survey_results_at_1100_responses/

3 – VOX https://www.vox.com/2016/5/18/11690234/women-bathrooms-harassment

4 – iNews – https://inews.co.uk/news/uk/butch-lesbian-public-toilet-women-abuse-government-review-gender-neutral-facilities-833787

5 – Gal-Dem – https://gal-dem.com/athletics-war-of-transphobia-and-misogynoir-black-african-women-losing/

6 – Reuters – https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-lgbt-survey/u-s-transgender-people-harassed-in-public-restrooms-landmark-survey-idUSKBN13X0BK

7 – SubredditStats – https://subredditstats.com/r/girlsindiapers

The Abject Beauty of Life

Not much to say today other than I’m dressed like a little fairy princess on a big adventure and will post some really cute pics tomorrow of my sunsiny day <3<3 Life is good, feeling adorable ❀ Pardon the spooky post last time but it’s a life of contrast, it’s good to get that stuff out instead of welling it up, sometimes we need the dark to remind us of the light ❀

Lots of hearts and hugs coming your way!

The Abject Horror of Life uwu

“Call me Shrek because i’ve been swamped!”

This controversial and bold statement rang out across the internet, the fearlessness of this act is a beacon to all.

More on fearlessness later, but for now, I need a paragraph of extreme venting and a few more of light venting. Granted, I wrote this a week ago and is not exactly reflective of my current mindset. But I’m tired of writing massive things then not posting them, so here we go.

BUT BEFORE I GET TO THAT, SOME GOOD NEWS – I have always been a very hairy girl, I won’t get too into it but I would look like Girl Robin Williams if I let it go. The hormones are decimating that, I haven’t shaved my body in a week and while there’s still alot of hair, it’s much lighter, much less dense and much easier to get rid of. Life is good, transition is good!

CW: Everything

————————————–

Over the last month it’s been challenge after challenge and it’s finally all settled down. It’s been in the 90s all month and the humidity has made my hair all curly and pretty but I feel like I’m breathing jell-o most the time. My friend is having health issues and there’s been alot of emotions and Doctor/Hospital time around that. I lost my healthcare plan and had to switch due to it being “Discontinued”, won’t see the fallout until Sept. My bio-Mom’s cancer is progressing and I have a big ol’ cry welling up over that one, I have no idea what to do or say, who does? I started chewing my nails again. I got diagnosed with IBS and my stomach issues are more present than ever, thankfully it’s more tummy and not bathroom issues, but its also bathroom issues. They were looking at me for colon cancer years ago and though I was cleared (after a decade of back/forth) in 2019, I hope that saga is over. Everyone was at Summer Capcon having fun while I was holding my partners hand while they went down for a heart procedure. I’ve had to spend a significant amount of time with folks with whom I have to tell lies because being being honest about who I am and what I do would just make trouble and draw unnecessary attention. I can’t sleep more than a couple hours at a time. I’ve been playing too much Tetris and Civilization, expressing my manic addictive cravings in a semi-heatlthy way but frankly i’d rather not not be like that. And the big one, I was sent a photo of the guy who groomed me and it broke me down, all this scattershot right-wing grooming propaganda talk has been wrecking me. They are blaming LGBT+ people and “Wokeness” and not power structures or lack of resources/acceptance for queer youth or hierarchical issues in things like colleges and the million other reasons, but they chalk it up to “f*gs exist”.

All this piling on, I’m a lit stick of dynamite and I’ll be taking the next few days to defuse myself, and that’s not done by sitting around in bed or gaming, that just makes me more miserable, it’s by making videos and doing the good, creative side of the job. I need a hug and a big long nap. Moving on…

——————————–

Whew, deep breath.

So I wrote that a week ago, and I feel way more mentally sound but I still have some stuff to say on this Tuesday Thursday Morning.

I took some time to deal with the wreckage of the last few weeks, took a few days to really clean up my living space and organize my things. Mostly just bumming around the house playing around with the things I have, wallowing in my own crapulance as Mr. Burns would say. My entire life I never had more than a PC and what would fit in a few suitcases. I lived small, I lived practical, with a foot out the door always.

You know in 70’s porn everyones wearing shoes because it was illegal to film porn anywhere so they often would have to run if the law interfered? That’s the way I lived my life, instead of running from the law I was running from my myself and other bad people, situations, towns. That “other bad people” line is intentional and not Freudian, I was an awful person to myself for a long time, i’ve been careful to not externalize much of it.

So now that i’m done running, i’m acting like your old Depression era grandparents, I’m keeping a bunch of canned beans in the basement because I remember a time when I couldn’t have beans. This, for me, means hoarding thrift store dresses and diapers. It also means keeping some human beans close for the first time in a long time.

An old bestie moved to Pittsburg, a close friend to both of us passed and we haven’t spoken much since then, nearly a decade. Talking again now was just like the good old times, true friends pick up where they left off like the last 10 years was simply a missed beat. She asked me about friends in my town, I told her honestly, I don’t have many. I still have a nice clutch of friends in my hometown, many online and all over the country, but I felt so much loss for a long, long time just shut myself off to other people. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else and couldn’t take the hurt myself.

This sounds extremely morbid, but I feel comfortable in a relationship with someone much older because the idea of aging, entropy, death is a more constant, inevitable presence. I have always felt “OLD” myself, always faced loss, I’m comfortable with it. When I was a kid we provided end-of-life care for dogs, so I had a 100 dead dogs as a kid and volunteered for the ASPCA etc, Death is part of my DNA. I’m still just as sensitive to it and fear the void as much as anyone, but instead of a lightning strike it feels like a constant companion… “You can tell by the way I walk my walk, there’s a coroner behind me holding chalk”. There’s no right way to say it, but I feel more comfortable loving people on borrowed time. I never thought I’d live this long, and not in some cutesy dismissive way, but I was convinced I had dug my hole and all I needed to do was lie down.

