A Year Enough For Love

Hey there friends! I was going to call this post “Urine Review” like “Year in Review” but that’s silly… this is just going to be a catch-all post about the last year and how I’m doing right now. I’m sitting here with a little bear in my lap, wrapped in a blankie, happy and healthy, so let’s chat!

Lots of life stuff so all the content warnings, but don’t worry, this is a relatively happy post!

A year ago I was just getting back from a trip to California, my Mom was in Chemo and my Dad just got in a car accident so despite the early stages of the virus, I was booked and left. It was a quick trip, no SF or LA, just popping in and out. I anticipated the virus getting worse and not flying for a while so I took the trip. My relatives (the 4 that I talk to) have a lot of baggage but we get along pretty well nowadays. They know all about me and my sites but it’s never expressly stated, like you’re discreetly talking about going to the Vet around a dog. For somebody who’s lived so many lives, glad I still have a some older friends around. Been keeping in touch with friends again too, feels good, this last year and recent hospital stuff really put things into perspective, especially how much we need each other.

I came back from California and everything shut down a day later. It’s unfathomable to me that I was walking around an airport maskless a year ago. I had some soggy McDonalds on the way home and that’s the last time i’ve had fast food, if it’s the last time ever i’ll be fine with that. I’ve ordered out to local places maybe a dozen times since then, I have a close friend who is immunocompromised and my lungs have taken alot of abuse so I’ve been SUPER careful, no crowded places, no gloryholes, no orgies, no fun at all. I do my grocery shopping in the dead of night, when I thrift I’m there as soon as they open, wear layered masks, social distance politely and diligently. I think I’ve found a good balance of being protective while not getting too obsessive or paranoid about it, though I’m much more cautious than most locals. I’ll save my “I’m clinically paranoid of diseases” speech, you’ve heard it, i’m just proud of myself for not spending this year curled up in a ball.

CW: Addiction, Strange or Otherwise

This has quite possibly been the best year of my life. I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything, no huge successes or memorable moments, just consistent self-care and positive progress. In April i’ll be 2 years alcohol free, I can not overstate how much of a life saving, big deal this is. I hid my alchoholism from the internet and many people in my life, only a few saw past the facade to the really messed up, foot-in-the-grave girl. I hid myself from my friends, things got really dark, but I’m recovering well and i’m doing great, i’m confident and absolute in my decision.

Amazingly, I also quit smoking during the pandemic, 175 days now, another decade+ long struggle that was really messing me up. The fact that I worked the polls of the 2020 election right after quitting, feels like I climbed Everest naked. Not because it was painful, but because I consistently want to brag about it. I think the most important thing about recovery is just knowing yourself, your triggers, your bad habits and identifying that “Hey lets goto the store and kill ourselves” instinct. I’ve done well to treat myself gently, not hold myself to really high standards, which leads to depression and doubt. Constantly reminding myself to not worry so darn much. Que Sera Sera ~

This part of my journey has been super-personal and private, have you ever seen a picture of me smoking or drinking? I’ve tried to be very careful about how I represent myself, to my detriment sometimes I think. But for now it’s my personal thing, I bring it up now and then to remind ya’ll i’m A-OK ❀ When I’m ready to talk about it, I will in a big way. I could easily write a real version of A Million Little Pieces, but I’m not ready to turn over and express my soft belly yet. That brings me to my next point…

Trans/Philosophy Jam

My mantra lately has been “Time Enough For Love”, or “A thing worth doing is worth doing right”. I’ve been holding my tongue on some issues, doing a lot of thinking and writing and learning. Some things demand urgency for sure, but there’s so much REACTING in the world, i’ve been focusing on is understanding things. I have some commentary content coming out soon (Reflecting on the 4 Issues) as well as some non-ABDL Vlogging about sex and social issues. It’s taken me a while, but i’m starting to get some clarity and the burning urge to join the conversation is significant… but i’m being careful, staying in my lane and taking it easy on myself. Internet conversations can make me super-upset if I let them, so I need to be careful and not over emotionally exert.

Hormones are going great, started taking Finesteride for hair growth because i’m gettin’ old, chest is growing well, feeling and looking mostly great. I still get the migraines and occasional internalized transphobia, doubts etc, I get confused as a sex worker because I spend just so much time glamorizing my parts, I wonder if I could be happy without the hormones, but I know my medical transition is about more than just having an erection or not, it’s about balancing my neurology, being happy in my body and a milllion other things. I’ll always be me with my own complex understanding of gender and cute pink presentation, but hormones and possibly surgery has always been a conversation in my head, as mainly I just really dislike/fear taking prescriptions and having surgery etc. But the quality of life improvement vastly outweighs the downsides, so again, I am confident in my path and don’t anticipate any straying, the hormones are working.

I’m losing my constant erections which makes me happy, I’m no less horny, just more balanced. It’s going to be interesting to see where my StayKinky content goes as my body changes… I’m well past sacrificing my well being to maintain performance. I tried it and it made me miserable, but I was young and dumb and full of etc.

As someone who has been on/off hormones multiple times, I 100% know I am better off with them than without them. I have been hard for too long, had to be tough and aggressive with my dukes up and pistols drawn, knowing very well I have a soft, gentle, loving inside. Yet what we do is who we are and nowadays i’m focusing more on a kind/gentle everything, not just a soft inside with a barb-wire outside. With that said, I’m usually a peaceful person, just tend to be hard on myself if I speak up. Kinda related, I’ll be talking about my experience with speech therapy as child, a recent revelation that I think explained some things about me.

Work it Gurl

Another mantra is “Busy Does Not Have To Mean Stressed”. I have had a super busy year, running StayKinky has been huge, I work 12 hours a day, from posting to filming to correspondence to maintenance to bookkeeping to jizzmopping, i’m a one woman film crew and i’m getting paid for it. People are buying and loving my content, I’ve put out a new weekly video for the last 6+ months and have been making some really innovative content.

Huge shoutout and thanks to my supporters, donators, muses, friends… you are all amazing and loved by this little girl ❀

On top of that, I’m still involved in politics/advocacy, worked the polls for the wildest election yet, helped in part to start a local NAACP chapter, participated in protests for equality, justice and peace, I’ve been active as I can be while also considering my own well-bein. That’s something i’ve forgotten to care about in the past while pursuing “A Better Tomorrow”. The last 35 years have burned my candle down pretty low, i’m trying to balance what I have left and maybe get some of that wax back. I have to take life at my own pace and not pay so much attention to the ominous ticking clock that hangs above us all.

A Final Thought On Danger

This has been eating at me for a little while, I don’t like to talk about it but it’s something that’s become more pronounced in the last year…. Icky stuff ahead.

Please, take a moment to consider the risk I put myself in for being a front facing transperson and ABDL. There’s some harmful misconceptions out there and being public can have some ramifications. I’ve had stalkers and I deal with daily nonsense, all of which I can handle, I’m safe and practical and have lots of systems in check to protect myself. But as the world gets more extreme and divisive there always risk in representing a target of the “culture wars”. And of course the people within the community who either don’t understand boundaries or dislike me for whatever reason (usually trans or anti-sex work hate).

It’s all good, I’m tough, there’s just so much orchestrated hate nowadays, I’m ducking and dodging more than usual. I spend so much time just taking down fake accounts and trying to protect my IP. I’m winning mostly but the kind of nonsense and horror I experience on the regs would melt most peoples brains… If the people who call me a terrible person did 1/100th the amount of reporting illegal/terrible content that I do, there wouldn’t be a shred of that stuff on the internet.

Simply, being Riley Kilo isn’t easy, but it’s worth it to share my story and maybe bring some comfort to other ABDL folks. I’m safe, just know that to be the cute cuddly girl you see in the videos I have to be a tough as hell and unfuckwithable at other times. You’re awesome if you’re here, and the opposition makes me treasure my friends and allies even more, I know the people reading this are not the bad folks, you’re the best πŸ˜›

Thanks for reading!

New Video coming super soon, I have whiteboards and i’m trying to stay organized, i’m doin’ it, but it’s an uphill battle πŸ™‚ Most folks only see a percentage of my output, last year I started weekly StayKinky, this year I started weekly StayDiapered i’m getting in the groove. Even with things like a week with my friend in the hospital or the inevitable bouts of sickness or lethargy, I’m setup, I’ve got content in the bank and every opportunity to make more!

Great things ahead, thanks for all the support ❀ It’s a lot of work, it can be dangerous, but it’s my passion and I love it and i’m so, so happy that my full-time job is making content, to do this site and the things that are so important to me πŸ™‚ Yay! This girl is doing well ❀ Hugs and hugs! More soon ❀

What a load off

Hey there friends!