I was always good at faking happiness, at faking sanity, at faking literally everything about myself because what lies underneath that mask was not good. If you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes and faced disassociation, abuse, emotional issues etc, you may think I sound like a sociopath. But that’s the way the world goes ’round for some folks, we have to fake it to make it. Some can’t fake and can’t operate, and i’ve been there, but my drive and ambition has led me to hide the wounds best I can, but I can tell you now… you can’t do it forever.

I ate some edibles the other day and spent about an hour staring at the ceiling just taking a massive personal inventory. I realize how much of my depression and aggression has to do with having the wrong hormones but also the massive chip on my shoulder from the abuse I’ve faced, the opportunities I’ve lost, and the disservice of being told I was going to be rich and famous someday and the stage-mom aspects of my childhood. When they told Jesus that he was the most special boy in the whole world, his response is “WHY ME?”.

That kind of pressure is really unfair, and it’s no surprise that most child actors grew up to have serious social and addiction issues, yay is the only thing that can match the high of the stage or re-invigorate the pleasure of praise, you find that praise numbs over time and becomes white noise. Nothing worse than people telling you “You’re awesome and inspirational and I want to be you!” when you’re all fucked up and depressed. Part of the reason why I went dark for so long was to both avoid disappointing or over-sharing my pain with folks who have an emotional attachment to my story but also because I couldn’t stand faking it anymore.

When I said “you can’t do it forever”, it’s true, you may find success or fame or admiration, but someday that dam will break and you’ll be masturbating on the streetcorner in front of TMZ cameras or getting a DWI or something worse, something permanent. I found this out about myself pretty fast and thankfully the hole I dug, while deep and fetid, was able to be climbed out of. Though I still feel pretty damn muddy sometimes.

If you’ve been following me long enough, you know that I am well versed in the abject horror of life while still being a little ray of sunshine most of the time πŸ™‚ I embrace joy and try my best to spread it, and have called myself a “Sunny-Side Up Nihilist”, basically life is meaningless but let’s make the best of it for everyone, try to make the scale tip more towards good than bad, lets focus on the moment to moment instead of concerning ourselves with “what if’s” and contemplating chaos. Let the Mystery Be ❀

So enough of that, it’s time to get to work! Here’s a new video from a new project, I still have diaper stuff incoming just took a little break after the big burst in July! I was starting to burn out on Diapers/Trans stuff so wanted to balance it out with some hobby fun! This video has some GRAPHIC and SPOOKY imagery, there’s some super creepy stuff in here and would not watch it unless you are a fan of extreme horror or know who Junji Ito is. Honestly, some of this stuff is a little too much for even me, very “Scary Stories to Tell in The Dark” style images. Lately I’ve felt like people forget that “Cute Diapergirl Riley Kilo” is only a slice of my life, and I have lots of hobbies and thoughts and interests outside of peeing my pants πŸ˜›

I’m not wearing makeup and deliberately dressed down, I have always aspired to not set unrealistic standards and just wanted to be “me”, a smiley girl who wants to tell you a bout the spooky stuff she likes. I really strive to be authentic, my transition, my writing, it’s all chipping away at the layers of mud and dirt so that someday the real me might see the sunshine. But i’m feeling so fresh & so clean right now, and the sad times get shorter and the normal times last longer and i’m happy for that. Also 300 Days since quitting Nicotine, life is good, sending some of that happy, strong little girl energy your way!!!

Thanks for reading, some cute plastic romper pics coming tomorrow to put all this behind us πŸ˜› In future i’ll be talking about “Thriller: A Cruel Picture” (Sweden, 1973) and “Happy End” (Czech, 1966), two of my favorite out-of-print films! And also, of course, more diaper stuff incoming! Will be filming my next couple Diaper Museum Reviews this weekend!

Back to cute stuff tomorrow, thanks for reading ❀

Song of The Day – Modest Mouse – Doing the Cockroach

August 2022 DiaperCheck! Hormones, Happiness and Huggies!

Hi friends! Just a cute little video with some pics and previews of upcoming excitement!!

I’m appealing the Age Restriction thing, all my videos are 18+, all age restriciton does is kneecap kinky and queer creators. If I was wearing a see-thru thong or murdering someone it’d be fine for youtube, but a big diaper, how dare I!

Here’s the new diaper company. Looks legit, there have been fake companies in the past just stealing preorder money but this seems ok. Though They seem to not have a website, a stunningly easy thing to obtain nowadays. Check out “The Cuddle Cooperative” on Twitter. Also Rearz in Canada has a new diaper.

So about the MyInnerBaby thing, here’s a link to some info about it ~ https://twitter.com/PlayTymeCo/status/1554523121335427078

They’re getting jerked around by their local city council and this may set some interesting precedent. My heart goes out to them and hope they get it figured out!

Thanks for watching! More sooooon!!!

LetsGetSRS #36 – 6 years ago today

Hey remember that series I did a million years ago called Let’sGetSRS where I talk all about my transition and stuff? Well it’s back now but it’s not in POG form, I have a brand new video to share talking all about my transition! Just a little 1 month update with some history thrown in the mix!

Thanks for watching and I have a similar video but with a diaper focused update coming soon!

On a personal note I have a very close friend who’s going into get a heart procedure today and I’m going to be be by their side, it’s been a tough week getting ready for this and I’ve been a little quiet for that reason. Whatever you do to send love and support and good wishes, I would really appreciate it. Thanks friends ❀

Hope you enjoy the video and life is as difficult and complicated as ever but now I’m doing it in the sunshine and I’m a very happy girl. More stuff soon thanks for watching!!!