The dust has cleared, my friend is out of the hospital and I’m home and rested up. I pretty much slept all day today πŸ˜›

I’m going to be back to normal here soon, have some big new videos coming out, but the next will probably be just a quick little Diapercheck ❀

Speaking of Diaper Checks… I have some pics I don’t think I’ve posted, they show a very soggy girl in a very thick diaper πŸ˜›

This girl really should be kept in the thickest diapers, she’s proven that time and time again πŸ˜›

More soon πŸ˜› And thanks for the birthday wishes, I’ll be talking about all that soon, some bloggin’ incoming ❀

Thanks friends ❀


So much stuff going on! Healthy and fine, that’s all I can really say right now. This time tomorrow night things should make a little more sense. More stuff soon ❀

Oh and my Twitter is locked because of some ABDL Community stuff that I have zero energy for right now, nothing related to me at all just don’t have the energy for conflict from outsiders right now.

Ok, I think that’s all the business I have. Talk soon friends ❀

Listen to your Stuffies

Hello friends! As you know, I have a nice little stuffed animal zoo around the nursery, you’ve seen the bears and buns and monks in nearly all my pics. Our little stuffy family recently got a new member, this post is about a sweet little interaction Trubble the Raccoon and I shared.

I don’t adopt new stuffies often so it’s quite the occasion when there’s a new arrival, a good friend sent me an adorable little Raccoon and I love them so much! It takes a very special stuffy to make it into the group and this one is just magical. They were sent here with the purpose of keeping an eye on me, my friend sent them as a little surrogate. Trubble’s job is to make sure Riley is being a good girl, wearing her protection and behaving herself. I’ve been taking them to bed so they can help me with diapers and stuff, they’ve been a wonderful little raccoon despite being named Trubble ❀

At first I joked about Trubble being my little protector like I joke about all my stuffers (Panda being a panty thief, Monkey being oblivious etc.) but something happened yesterday that reminded me of how wise little stuffies can be….

I have a bad habit of waking up and immediately checking the news/email/twitter on my mobile. Social media within the first 30 seconds of waking up is not healthy by any means, but not uncommon either, I do need to keep on top of my biz. But sometimes I wake up and find myself staring at hatespeech or some crooked politician or find one of my video’s has been flagged, my blood starts roiling before the day starts. Why I let these people into my bed I do not know, but it’s a terrible way to start the day. One should gradually meet the day, drink some water, pull back the curtains, pee. My ideal mornings involve soggy diapers and warm cuddles!

I went to bed snug as a bug and peacefully listening to Brian Eno, woke up feeling stuffy (the other kind) and cold in a dry diaper. Despite knowing better, I immediately grabbed my phone and started scrolling. I came across vocal people who don’t like transpeople, they were huffing and puffing and I was starting to get a little too invested. My fingers started twitching, not 2 mins after waking up the vein in my forehead was already pulsing, my temples tightening, these oh-so-familiar stress reactions.

Trubble, who is a very perceptive little raccoon, saw that I was getting upset and did something that stuffies only do on rare occasions, they intervened. I must have shifted my weight in bed preparing to post something i’d regret when the little raccoon flopped down and covered up my screen with their paws. They looked me right in the eyes as if to say “Riley, that’s not good for you“. It was the most uncanny thing i’ve ever seen a stuffy do, looking out for me like any good friend would. They did it with intention, Trubble’s on a mission to make sure Riley is the best girl she can be and sometimes they have to get their little paws dirty!

I took little Trubble by the paws and gave them the biggest hug, clicked off my phone and just snuggled for a minute, feeling loved and cared for by my stuffed friend and in a way, the universe. It’s not often I feel connected in any existential sense, so I pay attention when I do. Our plush companions can be quite mysterious…

I had a Luna bar and a glass of water, listened to the Cocteau Twins and prepared to make some videos. I had a chill day, made a StayKinky video then cammed during the Superbowl, my head never ached to any significant degree and I felt no new regret. If I would have engaged I’d likely had spent the day with shaky hands, angry at some internet jerk or broad social trend.

LISTEN TO YOUR STUFFIES! They know better. And in reality, you know better. We find these patterns, superstitions, hints, a spider on a pack of cigarettes, a shaving knick while re-arguing an old fight in your head, we see these hints and think the universe is telling us something when it’s really just our subconscious reaching out. We repeat these negative patterns because we’re all a work in progress, occasionally we need a reminder that we know better. Sometimes it’s a subtle reminder from our stuffies, from our partners, or from a song on the radio. Listen to the world around you and listen to yourself. Be aware of your emotions, what makes you smile and what makes you stress. Managing one’s emotions is a lifelong pursuit, just being aware of them is the first and most important tool. Self-Actualization, Emotional Intelligence, Being Present, whatever folks call it, we need it to be well balanced humans.

The little raccoon broke me out of my funk. I’m setting my phone a little away so I can still get late night emergency calls but I won’t immediately start twittering as soon as I wake up. I’m going to start listing to some of my favorite songs as soon as I wake up, rise to the day with positive emotions! Today was Frank Sinatra by Cake and by the time I got to the internet I was on a positive tip, grooving a bit even. Buzzed right past the pundits and trolls to my day’s work. You know how you can really see the steam coming off the tea when the sunlight hits it right? What’s not to like about starting your day like that?

The media we consume effects us profoundly. It effects us as much as the food we eat, and while some people think they have an iron stomach or impenetrable soul, it catches up to everyone. Little Trubble just had to step in to remind me to be gentle with myself, that even the tuffest, busiest girls need a bit of digital detox, time away from it all. What a good lesson from such a good buddy ❀

That’s my Raccoon story! Trubbles namesake comes from when they first arrived, upon seeing them I was heard saying “Here comes Trouble!” and the name stuck. They have been no a wonderful addition to the stuffy menagerie and the other stuffies have been really supportive, especially since the Raccoon takes such good care of Riley ❀

More stories and fun soon! Give your stuffies/plushies/bears/partners/calculators a big hug for me!!!

P.S. Cheers to my friend HW for everything ❀ Oh… and I made a video about this!!!

2020 in Diapers Part 6: Video Girl

New video with a ton of clips of all my 2020 StayDiapered videos!

Below are links to all the videos featured here! New big post coming tomorrow all about Raccoons and feelings! Thanks for watching, more soon!

Plastic Pants 101 – Diaper University – https://youtu.be/ONILg7kswNw​

Adult Cloth Diapers 101 – Diaper University – https://youtu.be/eN-Midiovzo​

Adult Cloth Diapers 102 – Diaper University – https://youtu.be/00KHkWC0UXM​

Enemas 101 – Diaper University – https://youtu.be/Pc66cf-S73E​

Seni Super Quatro ABDL Diaper Review! – https://youtu.be/iONDIVCEJ_8​

#DiaperCheck​ 2020 Convention Thoughts – https://youtu.be/zHsfgEUrQYo​

Diaper University: The History of Goodnites – https://youtu.be/WmNUeT22kRA​

Attends Premiere ABDL Diaper Review – https://youtu.be/ahqSVbLQ2Nw​

Diaper University – The History of Pullups – https://youtu.be/Rey5SXg5Tqg​

Northshore Megamax ABDL Diaper Review – https://youtu.be/TQbgDWq-GDU​

Generic Diapers Roundup! (CVS, Walmart, Rite-Aid) – https://youtu.be/xSskIA6Y2qQ​

Riley The Diapered Cheerleader – https://youtu.be/t62fBqz1-pA​

Beyond XP5000 ABDL Diaper Review – https://youtu.be/-i5tDXoKsxI​

Northshore Haul Video! New DiaperPail/Diapers! – https://youtu.be/5A0IP6JEtL0​

Ninjamas Review – https://youtu.be/FNHWmK4morc​

ABDL Storytime – Riley Reads Amelia Bedelia – https://youtu.be/BfHViS6K3Wo​

First DiaperCheck of the New Year! – https://youtu.be/2isKFb_98vI

New Goodnites XL Video!

Hey there friends! I have a new review of the Goodnites XL!

I don’t really have much to say about these other than the fact that they are bigger! I think with human bodies it’s really hard to say if it’s going to fit X many inches or Y weight, but if you had considered Goodnites in the past, give these a shot. They are not massively different size wise but it’s good that they didn’t do a complete overhaul I think, especially not steering towards the more adult diaper style and keeping it’s unique Goodnites flavor. I think after the failure which was the Ninjamas I’m glad Goodnites seem to stick the landing on this, it’s exactly what many wanted, a larger size Goodnite. I doubt they’ll ever make a proper adult diaper under the GN branding but this is a step in the right direction. I’m waiting for that diaper that’s marketed towards hip college students to bridge the diaper gap between Youth/Adult products. Put Rick & Morty or Among Us characters on it… wait, I’ve told this joke before, I just change the popular character names ever few years. Related, this will also mark my 100th time reviewing a Goodnite product!

Eventually there will be adult size ABDL pull-ups, but for now let’s just ride this wave of larger sized baby diapers, pull-ups and bedwetting diapers and hope our faceless corporate masters keep providing more diverse options for our diverse world! I’m loving the Northshore Xtra Small Megamax’s, they feel like giant bulky baby diapers and some of their smaller pullups are comfy too.

Hope you enjoy the video, I’m sure i’ll revisit them when they actually come out. And of course, they are just goodnites, they’re not very absorbent, 1 or 2 wettings and emergencies only. I love Goodnites, but they’re not great for protection.

Pardon the sloppy edits, I wanted to get it out tonight. AND YES, I say Goodnite/Goodnites interchangebly, as I do with Depend/Depends. The official brand names are Depend (not Depends) and Goodnites (not Goodnite). Enjoy the links and more fun stuff soon, my 2020 Compilation’s up next!

For Reference: I’m 5’7″, 125 lbs ~~~ 32″ Hips w/ 30″ Waist

Goodnites XL Samples – https://www.goodnites.com/en-us/samples

Cuties XL SleepOvers – https://www.cuties.com/products/youth-pants/youth-pants-xl ~~~~ Samples Available (after registering etc) on the Cuties Website but only for Size 7 Diapers, not Pullups. As always, be mindful when sampling.

Goodnites 2019 Rendition Review – https://youtu.be/8_8Q1X9p9-A

The History of Goodnites – https://youtu.be/WmNUeT22kRA

The History of Pullups – https://youtu.be/Rey5SXg5Tqg

Bedwetting Diapers Round Up – https://youtu.be/BnE9BoIGU-4

9 Styles of Adult Pullups – https://youtu.be/STi4eu7c09w

2020 in Diapers Part 5: Calm Before

It’s been a wild year so far! I can’t believe it’s so far into it already, coming up on my birthday before I know it. This is going to be a big year for me, last year was setting everything up, and this year is seeing what I can do with it. I just got my hormone tests and have an upcoming doctors app next month, got a bunch of cool new equipment (going to share a room tour once its all done) and am very optimistic about the 100+ videos i’m going to make this year, including weekly videos here and on StayKinky ❀ It’s a daunting task but I’m sure I can do it!

This was during fall of last year, before the Election and some big life changes, was just living day to day, hanging out with the bear and the monk and the bun, enjoying my new pink northshores and some cute new pullups πŸ˜› I see some of these pictures and I think they were taken just a few weeks ago, and they’re nearly six months old. That happens alot these days.

In terms of current day Riley, it’s nice to just live. I’m in a decent little schedule and I have problems of course, mostly health, anxiety and health related anxiety, but I’m dealing ok. Little dramas, but nothing big, had to unfollow someone on twitter because their posts were making me sad, stuff like that. I’m in a good place, slowly but surely rebuilding a fanbase in adult content, staying consistent with these sites, all that good stuff. Putting in the work. It’s all a girl can do πŸ™‚ I do wish more people were watching my StayKinky content, I think i’m doing some really creative stuff with editing, need to spread my stuff around more. Being the actress, filmmaker, editor and promotions, as well as makeup, lights, fluid cleanup etc… It’s alot for one person. I have a little help with shooting now and then, but it’s mostly just me and the bears.

Anyway, enough pouting, I have a ton of support and I’m sure I’ll get more as time goes on πŸ™‚ Thanks friends, more soon! Still haven’t done any live shows this month, I have an ISO Storytime interview on Friday night which should be fun πŸ™‚

More soon friends ❀

Concering my RILEYBBQ Twitter

Twitter has been very strange lately so I’m locking my accounts and taking a break, I want to be able to get all my old tweets off before they delete all the sexy accounts, my accounts are very old and there’s much to save.

So in case you’re coming here from Twitter wondering what’s going on, this is going to be the hub for all my posts from now on, Tumblr, Twitter, MV etc will be just announcements/posts from here.

More links and everything soon, I need to sure up some defenses because things are getting a little wild.

More soon! Here’s a little picture of some of the stuff I got from that Dotty Diaper company ❀ lots more exciting stuff asap ❀ I also should be getting the larger size goodnites very soon, super excited to talk about that!